Written by Steve Buffum

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The offense is still AWOL. The back end of the bullpen is still a mess. The Indians are in the midsts of their fourth three game losing streak in the seasons first month. And we suffered another painful loss last night. The team is frustrated. The fans are frustrated. The B-List is frustrated. Hey ... at least we got Cliff Lee on the bump tonight.

FINAL	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E
Mariners (13-14)	0	0	1	0	1	0	0	0	5	7	15	0
Indians (12-15) (4th 3 GB CHW)	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	2	8	2

 

I have decided to put 30% more effort into today’s column than the Indians deserve.

1) Blah™

Blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah balhdiddy blah blah, blah blah blah: blah blah 14:4 GO:FO ratio, but blah blah blah 4 walks. Blah blah blah release point blah blah boodely blah blah blah. Blah blah blah 3 for extra bases, and 58 strikes in 103 pitches is blah blahdy blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah defense, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

2) Blah boodely blah

Blah blah blah blah hands of stone blah blah blah, blah blah blah Asdrubal Cabrera blah blah Jhonny Peralta. Blah blah boodely blah!

3) One of two actual coherent points

When your #8 hitter collects three hits and steals a base, and your #1 and #2 hitters each have a pair of hits, including 3 aggregate DOUBLES, don’t you have to score at least three of four runs by accident?

Of Cleveland’s eight hits, these three men (Franklin Gutierrez, Grady Sizemore, David Dellucci) collected SEVEN of them. Victor Martinez had a hit, but so what?

4) Boodely boodely boodely

Boodely boodely blah blah boodely blah. Blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Boodely boodely, blah blah, wooden leg named “Smith.” Blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah moogly.

5) Blah blah boodely blah wah-wah boodely

Blah blah blah blah blah blah Kobayashi blah blah Perez blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah!

6) One of two actual coherent points

Why do we have twelve pitchers on this roster? That’s just unspeakably dumb. At least I understand the point of having a second lefty in the pen … except if it is to bring him in to face nothing but right-handed hitters. Craig Breslow did not do a tremendous job last night, insofar as giving up three hits and a walk while retiring one hitter is pretty damned shitty, but the man hasn’t pitched in a long time and wasn’t put in a situation conducive to actual success. And then they brought in Mastny … to end up facing the left-handed Raul Ibanez! Mastny actually DID do a pretty good job, retiring both of the batters he faced, except for the egregious error by Jhonny Blahralta, so only one out was actually recorded. With runners on base, no less.

Why wasn’t Mastny brought in in the first place? More to the point, why is he on the boodely roster in the first place? He’s valuable or he’s not. If he’s not, go get me a Francisco of some sort and send him back to Beefalo. If he is, how ‘bout he pitch more than 25 innings this season? Make up your blahdiddy mind.

7) Blah blahdiddy blah

Blah blah blah blah Wankel rotary engine blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah: blah blah blah blah blah blah boodely blah. Blah blah Ryan Garko blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

8) Mostly Blah Stateblah for the Blah Blah Engine

Mark Shapiro blah blah blah blah blah, boodely kumquat blah blah blah blah Coppertone blah blah blah blah chicken salad. Fire Eric Blah.