Written by Steve Buffum

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At this point, the question must seriously be raised that the 2011 Cleveland Indians series is actually being scripted by one of the writers of “Friday Night Lights,” or perhaps “Parks and Recreation.”  How do you explain a game in which the Tribe wins after making three horrifying errors and getting only five hits?  A game in which the game-winning homer comes off the bat of the AAA callup with no exhibited power?  A game in which two guys scored on a stolen base attempt, which was actually terrible?  Par for the course.

 

 

FINAL	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E
Reds (25-20)	0	0	2	0	0	2	0	0	0	4	7	1
Indians (27-15)	0	0	0	0	0	4	0	1	X	5	5	3

W: Pestano (1-0)           L: Bray (1-1)      S: C. Perez (11)

 

FINAL	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E
Reds (25-21)	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	1	4	0
Indians (28-15)	0	0	0	0	0	0	2	0	X	2	5	0

W: Tomlin (6-1)              L: H. Bailey (3-1)            S: C. Perez (12)

 

FINAL	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E
Reds (25-22)	1	0	0	1	0	2	0	0	0	4	9	1
Indians (29-15)	4	1	2	0	0	1	4	0	X	12	13	2

W: Carrasco (3-2)          L: Volquez (3-2)

 

That made no sense at all.  No sense at all.
-- E. Presley, “Having Fun with Elvis on Stage”

 

1) The Failed Pitch Meeting

 

I want to engage in a bit of role-playing here, in which you are the television executive, and I am selling you a script.  The challenge is for you to identify the precise point at which I am thrown forcibly from your office.

 

Okay, so there’s this team, right, and they’re not suppose to be very good, except the stars have aligned and things just seem to work out for them, right?  One of those “lovable lugs” setups.  So the rookie pitcher, he goes out and he’s really only got two major-league-quality pitches, a fastball and a splitter, but he’s been working in this breaking pitch to try to become more reliable.  So, of course, what happens is, he’s tooling along, he gives up one hit in the first two innings, gets a couple of swinging Ks, and then after a third swinging K, he throws one of these breaking pitches, and his finger snaps off at the root, he hops around the infield, but says, “No, coach, I can make it!” and continues to pitch.  Alas, his one-fingered splitter is not as effective, and the spurting blood makes it hard to control the fastball, and he walks the next three guys.

 

But wait!  Just when all seems lost, he induces the inning-ending double play to the athletic young first baseman, but no!  The first baseman wheels and throws the second-worst throw of the weekend into left field!  The horror!  Two runs score!  The team is devastated!  The fans are dumbstruck!  The pitcher is doomed!  And yet, he retires the next two hitters before gallantly being carried off the field on a … well, no, he hurt his finger, he walks off, but before he goes, he says, “Guys, win this one …” well, no, he doesn’t actually say anything, except maybe, “Ow.”  But he leaves, and goes on the disabled list, and we won’t be seeing him any time soon.

 

And so the erstwhile young reliever comes out, shuts down the opposition for two innings, until he, too is victimized by an error.  Well, that and the two singles he gave up.  And the wild pitch by the next guy.  And the single the guy allows.  Anyway, they give up two more runs, and it looks pretty incompetent in any event.

 

Meanwhile, the other team’s pitcher is throwing a no-hitter.  The only guy to reach base is a fellow who drew a walk.  The first batter of the 6^th grounds out, bringing up the worst-slumping guy on the whole roster, who only got to play because others are hurt and he’s right-handed and the manager is insane.  But wait!  He laces a single to center!  And the next guy follows with the weakest-looking bloop imaginable!  Could this be the start of something?

 

It can!  A single!  An error!  A heroic walk!  A veteran-savvy hit by pitch!  The kind of RBI walk you only read about in magazines!  A sacrifice fly like no other!  Okay, like many, many others, but suddenly, the game is tied!  The team scores three runs without anyone actually getting a hit, or, in fact, an official AB!  But the inning is over, and the score is but tied.  Is there more magic left in the plucky gang of lovable mugs?

 

After two quick outs, the left-handed All-Star is left to face the left-handed reliever, only he wallops a triple to the wall!  This sets up the heroics for the catcher who hit the walk-off grand slam a month ago!  But the evil opposing manager, a man so foul that he actually chews on wood, intentionally walks the catcher and brings in a right-handed reliever to face the hulking (but plucky!) designated hitter.

 

Our hero manager reacts by bringing in a speedy left-handed pinch-hitter, bringing up the question as to whether the hulking (but plucky!) right-handed DH was actually talented enough to hit 5^th in the order.  The speedy left-hander is making his major-league debut.  He has never appeared in the majors before.  He is eleven years old and weighs one hundred thirteen pounds.  And on the first pitch (yes, the first pitch!), he sends a towering … wait, let me check my notes … no!  It’s a bunt!  Just like Jake Taylor!  Except it’s actually a good bunt, and the guy can actually run, and the fielder doesn’t have a porn moustache!  Sure, he runs a bit out of the baseline, but he evades the tag!  The go-ahead run scores!  The fans go wild!

 

But wait!  There is still a ninth inning to get through.  The wild-haired closer comes in.  He faces the opponent’s DH, who is hitting like a house on fire, in that people avoid him and then he collapses into rubble, leaving only a bathtub and charred photos behind.  He can’t hit.  But the closer walks him.  An internet columnist goes insane!  The next man flies out.  And then the last hitter, a oft-Mohawked gentleman, smashes the ball right through the … no, wait!  It’s snared by the pitcher!  The terrible hitter is doubled off first!  The team wins!  The team wins!

 

And then the next night, they win because a guy who does not hit home runs hits a home runs, and then the next day, two guys score on a stolen base, and … wait … hey … those are my notes … wait … put me down!  Put me down!  You’ll hear from my lawyer!

 

*toss*

 

2) Showdown at the PF Corral

 

It would be hard to argue that Josh Tomlin pitched appreciably better than Homer Bailey, because he didn’t.  I don’t think either team would argue that the other guy’s pitcher wasn’t “spot on” Saturday.  Through six innings, Bailey allowed one hit and no walks.  Tomlin allowed 2 hits and one walk.  Neither guy missed bats worth a damn, but both froze guys with well-placed fastballs and knee-buckling curves.  Go watch the highlights: their curves that got called strikes three were awfully similar and quite excellent.

 

In the end, Bailey’s “one bad pitch” was a lot worse than Tomlin’s, in that it went for a two-run homer and lost the game.  Tomlin’s run came on a hit batsman, a single, and a groundout.  That’s it.  That was the extent of Cincinnati’s “rallying.”

 

Here’s how effective Tomlin was: Vinnie Pestano was summoned to hold the lead in the 8^th, which is a perfectly reasonable thing for the right-handed setup man to do.  7 full innings, that’s a very fine start.  Tomlin had thrown EIGHTY-FIVE PITCHES.  I think Alex White threw that many in the 3^rd inning Friday.

 

The HBP goes to illustrate the point that a great deal of Tomlin’s success comes from keep guys from getting on base without having to hit the ball.  After Tomlin’s first two starts, which featured 3 walks apiece, Tomlin has pitched 46 innings and walked a grand total of 4 guys.  His 8 homers allowed have been limited in their damage because he’s not giving up a lot of baserunners.  As long as he can limit the number of guys who don’t have to smack their way on, the fact that few can smack their way on leads to a lot of success.

 

The amazing thing about Tomlin’s season to date is that his season-high in pitches is 104.  He’s only hit triple-digit pitch counts twice, yet has not failed to complete at least six innings in each of his nine starts.  This is part of why I compared him to Paul Byrd, who used to be very stingy with the free passes and also got through games without high pitch counts because he threw strikes people couldn’t hit very well.

 

Anyway, hats off to Bailey, who also looked really good, but no better than Tomlin did.

 

3) Contractual Obligation

 

Carlos Carrasco was the other starting pitcher. 

 

4) Fright with Numbers

 

Of the six hits Carrasco allowed Sunday, all six were for extra bases.

 

In neither of his two appearances did Chris Perez throw as many strikes as balls.

 

Cleveland first basemen made 11 plate appearances without getting on base one time.  They did manage to strike out three times, however.

 

Cleveland fielders made more errors than … well … look, they made a lot of errors.

 

5) Drooby Doo!

 

It is hard to overstate the crunchy goodness that came off the bat of Asdrubal Cabrera this weekend.  In addition to a perfect 5-for-5 Sunday in which he lauched two homers, he also singled in the 7^th off Bailey to provide the runner for Travis Buck to drive home with his homer, and drew the walk off Travis Wood that helped lead the cascade effect in the 6^th on Friday.

 

For the season, Cabrera is now hitting .302/.363/.522.  His OPS leads all … I mean ALL … major-league shortstops with enough PA to qualify for the batting title.  AL.  NL.  All.  Leads them in runs.  Leads them in RBI.  Second place in homers.  It’s good.

 

But for a moment of perspective, consider this:

 

Shortstop One: .302/.363/.522, 9 HR, 2 3B, 9 2B, 13:27 BB:K
Shortstop Two: .295/.352/.507, 7 HR, 2 3B, 6 2B, 13:23 BB:K

 

Sure, Shortstop Two is in second place in OPS, he’s having a good season, too.

 

He is Jhonny Peralta.

 

6) Bullpen Rundown

 

Running out of time, we’re go rapid fire here.

 

The VFP came in Saturday, gave up a single, then struck out the next three hitters.  Each of them swung and missed at two pitches.  Pestano threw 11 strikes: 3 were watched, one was hit, and SEVEN were missed entirely.  He also “won” Friday night’s game by virtue of having had been on the mound before Zeq Carrera’s game-winning bunt.

 

Chris Perez collected two saves, but without more strikes, shall not be getting a Christmas card from the Buffum family.

 

Frank Herrmann ate innings with admirable aplomb.

 

Josh Judy made his major-league debut.  He gave up a pair of hits, but no runs.  Eh.

 

Joe Smiff threw strikes and got outs.  Funny how that works.  He did let an inherited runner score, but 5 outs to 1 hit is a fine ratio.

 

Chad Durbin drove me insane, then he stopped.  I liked the second part more than the first.

 

Tony Sipp and Raffy Perez were fine, as expected.  Their ERAs are 1.33 and 1.13 respectively.  I am trying to remember the last time I trusted TWO left-handed relievers in the Cleveland bullpen.  I am failing.

 

7) Credit Where Credit is Due Dept.

 

Mike Brantley went 3-for-4 in the Sunday laugher.

 

Shin-Soo Choo went 2-for-3 with a walk.  Choo has a 9-game hitting streak going, which has raised his average  nearly 30 points.

 

Lou Marson scored a run.

 

Carlos Santana had seven plate appearances out of twelve which ended in him NOT hitting the ball (3 BB, 4 K).

 

Austin Kearns hit a triple.