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Cavs Cavs Archive Rasheed: "__________"
Written by Rich Swerbinsky

Rich Swerbinsky
ALL POINTS BULLETIN: Missing - Pistons forward Rasheed Wallace. Was nowhere to be found in the second half last night and vanished without comment after the game ended. Wallace's disappearance is of great concern to us given his penchant for the spotlight and frequent commentary after games. If you see this man, please contact Donyell Marshall, who currently has custodial rights due to the fact he has been making Wallace his bitch all series.

 AUBURN HILLS (MI) - In a stunning development, Detroit Pistons All-Star forward Rasheed Wallace has gone missing.  Wallace disappeared in the second half of last night's shocking 86-84 loss at the hands of the upstart Cleveland Cavaliers, and was nowhere to be found after the contest ended. 

The Auburn Hills police have announced they are officially treating this as a missing persons case, and with game six looming tomorrow night, have allocated all available resources towards his recovery.

"From what we've been able to gather, Wallace disappeared just after complaining about a blatant foul he was whistled for early in the third quarter.  He was given a technical foul, and we never saw him again after that", said Auburn Hills Police Chief Fred Cummings.  "When he failed to show up for the post game press conference, that's when we really began to worry."

The vanishing act is very surprising given Wallace’s desire for the spotlight, and frequent post game commentary.  There are some factions that feel Wallace may have simply gone into hiding due to his terrible performance on the court over the last three games, all Cavaliers wins.  Wallace has averaged just 9.3 points per game over that stretch, on 11-33 shooting.  He’s 1-8 from three point range, and has committed nine turnovers and thirteen personal fouls.

Pistons coach Flip Saunders was also openly worried after last nights game, and for good reason.  Wallace is well below his season averages of 15 points and 7 rebounds a game in this series, and has been blatantly outplayed by Cavaliers forward Donyell Marshall.  And now Rasheed has vanished into thin air.  “Ever since his asinine guarantee after game three, he’s only really been here in body only.  And now he’s gone.  With the way he’s been playing as of late, I’m not even sure finding him is in the best interest of our basketball team”, said Saunders.

The Cavaliers now lead this series three games to two, and game six is slated for Friday night in Cleveland.  His disappearance not only jeopardizes his status for that contest, but also for his Saturday morning tee time in the event the Cavaliers eliminate the Pistons from the playoffs.

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