Written by Michael Kramer

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I'm sitting here waiting for the Cavs game to start and thinking that there's something else happening at 7:00 PM tonight, but I'll be damned if I can think of what it is. Oh well, whatever it is, it can't be anywhere near as compelling as this Cavs game.

Tonight, the Cavs take on the Warriors of Golden State, which is near Phoenix. New Mexico actually. The sun burns everything a soft orange color out there, hence the name "Golden State". They were going to be the Suns, but that was obviously already taken, so Warriors it is. See? You learn something new every day. Go tell your friends.

One thing you won't read in this diary is any reference to the Miami Heat and their losing streak, nor their complete inability to beat anyone that matters, nor the fact that they seem to wilt under pressure. I won't be talking about that because this is Cleveland and it has no bearing on what happens here.

It would be silly to point out LeBron continually throwing up hopeless shots at the end of games and losing, or the 3,957 fans at their games actually starting to boo. There will be no mention of members of that team crying in the locker room after their loss to the Bulls like a bunch of little bitches.

It would be pointless to bring up Dwayne Wade's whoa is me comments after the game about how now everybody can be happy that they are getting what they want (sniffle sniffle). Pointless because it has nothing to do with the Cavs, so I won't even mention it.

Nope, this is about the Cavs. And Charlie Sheen. You can be sure that if Chuck drops any more twitter gold during the game it will make the diary.

So we will start off with the injury report. Apparently, Bobbie Gibson's bruised vagina, I mean thigh, has healed enough for him to play tonight. Anyone from Golden State New Mexico who saw Boobie in the 3 point shoot-out is surely shaking in their boots, or sandals, or moccasins...whatever it is they wear down there in all that Golden State sand. I'd probably go for moccasins, myself. So comfy.

Semih Erden and Luke Harangody are both out, though, with whatever the hell injuries the Semih Erdens and Luke Harangodys of the world are afflicted with. If Lonnie Chisenhall was in town to fill in, the Cavs would be unbeatable tonight. That dude is money.

It is in that mindset that I present to you the night's first tweet, from Old Hoss himself

OldHossRadbourn Old Hoss Radbourn

Hurt playing "basket ball?" Faugh! I pitched the 1884 season with a Kiowa spear wedged in my spleen. We were playing "take their land."

And with that, let us begin:

1st Quarter:

Tweet:

PDcavsinsider Mary Schmitt Boyer

Tweeps, PD's Jodie Valade covering #Cavs again tonight for you. No worries, the Great MSB will be back tomorrow in Milwaukee.

-Holy Hell! What are we going to do now?!

11:38 Samardo Samuels damn near starts the srocing by barely missing 2 shots from around 6 inches. He's fouled and hits one of his free throws and the Cavs are on their way 1-0. Looking to pitch the shutout 96-0 if things hold up.

11:15 Oh well, there goes the shutout.

8:20   Alanzo Gee spazzes his way to a rebound and dunk. Cavs go back up by 1 9-8. It was a nice play, but I'm still not convinced Alonzo would be a starter on a contending team.

Tweet:

StepienRules Brendan Bowers

John Hollinger's got JJ and Skyenga on his all 2012 break-out team:

StepienRules proves what I have long suspected. John Hollinger doesn't actually watch basketball.

Tweet:

chaarbeezy Charlene Banzon

If we lose to the #cavs.. I'm gonna die

Promises promises

6:30 Someone on Golden State (this is such a professional column, isn't it?) throws one off the side of the backboard. I don't know if it was a pass or a shot. Either way...wow. An awesome display of basketball is going on right now at the Q.

Mark Price is in the house. On the wrong sideline, but at least he's there.

5:15 Lee from GS drops an airball from wide open. Cavs still up 13-12.

4:25 Baron Davis, on the floor for the first time tonight, is sporting a tight beard and looking svelte. Drives the lane for 2.

McCleod – Defense is not their calling card (talking about Golden State). You don't say?

2:48 JJ Hickson jumps approximately 8 feet vertically to slam down a rebound on a ball that bounced above the rim. It was damn impressive Cavs up 21-14 and looking less crappy than the Warriors.

Baron Davis really is pretty good. I love watching this guy play. What happens when the newness wears off and he gets bored again?

OH GOOD LORD! !

Sorry they just showed Louis Amundson. Man is that guy ugly. He just startled me is all.

0:02.6 JJ slams down an alley-oop from Baron Davis. The guy is the best passer the Cavs have had on the team since...well...probably LeBron. But before that it's been a long time.

Cavs end the first quarter up 30-18. Running the Warriors back to New Mexico.

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2nd Quarter:

BTW – The Tweets suck right now.

Tweet:

JTKingdon Jesse Kingdon

@warriors c'mon -- it's the #CAVS for crying out loud -- pull it together guys

Here's something you don't think about often. How bad is it when you are watching your team lose to the Cavs?

10:15 GS starts the quarter on a 7 – 3 run to close the gap.

7:50 Samardo Samuels finds Ryan Hollins who slams it home. You will never believe it, but Hollins actually looks pretty good here. 7 points in the first half in around 10 minutes.

I'm getting nothing on twitter so I'm going to mine the ESPN game thread. That will definitely be good for some hilarity. ESPN boards never let me down.

ESPN:

mparmar99 (3/8/2011 at 7:41 PM)

you guys are all stupid as ####, gs always makes a comeback and keeps it close you morons. Learn a thing or two about basketball before judging the whole game on the first quarter

Nice. There it is. Any of you morons who don't know that the juggernaut GS Warriors always make a comeback are stupid as hell. Obviously.  ESPN comments are such a wonderfully informative place.

6:16 Monta Ellis drives the lane and gets a blocking call as bodies fly everywhere. I feel bad for Monta due to his terrible skin condition. I'm sure it's not contagious, but still, It's no fun.

Tweet:

darthroseman Tom Roseman

Samardo Samuels, proving doubters wrong and showing he can play with anyone

I like Samardo, but I'm not sure taking it to David Lee and Louis Amundson is proving you can play with anyone. Just Sayin'.

5:01 Eyenga hits a jumper to put the Cavs up 41- 34. By the time I'm done typing this it's 41-38. Maybe mparmer99 was right.

2:30 Al Thornton brings the Warriors to within 1 41-40.

Wait, Does that mean that nobody has scored in 2.5 minutes? Yes. Yes it does. And I have to watch it.

I'm doing this for all of you.

1:30 Aaaaaaaaaaaand....the Cavs are losing.

1:11 Warriors up 46-43 with Thirnton going to the line. That happened fast. The Cavs have scored a whopping 11 oints so far in the 2nd quarter.

Tweet:

RealMYoung23 Michael A. Young

Byron Scott has coached Golden State back into the lead

I know. He should have never taken Alanzo Gee out of the game. What is that crazy bald dude thinking?

I've just been informed that Monta doesn't have a skin condition as much as just a crapload of tattoos. My apologies to Monta and his family. I hope I didn't cause them any unnecessary worry. I didn't even realize Ellis went to Ohio State.

Cavs are down 47-36 at the half after getting run off the floor like a high school team in the second quarter. No worries though. The Cavs always make a run a keep it close you morons. Gosh.

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Halftime:

Tweet:

SKIPdaZIP Skippy

Forgoshsakes, the #Cavs need to quit trying to be the throwdown team and stick with the fundamentals that got them that 10 point lead!

Yeah, that 10 point lead and 12 season wins. About 20 minutes ago everyone was tweeting about, well, this:

Tweet:

_BOOSH_ Jon

This shit is ridiculous. Lob city all day every day. #StartTheBeard#cavs

34 minutes ago

OK, I guess it was 34 minutes ago, but the point remains the same. How did we go from "Lob City" to stop being the "throwdown team"? Personally, I'm with BOOSH on this one. Lob City all the way for me.

Tweet:

CarrabineNH Nick Carrabine

Ramon Sessions was on a tear however In 3 games Baron Davis has played, Sessions is 8-31 from field w only 12 assists. That aint good. #Cavs

This is a good point. I feel like I have to mix in the occasional worthwhile tweet or point sometimes. I do, in fact like Sessions, and I hope that the Cavs can find a way to get both Sessions and Davis going, because that would be fun to watch.

But, ultimately I can't see how it matters. I hope Davis is fun while he lasts here, but Cleveland is just a weigh station on his trip somewhere else, be this offseason or next. He's not a future Cavs.

And Sessions really seems to me like a good PG on a bad team or a good backup PG on a contending team. I like him, but I don't think he;s the long term answer either. So I'm not going to panic if his production takes a hit at the beginning of his coexistence with the Bearded Ocho.

Hey, I kind of like that...The Bearded Ocho

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is absolutely the most Cavs related analysis you will ever get out of this moron.

Tweet Experiment:

zMileyLover17 Chandler

Watching the #Cavs (Follow me I'll propbly follow back...............)

OK zMileyLover, I'll play your silly game.

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3rd Quarter:

Tweet:

ANGIERED322 ANGIE MITCHELL

#oomf just gave me the skinny on wut sum of these celebs r doin at the #CAVS game lmaoooo grosssss lol

Is Mark Price a celebrity? And why is that gross. What the hell does this tweet mean?

10:38 Stephen Curry opens the second half scoring. Keep your eye on that kid. He has a good looking shot.

Tweet:

_BOOSH_ Jon

I don't see any headbands out there and it pisses me off

I'm starting to like this Boosh fella.

8:46 Warriors up 56-48 after a Monta ellis 3. This is unbelievable. I can't really remember the Cavs playing poorly in the 3rd quarter before. That's usually when they really turn it on. Or maybe I have that mixed up.

Doh Dah Dipiddy (c'mon)

Mark Price has tiny eyes.

Carr – "Cavaliers going through one of those scoring droughts again."

- Yeah, it started at the start of the 2nd quarter.

6:40 Curry banks one in to GS the double digit 60-49 lead. It looks like the Cavs are shooting at a smaller basket right now.

Monta Ellis and The Bearded Ocho are trading 3s. GS up 68-56 with 4:00 left in the 3rd.

3:31 The Bearded Ocho (I wonder if I can get that to stick?) hits another 3 and the GS lead is back to single digits.

Tweet:

DamonBruce Damon Bruce

BTW, #Cavs fans in the building should all be enshrined in Springfield tonight. If you're at Cavs v #Warriors you love u some#NBA hoops.

Tough to argue with that. Either you love basketball or you paid for season tickets before Lebag-O-Farts made the Douchecision. (I'm en Fuego right now).

I'd like to point out that I'm still not being followed by zMileyLover17. I think she pulled a fast one on me. Story of my life.

0:40 Ellis hits yet another 3. Retribution for smartasses making cracks about skin conditions. GS 76-63

0:00 Alonzo Gee slams home a rebound a fraction of a second before the buzzer. That was nice.

Monta Ellis has 17...in the 3rd.

End of 3rd Golden State – Cavs 65

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4th Quarter:

10:41 Hollins gets something like his 4th dunk on the night, with authoritay. He has 12 points. What the hell got into that guy tonight?

Tweet:

MMTheRook Mat MacDonald

Baron Davis decided to put how overweight he was in pounds on the back of his jersey in Cleveland. Fitting and class

Funny

I've just been informed that Golden State isn't in New Mexico like you all lead me to believe. It's actually in Oakland or something. Huh. Who knew? How can so many people get that so wrong? And what the hell is so golden about Oakland?

Anyway

8:55 Boobie Gibson dishes an Alley-oop to Hollins for yet another dunk. Hollins is playing the game of his life and the Cavs have cut the lead to 6 78-72.

Tweet:

TheJK_Kid Jason Kipnis

by alciammaichella

@TheChizKid swung the bat well today, looked solid bud..., did I see some wheels on a 3b?? I think so... legs feed the wolves!

And Jason Kipnis makes the diary with a tweet about Lonnie Chisenhall by using a quote from Miracle. That is a lot of awesome for 140 characters. Thanks for the RT Al.

8:00 Another Lob to Eyenga. Cavs within 4. I'm glad I'm on record as staying in Lob City.

Tweet:

CarrabineNH Nick Carrabine

Rumors of Ryan Hollins' demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Now let's not get crazy people.

JJ Hickson handled a pass poorly and had to go to the locker room to have his pinky sewn back on. He should just stick with catching things with his face like he's done all year.

5:54 Something called an Ekpe Udoh makes a jumper and just like that the Warriors are back up 13...87-74.

4:08 Joey Graham, who is apparently still on the team (thank God. I don't need another worthless jersey) goes to the line and cut it to 89-81. Cavs still have a chance.

3:40 Gibson blows a wide open 3 that would have cut it to 5. I wonder if his vagina err thigh is still not 100%?

ESPN:

Jeff7429 (3/8/2011 at 9:07 PM)

OFrog...Cavs purposely laid down after the 1st. qtr. I'm watching the game...they purposely tanked it. Going from 30 points in the 1st....to the 'rest' of this game ? It's so obvious.

I don't know how you can deny this. With talent like the Cavs possess there is no other conclusion than tanking when they lose.

1:40 Curry hits a jumper and that's all she wrote. GS up 95-83.

1:00 JJ's makes his glorious and triumphant return. Because why wouldn't you want to rush a guy with a dislocated finger back into the last minute of a game when you are down by 12 points? Makes all the sense in the world.

Final Golden State Warriors 95 – Cavs 85

The Bearded Ocho lead the Cavs with 19 in 31 minutes off the bench. I've become a Baron Davis fan in his short time here. I better enjoy it while it last because it's just a matter of time before he checks out and hits the buffet...hard.

Ryan Hollins played what was probably his best game as a Cav scoring 14, almost exclusively off of dunks. However, his 7'0" worthless ass still only managed to pull down 2 rebounds.

2 damn rebounds. He should be ashamed of himself. Seriously.

Losing at home the first night of a back to back is bad. Then again, the Cavs have been scaring me lately that they might have enough fight in them to finish with a few wins and climb out of the NBA cellar, and that wouldn't be good for anybody around here. Well, that crisis seems to be averted anyway.

I wonder how many Cavs are crying in the locker room right now?

I'm still waiting zMileyLover17.