Written by Brian McPeek

---

For those of you expecting a full-blown Cleveland Cavaliers recap in the tradition of Burt Graeff or even Bob Fortuna, well, you fools can suck it.

It ain’t happening.

If the boss man wants to withhold pay for this recap I’m all for that too. I wouldn’t pay for what he’s about to get.

To be clear, I’m not forsaking my duties tonight because I had other better options that kept me busy. It’s not even because I’ve had some health issues for the last few weeks or because I was engrossed in NFL playoff football.

Nope. It’s simply because this Cavaliers team blows and is not worth the time it would cost to watch them. Shit, this Cavaliers team is so bad that someone HAS to pay me to watch them and I’m still not going to do that.

I’ll do this though: I’ll tell you the Cavaliers lost to the Denver Nuggets 127-99, that the game wasn’t that close and that this team could suck a squirrel through a straw it sucks so much. The score at the half was 80-49 (and Denver had the lead if you have trouble following along).

You think I’m going to waste any more time other than a couple look-ins to watch that crap?

Please.

But someone pays for a column and a column they shall have. It will be courtesy of some Twitter posts that I found regarding the game. Then I will post the story and walk away without shame (but not before telling you the Cavs have now lost 13 straight games, 23 of their last 24 and 19 in a row on the road).

Onto the column-filling Tweets….err….amusing musings of a few select Cavs fans:

YoungRubs M-Jay-S

Someone wake me up when this nightmare is over... RT @

mvielhaber Mike Vielhaber

#Cavs lose by 28 but they won't lose for the next 3 days as they don't have a game. Days off are all we have to look forward to.

OfficialKyle Kyle Jabez Arney

At least they kept it under 30. That's all I wanted. #Cavs

NACNupe D Lockett

#cavs down 35.....#constantfail

AndyResnik Andy Resnik

So close. I predicted the #Nuggets would make 20 3s and beat the #Cavs 130-102. They made 13 3s and won 127-99.

mrsvee830 Roni

The #cavs can't even beat a team in the WNBA! This is ridamndiculous!

RealMYoung23 Michael A. Young

I quit. #Cavs

natty_marie Natalie Naples

i'm like embarrassed to call myself a #Cavs fan right now... Down 105-70 after the 3rd qtr?! #Dleaguestatus

And how about one more that really sums it all up:

ballchat Ball Chat

As said several times on the show, #cavs are the worst team in years. I feel bad not for them, but whoever loses to them next.

There you go folks. My Cavaliers wrap up. It may not be exhaustive but I didn’t have to watch that horseshit team and I didn’t have to do much thinking about them either. You journalism majors would be well-served to put this techinique of filling space without actually creating anything original yourself  in the back of your heads (or just read Bill Simmons for a reminder) and break it out somewhere down the road when you need it most.

 

Hell, I didn't even look for the funniest or most philosophical tweets. I just looked for the first ten that didn't have the words Fu**, A**Clowns or Le**** in them and ran with it. Just think about what I could do if I gave a damn about this team or tried harder.

 

The rest of you who aren't training to be like me (an insurance guy blogging for tens of readers) can get used to it. Because if I can’t get out of the recap business for the remainder of the season then this is the next best option for me.

 

Which is really all I care about.