Dear Tribe Fan: Many of the articles you read on this web site deal with the fun and excitement that goes along with our favorite baseball team. This article, I must warn, is very different. It deals with a growing epidemic in Cleveland and its surrounding areas. An outbreak of FOBS (Front Office Bullshit Syndrome) is serious, and is something that all sensible Tribe fans are seeing in others. What is worse is that many infected with the disease are completely unaware they are infected. Dear Tribe Fan:

Many of the articles you read on this web site deal with the fun and excitement that goes along with our favorite baseball team. This article, I must warn, is very different. It deals with a growing epidemic in Cleveland and its surrounding areas. An outbreak of FOBS (Front Office Bullshit Syndrome) is serious, and is something that all sensible Tribe fans are seeing in others. What is worse is that many infected with the disease are completely unaware they are infected. Please go through the brief checklist below and see if you are at risk of losing all sense of reality:

• When confronted by your boss about your arrival to work at 11am, you tell him he needs to “respect the length of the day” and that “your best work that day is ahead of you.” You are then fired.

• Your truly believe Jim Thome will be in a nursing home in 2008

• When your wife asks about a possible summer vacation to the Caribbean, you immediately bring up the realities of your family’s market size and offer up a weekend at Geneva on the Lake

• You traded your Cavs-Pistons playoff tickets for Vancouver Winter Olympic speed skating tickets in 2010

• You consider a 3-year contract “long-term”

• You think the Indians will go 29-1 in August

• You are still blown away by the fact we stole both Jody Gerut and Josh Bard for Jacob Cruz. Man, those are two core players!

• You see the value of opening a steakhouse that will serve only lunchmeat until you are in the black. Those bastard customers have to come to my restaurant!

• The Indians need a leadoff hitter. When friends talk of signing or trading for someone, you suggest moving Trevor Crowe to second base as the answer. He is in Single A.

• You have uttered this sentence sometime over the past four months: “Howry and Mota are a wash.”

• When asked the question “Will Travis Hafner or C.C. Sabathia be an Indian in 2009?”, you say any of the following:

-“Yes”

-“We don’t know yet”

-“Let’s wait and see”

• You are still not experiencing side-effects such as nausea, constipation, and periodic blackouts upon hearing Bob DiBiasio’s voice

• When receiving a recent dinner bill at Applebee’s, you happily tell your server that you will spend when the time is right. You skip out on the check.


On behalf of all sane Tribe fans, we appreciate you taking the time to read. If you answered yes to even one of the questions, please get in touch with us at Swerbs Blurbs. The disease is fully curable with one swift kick in the ass, and in extreme cases, two. The sooner you are evaluated, the sooner we can bring you over to the other side. The side that will put pressure on this organization to make our beloved Indians better. Please do not delay. Every day wasted is another day of spin.

Fellow Tribe Fan,

Jarad Regano