OR
What A Difference
A Day Makes
This should
be fun. I wrote a piece for Swerb yesterday about how Tressel
wasn’t going to the Browns, and no matter how great a coach he was,
we should get over it.
But the
piece got delayed to today because of various Ohio State articles.
Thank Buddha
for that.
The original
article is now so MOOT that I shall now present whatever little thoughts
I can muster at this late hour after having witnessed one of the most
despicable buttfuckings of all time…
Excerpt
from Original Article:
Some of the people that are
trumpeting this Tressel jump up I-71 are Michigan fans longing for the
Cooper years. Some of the people are just OSU haters. And
some of them are Browns fans that really want a winner in Berea, and
will fantasize just about any scenario that will make it happen.
I understand. I often
fantasize about banging Charlize Theron. If I try hard enough,
I can even come up with believable “reasons” (at least believable
to me) why it might happen. She’s bored with young, attractive,
wealthy, successful men… she wants a new challenge… she’s never
had a redhead… she’s been snacking on lead paint chips…
The sad truth is that it ain’t
gonna happen.
And neither is Tressel coaching
the Browns.
And…. Time for some edits…
Besides,
I don’t even want Tressel.
I’d take Urban Meyer in a heartbeat over him.
Tressel got so utterly and completely out-coached by Meyer (who is,
in fact, an Ohio native and might actually have NFL aspirations, and…)
At least
Meyer didn’t just get buttufcked on national TV.
I am in
utter shock. I have watched a lot of BCS games, and every single
one of the BCS National Championship games. And I have NEVER seen
a team get so totally buttfucked in a game.
The Shame
is so vast and so terrible that it touches every single facet of
every single member of that pathetic heartless weak shell-shocked
disgusting team. It reminds me of the time that I was in Prague
and I was so drunk for so many days that I ended up proposing (sans
ring) to my ex-wife. That didn’t end up so well… but
I would take six divorces over having to
ever watch that game again.
The Browns
are so off the hook at this point, because despite their shitty play,
we expected that from them, and at least they didn’t fucking tease
us. And this “performance” came from Jim Tressel, who was
so close to deity, but, like Phaethon,
flew a little too close to the sun.
***Besides, the Akron Beacon
Journal is reporting that Romeo Crennel will be back next year.
This news elicited a tremendous yawn from me. I hope he turns
things around, but I have a sinking feeling that ’07 will be no better
than ’06. But if we got a new coach, I would still have a sinking
feeling that ’07 will be no better than ’06.
So it looks like the alcohol
industry will remain in the black for yet another season.
And it
certainly won’t mourn its Ohio stock, because the
Ohio State Buckeyes got buttfucked.
***If Ohio State wins and covers
the spread, I win $150 from the bowl pool I got in. Shoot, and
I was really wondering who to root for tonight…
But that
is apparently of no consequence because Ohio State got buttfucked.
***So I know that Mike Holmgren
is supposed to be some kind of coaching uber-genius, but that dude just
has some HORRIBLE playcalling, especially in short yardage situations.
You have Shaun Alexander, who, despite a bad and injury plagued year,
can still run the ball if you use him right. Mike Holmgren has
decided that he’s coaching Texas Tech.
Which probably
would have given Florida a better game than Ohio State (a team that
got buttfucked) did tonight.
***Note to Tony Romo: Stop
hanging your head, grabbing your facemask, and generally acting like
a bitch because you blew the game. Yeah – you fucked up.
But don’t spend all of eternity reminding everyone of that.
You gotta say “Yeah - I fucked up. I’m sure you’ve fucked
up before too.” No walking off the field with your head
hung low, boo-frickin’-hoo-ing. Hold your head high.
“This is a learning experience.
I will be a better player because of it. And who the fuck are
you to judge me?”
Unless you’re
Ohio State, who should most certainly be judged by the fact that they
just got buttfucked on National TV.
***I very much enjoy the Coors
Light commercial with Jim Mora and “Playoffs!!!??? Don’t
talk about playoffs!!!” There’s certain things in life
that can happen over and over again and you’ll never get bored of
them: Kurt Vonnegut novels, Robocop, blowjobs, and Jim
Mora whining about the playoffs.
One thing
I do get bored of? Ohio State getting buttfucked.
***I went onto the internet
tonight. My homepage is Yahoo.com. And one of the headlines
on Yahoo.com was A Texas high school has taken action against a clique
of out-of-control cheerleaders. The real 'mean girls'?
This is news for what reason?
It’s headlines like that
that makes me want to kill the whole lot of ya.
Especially
those of you that play or coach for Ohio State, a team that just got
buttfucked.
***And then out of the blue,
Jamarcus Russell is suddenly projected as the #1 overall pick.
All this pre-draft bullshit and hype is starting to remind me of The
E! Channel.
Fortunately,
the E! Channel won’t speak of Ohio State, because they try to avoid
questions about who got buttfucked by whom.
***What got up Bill Bellichek’s
ass? His team won by 21 in the playoffs against a team he probably
hates, and he’s gotta shove around a cameramen (who isn’t even looking
in his direction) like said cameraman nailed his wife in the brown star?
Somebody needs a good enema…
Yeah, like
Ohio State, because they just got buttfucked a whole buncha times.
***Eli Manning is now officially
a head case. I have hope for his brother. I don’t have
much for him.
Nor do I
have much hope for a team that will lose a shitload of offensive seniors
and just got buttfucked by the whole state of Florida.
***Seeing Jeff Garcia get so
much success and accolades is a little like eating sushi. That’s
been sitting in the trash for 4 days.
Which is
preferable to getting buttfucked.
***Uhhhhhhh… dayum!, do I
love how Damion Fletcher plays.
It seemed
like 17 of him were on Florida’s team, which, coincidentally, buttfucked
Ohio State tonight.
***I’ve seen the Flomax commercial
too many times. Flomax helps you with weak stream, going at
night, going often, going at the movies, going too fast, going on
the seat, going in an alley, going on a paramedic that’s trying to
pump your stomach…
I would
piss myself every day for a year for the opportunity to never again
see Ohio State get buttfucked in a National Championship game.
***Egads! There is some
kind of strange white substance falling from the sky! What kind
of devilry can this be? I must consult the historical records…
Haiku About Someone I Hate:
Buttfucked. Only Has
Two Syllables, And Yet It
Rings True
For Buckeyes
Countdown Until The Browns
Draft A Heinous Bust (probably Quinn, Brady) At #3 Overall and Set the
Franchise Back Another 8 Years:
For some reason (most likely
malfunctioning gray matter brought about by excessive use of various
unhealthy products), I have been unable to find the exact date of the
first day of NFL Free Agency. So I shall just assume it is March
1st, which is 51 days away.
Which is
51 days away from Ohio State’s massive buttfucking.