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Indians Indians Archive The B-List: Haiku Contest Results
Written by Steve Buffum

Steve Buffum
It's become an annual rite of passage here at The Cleveland Fan.  The Walt Svirsky Commemorative Haiku Contest, brought to you by Steve Buffum.  This years contest drew a record number of entrants, and Buff announces the winners today during the slow time of the baseball All-Star break.  I'll be sending prizes out to each of the top three finishers, so email me your home addresses!

This year's Walt Svirsky Second Annual Commemorative Haiku Contest drew a record number of participants, surpassing last year's total by several.  Since there are no games to write about, we'll go ahead and announce the winners during the All-Star Break. 

Garnering Honorable Mention, we have three entries: first, David Shlapak: 

Kind old Roberto 
Now who will show me wisdom? 
Signed, Joe Borowski

Next, from the Land of the Yankees (although he will tell you it is really the Land of the Mets), winning the Best Entry by a Parent, Charles Buffum: 

Gone at last, no doubt
he will miss the mound -- as he
often missed the plate. 

Mr. Buffum, however, is clearly in the lead in "Ranting about Scott Schoenweiss." 

Finally, loyal reader Dave Derrenberger hits on a common theme: 

signed as free agent
oldberto's older than dirt
can you tell me why??? 

In third place, winning the traditional prize of me spelling his name correctly, Ryan Kelley manages to combine the topic with product placement: 

Shopping for Relief 
Shapiro buys Oldberto 
Next year, Mylanta 

In second place, winning the price of me not mentioning his message board user name, Bryant Brookover manages to include a second ex-Tribesman in his haiku: 

Satchel Paige was old, 
Just like our pal Oldberto, 
But Paige didn't suck.

And finally, winning the grand prize of something yet to be determined, our very own Brad Adams, also from the Land of Yankees, Mets, and Isiah Thomas chimes in with a pair of selections.  (It was actually a trio, but the third was not prizeworthy.)  The first is the official prize winner, but the second acted as tiebreaking force, relegating Bryant to "Wait'll Next Year" territory, which, now that I think about it, is very Indians as well. 

Many run bases, 
too many find their way home, 
Alas, so must you.

Older than water, 
now older than dirt itself, 
Bert, your name is mud. 

Thanks to everyone who entered: here are the other entries. 

Mickey Ferguson 

Oldberto is gone 
Thanks for your efforts, buh-bye 
Can Rouse be next - PLEASE?

Brad Adams 

Fastballs go too slow, 
Curves that hang, sinkers unsunk, 
pack that junk, Buff'lo. 
Dave Derrenberger 

cleaning the cupboard
mark sent oldberto away
get rid of rouse too 

since westbrook is back
oldberto was sent bye-bye
too bad, so sad, not 

good-bye hernandez
now you go suck some place else

hernandez is gone
why did it take until june???
shapiro's a fool 

Greg Popelka 

Future's in the past.
But, can't call him Oldberto;
he's younger than I! 

(Author's note: he's the same age as me, which is how I know he is Officially Old.) 

"Charles Nagy" 

Blown leads aplenty
E.R.A close to your age
Smell ya later Rob 

(Author's note: this entry also wins the subcategory, "Best Entry by the Inventor of the Charles Nagy Face) 

Ryan Kelley 

Oldberto Fired! 
Now who will make Joe look good... 
Return of Shuey? 
Baltimore will deal 
A bucket of balls will do 
Wedge loves the Pornstache

Ellen Kratofil 

Oldberto, said he 
you are a fungus (or spore) 
there's the door, buh bye

An ode to an olm 
a pitcher named Oldberto 
we hardly knew ya

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