Written by Mitch Cyrus

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Just one release of note at the theaters this weekend, but it's a big one. "300" is being projected to be only the third

If you decide to take a break from the start of the basketball orgy that is the conference championships, there is really only one thing to watch.  “300” opens today, and look for it to totally dominate the box office this weekend (with the exception of mentally challenged people that can’t get tickets and go to see the awful “Wild Hogs” instead). 

News & Rumors:  

~ You didn’t get a chance to see the SEVEN MINUTE Spider-Man 3 clip that was on NBC.com after “Heroes” Monday night?  Never fear, head over to Yahoo Movies and catch it there. Speaking of the web-slinger, news is out this week that this will be the last film with Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst.  Director Sam Rami still feels there are more stories to be told, but it will be with a new cast.  Just as long as George Clooney, Chris O’Donnell, and Alicia Silverstone have nothing to do with it. 

~ A few months ago, I noted that Meryl Streep would be exercising her vocal cords in the movie adaptation of the cornball musical “Mamma Mia”...featuring the “music” of ABBA.  She now has a co-star, Pierce Brosnan, last seen in the awful “The Matador”.  Evidently Brosnan does possess a decent singing voice, but I’m still viewing this as something that will be even more painful to watch than “Rent”. 

~ I should have known that this was coming. There will be a fourth episode of the “Terminator” series, picking up at the start of the John Conner Rebellion.  Ah-nuld will only be in it in a cameo, and no director or lead actor has been chosen yet. 

~ There will be dueling sequels to the excellent movie “L.A. Confidential”.  George Clooney will star in a film based upon James Ellroy’s follow up book ‘White Jazz’.  At the same time, the director of the original film, Curtis Hanson, is planning a film that would pick up where the first left off, starring original cast members Guy Pearce, Russell Crowe, and Kim Basinger. 

~ M. Night Shayamalan has been given something like $60 million to make his next stinker, to be released in 2008.  Hell, if they want to throw money away, why don’t they send some my direction?  I’ll at least blow it wisely, giving money to numerous bar employees, as opposed to making people sick by producing crap. 

This week’s new releases: 

The studio execs might not be as dumb as they often look.  There isn’t a single movie coming out in wide release this week, because no one wants to go again the 300 pound gorilla. 

300 

Starring: Gerard Bulter, Lena Heady, Rodrigo Santoro. 

Plot: 300 Spartans hold off the entire Persian Empire. 

View Trailer 

The BeerBuzz:  Look for this to be only the third “R” rated movie to break the $200 million mark at the U.S. box office.  Frank Miller’s adaptation of his graphic novel has already pissed off the girly critics of the world, as they are all whining about the violence, which is pretty much at Tarantino levels.  For those of us with lots of testosterone running through our bodies, this is an absolute “must see” movie, and one Swerb and I have been anticipating for months.  I’ll let you know on Monday or Tuesday.

The Ultimate Gift (limited)

Starring: James Garner, Drew Fuller, Abigail Breslin

Plot:  A privileged young man rethinks his life after performing a series of tasks demanded by his late grandfather in order to receive his inheritance.

The BeerBuzz:  Another Faith-Based movie from the same people that put out “One Night with the King” last year, so to avoid getting hit by a lightning bolt, I’ll resist the urge to be my normal snarky self.  I’ll also resist any urge to see this, unless I’m desperate for a sleep aid.

New DVD Releases on Tuesday, March 13^th

Got one that needs to be immediately added to your DVD collection. 

Casino Royale – Simply put, this is the best Bond movie since Sir Sean was wearing the Tux.  Daniel Craig is fantastic in the role of Bond as he starts his Double-O career in this bare-bones reboot of the franchise. 

The Holiday – Tolerable romantic comedy with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz swapping large houses in London and Los Angeles to take a break from their depressions regarding relationships that just ended.  Diaz meets up with Jude Law, and Winslet gets involved with a surprising good Jack Black. 

Calendar Watch:

Next week...nothing much coming out next week.  Blame it on “300” as the studios figure it’ll still be raking it in next week as well.  So next week we get a couple of horror flicks and a stupid comedy in the form of Premonition, Dead Silence, and I Think I Love My Wife 

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers). 

Shooter – March 21^st - Political thriller with Mark Wahlberg as a sniper being set up by the government to take the fall for an assassination. 

Reign Over Me - March 23^rd – First major fictional piece dealing with the effects of 9/11 on the families, starring Adam Sandler in an impressive looking dramatic role (if you can believe it) and Don Cheadle. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – March 23^rd – They’re baaaacccckkkk.  Supposedly a little more adult oriented than the campy films from the 80s. 

Rescue Dawn – March 30^th – Christian Bale as a pilot shot down in Laos in the early years of the Vietnam War, and his efforts to escape captivity. 

Blades of Glory – March 30^th – Remember when I said I liked Will Farrell in “Talladega Nights”?  Don’t expect the same warm reaction to this sophomoric effort. 

Grind House – April 6^th - Two one-hour short horror stories, one from Robert Rodriguez, the other from Quentin Tarantino.  I may abhor slasher films, but this one looks too good to miss. 

Perfect Stranger – April 13^th – Hopefully Halle Berry is off the schneid with this thriller about a reporter investigating the death of a friend that through the internet got involved with a powerful married man (Bruce Willis) 

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie for Theaters – April 13^th – The Adult Swim cartoon featuring a floating drink, container of fried, and a meatball hits the big screen.  Why? 

Fracture – April 20^th – Anthony Hopkins back in Hannibal Lecter Full Creepy Mode as a man toying with a young D.A. (Ryan Gosling) after he is freed on a technicality for attempting to kill his wife. 

Spider-Man 3 – May 4^th - The webslinger versus Venom, Sandman, and Harry Osborne picking up his father’s GoblinGear. 

Lucky You – May 4^th – Long delayed film centered around the World Series of Poker with Eric Bana and Drew Barrymore.  Unlucky them...they’re opening the same weekend as Spider-Man 

Shrek the Third – May 18^th – Shrek & Donkey…together again.  This time with the jolly green Scottish ogre trying to push off the king’s crown onto a young Arthur. 

Pirates of the Caribbean: At the World’s End – May 25^th - Captain Jack goes for the hat trick. 

Ocean’s Thirteen – June 8^th – Ellen Barkin replaces Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones in this edition.  Talk about a “Brian Giles for Ricardo Rincon” level trade.  Al Pacino in a role sure to induce his characteristic overacting won’t help either.  Will someone please stick a fork in this franchise?  

Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer – June 15^th – This time the quartet go up against the Silver Surfer and the return of Dr. Doom.  Please be better than the first one! (the trailer does look awesome). 

Evan Almighty – June 22^nd – Steve Carell’s Evan Baxter from “Bruce Almighty” is now a Congressman chosen by God (Morgan Freeman) to receive His powers.  A reported budget of over $200 million on this will either make it this year’s “DaVinci Code” (big budget, big box office) or this year’s “Poseidon”. 

Live Free or Die Hard – June 29^th - John McClane strikes again (probably with his walker). 

Transformers – July 6^th – Michael Bay (hack, spit) tries to spin a former children’s cartoon into an “Independence Day” type Armageddon movie.  As much as I hate to admit it…the teaser trailer looks good. 

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – July 13^th – These movies keep getting darker and better as they go.  Voldemort (aka “relative of Art Modell”) is back and targeting Harry and his friends for some nasty payback. 

1408 – July 13^th – John Cusack as a famed debunker of paranormal activities encountering real terror in this adaptation of a Steven King tale.  Saw the trailer the other day, and it nearly scared the crap out of me. 

The Simpsons Movie – July 27^th - ummmm…beeeerrrrrr  

The Bourne Ultimatum – August 3^rd - Superspy Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) is back and looking for his roots. 

Underdog – August 3^rd – Combination of animation and live action.  Let’s hope it’s more “George of the Jungle” than “Scooby-Doo”. 

The Invasion – August 17^th – Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig in a sci-fi flick about an alien epidemic.  

The Kingdom – September 28^th – Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, and Jennifer Garner in a story about an American team sent into the Middle East to investigate a terrorist attack on Americans in Riyadh.  

3:12 to Yuma – October 5^th – Russell Crowe and Christian Bale in a remake of a classic Western with Bale as a farmer volunteering to escort a criminal (Crowe) to Yuma by train, with a battle of wits ensuing. 

The Golden Age – October 5^th – Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen in a follow up of the award winning “Elizabeth”. 

American Gangster – November 2^nd – Denzel Washington as a heroin kingpin from the Vietnam War era (he smuggled it back in the body bags of dead soldiers) and Russell Crowe as the investigator on his trail. 

Lions for Lambs – November 9^th – Robert Redford directs himself, Tom Cruise (yeck) and Meryl Streep in this political thriller. 

Beowulf – November 16^th - Robert Zemeckis gets all medieval on us with a motion capture (like “Polar Express”) adaptation of the epic poem. 

His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass – December 7^th – Major, major push from the studios for this big budget fantasy...designed to be the first of a franchise.  Nicole Kidman and Paul Bettany star.