The results of the first ever Eric Wedge Haiku contest are in, and we got some very creative entries. The winner was Jon Cooper, who will be getting something from the Swerbs Blurbs online store in his mailbox this week. Check out Jon's winning haiku, and some of the other best entries here.
The results are in, and the overwhelming conclusion: Eric Wedge is a better haiku topic than manager. I'm not sure how to interpret that.
The panel of judges (consisting of ... me) have chosen the Top Three: in third place, a fan favorite from The Orange and Brown Report, Ryan "Pol Pot" Kelley:
Westbrook in too long Is the Porn Stash Growing Back? Fix this team now, Wedge
In second place, the proud winning of me spelling his name correctly, is Jason Laurianti:
Oh, Mr. Eric Wedge Does the bullpen call your name? No, just Danny Graves
And finally, with the top haiku, and the winner of whatever I can talk Rich into giving him, Mr. (I assume) Jonathan Cooper:
Nurture young talent Squander opportunities Lather, rinse, repeat
Thanks to everyone who entered: we'll do this again some time later in the season. I would say for Danny Graves, but ... well, what is there to say?
Call him The Mullet: How can he pitch much longer With forks in his back?
His fastball is not. His slider? It does not slide. He is a fungus.
(Here are the other entries: I hope you enjoy them as much as I did)
Matt Taafe channels Stewie:
What the deuce was that? Victor threw Ozuna out? How embarrassing.
Elliot Garvey:
I am manager I am not sure what to do I will leave him in
Cris Sykes: Wake up Eric Wedge Westbrook just hung a curveball Gone, over the wall
Where is Eric Wedge Did he forget last year April wins count too
The 'stache is no more Now the offense can score Winning is the chore (note: honorable mention for "rhyming haiku")
Pitching can be fixed You pull starters in the 6th Graves has no more tricks
Tony Lastoria:
A change is needed But Shapiro is my bud I'm going nowhere
Walt Svirsky: All-American Boy Porn Star mustache feels sticky Got no Soup Coolers
38 years young Catches Wakefield with one hand Pride of "The Shockers"
King of the Backstops Taught V-Mart how to whip it Why not "whip it good?"
Believes in the Vets Still has Juan Gone's phone number Dreams of Paul Shuey
Fave flick, "Kiss Me Kate" Went yard 5 times in The Show Don't call me Melvin!