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Indians Indians Archive The B-List: Eric Wedge Haiku Contest Results
Written by Steve Buffum

Steve Buffum
The results of the first ever Eric Wedge Haiku contest are in, and we got some very creative entries. The winner was Jon Cooper, who will be getting something from the Swerbs Blurbs online store in his mailbox this week. Check out Jon's winning haiku, and some of the other best entries here.  The results are in, and the overwhelming conclusion: Eric Wedge is a better haiku topic than manager.  I'm not sure how to interpret that.
The panel of judges (consisting of ... me) have chosen the Top Three: in third place, a fan favorite from The Orange and Brown Report, Ryan "Pol Pot" Kelley:
Westbrook in too long
Is the Porn Stash Growing Back?
Fix this team now, Wedge
In second place, the proud winning of me spelling his name correctly, is Jason Laurianti:
Oh, Mr. Eric Wedge
Does the bullpen call your name?
No, just Danny Graves
And finally, with the top haiku, and the winner of whatever I can talk Rich into giving him, Mr. (I assume) Jonathan Cooper:
Nurture young talent
Squander opportunities
Lather, rinse, repeat
Thanks to everyone who entered: we'll do this again some time later in the season.  I would say for Danny Graves, but ... well, what is there to say?
Call him The Mullet:
How can he pitch much longer
With forks in his back?
His fastball is not.
His slider?  It does not slide.
He is a fungus.
(Here are the other entries: I hope you enjoy them as much as I did)
Matt Taafe channels Stewie:
What the deuce was that?
Victor threw Ozuna out?
How embarrassing.

Elliot Garvey:
I am manager
I am not sure what to do
I will leave him in

Cris Sykes:
Wake up Eric Wedge
Westbrook just hung a curveball
Gone, over the wall
Where is Eric Wedge
Did he forget last year
April wins count too
The 'stache is no more
Now the offense can score
Winning is the chore
(note: honorable mention for "rhyming haiku")
Pitching can be fixed
You pull starters in the 6th
Graves has no more tricks
Tony Lastoria:
A change is needed
But Shapiro is my bud
I'm going nowhere

Walt Svirsky:
All-American Boy
Porn Star mustache feels sticky
Got no Soup Coolers
38 years young
Catches Wakefield with one hand
Pride of "The Shockers"
King of the Backstops
Taught V-Mart how to whip it
Why not "whip it good?"
Believes in the Vets
Still has Juan Gone's phone number
Dreams of Paul Shuey
Fave flick, "Kiss Me Kate"
Went yard 5 times in The Show
Don't call me Melvin!

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