I think we could all use a good laugh today. Enter Hiko and "Moot Points". See, Moot is normally a Monday piece. I told Hiko we were going to move it to Tuesday this week because we had National Championship preview columns to run and I also wanted his take on the game in the piece. Well, ask and I shall recieve. He took yesterdays column, and "edited" it a little after last nights game. The end result provides a good laugh. CAUTION - This column contains massive amounts of profane language. Not for the easily offended.

OR 

What A Difference A Day Makes 

This should be fun.  I wrote a piece for Swerb yesterday about how Tressel wasn’t going to the Browns, and no matter how great a coach he was, we should get over it. 

But the piece got delayed to today because of various Ohio State articles. 

Thank Buddha for that. 

The original article is now so MOOT that I shall now present whatever little thoughts I can muster at this late hour after having witnessed one of the most despicable buttfuckings of all time… 

Excerpt from Original Article: 

Some of the people that are trumpeting this Tressel jump up I-71 are Michigan fans longing for the Cooper years.  Some of the people are just OSU haters.  And some of them are Browns fans that really want a winner in Berea, and will fantasize just about any scenario that will make it happen. 

I understand.  I often fantasize about banging Charlize Theron.  If I try hard enough, I can even come up with believable “reasons” (at least believable to me) why it might happen.  She’s bored with young, attractive, wealthy, successful men… she wants a new challenge… she’s never had a redhead… she’s been snacking on lead paint chips… 

The sad truth is that it ain’t gonna happen. 

And neither is Tressel coaching the Browns. 

And…. Time for some edits… 

Besides, I don’t even want Tressel.  I’d take Urban Meyer in a heartbeat over him.  Tressel got so utterly and completely out-coached by Meyer (who is, in fact, an Ohio native and might actually have NFL aspirations, and…)  

At least Meyer didn’t just get buttufcked on national TV. 

I am in utter shock.  I have watched a lot of BCS games, and every single one of the BCS National Championship games.  And I have NEVER seen a team get so totally buttfucked in a game.   

The Shame is so vast and so terrible that it touches every single facet of every single member of that pathetic heartless weak shell-shocked disgusting team.  It reminds me of the time that I was in Prague and I was so drunk for so many days that I ended up proposing (sans ring) to my ex-wife.  That didn’t end up so well… but I would take six divorces over having to ever watch that game again. 

The Browns are so off the hook at this point, because despite their shitty play, we expected that from them, and at least they didn’t fucking tease us.  And this “performance” came from Jim Tressel, who was so close to deity, but, like Phaethon, flew a little too close to the sun. 

***Besides, the Akron Beacon Journal is reporting that Romeo Crennel will be back next year.  This news elicited a tremendous yawn from me.  I hope he turns things around, but I have a sinking feeling that ’07 will be no better than ’06.  But if we got a new coach, I would still have a sinking feeling that ’07 will be no better than ’06. 

So it looks like the alcohol industry will remain in the black for yet another season. 

And it certainly won’t mourn its Ohio stock, because the Ohio State Buckeyes got buttfucked. 

***If Ohio State wins and covers the spread, I win $150 from the bowl pool I got in.  Shoot, and I was really wondering who to root for tonight… 

But that is apparently of no consequence because Ohio State got buttfucked. 

***So I know that Mike Holmgren is supposed to be some kind of coaching uber-genius, but that dude just has some HORRIBLE playcalling, especially in short yardage situations.  You have Shaun Alexander, who, despite a bad and injury plagued year, can still run the ball if you use him right.  Mike Holmgren has decided that he’s coaching Texas Tech. 

Which probably would have given Florida a better game than Ohio State (a team that got buttfucked) did tonight.   

***Note to Tony Romo: Stop hanging your head, grabbing your facemask, and generally acting like a bitch because you blew the game.  Yeah – you fucked up.  But don’t spend all of eternity reminding everyone of that.  You gotta say “Yeah - I fucked up.  I’m sure you’ve fucked up before too.”  No walking off the field with your head hung low, boo-frickin’-hoo-ing.  Hold your head high.   

“This is a learning experience.  I will be a better player because of it.  And who the fuck are you to judge me?” 

Unless you’re Ohio State, who should most certainly be judged by the fact that they just got buttfucked on National TV. 

***I very much enjoy the Coors Light commercial with Jim Mora and “Playoffs!!!???  Don’t talk about playoffs!!!”  There’s certain things in life that can happen over and over again and you’ll never get bored of them:  Kurt Vonnegut novels, Robocop, blowjobs, and Jim Mora whining about the playoffs. 

One thing I do get bored of?  Ohio State getting buttfucked. 

***I went onto the internet tonight.  My homepage is Yahoo.com.  And one of the headlines on Yahoo.com was A Texas high school has taken action against a clique of out-of-control cheerleaders. The real 'mean girls'? 

This is news for what reason? 

It’s headlines like that that makes me want to kill the whole lot of ya. 

Especially those of you that play or coach for Ohio State, a team that just got buttfucked. 

***And then out of the blue, Jamarcus Russell is suddenly projected as the #1 overall pick.  All this pre-draft bullshit and hype is starting to remind me of The E! Channel.   

Fortunately, the E! Channel won’t speak of Ohio State, because they try to avoid questions about who got buttfucked by whom. 

***What got up Bill Bellichek’s ass?  His team won by 21 in the playoffs against a team he probably hates, and he’s gotta shove around a cameramen (who isn’t even looking in his direction) like said cameraman nailed his wife in the brown star? 

Somebody needs a good enema… 

Yeah, like Ohio State, because they just got buttfucked a whole buncha times. 

***Eli Manning is now officially a head case.  I have hope for his brother.  I don’t have much for him. 

Nor do I have much hope for a team that will lose a shitload of offensive seniors and just got buttfucked by the whole state of Florida. 

***Seeing Jeff Garcia get so much success and accolades is a little like eating sushi.  That’s been sitting in the trash for 4 days. 

Which is preferable to getting buttfucked. 

***Uhhhhhhh… dayum!, do I love how Damion Fletcher plays. 

It seemed like 17 of him were on Florida’s team, which, coincidentally, buttfucked Ohio State tonight. 

***I’ve seen the Flomax commercial too many times.  Flomax helps you with weak stream, going at night, going often, going at the movies, going too fast, going on the seat, going in an alley, going on a paramedic that’s trying to pump your stomach… 

I would piss myself every day for a year for the opportunity to never again see Ohio State get buttfucked in a National Championship game. 

***Egads!  There is some kind of strange white substance falling from the sky!  What kind of devilry can this be?  I must consult the historical records… 

Haiku About Someone I Hate: 

Buttfucked.  Only Has

Two Syllables, And Yet It

Rings True For Buckeyes 

Countdown Until The Browns Draft A Heinous Bust (probably Quinn, Brady) At #3 Overall and Set the Franchise Back Another 8 Years: 

For some reason (most likely malfunctioning gray matter brought about by excessive use of various unhealthy products), I have been unable to find the exact date of the first day of NFL Free Agency.  So I shall just assume it is March 1^st, which is 51 days away. 

Which is 51 days away from Ohio State’s massive buttfucking. 
 
 

But… WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR!!!  WOO HOO!!! YEAH!!!