Written by Mitch Cyrus

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It's officially summer BLOCKBUSTER movie time after a couple of months of luke warm theater releases. It all gets started tonight, as Spiderman 3 hits the theaters, and we will have Mitch's review up early next week. It's officially busy season for Mitch, and you can come here for the straight skinny on all the latest and greatest movies to hit the cinema. It's Friday night. It's Crystal Ball time.

Now I knew that not many people around the Cleveland area would be that interested in the movies last weekend due to a few other minor things going on, but I had no idea that the rest of the country would take a total break as well. 

As predicted, every new movie released last week dropped faster than Brady Quinn’s draft position.  But at least Brady ended up having a very happy ending (along with all of us Browns fans as well).  Last week’s movies?  No such luck for them, as they are about to be covered up in the avalanche that is BLOCKBUSTER TIME. 

Yep…it begins this week with “Spider-Man 3” and won’t let up until August with “The Bourne Ultimatum”.  Good thing “The Sopranos” and “24” are winding down…I have a lot of work ahead in getting reviews of the Summer Movies out to you.  

News & Rumors:  

~ Not a good sign from a movie that I had been anticipating.  “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” just sounded too good to be true.  First of all, the title itself is amazing.  Plus it stars Brad Pitt, Sam Shepard, Sam Rockwell, Zooey Daschnel, and Mary Louise Parker.  I could even tolerate Casey Affleck as Robert Ford.  But the movie keeps getting pushed back due to test audiences’ universal hating on it.  Seems the director made it a three plus hour film with not much action.  So Pitt and producer Ridley Scott are back in the studio, re-shooting scenes and patching together basically a whole different movie.  We’ll find out in September if they succeeded. 

~ Now that we have Edward Norton replacing Eric Bana in the next Hulk movie, who will be Betty Ross, last played by Jennifer Connolly?  The answer is Liv Tyler.  As with Norton as Bruce Banner, I can live with this casting decision. 

~ After making some great movies for a long time like “Miller’s Crossing”, “Raising Arizona”, “Fargo”, “The Big Lebowski”, and “O, Brother, Where Art Thou?”, the Coen Brothers have stunk it up recently with “Intolerable Cruelty”, and “The Ladykillers”.  Here’s hoping they got their mojo back with the dark comedy “Burn After Reading”.  George Clooney will play a hit man after John Malkovic, a CIA agent writing his memoirs…but John’s lost the disc containing the manuscript.  Frances McDormand and Brad Pitt will also appear. 

~ David S. Goyer, the writer of “Batman Begins” will direct the upcoming X-Men spinoff “Magneto”.  No casting announcements as of yet. 

~ By the way, I don’t know if the promotional picture from “Underdog” that I showed last week actually appeared on many people’s browsers.  If not, and you want a good chuckle, here it is. 

~ Lindsay Lohan says she wants to be considered a “serious actress”.  Yeah…and Charlie Frye wants to be considered the long term answer at QB for the Browns.  Let us know how that works out for both of you. 

This week’s new releases: 

For some reason, there are only two movies coming out nationwide this weekend.  And the 800 lb. spider...er...gorilla in the room is;  

Spider-Man 3 

Starring: Tobey Maquire, Kirsten Dunst, Thomas Hayden Church, Topher Grace, James Franco, and Dallas Bryce Howard 

Plot: The web slinger tries to balance his love for Mary Jane with THREE villains; the Sandman, the Son of Green Goblin, and Venom. (BTW, finally saw the first trailer showing Eddie Brock as Venom, and it looks soooo damn good). 

View Trailer 

The BeerBuzz:  Which movie will rake in more bazillions; this one, or Pirates of the Caribbean 3?  What does it matter, they’ll both undoubtedly make over $300 million domestically.  This one will not suffer the fate of X-Men 3, where it totally jumped the shark on the third one, and that’s due to the keeping the director of the first two, Sam Raimi, on hand for the third.  Be warned…you may actually have to pay attention here, as there is a lot of plot devices going on…the three villains, Peter’s love for MJ, and Gwen Stacy entering the picture as a potential love interest for Pete.

Lucky You

Starring: Eric Bana, Drew Barrymore, Robert Duvall

Plot:  A Vegas poker player tries to juggle the upcoming World Series of Poker with a new love interest, and his inner demons.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz:  Damn.  Just like “Pathfinder”, this is a movie that I was looking forward to seeing, and then it kept getting the release date moved back.  That was the sign of suckitude for “Pathfinder”, and I get the feeling it’s the same case here, especially being released on the same day as “Spider-Man 3”.  We deserve a great movie with a cast like this…or a good movie about the WSoP.  But we’ll just have to wait, because this one doesn’t come close.

New DVD Releases on Tuesday, May 8^th

Not bad this week regarding new movies.  If you’re female.  Three Chick Flicks head up the new releases…only one of them worth watching for the testosterone set.  Also some very good older movies being re-released to DVD as well.

Music and Lyrics – You want a good romantic movie with Drew Barrymore this week?  Forget “Lucky You” and check this one out.  Yes, Hugh Grant stars in it, but he’s actually quite good as a washed up 80s pop star (the “other one”, like Andrew Ridgely from WHAM), who is commissioned to write a new song for a Maria/Britney/Christina clone.  Trouble is, he can’t write lyrics.  Enter Drew, at her charming, goofiest best. 

Catch and Release – Jennifer Garner as a woman dealing with the death of her fiancé, who she discovers had a lot of secrets.  Timothy Oliphant and Kevin Smith as the dead guy’s buddies make it a little more tolerable.  

Because I Said So – A Mandy Moore movie.  That tells you all you need to know, guys.  OK, for you gluttons for punishment, it’s about a mother of three daughters (Diane Keaton) trying to set up her youngest while dealing with her own emotional needs.  Ick.   

The Painted Veil – Yeah, it’s artsy and all that…but it stars Edward Norton, so it can’t be all bad. 

Breaking and Entering – Another one of those movies that was supposed to be a major player for the awards season…but they ended up being not quite interesting enough, so they were never released nationwide (see also, “The Good German”).  In this one, Jude Law is an architect who has a dangerous affair.  Wow…that’s really a stretch for Jude, isn’t it? 

For the Old Stuff 

The Caine Mutiny – Who the hell stole those strawberries? 

The Guns of Navarone – Classic WWII tale with Gregory Peck, David Niven and Anthony Quinn 

To Catch a Thief – Slick caper film with Cary Grant and Grace Kelly 

Donnie Brasco (Extended Cut) – Al Pacino and Johnny Depp in one of the best mob films ever (OK, one of the greatest not directed by F.F. Coppola or Martin Scorsese). 

Big (Director’s Cut) – Tom Hanks as a 13 year old in a 30 year old’s body.  Classic. 

That Thing You Do (Director’s Cut) – I can’t help it, I’ve always loved this movie, as it’s on my list of Hidden Gems. 
 
Calendar Watch: 

Next week – 28 Weeks Later, Georgia Rules, Delta Farce, The Ex 

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers). 

Shrek the Third – May 18^th – Shrek & Donkey…together again.  This time with the jolly green Scottish ogre trying to push off the king’s crown onto a young Arthur. 

Pirates of the Caribbean: At the World’s End – May 25^th - Captain Jack goes for the hat trick.  The most recent trailer shows that Chow Yun-Fat is in the cast as well as a Chinese Pirate.  How awesome is that? 

Knocked Up – June 1^st – From the same guys that made “The 40 Year Old Version” comes this tale of a goofy looking slacker that managers to score one night with a hot, hot, hot TV reporter, who gets pregnant, of course. 

Ocean’s Thirteen – June 8^th – Ellen Barkin replaces Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones in this edition.  Talk about a “Brian Giles for Ricardo Rincon” level trade.  Al Pacino in a role sure to induce his characteristic overacting won’t help either.  Will someone please stick a fork in this franchise?  

Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer – June 15^th – This time the quartet go up against the Silver Surfer and the return of Dr. Doom.  Please be better than the first one! (the trailer does look awesome). 

Evan Almighty – June 22^nd – Steve Carell’s Evan Baxter from “Bruce Almighty” is now a Congressman chosen by God (Morgan Freeman) to receive His powers.  A reported budget of over $200 million on this will either make it this year’s “DaVinci Code” (big budget, big box office) or this year’s “Poseidon”. 

Live Free or Die Hard – June 29^th - John McClane strikes again (probably with his walker). 

Transformers – July 6^th – Michael Bay (hack, spit) tries to spin a former children’s cartoon into an “Independence Day” type Armageddon movie.  As much as I hate to admit it…the teaser trailer looks good. 

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – July 13^th – These movies keep getting darker and better as they go.  Voldemort (aka “relative of Art Modell”) is back and targeting Harry and his friends for some nasty payback. 

1408 – July 13^th – John Cusack as a famed debunker of paranormal activities encountering real terror in this adaptation of a Steven King tale.  Saw the trailer the other day, and it nearly scared the crap out of me. 

Hairspray – July 20^th – John Travolta in drag.  There are some things I really don’t need to see. 

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry – July 20^th - Kevin James and Adam Sandler as two straight Philadelphia firefighters who pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits. Oookaaayy. 

The Simpsons Movie – July 27^th - ummmm…beeeerrrrrr  

The Bourne Ultimatum – August 3^rd - Superspy Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) is back and looking for his roots. 

Underdog – August 3^rd – Combination of animation and live action.  Let’s hope it’s more “George of the Jungle” than “Scooby-Doo”. 

The Invasion – August 17^th – Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig in a sci-fi flick about an alien epidemic.  

Shoot ‘em Up – September 7^th – Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci protecting a baby from sinister Paul Giamatti.  I was so there anyway, and then I found out that in one scene Owen and Bullucci are having sex while in a shoot out.  Totally Awesome! 

Eastern Promises – September 14^th – Naomi Watts as a London midwife drawn into the Russian Mob, headed by Viggo Mortensen. 

The Kingdom – September 28^th – Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, and Jennifer Garner in a story about an American team sent into the Middle East to investigate a terrorist attack on Americans in Riyadh.  

3:12 to Yuma – October 5^th – Russell Crowe and Christian Bale in a remake of a classic Western with Bale as a farmer volunteering to escort a criminal (Crowe) to Yuma by train, with a battle of wits ensuing. 

The Golden Age – October 5^th – Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen in a follow up of the award winning “Elizabeth”. 

American Gangster – November 2^nd – Denzel Washington as a heroin kingpin from the Vietnam War era (he smuggled it back in the body bags of dead soldiers) and Russell Crowe as the investigator on his trail. 

Lions for Lambs – November 9^th – Robert Redford directs himself, Tom Cruise (yeck) and Meryl Streep in this political thriller. 

Beowulf – November 16^th - Robert Zemeckis gets all medieval on us with a motion capture (like “Polar Express”) adaptation of the epic poem. 

His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass – December 7^th – Major, major push from the studios for this big budget fantasy...designed to be the first of a franchise.  Nicole Kidman and Paul Bettany star.