Written by Greg Popelka

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Recently overheard at the Olive Garden restaurant, on the road somewhere in Ohio. Uncle Tipski is taking nephew Connor and his friend Trevor for a bite to eat on the way back to college after Christmas break.

Nobody remembers who gave Uncle Tipski his nickname; everyone fondly called him their tipsy uncle until somebody added the -ski, a la Hoolihan and Big Chuck. 

Connor: So whatchu gonna get, Tipski?

Uncle Tipski: Oh, lots of good stuff here- you go ahead and get whatever you like. It's my treat. But if I leave here without getting the lasagna, I'll be thinking about it until I finally do get it. That could even be later on, tonight.

Connor: Appreciate you taking us back to school. Mom gave me money and told me to pay for lunch.

Trevor: Yeah, thanks for the ride.

Uncle Tipski: No problem! My pleasure. Keep your money. So, did you guys have a good break? I'm sure you guys were busy... Shoot, Trevor, it looks like you didn't even have time to wash your laundry, for cryin' out loud!

All three of them look at Trevor's shirt: a brand new, white Pittsburgh Steeler football jersey. A #7 NFL replica, with the name "Roethlisberger" on the back.

Trevor (sheepishly): I got this for Christmas. It's the first time I've ever worn it.

Uncle Tipski: HA! I figured that out, son- I'm just messin' with ya. Although it did occur to me that you might have worn that in my truck on a dare. Or a bet... did Connor's dad put you up to that?

Connor: Trevor's always liked the Steelers.

Trevor: All my cousins are Steeler fans, too. They live in western Pennsylvania.

Uncle Tipski bites his tongue before surmising out loud that Trevor's cousins could also be his siblings. Or love interests. The waitress arrives, and the orders are placed. Connor knows he won't be able to wrestle the check away from Uncle Tipski, so he whispers to the waitress, "Give me the check, OK? It's my uncle's birthday today." She smiles and nods on her way by.

Uncle Tipski: Ah, don't worry about it, Trevor. Ya gotta expect some of that in Ohio, don't you?

At least you're sportin' an Ohio boy's name- although I wonder if Findlay still cares.

Trevor (mustering some poise): What jerseys do you own?

Uncle Tipski: Well, to tell you the truth, son, I guess I'm just from another era. To me, wearing the jersey of a professional athlete just seems kind of... weenie, somehow. Signed and displayed in the basement near the kegerator? Sure. Maybe it's just me.

OK, here's the Rule: It's OK if the player is older than you. Or if you're a chick. How's that?

Time passes as the boys slouch and down several beverages.

Uncle Tipski: (Knowingly nodding) I've got two words for you boys: Chaser Plus. Take two with the first drink, then two more for every three drinks after. By morning, you're rarin' to go.

If I were to own a jersey, it would be... let's see... it would be someone whose game I liked, but it wouldn't be the same jersey everyone else has. After all, this isn't Cincinnati...

Maybe it would be John "Hot Rod" Williams.

The boys turn to directly face Uncle Tipski. A pregnant pause ensues as the food arrives.

Uncle Tipski: Here's a guy who was a teammate of notorious racing fans Larry Nance and Brad Daugherty, yet he was the one with the childhood nickname of "Hot Rod". He was a 6'11" forward and center. The Cavaliers selected him in the second round of the draft out of Tulane in 1985. He had been indicted for point-shaving, along with others there. There were specific games where he was accused of helping Tulane to fail in covering the point spread, and other games where he supposedly helped make sure they lost by more than the spread. Williams was on the fringe of the scandal, which involved several of his teammates and included accusations of the transfer of cocaine as well. He never was convicted, but I guess you know what they say about where there's smoke...

When the Cavs drafted Williams, his career was in doubt. He played in the USBL for a year. In 1986, the Cavs drafted  Daugherty and Ron Harper, and acquired Mark Price, who‘d just been drafted by the Dallas Mavericks. A mistrial was declared in Williams' case, and he was basically acquitted. He immediately joined the Cavs. Daugherty, Price and Williams made the NBA all-rookie team that year.

Connor: Aren't you, like, glorifying bad behavior with your respect for Hot Rod Williams?

Uncle Tipski:  I do see your point, son. Point shaving has marred college basketball several times over the years, and activity such as that should not be condoned. But redemption does appeal to us as Americans. Hot Rod became a premier NBA sixth man- to the point that by the time he became a free agent in 1990, the Cavaliers gave him the richest contract in the NBA to date. It was said that only Jose Canseco had a higher salary in all of American team sports. Of course, that drew even more ire from those who were predisposed to dislike him from his shady past. But it indicated his worth to the team.

Prior to the free agency period, Cleveland had offered about half of the $5mil/yr he eventually got from them. He turned down the initial offer, and the two-year-old Miami Heat franchise was there to ante up. Consider the irony there.

The Heat needed to bid high to woo anyone to come there at that time. They also needed to spend to get to the minimum NBA team salary level.  And they had to make a splash to be relevant in South Florida. However, at the time, many thought Williams to be fifth in importance to the team- behind Price, Daugherty, Nance, and even rookie Danny Ferry (who represented another salary which was higher than the other three‘s).

Hot Rod was quiet and likeable enough that his checkered past faded from the public's attention. His style was typical of the mid- 80s Cavs- unselfish, with all-around ability. Hot Rod could score, rebound and block shots (he set a team record with 1,200 blocks). Truth be told, the team was not very physical. But coach Lenny Wilkens had them contending for the title during the Jordan years, and they did beat Chicago from time to time- on the road as well as at home.

Interesting: in late 1995, Hot Rod was traded to the Phoenix Suns for guard-forward Dan Majerle. Majerle had been the player chosen with the pick Phoenix received from the Cavaliers when they had traded Larry Nance to Cleveland in 1988.

I also liked the fact that another John Williams, a much bigger dude, was in the NBA around the same time- as a play on Hot Rod's nickname, the larger John Williams became known as "Hot Plate." Ha!

Restaurant employees begin materializing from the kitchen. The clapping begins as they approach . One of the waitresses is carrying a cake, with one lit candle in the middle.

Clap, clap, clap, clap, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP!

"From the pasta we make,

to the bread that we bake,

we're wishing you an Olive Garden birthd---"

Connor (with arms waving): NOOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOO!!! It's not really his birthday!

Uncle Tipski: HAHAA! Nice try, son. (To their waitress) Better hand the check over to me- thank you.

These boys are lousy tippers! Boys- ready to go?

Trevor (to Connor, as they lag behind on the way out of the restaurant): Hey, you know that money your mom gave you? There's a retro jersey website you should check out-  your uncle's old Buzzard gear could use some company...

 

Thank you for reading.