Aaron Boone made his seventh error on the season, putting him on pace to be Corey Smiff. On the other hand, he is hitting right-handed pitching (the more sommon kind) at a .221/.287/.279 clip, with 0 HRs or triples and five doubles, putting him on pace to be Jerry Dybzinski. I am not clamoring for the Andy Marte Era, since he himself is sucking pretty significantly in Beefalo, something Boone has never done, but I am beginning the clamor for the Someone, Anyone Else Era. If it happens to be Marte, so be it. Lou Merloni might work. Boutros Boutros-Ghali, perhaps. All I'm saying is that we're closing in on a significant sample size, and the sample politely whispers, "Suck."
For this, Boone had better be one very serious clubhouse leader, like he buys all the pizza and scrapes guys' cleats and the whole bit. (I misspelled "impertinently screams" in the last sentence of the previous paragraph.)
5) The insidious threat
Long-time fans know what I mean by the term "Kenny Lofton Disease," in which the speedy leadoff center fielder cranks a couple of balls over the wall, forgets that he is, in fact, the speedy leadoff center fielder, and ends up with forty-three consecutive popups before remembering that, hey, he's not really a power hitter atter all.
Grady Sizemore is not Kenny Lofton, and does have some legitimate power, but I am too much a Cleveland fan not to have at least thought of the idea. The home run turned out to be the winning run, so huzzahs all around, but ... it's just hard to suppress the reaction, y'know?
6) I never doubted them for a minute!
For several weeks, yes, but not for a minute: the bullpen threw 3 shutout innings to preserve the win, with Cabrera striking out two Royals, Sauerbeck striking out the pinch-hitter on four pitches, Betancourt throwing 22 of 24 pitches for strikes (2 hits and only 1 K, but one hit was an infield single and it was a shutout inning nonetheless), and Wickman Wickmanizing. Yes, Ferd gave up the inherited run, but I am confident when I see any of Cabrera, Betancourt, or Wickman on the hill.
Sauerbeck ... come on, be honest, how many of you were sanguine about Sauerbeck facing Matt Stairs? Anyone? Credit where credit is due, as he did his job (well), Kudos. Now if only Wedge would call my cell phone when he gets 'beck up so I can take my acid-reducing medicine in time.
7) A madness to the method
Yes, Wickman gave up a hit and a walk, but I contend the walk doesn't really count. After Mientkiewicz was sacrificed to second, Wickman saw first base open and decided he'd rather have Matt Stairs there than in the batter's box. I know the box score doesn't say "IBB," but I'm telling you, it was an intentional base on balls.
Of course, he went 3-2 to the alien abduction version of John Buck (2 more hits) before punching him out, but it makes all kind of sense to pitch to Buck, even the abducted version, instead of Roly Poly Stairs. I love Merely Big Bob.
8) Our ducks, they are dwarfed by your preponderence thereof
Leaving 8 on base, including 4 in scoring position, isn't very good. Grady himself saw three of the four die. But the Royals left thirteen on base, including a mind-boggling eight in scoring position. Think about that. That's basically one an inning. In scoring position. That's so bad it ... reminds me of the Indians. (That's bad.)
9) Well, it wasn't really that many
Sure, we left 8 and 4 out there, but only because we had TWO GUYS THROWN OUT AT HOME. That's doubleplus ungood. You know Jason Michaels' arm is in OUR outfield, right?
10) I am ready for the "infield singles" to stop