Written by Cris Sykes

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Here is another look at the world revoloving around Major League Baseball through the eyes of either a has been or a never was.

Syke Ward

                
Killer B Bench Bunch…  The San Diego Padres bench consists of 5 players.  4 of those players last name start with a B, and all 4 are switch hitters.  Blum, Bard, Bellhorn, and Bowen.  All managed by Bruce Bochy.  That gives them a solid 3.0 GPA.  Unfortunately it also gives them a bench that hits like they are trying to swing the bat at a bee.
 
Stupid, stupid, stupid… So the Kansas City Royals are out trying to break the MLB record for losses in a season.  Too bad for them, they get to play the Cleveland Indians 19 times.  After taking 2 of 3 from the Tribe a couple of weeks back, they swept a 3 game series with Cleveland.  The Royals have 10 wins in 32 contests.  That is bad.  They have 5 wins in 6 games against Cleveland.  Could Buddy Bell have the secret formula to shutting down the Indians? 
 
More Royal Bewilderment… In taking the first 2 games from Cleveland, they have gotten a total of 4 1/3 innings out of their starting pitching, and won both games.  Reliever Mike Wood got the win in game 1.  It is the second time this year he has entered a game against Cleveland and both times he pitched exactly 4 1/3 innings, and allowed 3 hits and no runs.  Two different Royals, John Buck and Aaron Guiel have hit their first HR of the season this week against Cleveland.  John Buck has 16 hits in 63 at bats this year.  8 of those hits have come in 12 at bats against Cleveland.  He only has 8 hits against everyone else in 51 at bats.
 
Who’s hot… The San Diego Padres have began their annual May run to the top of the NL West, winning 9 of their last 10.  In that stretch they have made up 3 games on division leader Colorado.  With their next 11 games against teams below .500, things should continue to trend upward for the Padres.  Also winning 9 of 10 are those fighting Phillies.  On the down side, they will play 11 of their next 14 against teams currently residing in first place.
 
Who’s not… The Cubbies.  Those poor little Cubs.  They are losers in 8 straight games.  They started the year 9-5, but have gone just 5-13 since losing Derek Lee to a broken wrist.  Greg Maddux has not even been immune to the bug, losing his last 2 decisions after winning his first 5.  Staff ace Carlos Zambrano has yet to win a game on the season and is in the top 3 in the NL in walks allowed.  On the bright side, Kerry Wood and Mark Prior are throwing.
 
Way to go Topps… Think the card collecting days have come to an end with the flooding of the market over recent years?  Well, Topps has come up with a solution.  All you have to do is “accidentally” produce a card that breaks an agreement with Major League Baseball on what players can be used, “accidentally” leak the fact that those cards have been produced and shipped to Wal Mart stores, then tell everyone we only “accidentally” produced 100 of them.  This will be sure to drive up sales.  In case you are wondering, the card to have is the 2006 Alex Gordon card.  Reports say most have been discovered, but you never know.
 
Delmon Young update… Well the International League has decided on the suspension of Mr. Bat Tosser.  50 games.  That isn’t bad, but the reason it was not longer, is they have no video of him actually throwing the bat.  This means they will not say he intentionally threw it with intent to hit the umpire.  Apperantly, none of the 50 or so players, other 2 umpires, the umpire that was looking directly at him, or any of probably a few thousand fans were able to give a straight answer.  Or maybe nobody was asked.  In the replay, it sure looks as though Delmon begins to spin back toward the ump on his way out of the frame, but you cannot tell for sure.  Oh well, I guess 50 will have to do. 
 
Psst, Angels… You know, that 5 sided, odd shaped object between those 2 white boxes you stand in.  That is called home plate.  Every time you cross over it, you get what is called a run.  The more of these runs you get, the better chances you have of winning a game.  In your last 12 games, you have only managed to cross that plate 32 times and thus only managed to win 2 of those games.  Maybe this little tutorial will help to refresh your minds.  After making contact with that round, white object someone keep throwing in your direction, you run 90 feet, at a slight angle, to the right.  Once you occupy this area, there are two more square white objects you must come in contact with, each 90 feet apart from the previous one.  They form 3 sides of the “diamond”.  Maybe you have heard of that term.  Once you touch all three, you only have one more stretch of 90 feet to go.  Hope this helps.
 
Loser, by TKO… Jason Kendall.  No not for the actual fight, where he charged the mound even after being MISSED, by a CURVEBALL, for calling MLB a badminton league.  How dare those jerks suspend me for starting a bench-clearing brawl because the pitcher “showed him up”.  John Lackey threw him a curveball, Kendall got out of the way and Lackey said something along the lines of “what difference would it make with all the armor you wear in the batter’s box”.  I guess Kendall took offense and charged.  What would he have done if he were actually hit with the pitch?  Taken the bat with him.  Take your 4 games and shut up.  You are a slap hitting sissy, who is hitting .240.
 
Time for a maintenance check… The New York Yankees Big Unit might be in need of some repair work.  With an ERA over 5 coming in, he allowed 7 runs in 3 2/3 IP against the hated Red Sox.  Luckily for the Unit, his defense was bad enough that only 2 of those runs where earned so he actually lowered his ERA from 5.02 to 5.01.  The Unit walked 5, allowed 5 hits and only struck out 3 in his 92-pitch outing.  Oh well, I am sure George will buy someone to pick up the slack.
 
Maybe NL managers… need to take the Wonderlic test.  They have to be about the dumbest group of people in the history of mankind.  Let me provide some insight.  DO NOT, under any circumstance, allow your pitchers to throw strikes to Albert Pujols.  They guy is sickening.  Pujols is currently hitting .327.  He has 18 home runs, and 43 runs batted in.  I don’t care what the situation is, you should never throw him a strike.  When you do he is homering once in every 6 at bats.  That means if you pitch to him every at bat in a game, he will homer at least twice in a 3 game series.  Every 3 game series.  He also drives in a run about every 3 at bats.  To be honest, those are not even the sickening numbers.  Guess what he is hitting with runners in scoring position.  519.  Yes over half the time he comes up with a guy on second or third, he gets a hit.  RISP with 2 outs you might ask.  556.  Late inning pressure situations?  .625.  How about LIPS, and men on base? .667.  How can walking this guy possibly be a negative for your team?

Special shout-out... To New York Mets shortstop Jose Reyes.  I must admit it has been a long time, so we were probably due for one of these, but how do you get fooled by the fake to third, throw to first move in the Major Leagues?  Phillies pitcher Brett Myers pulled off the trick in their game last night.  Wow.