Written by Mitch Cyrus

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28 Weeks Later is the big release of the week at the theaters, and in the next 2-3 weeks we'll see Shrek 3, Pirates of the Caribbean: At the World's End, and Oceans 13 hit the silver screen. Mitch takes an early look at all of these movies and this week's DVD releases in this week's Crystal Ball. And as always, Mitch hits on the latest news & rumors ... including info on Terminator 4 (sans Ah-nold) and a sequel to the 80's classic Wall Street.

If you weren’t amongst the hundreds of millions of people packing into theaters to watch “Spider-Man 3” last week, then you’ll probably be able to find some room in the theaters this week.

Or maybe not. I went to a theater where it was showing on three screens. I attended a 4 PM matinee on Sunday (after watching the Cavs win Game 1 against the Nets), and the place was still probably 90% full.

News & Rumors:

~ Ricardo Montalban was great in it…Malcolm McDowell was decent…but Eddie Murphy as Mr. Roarke in a movie version of “Fantasy Island”? It’s being pushed as a family comedy. So why would Mr. Family Values be cast in the lead (right, ScarySpice?). Sorry, but the only thing Eddie should be doing is voices for animated films.

~ More bad television shows from the 60s and 70s coming to a screen near you. Will Farrell will star in an adaptation of the old series “Land of the Lost”, where a family is thrown back in time and has to live in the time of dinosaurs. Probably by that time the TV series based on the Geico cavemen will be a hit, and we’ll have some really lame crossover.

~ If “Land of the Lost” isn’t bad enough, a live action movie adaptation of the Jetsons has been greenlit. Yeah…because “The Flintstones In Rock Vegas” really set the turn styles spinning. On the other hand, Robert Rodriguez has been tapped to direct BOTH of these adaptations, so who knows?

~ Terminator 4 will be coming out in the Summer of 2009. No Ah-nuld in this one. Instead, they’ll start what they hope is a new trilogy focusing on John Conners in his 30s and leading the start of the rebellion.

~ Michael Douglas is rumored to be repeating one of his most famous roles, as Gordon Gekko in a sequel to “Wall Street” called “Money Never Sleeps”. Greed…is good. So is sleeping with Catherine Zeta-Jones.

This week’s new releases:

Nothing coming out that has any chance of unseating “Spider-Man 3” for the number one slot. In fact, other than “28 Weeks Later”, there may be nothing here that could unseat “Lucky You”.

28 Weeks Later

Starring: Jeremy Renner, Rose Byrne, Robert Carlyle

Plot: Six months after London was struck by a virus that made people into zombies, the city is being repopulated by the U.S. Army…and then a second outbreak hits.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: A sequel to the wildly popular horror flick “28 Days Later”, this one looks to be just as good, if you’re into that type of thing. Actually, when I was last in London, I noticed quite a few people that looked like they could be zombies. Of course, they were all in pubs at 1 AM, so that may have had something to do with it.

Georgia Rules

Starring: Jane Fonda, Lindsay Lohan, Felicity Huffman

Plot: A rebellious young woman is hauled off by her mother for a summer with her grandmother.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: The ONLY thing stopping this from being the worst movie of the month is going to be the release of “Delta Farce”. As if Lindsay Lohan wasn’t getting enough bad press for being an underaged alcoholic and coke freak, there is this movie, which is reported to being almost “Gigli” level bad. This was also the film where the studio head wrote the famous letter to Miss Lohan, blasting her for her partying ways which seemed to be always shutting down the set for hours at a time while she coped with her hangovers. The over/under on when this chick pulls a River Phoenix is at 23 years old. Sad.

Delta Farce

Starring: Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall, DJ Qualls

Plot: Three pals head off for a weekend of shooting guns and drinking beer when they are mistaken for Army Reservists, and put on a plane for Iraq. The are mistakenly ejected from the plane mid-flight, and end up in Mexico in a village ruled by a local warlord…but they actually think they are in Iraq. Dumbest. Plot. Ever.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: I’m not sure if this could rival “Smokin’ Aces” for the worst movie of 2007, but I’m certain it will qualify as the stupidest. This is for those of you who thought “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector” was just a little too serious and wordy. Blue Collar Comedy buddy Ron White couldn’t be in this because he actually has some talent and self respect, while Jeff Foxworthy had to miss out because he’d rather be asking people if they are smarter than a fifth grader. Obviously, no one involved in this abomination would qualify.

The Ex

Starring: Zach Braff, Amanda Peet, Charles Grodin, Jason Bateman

Plot: A slacker is forced to work for his father-in-law when his wife steps away from her high-paying job to take care their new baby. At the new job, he finds that his co-worker has a history with his wife.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Another total piece of crap being released this week, it’s pretty much just a feature film length version of a second-rate television sit-com, including stars from TV in the form of Braff, Peete, and Bateman. Probably the main point of attraction is that Braff’s character is supposed to be moving away from New York to take a job with his father-in-law in Ohio. On the other hand, that will probably just lead to a lot of put down jokes regarding the Buckeye State being not as good as New York, so let’s just skip it entirely.

New DVD Releases on Tuesday, May 15^th

The Fountain – Another in Hugh Jackman’s Quartet of Suck from last year (“X-Men United”, “The Prestige”, and “Flushed Away” being the others). He plays a man that finds the fountain of youth and then deals with Rachel Weis in 1500 as a Conquistador, 2000 as a doctor, and 2500 as something that escaped from Kubrick’s 2001 wardrobe department. Best movie of the week to watch while under the influence of something.

Pan’s Labyrinth – If you want to watch something concerning fantasy, this is the better choice; a brilliant Spanish language film about a little girl and her fantasies that become real in 1944 fascist Spain.

Arthur and the Invisibles – Strictly for the little kiddies only…another poor addition to the seemingly hundreds of animated films that have been released in the past year.

Stomp the Yard – A juvenile delinquent ends up being courted by two different fraternities in a historical black college in Atlanta due to his amazing street dancing abilities.

Calendar Watch

Next week – Shrek the Third (and nothing else…no one wants to try to go against this blockbuster).

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).

Pirates of the Caribbean: At the World’s End – May 25^th - Captain Jack goes for the hat trick. The most recent trailer shows that Chow Yun-Fat is in the cast as well as a Chinese Pirate. How awesome is that?

Knocked Up – June 1^st – From the same guys that made “The 40 Year Old Version” comes this tale of a goofy looking slacker that managers to score one night with a hot, hot, hot TV reporter, who gets pregnant, of course.

Ocean’s Thirteen – June 8^th – Ellen Barkin replaces Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones in this edition. Talk about a “Brian Giles for Ricardo Rincon” level trade. Al Pacino in a role sure to induce his characteristic overacting won’t help either. Will someone please stick a fork in this franchise?

Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer – June 15^th – This time the quartet go up against the Silver Surfer and the return of Dr. Doom. Please be better than the first one! (the trailer does look awesome).

Evan Almighty – June 22^nd – Steve Carell’s Evan Baxter from “Bruce Almighty” is now a Congressman chosen by God (Morgan Freeman) to receive His powers. A reported budget of over $200 million on this will either make it this year’s “DaVinci Code” (big budget, big box office) or this year’s “Poseidon”.

Live Free or Die Hard – June 29^th - John McClane strikes again (probably with his walker).

Transformers – July 6^th – Michael Bay (hack, spit) tries to spin a former children’s cartoon into an “Independence Day” type Armageddon movie. As much as I hate to admit it…the teaser trailer looks good.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – July 13^th – These movies keep getting darker and better as they go. Voldemort (aka “relative of Art Modell”) is back and targeting Harry and his friends for some nasty payback.

1408 – July 13^th – John Cusack as a famed debunker of paranormal activities encountering real terror in this adaptation of a Steven King tale. Saw the trailer the other day, and it nearly scared the crap out of me.

Hairspray – July 20^th – John Travolta in drag. There are some things I really don’t need to see.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry – July 20^th - Kevin James and Adam Sandler as two straight Philadelphia firefighters who pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits. Oookaaayy.

The Simpsons Movie – July 27^th - ummmm…beeeerrrrrr

The Bourne Ultimatum – August 3^rd - Superspy Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) is back and looking for his roots.

Underdog – August 3^rd – Combination of animation and live action. Let’s hope it’s more “George of the Jungle” than “Scooby-Doo”.

The Invasion – August 17^th – Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig in a sci-fi flick about an alien epidemic.

Shoot ‘em Up – September 7^th – Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci protecting a baby from sinister Paul Giamatti. I was so there anyway, and then I found out that in one scene Owen and Bullucci are having sex while in a shoot out. Totally Awesome!

Eastern Promises – September 14^th – Naomi Watts as a London midwife drawn into the Russian Mob, headed by Viggo Mortensen.

The Kingdom – September 28^th – Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, and Jennifer Garner in a story about an American team sent into the Middle East to investigate a terrorist attack on Americans in Riyadh.

3:12 to Yuma – October 5^th – Russell Crowe and Christian Bale in a remake of a classic Western with Bale as a farmer volunteering to escort a criminal (Crowe) to Yuma by train, with a battle of wits ensuing.

The Golden Age – October 5^th – Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen in a follow up of the award winning “Elizabeth”.

American Gangster – November 2^nd – Denzel Washington as a heroin kingpin from the Vietnam War era (he smuggled it back in the body bags of dead soldiers) and Russell Crowe as the investigator on his trail.

Lions for Lambs – November 9^th – Robert Redford directs himself, Tom Cruise (yeck) and Meryl Streep in this political thriller.

Beowulf – November 16^th - Robert Zemeckis gets all medieval on us with a motion capture (like “Polar Express”) adaptation of the epic poem.

His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass – December 7^th – Major, major push from the studios for this big budget fantasy...designed to be the first of a franchise. Nicole Kidman and Paul Bettany star.