"24" Recap: 1 PM - 3 PM

And we have another report of stupid people who need to take a chill pill and understand that this is just a television show.  Some brigadier general is all kinds of stressed out because he thinks the torture scenes on the show are sending the wrong message, and that people will believe that’s the way the military operates.  Someone call the WAHH-bulance.  I understand that next week an Admiral will stop by the set of “Pirates of the Caribbean ” and bitch about how people are now thinking that the navy uses sailing ships and fights against creatures with an octopus for a head.

Actually, this episode pretty much played havoc with a lot of my theories, as I’ll expound upon in the Final Thoughts, Life Expectancy List, and “Who’s the Traitor” speculation.  We always know some major twists are going to be coming at some point mid-way through the season where 24 veers off in another direction.  I think we’re very close to reaching that point.

1:00 PM to 2:00 PM

While McCarthy is doing some window shopping of all the cars conveniently parked there that he might steal, Morris pleads with Rita to let him go, telling her that CTU “has no idea who she is”.  Hearing that, the 15 watt bulb inside her bubbleblonde head goes off, and we think for about one millisecond that she might help out.

At the White House Bunker, Tom is doing his best impression of a NASCAR driver after getting spun out, whining to Reed about how unfair it all is that Wayne won’t let him set up his own Private Auschwitz, and he asks Reed to write up his letter of resignation.  Reed dials up 1-800-TREASON and talks to some shadowy creep named Carson , who tells him their plan hinges upon maintaining close contact with the President.

Meanwhile, Rita has delivered Morris to Fayed, who gets right to work torturing the freaked out geek; although I’d be surprised if Fayed could really come up with something worse than having to be married to Chloe and her charming personality.  I also wonder how Morris is supposed to be able to think well enough to create a complicated device with a friggin’ concussion.  Hell, I have problems figuring out what keys to hit on my keyboard if I have a slight remnants of a hangover...can’t imagine trying to come up with a triggering device for a nuclear bomb after having the butt end of a Glock going upside my noggin.

Unfortunately, had he just held out another five minutes, things would have been just fine...but then the writers would have been struggling to fill in the next sixteen hours.  As it is, Morris finishes the device in about 10 minutes, Fayed arms bomb #2 and orders the execution of Morris (which somehow surprises him?), but then Jack and the Boys blow a hole in the apartment and start shooting.  Morris is OK and all the terrorists are dead, with the exception of Fayed, who escaped through a closet, taking the device with him, but leaving behind an armed nuclear bomb.  What were the odds?

We end up the hour back at the White House Bunker.  As if the country doesn’t have enough to worry about, Tom’s moral compass is about as well tuned as Paris Hilton’s, so he calls Reed back, and it’s all aboard the SeditionTrain.

Coming back from commercials, we get to meet Gredenko, who is no slick Russian operative, but a disheveled old time Cold Warrior with greasy hair and a really stupid looking moustache.  His first name must be Boris, as I can only see him right now as “Boris the Blade” from “Snatch”, which means he must end up being ran over by a car and shot.  Repeatedly.  Boris is also now in Los Angeles (whodathunkit?) and not at all pleased that he and his buddy Fayed are down to only three nukes.

Down the hall, Father-Kills-Best is rifling through DeadGraem’s stuff, deleting cell phone numbers and stealing whatever else he can find in his wallet.  Yeah...I guess CTU wouldn’t have wanted to do anything so unimportant as to check the personal effects of the man who admitted to ordering the assassination of a former president.  Phillip looks at a photo of himself and Graem and thinks “Do I look fat in this picture?”.  Jack walks in at that time and misinterprets that as sadness towards his son.  Jack heads towards a debrief with Bill while Phillip orders out for some Chinese, and puts a hit out on Gredenko.

Side trip back to the White House, where the plot is sickening...er...thickening.  VP Dick Daniels calls PalmerLite to bitch about Wayne ’s unwillingness to introduce the people to Big Brother.  Assad gets the gist of the conversation and warns Wayne about how the masses can quickly abandon their leaders if things don’t go their way (“no shit”, chimes in George W. Bush).

Jack has a quick conversation with Marilyn regarding Graem’s death, and as suspected, she’s not exactly going all Tammy Faye Baker about it.  When quizzed about Gredenko, Marilyn states that she once heard the name when she was following Gream, thinking he was having an affair.  And she just might be able to lead Jack to that same house.  Phillip finds out about the latest plan from her, and tells her that he’ll take care of Josh.  I bet.

Out on the road, Jack and Marilyn have a little chance to fill in some back story.  Looks like Marilyn was involved with Jack long before Terri, and was his girlfriend before he got sick of Daddy’s plans for him to be the heir to the Bauer family fortune, and Jack bolted for the military.  Looks like she’s still not over him...but then again, as my wife says, who would be?  This nauseating trip down Schmaltz Lane gets interrupted when Marilyn gets a call.  It’s Daddy Dreariest, telling her that if she doesn’t do what he says, he’ll kill Josh, just like he killed Graem.  So she plays along and leads Jack and several other body-parts-to-be to an abandoned house with a big assed bomb in it.  Everyone is toast, except Jack, who dives through a window for the 300^th time in the series history, saving himself.  Milo takes off in the UPS van with Marilyn, but he’s not quite Dale Jarrett, is he?  The van wrecks and bad guys pummel it with bullets, but Milo was able to light off a few grenades for a diversion and escapes with Marilyn in tow.

Final Thoughts. 

Phillip’s not long for this world, as Jack finds out next week that Dad is responsible for a boat load of bad.  With fifteen hours to go and Jack is twenty kinds of pissed off...nope, Ole Phil will  end up on the slab next to his bald son very soon.

I’m thinking that the Blue Conspiracy Man Group is going to try to take out Wayne Palmer and make Assad the scapegoat, giving them the excuse to the people to start persecuting Muslims.  I’m also going to relay a good theory from Swerb’s own Consiglieri, Tony Lastoria.  Tony’s under the impression that Assad will end up saving Palmer, and be his knight in shining armor.  Hell, that’s as good as anything I could come up with.

Best Scene:  The scenes at CTU are often pretty boring, but there was a lot going on this week.  Phillip and his scheming, Jack’s talk with Bill, Chloe and Morris...a lot of development packed into just a few minutes.

Jack’s Current Body Count:   6.  Two terrorists go down to Jack and his manly shotgun.

Who’s the Traitor?:  Lots of changes here, as it is no longer a question that Reed and now Tom are traitors, and that Morris was a reluctant one.  Who does that leave? (answer: not many).

2. Vice President Daniels.  He may have more involvement than you think.

4. Assad.  Hiko’s theory may still be valid.

6. Karen Hayes.  Just because I’m running out of people right now.

Life Expectancy:  Unscientific wild assed guesses on how much longer certain people will still be breathing and the chance they have of living through the day.  15 hours to go.

General Gredenko – 5 more hours.  Boris the Blade is not going to be a major player.  Chance of living through the day?  0%

Nadia or Bill Buchanan – 8 more hours.  Still a wild-assed guess on my part.  Chance of BOTH living through the day?  33% (no change from last week).

Mike Doyle (Rick Schroder) – 12 more hours.  Still know nothing about him.  Chance of living through the day?  50%

Fayed – 14 hours.  I’m completely changing my mind on this one.  He remains the main homicidal maniac and doesn’t die until the next to last episode, so they can concentrate on the traitors for the final show.  Chance of living through the day?  0%

Audrey Rains – 14 hours, 50 minutes.  Marilyn Bauer takes out her rival in the last few minutes.