Written by Noah Poinar

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Entering the season, there was an imbalance between this Indians team and the fans.  On one hand you had the team that exceeded everyone’s expectations, finishing the 2011 season with an 80-82 record.  But on the other you had the Indians who began the season 30-15, only to finish the rest of the season 17 games below five-hundred.  The two conflicting perspectives accompanied the 2012 season with a giant flashing sign that said Warning: Approach Season With Caution . 

Really, no one knew what to expect from this team in 2012.  Everyone knew there was no way they were going to start 30-15 again, but fans didn’t exactly expect them to start 15-30 either.  Did we expect them to play at a pace 17 games below .500?  Yes.  Did we expect them to play at a pace 17 games above .500?  Yes.  Did we expect them to win their division? Yes.  Did we expect them to finish fourth in their division?  Yes.  Did we expect them to start 23-18, or were we envisioning a 18-23 start? Yes and Yes.  

When it boiled down to it, Tribe fans strapped themselves in and hoped for the best while embracing themselves for the worst.

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Last Monday the Indians were 18-16 and clinging to the division lead by a thread.  At the time, the Tigers looked like they were beginning to rise to the occasion of their $160 million payroll, the White Sox and Adam Dunn were making up for lost time, and the Indians were in the midst of a skid in which they had just dropped five or their last six games.  

If you were an Indians fan it was the perfect time to panic.    

Ever since the Tribe took the lead in their division, a lot of Indians' fans began the process of waiting for the bottom to fall out.  In my mind, that “bottom” looked as if it was falling out last Monday.  The Indians had just dropped three straight to the Red Sox and looked terrible in doing so.  At the time, Boston had one of the worst records in the league and were engulfed in a whirlpool of neverending drama; it was the equivalent of dropping three straight to the Twins or Mariners. 

I repeat, if you were a Cleveland fan it was the perfect time to panic.    

And perhaps panic is the correct verbage to use when attempting to explain Manny Acta’s decision to move Shin-Soo Choo to the leadoff hole.  But whether the move was made out of panic or just the realization that Johnny Damon was terrible at every facet of the game, the gutsy lineup change had season altering effects.  Or so some (myself) would say. 

After blowing a 4-1 lead in the 8th inning—thanks in part to Manny Acta’s spontaneous decision to play russian roulette with his bullpen—Choo came through in the ninth with the go ahead (and eventual game winning) RBI.  In the process, he prevented a 4 game losing skid and would go on to unleash the 2009-2010 version Shin-Soo Choo.  Four games after the Choo maneuver, the Indians were a perfect 4-0 and I was one mouse click away from submitting this quarterly column after the 38 game mark.  I knew that if they got swept by Miami this weekend it would have forced me to alter the entire tone of this piece.         

When your team of rooting interest has a payroll south of $80 million and they find themselves in contention, a baseball season can be the longest metaphorical roller coaster ride of a fans life.  For better or worse, you find yourself overreacting to big picture things every chance you get. This is only natural because, as their payroll would suggest, it’s not every year they're in contention.    When they do find themselves in contention though, you’re forced to spend a great deal of your time watching them.  The more you watch, the more invested you become.  The more invested you are, the more you overreact.  One week you find yourself gloating on team message boards and writing bold columns like “The Indians are For Real,” the next week you’re frantically deleting those columns from your personal archives.  This is the reason I won't write a slew of daily Indians columns , and this is the reason this column is 1,000,000 words long.   

So yea, I wanted to submit this column on Friday when all was good in the world of Cleveland Indians baseball.    They didn’t get swept by the Marlins, but they did lose the series.  However, for the purpose of channeling my inner homerism, it's probably a good thing that this happened.   

Having said all of that, lets take a look at what we’ve seen thus far through the first quarter of the season.

The Spark Plug: Johnny Damon 

Time: Wednesday night, approximately 7:24 ETC. 

Situation: One out, Asdrubal Cabrera at third, Carlos Santana at first, Johnny Damon at the plate with a 2-2 count.  This is what unfolded...

• Skipper Manny Acta decides to make the game interesting and calls upon Carlos Santana to perform a delayed steal of 2nd base.
• In an attempt to pick off a leaning Asdrubal Cabrera at third base, Seattle catcher Jesus Montero throws the ball into left field.
• Cabrera scores on the play.
• The throw to home plate from left field gets past Montero and ends up at backstop.
• 200 Ibs of Carlos Santana bowls (I cannot stress the word “bowl” enough) past third base and makes a break for home.
• Indians fans begin to get flash backs of Kenny Lofton in game 6 of the 1995 ALCS against, coincidentally enough, the Seattle Mariners.
• Carlos Santana slides head first into home and scores.
• Matt Underwood hits a decibel level that we had not yet heard this year.  Meanwhile, Tom Hamilton remains relatively calm during what one would think would be a token ‘Tom Hamilton’s head exploding’ sequence of events.
• A winded Carlos Santana stumbles to the Indians dugout where he blacks out for the next 3 minutes.
• Carlos Santana wakes up to a smelling salt and goes out and catches the remainder of the game.

Ok, that last part never happened, but nevertheless, it was the most exciting sequence of events on a Cleveland baseball diamond since 2008 when Asdrubal Cabrera turned an unassisted triple play.  And it was all ignited by Johnny Damon.  I’m not being sarcastic when I say that either.  Acta doesn’t put the delayed steal on if Damon hadn’t been so terrible this season, and as a result, this sequence of plays never occurs. (Click to watch)

I’d normally rip Damon because he hasn’t lived up to the $1.5 million that the Indians are paying him, but I know that things could be worse...they could be paying Carl Crawford $142 million to be the teams every day left fielder despite the fact that Carl Crawford doesn’t play baseball anymore. (He has yet to play a game in 2012.) 

The Guy Who Doesn’t Know His Own Handicap: Ubaldo Jimenez

You know that person whose answer to the question, “What’s your handicap?” can flucuate anywhere between 6 and 15 depending on how good they’re playing at the time?  Well, that’s Ubaldo Jimenez. 

I’ve accepted the fact that Jimenez is what he is.  He’s a newer, shinier model of Fausto Carmona.  He’ll give you a gem of a game, and then he’ll follow it up with a 5 inning, 5 walk, 5 ER performance the very next outing.  Things always find a way to even out for him, and honestly, at this point I’m thankful they do because, as is the case with Johnny Damon, things could be way worse.  

When you have a pitcher like Jimenez—someone who has more “stuff” going on in their windup than the average golfer does in their backswing—every start can be a gamble.  Jimenez is a rarity though, he’s among the best of his kind; meaning, he’s got his mechanics under relative control.  He probably deserves more credit than we are giving him, actually.  Sadly, he’ll never get much of any credit from us until he returns to his 2009 (19-8) form.  The problem: he’ll never again regain that form. 

The fact of the matter is that Jimenez has one of the craziest, most complex throwing motions in the game.  For whatever reason, he was able to perfect that motion for the first four months of the 2010 season much like Barry Zito and Fernando Venezuela were able to do for a period of time before falling off the map. 

The parallel?  These guys were some of the best in the game at one point and they had one of the funkier motions/windups in the game. 

The good news?  Jimenez is still on the map, and he’s really not that bad.

The bad news: If you were to graph his career it would a parabula that mets its peak in 2010 and has been on a steady decline in every statistical category since.  None of this will stop the Phillies from signing him to an obserd contract after 2013. 

Much like his funky counterparts, Jimenez’s motion really does draw physical comparisons to a golf swing, and the results are what you would expect...inconsistent.  You know how it’s easier to hit your pitching wedge than it is your driver?  Well, the same reasoning can be used to explain why it's easier for Josh Tomlin to throw strikes than it is for Jimenez.  Rockies pitching coach Bob Apodaca was like the Butch Harmon to Jimenez.  He had been the teams pitching coach since 2003 and, although it may have taken some time, he eventually worked out the kinks in Jimenez motion.   Maybe the same will happen in Cleveland, maybe it won't.  

It sucks if you’re an Indians fan and you have to accept all of this, but the truth is that Ubaldo is good enough, and that's not a terrible thing when you consider the alternative—which in this case would be Dontrelle Willis.  You remember Willis don’t you?  The guy who was arguably the best in the game from 2004-2005 but is somewhere in Florida right now putting together a video montage on youtube, hoping a team will catch wind of it.  Yes, that guy.  In terms of reaching back for extra velocity, he's as close as they come to Jimenez.  A lot of the times that's just what happens.  In terms of projecting the future for Jimenez, I don't know if this is a good sign, bad sign, alright sign, or if I should just move on to the next guy.   

 

The Vet: Derek Lowe

Derek Lowe is your AL leader in wins (6) and second in ERA (2.15).  How did this happen?

Some have theorized that it started when he finished last season going 0-5 and playing an integral role in the Braves historic, September collapse.  

You probably didn’t hear anything about this Braves collapse because the Red Sox hoarded all of the attention, but there was a team in 2011 named the Atlanta Braves and they did blow a 10 and a half game lead in five weeks.   Afterwards, Atlanta did what any team blowing a 10 game lead in the span of a month would do:  They overreacted, and Derek Lowe became the focal point of their overreaction.

When you’re a 38 year old veteran who has a championship under his belt, there’s really only two things that can get you going.   1) Your wife divorcing you; and 2) Your team giving you the axe, and paying a substantial amount of coin to do it, too.

Willing to take on $10 of the remaining $15 million left on Derek Lowe’s contract, Atlanta jumped at the first offer they saw and dumped him to Cleveland.  In return, Derek Lowe left Atlanta feeling a bit salty.  I mean, he had to be, right?  This was a 15 year veteran who had never been seriously injured in his career and the Braves were giving him the amnesty treatment.    

Lowe hasn’t shown any form of resentment towards Atlanta, saying that he understands the move was a business decision, but it’s still a safe bet to say that the Indians wound up getting a highly motivated Derek Lowe.  That's never a bad thing.   

Honestly, Lowe’s early season success probably has little to nothing to do with his mental state of mind.  It probably has more to do with the defense behind him.  This teams infield defense was essentially constructed for Lowe.  He’s inducing ground balls at a rate unlike anything we’ve seen.  On Tuesday against Minnesota, Buster Olney pointed out that “Lowe threw his sinker more than 90 percent of the time (115 of 127 pitches), his highest percentage in the last four seasons.  He only threw five pitches up in the strike zone (3.9 percent), the lowest percentage by a starter in baseball this season.”  In doing so, he retired 22 of 27 hitters via the ground ball.

If I had to guess, I would assume the Red Sox are collectively kicking themselves in the groin for not exploring a Beckett/Lowe trade this offseason.  Scratch that, I’m sure every team is kicking themselves.

The Ace Dignitary: Justin Masterson 

We have a breech.  Justin Masterson is officially deep enough into the season to where I wouldn’t accuse you of “being panicky” if you were to say, “Masterson is starting to scare me.”  Go ahead and say it, he’s starting to scare you (1-3/5.40 ERA), isn’t he?     

He’s had exactly one dominant outing this season.  This of course came in the season opener when Chris Perez blew a 3-run, ninth inning lead, destroying Masterson’s psyche in the process.  As of right now that’s the only explanation I have.  Remember, this was the Indians unluckiest pitcher last year when it came to run support.  He didn't need his first start of 2012 to go down the way it did.  

In that game Masterson struck out 10 batters while allowing just two hits.  He looked like Justin Masterson.  Since then, he’s averaged 3.2 strikeouts, 3.6 walks, and 6.6 hits per start.  In doing so he’s looked like...well, Justin Masterson?

I know you don’t want to think about it, but there was a point in time when Justin Masterson wasn’t good.  When he first came over from Boston he didn’t show anything that made us feel good about the fact that this team had given away Victor Martinez for his services.   

2009: 4-10, 4.52 ERA, 1.45 WHIP.  

2010: 6-13, 4.70 ERA, 1.5 WHIP  

2011: 12-10, 3.21 ERA, 1.28 WHIP

2012: 1-3 with 5.04 ERA and 1.50 WHIP.

Last season was his break-out season, but it might have been his blip season.  Just throwing it out there, we’re seeing the career norm from Masterson right now.  What’s comforting to know is that, according to his FIP—a good indicator of future performance—he’s likely to bust out of this fluke anytime.  In fact, this past Friday he may have begun to break out of it; unlike with Jimenez, I'm actually allowed to say that. 

 

The Ace: Jeanmar Gomez

Derek Lowe is trending right now, but Gomez might not be far off.  A months ago I would have had to Google Jeanmar Gomez’s name just to double check the spelling, but we’re past that point now. In another couple of weeks he could replace Masterson and Jimenez as the guy you get genuinely excited about when you’re heading up to a game and he’s the starting pitcher.  But as Chris Perez might say, that’s probably not a lot of you.  

Gomez has a WHIP of 1.09, he's already thrown a no-hitter (yes, the game where he was ejected in the second inning), he's making the roster minimum salary, and he is currently in the midst of a 16 inning scoreless streak.  I haven’t been this excited about a scoreless streak since Jeremy Sowers threw 21 scoreless innings in 2006.  Is it sad that I’m secretly thinking Gomez can break Orel Hershiser’s record of 59 consecutive scoreless innings pitched?    

 

The MVP: Carlos Santana 

Santana gets this award mainly because the Indians are in first place, he plays the most important position on the field (catcher), and he’s drastically improved on defense from last season to this.  On Friday night he threw three runners from behind the plate. That doesn’t happen last year.   

Really though, I’m giving him my endorsement of MVP strictly because this guy has been hit by more balls behind the plate than any catcher in baseball.   Just know that during last Monday’s game Santana’s face-mask was knocked off of his head twice in consecutive pitches...Twice!  This was an unofficial MLB record by my count.  It wouldn’t surprise me if, at any moment in time, Santana were playing with a eight different concussions.  Should we be giving him credit for this or saying a prayer?

 

The Enigma: Chris Perez

Tribe fans have been classically conditioned to crap their pants any time they see Chris Perez emerging from the bullpen.  It’s the common bond between all Tribe fans.  Whether you’ve watched every game or zero games, you know to take a collective deep breath anytime “Chris Perez” and “save situation” overlap each other in the same sentence.  That’s how it works when you’re a closer who has demonstrated the propensity to implode at any moment; we don’t forget.      

Perez has been perfect in his last 13 save opportunities, quietly becoming one of the best two or three closers in the league.  But as I see it, he’ll have to continue that perfection all the way up through the all star break if he wants to patch-up his relationship with Indians’ fans.  And even then that still might not be enough.  This, because of his recent decision to call out the fan base via Twitter.  Some didn’t take too well to it, I loved it.

I’ve decided to embrace every part of the Chris Perez era.  The man is a...(damn it I hate to say it, but I just can’t help myself)...he’s a rockstar.  If you saw Chris Perez in street clothes—you know, the long haired, slightly overweight hipster—would you ever think “Hey, that guy can throw a 95 mph fastball and he’s one of the best in the game?”  Probably not.   

This video does a perfect job of summarizing my progressive feelings towards Chris Perez from the time he broke in with the team up until Saturday.

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The Trade Bait: Matt LaPorta

Everyone in Cleveland has been asking the same thing for a month now: Why haven’t the Indians brought up Matt LaPorta?  Have they gone mad?  Are they saving money by keeping him down there?   Am I cutting Chris Antonetti a monthly check to keep him in Triple-A just so I can go to Columbus Clippers games and watch him dominate a bunch of scrub pitchers?  What is it?    

It’s a valid question when you consider that they have the option of (1) demoting Shelly Duncan and playing LaPorta in left field or (2) platooning LaPorta at first base.   When you take a step back and realize how terrible Shelly Duncan has been since his early season surge (terrible, but not god awful), it’s hard to understand why the Indians haven’t given LaPorta a call.  It becomes real confusing, though, when you look down at the stats and see that Casey Kotchman isn’t a good hitter from either side of the plate.  Despite this, LaPorta still remains down in Columbus   

So what’s the explanation for holding LaPorta back?        

Through Tuesday of last week LaPorta had posted a .356 batting average through his Triple-A career, with 43 home-runs, 110 hits and 153 RBI in 530 at-bats.  Those numbers are nearly identical to his Major League numbers but with one slight difference...he’s had about twice as many at-bats at the big league level.  

Just know that there’s a big difference between minor league and major league pitching.  The biggest problem for LaPorta has been his inability to hit off-speed pitching, particularly the curveball.  He can hit a fastball with the best of them, and there’s no shortage of fastballs in Triple-A, but guys in the major leagues are major league pitchers for a reason...they have more than one pitch.   The hard truth is that there are players who simply can’t figure it out at the big league level.  LaPorta looks to be one of those guys.   

In 2011, LaPorta wasn’t anything to brag about, but he was still  far better at the plate than Casey Kotchman. from a fans point of view it only seems logical to bring up LaPorta.     

However, from the Indians point of view, bringing LaPorta up could be more of a risk than it would a benefit.  There is a good chance that they bring him up only to find out that....(wait)..............(wait).........yep, he’s the same Matt LaPorta.  Which he probably is.  This wouldn’t normally matter, but in this instance it could.   Once this happens, the mystique of LaPorta’s Triple-A numbers are gone...Numbers that may be appealing to a lot of other teams right now.  

Has the trade value of Matt LaPorta ever been higher?  Answer: Not since he made his big league debut it hasn’t.  LaPorta is in his last year under contract, if the Indians have gone this long without caving in to what would appear to be the obvious personnel move, they might as well just trade him.  And maybe that’s what their line of thinking is, I have no clue.  What I do know is that he could have some real value out there on the market.  If I were a team without a sturdy first baseman in place I would take a flyer on Matt LaPorta.  Why?  Because the entire time I’m thinking to myself, “This guy used to be considered one of the best prospects in the game.  Sure we’ll give you (the Indians) a couple of midlevel Class-A prospects for him.”  

However, every time I consider this trade route,  there are two lasting images of LaPorta that I can’t shake from my mind.  The first happened last year when a slumping Indians team went into Toronto and LaPorta launched a back breaking three run home-run that Rick Manning said was one of the hardest, furthest home-runs he’s ever seen.  The second happened in July, when LaPorta hit a walk off homer against Kansas City.  It wasn’t a Travis Hafner or Carlos Santana bomb, just a sharply hit line drive that flew over the left field wall so fast that Tom Hamilton couldn’t even use his patented walk-off call.  

Yes, that's my only case for keeping LaPorta.  

The Restoration Project: Grady Sizemore 

Sizemore is expected to return within the next month.  However, the words “Sizemore is expected to return by June” and “The new season of Jersey Shore is back next fall” are one in the same.  If you find yourself getting overly giddy about either of the two then it’s safe to say you’ve been on auto pilot for the last three years.  Secret:  Apparently I’ve been on autopilot for the last three years.  Last night I found myself getting “overly giddy” in regards to Sizemore making a return.  Why?  Because I know that if (by some miracle) Grady Sizemore were able to stay healthy for the duration of the year this team would be really, really good.   

When a lot of people think of Grady Sizemore their natural inclination is to dismiss him, which is understandable.  But it’s easy to forget that in the minimal times he’s played over the last three years, he has still resembled the same Grady we came to know 7 years ago.  Last season—which was nearly his point of rock bottom because it finally looked as if he was fully recovered—he had 10 home-runs, 21 doubles, and 32 RBI’s in 268 at bats.  For comparisons sake, Jason Kipnis is one pace to hit 11 homers, 7 doubles, and 39 RBI’s by the time he gets his 268th at bat.  It’s worth noting that Kipnis is probably this teams best player and he has the most comparable skill set/plate approach to Sizemore. 

Unfortunately all this talk revolves around a giant If—wait, no—a monumental If.   This is the guy who, from 2008-2011, followed the exact same career path as Greg Oden.  No, really, the similarities are scary; success in 2008 followed by a crippling injury.  Crippling injury followed by a series of naked cell phone pictures that leaked across the internet.  Naked pics leaking on the internet followed by a career depleting injury.  Career depleting injury followed by another injury.  Series of injuries followed a one year contract that was given as a gesture that basically said, “No one else wants you, we feel bad for your luck, we feel like we’re partly responsible for your troubles, so here’s a couple million dollars, please don’t use this money to fund a closet heroine habit because it’s probably the last amount of substantial money you’ll ever make again,” followed by another career depleting/ending injury.   

Here’s what sucks about the Sizemore situation.  When (and if) he returns, the Indians are going  to approach his situation as if he were a family member fresh out of a drug detox program.  They can’t play him too much, they’ll always find themselves having to fight off the urge to pull him in the 7th inning of games, they’ll be put in the awkward position of having to tell him to avoid hustling down the base line when possible, they’ll instruct him to avoid sliding at all costs, they’ll forbade him from stealing as well as diving for catches, and despite these efforts... they won’t be one bit surprised if he goes down.

Greg Oden, reportedly, went to New York and got the Kobe Bryant treatment.  Sizemore should consider doing the same. 

 

The Wonder Child: Jason Kipnis

Among the many reasons Tribe fans expect this team to be better than last year is because Jason Kipnis only played 36 games last season..  Jason Kipnis > Orlando Cabrera.  You can’t help but to scoot to the edge of your seat every time Kipnis steps to the plate.  I was almost late to one of my exams last week because the guy had a 12 pitch at bat.  

In 36 games last year Kipnis hit .272 with 7 home runs, 19 RBIs, 5 steals and 24 runs in 136 at-bats.  Through 40 games this year he's at .263 with 6 home runs, 24 RBIs, 6 steals and 26 runs in 181 at-bats.  That’s nearly the exact same production.  That’s consistent enough to where we can officially say that he’s is no fluke; he’s the real deal.  And right now he’s in the midst of one of his bigger career slumps but is still on pace to hit 26 home runs, drive in 1oo RBIs, steal 25 bases and score 106 runs. 

What’s amazing is that Kipnis—who is a recently converted outfielder—has been the teams best defensemen this season at second base.  Along with his bat, his slicked back hair and his hustle on the base path, his defense puts him over the top, making him an official fan favorite.               

Tha Kid: Asdrubal Cabrera 

There’s a divide between the sabermetric baseball community and the purists’.  Prior to this season, any saber geek would have told you Cabrera was due for a mighty regression.  So far we haven’t seen it; winners: everyone.  

Hands down, Cabrera is the best hitter on this team.  This season he has been at his best when he’s down in the count 0-1 and 1-2.  Through the first 38 games he was hitting .325/.420/.520, and his .940 OPS ranked eighth among AL hitters.   More importantly, Cabrera’s career K:BB ratio has been 2:1.  This season he has 10 strikeouts to 18 walks.  At the plate, Cabrera leads the Indians with a WAR (Wins Above Replacement) of 10.6 which is third best in all of baseball among short stops. 

The Prize: Jack Hanahan

So far this season Jack Hanahan has accomplished something pretty remarkable.  He’s been so stellar on offense—which wasn’t something that was supposed to happen—that he dissolved all talk of Lonnie Chisenhall.  This is a bigger feat than you think because entering this season Chisenhall was the closest thing there was to a young quarterback waiting in the wings on the Browns sideline.  You know what happens next in that scenario, don't you?  

It was a foregone conclusion that at some point before May 20 we would start calling for the promotion of Chisenhall.  But it hasn’t happened yet, not even with Hanahan missing the last few games to injury. (Thank you Jose Lopez)  That’s how things go when a team is playing well.  Rather, that’s how things go when the guy playing ahead of a future stud is 9-18 with 14 RBI’s when he's hitting with two outs and runners in scoring position.   Hanahan has an OPS of 1.609 in those situations too, which is unconscionable.     

  

The Marlboro Man: Josh Tomlin

I don’t know if Marlboro makes chewing tobacco, but screw it, I’m officially copyrighting this nickname.  If smokeless tobacco companies could pay baseball players substantial sums to endorse their product, Josh Tomlin would be at the top of their list. Tomlin embodies the stereotypical Marlboro man...and then some.

Good looking...(check)

Long hair...(check)

Unkept facial hair...(check) Go go google and type in Josh Tomlin and the first suggestion that comes up is Josh Tomlin's mustache.

Overlooked by every Major League team when he was drafted...(check)

Undersized for a pitcher by major league standards...(check)

A fast ball that tops out at 87 mph...(eh)

An arsenal of different pitches that he uses to make up for his slow velocity...(check)

Excellent location...(check) 

Lucky as hell (has one of the highest FIP's)...(check)

Cowboy-like persona...(check)

Dips so large and so noticeable that you can’t help but to stare...(check)

Yep, he’s the man for the job. 

Editors note: This segment was brought to you by the tobacco prevention awareness org.

The Man: Lou Marson 

Of my many discoveries this year, I’ve come to realize that I envy Lou Marson.

 

1. He’s the lowest paid member of the Cleveland Indians, making $667,000 a year—not enough to end up bankrupt like 80 percent of professional athletes after they retire, but more than enough to live a solid, low key lifestyle.
2. He’s only played 11 games—not enough to become a scapegoat, let alone to have any expectations placed on him.
3. Defensively, he’s one of the best in the game at his position, which is the only reason he finds himself within a farm team of a MLB roster.
4. He’s probably the coolest guy on the team who gets along with everyone.  You can just sense it.
5. He’s surprisingly good looking; probably the most underrated athlete in all of Cleveland sports in that regard.  If he were really good you’d see a slew of signs at the stadium that read, “I’m Legal in 6 Years, Marry Me Lou Marson.”  
6. Lastly, his lack of playing time and exposure has allowed him to tell any woman he meets that he’s a professional baseball player when they ask, “So what do you do?” as they fully expect the response to be, “I work for (enter Cleveland accounting/law firm of your choice).” 

 

What more could you ask for?

 

The 200 3 million dollar man: Casey Kotchman

 

Say what you want about Casey Kotchman, but things could be worse...he could be Albert Pujols.  

And to that, we owe our thanks to the Cleveland Indians for giving us a reason to watch baseball again.  I'll see you at the 81 game mark.