Written by Jonathan Knight

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If our lives depended on it, we couldn’t recite more than three words of the Gettysburg Address or the preamble of the Constitution, and we couldn’t tell you the years in which any American military conflict was fought other than the War of 1812. And we’re not exactly sure when our mom’s birthday is – was it the fifth or the sixth?

But we can rattle off lines of Major League verbatim at the drop of a Tribe cap.

Some would say our priorities are misplaced. I’d argue that this is what happens when people as fiercely loyal and preposterously unrewarded as us are given something lasting to get excited about.

Take this little exchange between two of the bleacher fans in the movie (the ones who sit in front of the giant teepee in center field) that was in the original script:

JOHNNY

You read the Plain Dealer today?

they said this is gonna be the worst

Indian team we've had in years.

THELMA

Everybody laughs at the Indians now,

but there were other times. Even won

the Series in '48. Then Willie Mays

made that catch on Vic Wertz in the

'54 Series and Cleveland's never

been the same since.

JOHNNY

As the Indians go so goes Cleveland, huh?

THELMA

If we ever lost the Indians, Cleveland would die.

 

Tell me this isn’t the greatest movie ever made. Shit that didn’t make it in still makes us love it.

And keep in mind, this smattering of dialogue was written in the late 1980s, before Jacobs Field was even a glint in the taxpayer’s eye.

So in honor of the film that we cherish more than what’s-her-name we took to senior prom (and the fantastic recent Sports Illustrated article on its lasting impact) let’s play a little game.

Let’s see how well you really know Major League beyond “juuuust a bit outside” and the “Wild Thing” song. Here are 50 questions about the movie – and its well-meaning but clearly inferior sequel – to prove how obsessive you are.

No cheating by popping in the DVD or Google-ing for the answers - Lou Brown is watching you from the Tire World up in heaven.

The correct answers will appear beneath the question with a click and a drag of the cursor. Keep track of your correct answers and compare them with your equally obsessed friends. And if any of them think this is silly, then clearly they’re not your friend anymore.

Here we go…

MAJOR LEAGUE

What real Plain Dealer writer’s column is visible on the edition announcing that Rachel Phelps has taken over ownership of the Indians?

Bill Livingston

What minor-league team did Lou Brown manage for 30 years?

Toledo Mud Hens

What team did the Indians defeat in the regular-season finale to force the one-game playoff with the Yankees?

Chicago White Sox (in the original script it was the Tigers)

What was the final score of the one-game playoff with the Yankees?

3-2

What was the name of the Yankee slugger who homers twice off Rick Vaughn in the regular season before getting struck out in the playoff?

Haywood

What were the speed readings of Vaughn’s three pitches in the final game?

97, 99, 101

What was the name of Lynn’s douchebag fiancé?

Tom

Where is Lynn’s wedding to be held?

All Saints on Euclid

When is Lynn’s wedding to be held?

October 3 (in the original script, this was the same day as the Indians-Yankees playoff… there was a scene where Jake and his teammates meet Lynn at the church in full uniform before the game, holding their bats aloft for her to walk through)

What country did Pedro Cerrano defect from for religious freedom?

Cuba

In the American Express commercial, who is the only player not to put an Indians’ cap on his head?

Rick Vaughn

What’s the name of the Indians’ general manager who’s forced to endure the season sitting next to Rachel Phelps?

Charlie Donovan

For what team was Jake Taylor an All-Star?

Boston

What league is Jake Taylor playing in when the Indians contact him?

Mexican League

What city does Rachel Phelps want to move the Indians to?

Miami

What league did Rick Vaughn play in before coming to the Indians?

California Penal

If you get a red tag in your locker, Jake Taylor explains, it means you…

Just died and went down to the minors

What swimming event did Lynn specialize in?

200-meter individual medley

What is the Indians’ record when Lou Brown learns of Rachel Phelps’ plans to move the team?

60-61

How many victories does Lou Brown it will take from that point to win the division (and thus, how many pieces of the cardboard Rachel Phelps’ dress are torn off following each victory)?

32

What is the name of the Indians’ junkball pitcher who starts the one-game playoff against the Yankees?

Eddie Harris

Which Indian is on base when Pedro Cerrano hits the game-tying home run in the Yankee playoff?

Roger Dorn

When Jake calls the phony number Lynn gave him, what local company’s office does he reach?

Cuyahoga Sheet Metal

According to the Indians’ lease with the city of Cleveland, the team has the right to move if the overall season attendance falls below what number?

800,000

What are the three substances the Indians’ veteran junkball pitcher has on his chest after the first day of spring training?

Crisco, Bardahl, Vagisil

What were the regular-season numbers for the Yankee slugger Vaughn strikes out in the ninth inning of the Yankee playoff?

.348, 48 homers, 121 RBI (he was the AL triple-crown winner)

What’s the name of the Yankee relief pitcher who comes on to face Jake Taylor in the ninth inning of the playoff game?

The Duke

During the winning streak montage, what two magazines feature cover stories on the Indians?

Sports Illustrated and People

What was the name of the radio talk show Harry Doyle hosts?

“Teepee Talk”

What ballpark is used as Cleveland Stadium?

Milwaukee’s County Stadium

 

MAJOR LEAGUE II

What product did Rick Vaughn film a commercial for?

Right Guard

What was the name of the movie Willie Mays Hayes stars in with Jesse Ventura?

Black Hammer, White Lightning

A photo of which former Indians player appears on the wall in Lou Brown’s office?

Buddy Bell

What was the Indians’ spring-training record?

3-24

Who do we discover the Indians lost to in the previous year’s ALCS?

Chicago White Sox

An illustration of what Cleveland structure appears on the wall in Roger Dorn’s office?

a)      Terminal Tower

b)      Jacobs Field

c)       Chief Wahoo sign at the old Stadium

d)      Franklin Castle

b (it was an ironic nod to the fans – the film premiered five days before Jacobs Field opened)

What team did Japanese right fielder Hiroshi Tanaka play for before being acquired by the Indians?

Tokyo Giants

What Cleveland pizza place does Rick Vaughn take former girlfriend Nikki to?

Brick Oven Pizza

What was the final score of Tribe’s Game Seven victory in the ALCS?

6-5

Which line does goofy catcher Rube Baker NOT say:

a)      “My mama always said it’s better to eat shit than not eat at all.”

b)      “Don’t worry about the horses being blind, just load the wagons.”

c)       “Women – can’t live without ’em and they can’t pee standing up.”

d)      “When a man’s lights are about to go out, the fat lady can’t sing if it’s not over.”

b

Which Cleveland media outlet does not have its logo displayed in the Stadium during the movie?

a)      Channel 43

b)      WKNR

c)       WMMS

d)      SportsChannel

d

What was the name of the evil catcher who played for the Indians for the first half of the season before being traded to the White Sox?

Jack Parkman

What were the three names Rick Vaughn gave his pitches?

Eliminator, Humiliator, Terminator

When Tanaka makes a running catch in the outfield, he knocks down a sign of an Indians’ legend’s retired number, which collapses on top of him before he bursts his fist through it holding the ball. What player’s number is on the sign?

Lou Boudreau

What team do the Indians defeat in the regular-season finale to win the AL East?

Toronto Blue Jays (ironically, the Blue Jays, along with the Seattle Mariners, are the only two American League teams not shown at some point in the original Major League)

What were the speed readings for Rick Vaughn’s pitches in the final game?

99 and 102 (the second pitch, fouled off, we never see a reading for)

What was the name of the Indians’ pitcher who started Game Seven of the ALCS?

Schoup

What ballpark is used as Cleveland Stadium?

Camden Yards

How much did Roger Dorn buy the Indians for?

$150 million

What was name of the radio talk show Harry Doyle hosts? (It’s different than in the original film)

“Tribe Talk”

Now tally up your correct answers and see in which category you fall:

0-10:

This guy here is dead.

10-20:

We wear caps and sleeves at this level, son.

20-30:

Hey bartender! JoBu needs a refill!

30-40:

Don’t give me this olé! bullshit.

40-45:

Can you believe this, Monty?!

45-50:

Look at this fuckin’ guy!