j) Adrian Beltre and Matt Lawton's black bag for Sauerbeck and Andy Marte
i) Carl Pavano and Randy Johnson's cane for Sauerbeck and Jeremy Sowers
h) Kyle Lohse
g) Jason Grimsley and 6 pounds of cactus
f) Alfonso Soriano, Jose Guillen, and an anger management counselor for Sauerbeck, Grady Sizemore, Ron Belliard, Cliff Lee, and a restraining order keeping Eric Wedge at least 50 miles from RFK stadium at all times
e) Kyle Lohse and Nick Punto
d) Russ Ortiz
c) David Wells an 60 cases of beer for Sauerbeck and 40 cases of wine
b) Doug Mientkiewicz and Asterix Burgos-Ghali for Sauerbeck and Ben Broussard
a) Two Kyle Lohses
I do not envy Mark Shapiro in this case, except insofar as these offers deserve roughly equal consideration.