Hopefully, our long and painful nightmare of Winter is just about over. And while I know we’re still going to be seeing some crappy weather for the next four weeks here and there, at least there are finally some movies being released that are worth seeing.
We’re a week late on the posting of this month’s column. I’m sure you were all majorly disappointed in that.
News and Rumors
~ A quick follow-up on my Oscar predictions. I hit my usual 6 for 8 on the major categories, only missing Best Director and Best Supporting Actress. That was the highlight for me, as this had to be one of the most boring Oscar presentations I’ve ever witnessed. Not just for the predictability of the winners and the lameness of the speeches, but mostly for the god-awful job James Franco did as the host. Was he stoned backstage? The worst part was his refusal to act even slightly interested meant that Anne Hathaway, whom I love, went as hyper as a six year old after a half pound bag of Skittles in her attempt to bring something to the proceedings. The only good thing for Franco is that Charlie Sheen quickly pushed him out of the public’s eyesight.
~ Speaking of Hathaway, she will be playing Catwoman in the next Batman movie. Tom Hardy, the forgerer from “Inception” will be the main villain Bane.
~ A couple weeks back I saw what might have been the most distressing bit of news I’ve seen for awile; Baz Lurhmann, the hack behind “Australia” and “Moulin Rouge!” is going to direct a remake of “The Great Gatsby”, with Leonardo DiCaprio as Jay Gatsby, Carey Mulligan as Daisy, and Tobey Maguire as Nick Carraway. I’m OK with the casting, although perhaps Leo would have made a better Nick (with Matt Damon playing Gatsby)…but that’s minor. What isn’t minor is that Baz will be filming this in Australia…and the man just doesn’t have the chops to make this work without going over the top on the theatrics. Life should have imitated life, and Martin Scorsese should have replicated what he “did” on “Entourage” and make this film himself.
~ Scorsese IS still moving ahead with his Frank Sinatra biography, set to have DiCaprio take on the title role.
~ We have another “franchise reboot” coming up; Tomb Raider. No Angelina Jolie this time, which may be the only encouraging news about this.
~ Negotiations are underway to make both a prequel and a sequel to “Blade Runner”. Holding my breath on that bit of news.
March new movie releases
Movies That I’m Anticipating
Rango
March 4
Starring: the voices of Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Timothy Olyphant
Plot : Rango is an ordinary chameleon who accidentally winds up in the town of Dirt, a lawless outpost in the Wild West in desperate need of a new sheriff.
The BeerBuzz: The number one movie last week is still a bit of an enigma. The critics loved it, but the audiences, while large, have been relatively unenthusiastic. I made the statement once that this looked to be an animated version of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”. I may have been more right than I thought.
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The Adjustment Bureau
March 4
Starring: Matt Damon, Emily Blunt, John Slattery
Plot : A rising politician falls for a ballet dancer, but mysterious forces…the agents of Fate itself…work to keep the lovers apart.
The BeerBuzz: The buzz on this is that it is “good, but could have been great”. Which could describe many movies based upon Phillip K. Dick’s short stories. I’m surprised they are trying to use the phrase “Romantic Thriller” after how badly “The Tourist” tanked, but perhaps it works here. I’ll probably try to get to see this at some point between all the basketball games over the next four weeks.
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Paul
March 18
Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen
Plot : Two British comic-book geeks traveling across America encounter an alien outside of Area 51, and with their unexpected new companion aboard their RV, they find themselves chased by federal agents, as well as the father of the young woman the trio accidently kidnaps.
The BeerBuzz: After “Shaun of the Dead”, and “Hot Fuzz”, I’ve been waiting to see Pegg and Frost back together again. This looks like the perfect film for their nerdish insanity. It won’t be for everyone, but I’m sure my demented sense of humor will appreciate it.
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Movies That Might Be OK
Battle: Los Angeles
March 11
Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez, Bridget Moynahan
Plot : As a full-scale alien invasion threatens the Earth, in Los Angeles, a veteran Marine staff sergeant leads his new platoon into battle with an uncommon enemy.
The BeerBuzz: For some reason I’m really hoping this is good…but the signs are not promising. It looks to be nothing more than a retread of “Independence Day”, “Skyline”, “Cloverfield”, with a little bit of “Resident Evil” video game level scenes thrown in.
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Red Riding Hood
March 11
Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Olman, Shiloh Fernandez
Plot : Set in a medieval village that is haunted by a werewolf, a young girl falls for an orphaned woodcutter, much to her family's displeasure.
The BeerBuzz: I like the concept of taking the fairy tale of Red to a whole different level, but there are a few things that concern me. The description above makes me worry that it’s more of a sappy teen love story than a horror story. And then there is the director Catherine Hardwicke, whose last major work was the first “Twilight” movie. Not optimistic.
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Limitless
March 18
Starring: Bradley Cooper, Anna Friel, Abbie Cornish, Robert DeNiro
Plot : A copywriter discovers a top-secret drug that enhances intellect and other abilities. As his usage begins to change his life, he begins to consider the drug’s shadowy origins; meanwhile, a group of killers trail his every move.
The BeerBuzz: Another great concept, and I’m a little more stoked about the film based on the trailers than I have been for other’s on this list. But here is the saddest statement about the current state of one of our greatest actors; “I think this movie may suck because Robert DeNiro is in it, and he only does crappy movies now”. We’ll see.
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The Lincoln Lawyer
March 18
Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Ryan Phillippe, William H. Macy
Plot : In Los Angeles, Mickey Haller is a criminal defense attorney who operates out of the back seat of his Lincoln Town Car. And while his latest case could be his most high-paying in years, it also brings him close to unexpected evil.
The BeerBuzz: McConaughey did a decent job playing a lawyer way back with “A Time to Kill”…but that was back before he became so smug as to turn everyone off from any film he’s in where he tries to play a dramatic role. While I’m not overwhelmingly optimistic, I do see a small sliver of hope for this film.
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Sucker Punch
March 25
Starring: Emily Browning, Vanessa Hudgens, Abbie Cornish
Plot : A young girl is institutionalized by her wicked stepfather. Retreating to an alternative reality as a coping strategy, she envisions a plan which will help her escape from the facility.
The BeerBuzz: There are comparisons of this film to “300” and “Watchmen”. That’s enough right there to put it on my radar. It does seem a little too geared for the early teenage girl set, so I’m not sure about showing up at the theater for this without feeling like a predator.
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Movies That Aren’t Worth Wasting Your Time
Take Me Home Tonight
March 4
Starring: Topher Grace, Anna Faris, Dan Fogler
Plot : Set over Labor Day Weekend in 1988, an aimless college grad dives into a huge party in hopes of finally winning over his high school crush.
The BeerBuzz: This movie totally tanked at the box office last weekend. Evidently there was a reason that this film has sat on the shelf since it was completed in 2007. Enough of the 80s flashbacks already!
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Beastly
March 4
Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Vanessa Hudgens, Mary-Kate Olsen
Plot : Manhattanite Kyle Kingson is young, wealthy, beautiful, and cruel, but he picks the wrong classmate to prank when Kendra casts a spell that turns him into everything he despises. Banished to Brooklyn and informed that the only way to break the curse is to find someone who will love him as he is, a fateful encounter with Lindy, looks to literally and figuratively change his life.
The BeerBuzz: I know from reading that description that I’m inspired. Inspired to order several shots to make it go away. Just check out the cast list…this is designed for one demographic only; girls 12 – 14.
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Mars Needs Moms
March 11
Starring: the voices of Seth Green, Joan Cusack, Dan Fogler
Plot : A young boy gains a deeper appreciation for his mom after Martians come to Earth to take her away.
The BeerBuzz: The script was based on the book by Bloom County cartoonist Berkeley Breathed…but I’m just not feeling it, as this looks like something no one over the age of nine would want to see.
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Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
March 25
Starring: Zachary Gordon, Devon Bostick, Robert Capron
Plot : Back in middle school after summer vacation, Greg Heffley works hard to keep his secret safe, though his older brother Rodrick knows all about what happened -- and is eager to spill the beans.
The BeerBuzz: The description means absolutely nothing to me, and I’ve never heard of a single one of the actors listed. That should make it pretty obvious that I didn’t see the first film, which gives me exactly zero reasons to see this one.
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New DVD/Pay-Per-View Releases
As mentioned in previous columns, these dates are when the movies are released to be purchased as DVDs, or released for DirecTV/Cable/Dish Network Pay-Per-Views. The actual release to Netflix or Blockbuster may be as much as 28 days later.
127 Hours – Mar. 1 – James Franco’s Oscar nominated performance is the driving force of this Danny Boyle film. Now that I can fast-forward through the really gross part, I’ll certainly watch it.
Burlesque – Mar. 1 – Cher and Christiana Aguilera in a musical. My testosterone is dropping just THINKING about this film.
Faster – Mar. 1 – The Rock gets pissed off and kills a lot of people. Stop me if you’ve heard this before.
Love and Other Drugs – Mar. 1 – Big disappointment at the box office, but I still very much plan to see it. Anne Hathaway gets naked in the film…what’s not to love?
Jackass 3 – Mar. 8 - For the inner 12 year old boy in all of us.
The Morning Glory – Mar 8. – Remember when Harrison Ford was a box office superstar?
The Next Three Days – Mar. 8 - Huge box office flop that still seems interesting to me…the cast of Russell Crowe, Elizabeth Banks, and Liam Neeson makes it worth at least checking out.
The Fighter – Mar. 15 – Oscar nominated for Best Picture, the film earned well deserved awards for Christian Bale and Melissa Leo.
Hereafter – Mar. 15 – This was a rarity; a Clint Eastwood film that fell to the wayside completely unnoticed. I think the subject matter turned a lot of people away, but I’m still very interested in seeing it.
The Switch – Mar. 15 – Standard boring romantic comedy with Jason Bateman admitting that Jennifer Aniston was knocked up by his sperm in the turkey baster.
How Do You Know – Mar. 22 – Might have been the biggest money loser of the year; a flop of a romantic comedy from the guy that once upon a time did “As Good as It Gets” and “Broadcast News”
Skyline – Mar. 22 – Totally forgettable “aliens are killing everyone” film.
The Tourist – Mar. 22 – Soon to go down in history as the Poster Child for “Bad Chemistry Between Lead Actors”
Yogi Bear – Mar. 22 – How the hell did this mess make almost $100 million?
Black Swan – Mar. 29 – Watch this mind bender and then totally understand why Natalie Portman won Best Actress at the Oscars.
Tangled – Mar. 29 – Rather clever cartoon about Repunzel.
Calendar Watch
High profile movies coming to a screen near you in 2011.
Trailers available wherever you see a hyperlink.
Source Code – Apr. 1 – An experimental government program sends a soldier (Jake Gyllenhaal) back in time, where he wakes up on the body of a commuter who witnesses a train bombing, so that he can find out who was responsible. Sounds like “Quantum Leap” to me.
Hanna – Apr. 8 – A 14 year old girl (Saoirse Ronan) is raised by her father (Eric Bana) to be an assassin. I’m intrigued by this disturbing looking film. It’s almost the movie that could have been had Natalie Portman’s Mathilda character actually started killing people at the end of “Leon: The Professional”.
Arthur – Apr. 8 – The Russell Brand remake of the classic Dudley Moore film. I think this is an early candidate for the worst movie of the year.
Rio – Apr. 15 – First big kid’s movie of the year (I’m not counting “Rango” as a kid’s film), about a domesticated macaw from Minnesota trying to take off for Rio de Janeiro.
Thor – May 6 – The summer blockbuster season kicks off with the Marvel comic superhero, played by Chris Hemsworth, and directed by Kenneth Branagh. Natalie Portman plays Thor’s love interest, so it has that going for it, which is nice.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides – May 20 – Captain Jack Sparrow is back. Without Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, and with Ian McShane and Penelope Cruz. I haven’t seen a more positive lopsided trade since Peyton Hillis for Brady Quinn.
The Hangover; Part II – May 27 – The boys are back…but in Thailand, not Vegas.
X-Men: First Class – June 3 – The origins of the X-Men, with Professor X and Magneto as younger men banding together. I really like the casting and the characters for this one, and have high hopes that it can get the franchise back on track.
Super 8 – June 10 – The latest big film from J.J. Abrams about an alien entity from Area 51 breaking free en route to an Ohio facility in 1979. An Ohio alien facility in 1979? Must have been in Cincinnati.
Green Lantern – June 17 – Here it is geekboys…the Holy Grail of your comic book fantasies.
Cars 2: - June 24 – It’s from Pixar, so expect greatness.
Rise of the Apes – June 24 – James Franco as the experimental scientist who creates Caesar, the first talking chimpanzee, kicking off the whole “Planet of the Apes” thing.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon – July 1 – Please don’t let this be as crappy as the last one.
Larry Crowne – July 1 – Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in a comedy about a middle-aged man going back to community college after losing his job, and falling for a local teacher.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – July 15 – The End finally comes to this great franchise.
Captain America: The First Avenger – July 22 – Chris Evans, who played the Human Torch in the awful “Fantastic Four” movies, now becomes the famed WWII hero.
Cowboys and Aliens – July 29 – Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig as cowboys teaming with Indians to fight aliens in the 19th Century Old West. And Craig has a mysterious high tech blaster attached to his left arm. And he has no idea how it got there! I am SO there for this one.
The Smurfs – Aug. 3 – Just shoot me now.
Conan the Barbarian – Aug. 19 – Another remake from the 80s that we’ll probably wish hadn’t been done.
Moneyball – Sept 23 – Brad Pitt as Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane. I really have no idea how this book could be turned into a movie worth watching, but we’ll see.
Real Steel – Oct. 7 – Hugh Jackman as a manager/controller of real life, 10 foot tall Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots.
Footloose – Oct. 14 – Pushed back from 2010. We can only hope it gets pushed back to 3010.
The Three Musketeers – Oct. 14 – Another remake, but this one with Brits Matthew Macfadyen (“MI-5”), Ray Stevenson (“Rome”), and Luke Evans as the main three, with young Logan Lerman (“Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief”) as D’Artagnan. Also with Christoph Waltz, Milla Jovovich and Orlando Bloom.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 – Nov. 18 – Only two more of these awful movies to go.
Hugo Cabret – Dec. 9 – Martin Scorsese directs the story of a 1930s orphan living in the walls of a train station.
Mission Impossible 4 – Dec. 16 – Tom Cruise sets the stage for Jeremy Renner taking over the role of the leader of the IMF for future movies. Well played, Tom.
Sherlock Holmes 2 – Dec. 16 – Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, and director Guy Ritchie make another run at it.
The Adventures of Tintin – Dec. 23 – Steven Spielberg takes on the classic French tale, using motion capture animation.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – Dec. 23 – English version of the outstanding Swedish film with Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara.