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Cavs Cavs Archive A Cavs Diary Of Futility
Written by Michael Kramer

Michael Kramer

futilityIt's a historic night down at the Q tonight. The Cavs are in line to tie the 1889 Louisville Colonels (I'm assuming they played baseball) and the Tampa Bay Bucs of 76-77 (Again baseball, I'm almost certain) with the longest losing streak in professional sports history.

Either that or they will cement the number 25 in infamous pro basketball history until the next team, likely the Las Vegas Cavaliers, breaks it again in 20-30 years. Whichever happens I figure there should be some sort of written record of what happens on this historic night. A running diary with some tweets thrown in should just about cover it. It's easy and lazy too. So that's right up my alley.

So, if you missed the game, (and I have a feeling most of you did) sit back and relive it right now through the magic of the interwebs.

God bless that Al Gore.

7:09 PM Starting lineups are announced by that really loud guy. I thought that was LeBron's buddy? Shouldn't he be in Miami.

7:11 PM Austin Carr gives his keys to the game. Apparently the Cav's bench will need to step up. I can only assume that's because the starters are bench players too.

I will now switch to game clock mode. Try to keep up.

First Quarter

11:17 The Nigerian Nightmare hits a jump shot to start off the scoring. At least I think that's his nickname. Isn't that Eyenga's nickname? It should be. He's Nigerian, right?

10:22 Great analysis by Fred McLeod and Austin Carr.

Austin – "You don't double team Ben Wallace"

Fred – "But if you don't guard him he will get in there and get some points."

9:11 The Cavs are up 2-0 and on pace to win by an approximate score of 32-0. I have this ADD kind of thing where I'm always calculating the approximate final score at the beginning of games. Am I the only one that does this?

Tweet:

AndyResnik

Breaking news: J.J. Hickson is stupid. #Cavs4 minutes ago via web

7:23 Eyenga blocks a shot and Austin goes nuts. "Get that weak stuff outta here!" Yeah, maybe we should end the historic losing streak before we start demanding that anyone else do things with they're "weak stuff".

7:11 Technical on Tracy McGrady for complaining about being mugged. The Cavs feel bad about it and miss the free shot on purpose. I'm convinced of it. They want to end this streak fair and square.

6:00 Cavs up 8-5 On pace for a 64-40 win

Tweet

BenCox83

BenBlog: A shit ton of #Cavs links:http://benblog.net/2011/02/09/various-cavs-links/1 minute ago via web

Because that's what the people want. A shit ton of Cavs links.

Maybe he meant Jack Links Beef Jerky. That I could understand. I love beef jerky. Who doesn't? Commies. That's who.

First commercial break:

The GMC truck apparently offers all sorts of stuff other trucks don't, like a working rear gate, an engine, adjustable seats, and a trailer hitch. Jealous much every other truck owner with the same stuff?

4:05 Boobie enters the game and Fred mentions that the Pistons probably remember him because he played against them 4 years ago.

3:07 The Pistons tie it up 14-14. High scoring game so far. We know it isn't the Cav's defense, it must be the Piston's offense. This is some good basketball right now.

Tweet

Oreo0731

If the #Cavs wuda listened to #BaltimoreClubMusicthey'd be undefeated #FACT24 minutes ago via Twitter for Android

I'm not sure, but I think this guy is trying to use the Cavs Twitter feed to shuttle people to some club music twitter thing or something. Twitter is weird.

Tweet

bkbux25

Let the Ryan Hollins shitshow begin. #Cavsless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone

Indeed

0:25 Hollins with a dunk and Carr with the requisite "throwing the hammer down" It seemed less enthusiastic than it used to sound. Makes me wonder why he continues to say it.

End of 1st – Detroit is up 25-16 after going on a 13-2 run to end the quarter. I thought the Cavs usually waited until the 4th quarter to stop trying. I guess they're taking no chances tonight. They are on a collision course with history.

Commercial – worst actor ever in the NBA "where amazing happens" If you saw it you'd know what I was talking about.

Second Quarter

Start of the 2nd – Andy Varejao tries to sound happy to be having surgery and going through a long rehab to came back and play with the cavs.

10:00 Eyenga, the Nigerian Nightmare, hits a jumper to pull within 6. I have to say, that guy might be useful down the road if the Cavs get 6 or 7 players better than him.

9:08 Eyenga dribbles off his own leg. I should just shut my stupid hole.

8:45 Two Cavs run into each other and turn it over. I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

8:11 Austin says The Cavs need to play the game "the way it's supposed to be played." Is there any way to get that info to the coaches on the bench? We might not be out of this thing yet.

Tweet:

AndyResnik

I've turned off the #Cavs. I can't take it anymore.1 minute ago via TweetDeck

And, we've lost the one Cavs fan that made a damn bit of sense.

And that includes Manloaf who is making his presence felt right about now:

Tweet:

dmansworldpd

Here come the #cavs. Sort of. Within eight early 2nd...cane man in the hizza.2 minutes ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

"cane man in the hizza"? WTF?

Tweet:

SheRiseShaRon

Let's Go #Cavs3 minutes ago via ÃœberTwitter

That's interesting that you say that.

Either that or not interesting at all.  Not even a little bit.

6:56 Detroit up 36-24 That translates to 144-56 by the end of the game, unless my math is off.

5:40 Cavs down by 15. Is there any scenario where the Cavs can come back from 15 down against anyone?

Tweet:

espnafc_north

Remember when a #Cavs #Pistons game was a huge deal?14 minutes ago via ÃœberTwitter

Thanks James Walker of ESPN. Don't you have a football blog to not be interesting on?

4:10 Sessions is getting to the rim and the Cavs are within 9. Until Stucky hits a 3 about 10 seconds later. Then they turn the ball over on the inbound pass and it's back to 14. This team truly is historic.

1:59 Cavs down by 16. I have no doubt they can get it to an even 20 by halftime.

Commercial – No way is that dude's name Amaad Crump. For some reason he's getting some info on shin splints. And he's doing it while making hand gestures that suggest he should be making a used car commercial.

0.19 Sessions gets to the rim on the break and gets fouled. Dude does have his moments. Looks like the Cavs are going to keep it under 20 going into half. Still no chance to overcome it, but they might avoid embarrassment. You know, except for setting the whole all time sports futility record and stuff.

Halftime – Cavs down by 12. On the plus side, they are on pace to keep Detroit under 120 point

Commercial – Ford F-150. I wonder if you can open the tailgate or move the seats? They don't say for sure. I'm getting the GMC. It has the engine in it.

Has anyone ever drank a Miller Lite because it's triple hops brewed? Are there people that draw the line there? Double hops brewed just not good enough? Does anyone who knows what the hell triple hops brewed is drink cheap American beer?

Tweet:

scott_gresser

#Cavs players visited an orphanage today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said little Timmy.

OK, that's pretty funny. Well done Scott. +100 internets for you.

Tweet:

livelovejlock jessica locklear

apparently the #cavs lost tonight?

Jessica is like Nastradamous or something. If the Cavs actually do end up losing this tweet will be spooky as hell.

Third Quarter

10:00 Cavs cut the lead to 7. If they can pull within -15 by the 4th, they may have a chance.

8:24 Jamison hits a floating hook with a foul. The Cavs close to within 4 points. They haven't been this close wince Dec 18th. If they can go on a 22-0 run they might just pull this one out.

6:30 Cavs apparently were getting nervous they wouldn't set the record have 2 ridiculous turnovers in the span of a few minutes. Piston's lead back to 10

Tweet:

ItsKy_Luv KY LOVE

I'm #bored! Maybe I shoulda went to the #Cavs game? SIKE!..not that damn bored!

I just posted this tweet because it is the most funny and clever tweet I have ever read from ItsKy Luv.

4:50 Parker with a 3 cuts it back to 5. They just won't go away. And Jamison cuts it to 3. It's on now. Detroit's been served. Just wait until Samardo Samuels hits the floor.

Tweet:

A_Bottiggi Anthony Bottiggi

The #Cavs are the best team I'm the league.... at losing.

I thought ItsKy Luv couldn't be topped for cleverness and hilarity. Tony Bag-o-Donuts here is like the second coming of Bill Hicks.

2:35 The Cavs just keep hanging around. I usually think the Cavs would need a 15 point cushion to have a chance, but it feels a little different tonight.

Tweet:

SlotSlut_23 Kristy Crenshaw

I was lookin foward to this game all day. Don't let me down guys.#cavs

I don't know what's more unlikely. That someone self applied that handle "slotslut" or that she apparently couldn't wait for the Cavs game to start. I mean, I'm watching, but I have to.

1:00 Cavs back down by 9. I'm such a Cleveland fan. "...it feels a little different tonight." What a sucker.

Tweet:

AndyResnik Andy Resnik

The #Cavs are the worst NBA team I've ever seen. The pre-LeBron Cadavers would beat these bums by at least 10 points.

I thought Andy turned the game off. Andy says "Why can't I quit you Cavs?"

End of 3rd Cavs down 81-70. My earlier 32-0 prediction looking less and less likely.

Commercial – Who the hell at HH Gregg thought that little yellow dot thing was a good mascot?

Fourth Quarter

10:45 Cavs now down by 16 after Bald Chuck buries a 3. Remember the good old days when I thought ridiculous things like "This game feels different?" I'm such an asshole.

Tweet:

KingofRODC A Living Legend

#Idontunderstandwhy people think the cavs gon beat a shitty team, dey dnt wanna b da ones the #Cavs beat! Dat shyt humiliating

Doesn't it take around 8 times as long to type like that than it does just to type normal?

Commercial - Elk and Elk – seriously, somebody has to have told Mr Elk that his hair is the most ridiculous hair in the history on the world. That HAS to have happened. SO he knows what he looks like and goes with it anyway.

Tweet:

dulacian Zack Belcher

I think I might officially support the firing of Byron Scott if the #cavslose tonight. That or Chris Grant. Or both.

I agree Zach. How in the world can Scott continue to lose with this level of talent? It's a mystery.

Tweet:

Antipastino Joe D'Agostino

Which is longer, the #Cavs current losing streak or the current streak of shitty Nicholas Cage movies?

Now, that's actually a good question? How long ago was Captain Corelli's Mandolin? I'll have to go to IMDB.

5:42 The Cavs are still down by 15 here and I'm pretty sure they haven't scored in about a half hour. I haven't been paying much attention to tell the truth.

Tweet:

joshmerwine Josh Merwine

The #Cavs season has been over for a long time..

Apparently this Josh fella thinks the Cavs no longer have much of a shot at the playoffs. I hate to admit it, but I think he's right. Keen observation right there.

3:11 Up by only 14, the Pistons take a timeout to go over their endgame strategy. Think they'll be able to hold on?

Commercial - Hopkins airport is advertising. I'm wondering if a lot of people adjust their travel plans based on a commercial for an airport?

2:25 Boobie hits a 3 and Cavs within 9. I don't know why, but this game feels different. I think we have a chance.

2:00 Just kidding, back down by 11! LOL. See what I did there?

BTW – I have an answer for Antipasto. Captain Corelli's Mandolin was 25 movies ago so the Cavs streak is longer. If you are one of the few weirdo's who didn't absolutely adore Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Adaptation was 21 movies ago so it's still the Cavs. And anyone who doesn't think Adaptation was good probably thinks Ghost Rider was, and that was even more recent.

So, it's the Cavs, any way you want to slice it. Good question though.

1:16 Parker going to the line. I just find it funny that this team is still playing harder than they did at the end against the Celtics last season.

Tweet:

followthatband Lori

omg and the streak is gonna continue...............#Cavs

OMG!!!

0.27 Cavs down by 6. Reggie Miler could pull this off, why can't Jamario Moon?

Am I the only one that thinks there's a lane violation on every foul shot taken in the NBA?

Final Detroit 103 - Cavs 94

And the Cavs epic streak continues into the future.

Final Tweet:

PDcavsinsider Mary Schmitt Boyer

In a stunningly gutless performance, #Cavs lose 26th straight with 103-94 loss at the hands of Pistons. Talk about your bad boys

MSB is pissed off and she's not going to take it anymore.

The worst part of that game was having to watch it. I'll leave you with words of wisdom from TCF's own Brian McPeek: (I used a thesaurus to clarify some things)

Let's get to 30 in a row and then take our foot off the gas. It's just a nice, round number.

Because when it ends they're no less a national joke and no less a pathetic group of [poltroons] in long shorts.

12/2/10 [vituperators]. The entire roster can go [inveigle] itself.

Time to take a Beta Blocker. I'll be okay.

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