Written by Mitch Cyrus

---

The latest "Fantastic Four" film is the big release at the box office this weekend, and we're dispatching Mitch to see it this weekend so we can post his review next week.  In this week's Crystal Ball, Mitch previews all the weeks new releases at the theaters and on DVD, and also updates us on all the intriguing projects and films coming out in the near future.  Also, we'll be posting Mitch's review of "Oceans 13" in the next couple days ...

We’ve written a lot about the Cavs’ magical season here at theClevelandFan.com, but allow me one brief comment.

Be Proud.

I enjoyed the ride, as they got one step further than I would have thought possible. Give the Spurs all the credit in the world, as they are the New England Patriots of the NBA…an organization to be respected and emulated.

I can’t wait for next season to begin.

News & Rumors:

~ “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” has been seen somewhat as a box office disappointment in the US, as it looks like it will not be close to matching the $423 million earned domestically by “Dead Man’s Chest”. But don’t think that executives at Disney are worried, as the film is absolutely gonzo everywhere else, having just passed the half billion dollar world-wide mark faster than any other movie. That’s good for them, because so far this year, the three big “Part Threes” of “Pirates”, “Shrek”, and “Spider-Man” have all seriously underperformed their respective second editions.

~ With the big Bruce Willis movie coming out in two weeks, we’ll tie in his next off-beat role, as a twisted Desert Storm veteran who is the principal of the school that is the focus of the dark comedy “The Sophomore”. It’s being described as a teenage take of “Chinatown”, with Mischa Barton playing a high society girl persuading a sophomore writer to investigate the theft of SAT exams at a local Catholic high school. Bruce’s daughter Rumer will play the trouble-making sidekick to Barton. Yipi-Ki-Ay, Daddy!

~ I will definitely watch this Indie film, as it’s just too perfect of a concept. Danny DeVito will star in “No Place Like Home” as a recently retired fireman whose plans for a nice, quiet life are upset by his unemployed 20 something sons still living at home, and his wife won’t let him kick them out. So he kidnaps her to force the bums to fend for themselves. Hmmm…if my wife ever turns up missing…don’t look at me.

~ Screen Gems studio is planning to do a remake of the classic movie “The Big Chill”, using an African-American cast. It will be re-titled, but will still use the original Lawrence Kasdan script as the template, and like the first, music will play a big part of the film. Regina King is the only actor currently tied to the project. Hopefully they make the character played by Jeff Goldblum slightly less of an annoying jerk.

~ Husband and wife Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connolley will star together in a psychological thriller called “Born”. Bettany will play a clay-mation artist whose characters are acting out a nightmare that comes to life. Think “California Raisins with Chainsaws!”

~ Five days after the fact, and the buzz still hasn’t died down on “The Sopranos” finale. Love it or hate it (and you all know my opinion), you have to admit that Chase has created something that will be remembered forever with his choice.

This week’s new releases:

More Big Budget Sequels!!!

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis

Plot: The famed superheroes battle the enigmatic Silver Surfer, an emissary of doom for the planet. And speaking of Doom, think there’s a chance that their old buddy Dr. Doom may make an appearance.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: This one is getting destroyed by the critics, who normally hate comic book heroes anyway, so I’m not sure how much to put into that. On the other hand, I thought the first FF was really weak, probably about a 1 ½ on my scale. I actually expect this one to be better, based on what I’ve seen and read, as it no longer has to deal with spending half the movie setting up characters and “how they got their powers”, and can go straight to the action. In any case, the movie is only 87 minutes long, so even if it’s not great…it should be relatively good popcorn entertainment.

Nancy Drew

Starring: Emma Roberts, Tate Donovan, Max Thieriot

Plot: While accompanying her father on a trip to L.A., a teenaged detective investigates a movie star’s death.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: You have a daughter between the age of eight and eleven? Boy, do I feel sorry for you, as you’re going to get drug to see this, which is about as cookie-cutter as you can get.

DOA: Dead or Alive

Starring: Jaime Pressly, Devon Aoki, Sarah Carter

Plot: A group of uniquely trained women are sent to an island for a fighting tournament

The BeerBuzz: Another video game turned into a movie. Think of it as a female version of “Doom” or “Mortal Kombat”…without all the “plot”, “character development”, and “intelligence” that went along with those two classics. But hey! How often do you have a movie whose title aptly describes how it will perform at the box office?

New DVD Releases on Tuesday, June 19^th

Unless you have young kids, there is nothing coming out this week on DVD to waste any time on.

Bridge to Terabithia – Two friends invent an imaginary world to cope with their real life problems. But then they discover a magical kingdom where they are made King and Queen. Pretty well received fantasy movie that the kids will enjoy without making the parents wishing there were sharp objects nearby to use on their eyes and ears.

Reno 911: Miami – Truly stupid movie based upon a truly stupid TV show. The preceding message was brought to you by the Department of Redundancy.

The Abandoned – Above average horror flick about an adopted woman returning to her native Russia to find out all about her past. She’ll really wish she’d let it go.

Miss Potter – Another one of those movies that was released in NY and LA only last year in hopes of getting major awards. Rene Zellwegger takes on an English accent again to portray eccentric “Tale of Peter Rabbit” author Beatrix Potter in a film that only got ignored by the critics and the artsy crowds of those two cities, and was never released to other theaters. Rent only if you need help with insomnia.

Calendar Watch

Next week - Evan Almighty, 1408, A Mighty Heart

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).

Live Free or Die Hard – June 29^th - John McClane strikes again. If the movie lives up to the expectations set by the trailers, this should be a lot of fun to watch.

Transformers – July 6^th – Michael Bay (hack, spit) tries to spin a former children’s cartoon into an “Independence Day” type Armageddon movie. As much as I hate to admit it…the teaser trailer looks good.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – July 11^th – These movies keep getting darker and better as they go. Voldemort (aka “relative of Art Modell”) is back and targeting Harry and his friends for some nasty payback.

Hairspray – July 20^th – John Travolta in drag. There are some things I really don’t need to see. I’m predicting right now that this will be the biggest bomb of the summer.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry – July 20^th - Kevin James and Adam Sandler as two straight Philadelphia firefighters who pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits. Having seen the previews on the big screen last week, I can now say this may even be worse than “Hairspray”…except that it will still make a ton of money.

The Simpsons Movie – July 27^th - ummmm…beeeerrrrrr

The Bourne Ultimatum – August 3^rd - Superspy Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) is back and looking for his roots.

Underdog – August 3^rd – Combination of animation and live action. Let’s hope it’s more “George of the Jungle” than “Scooby-Doo”.

The Invasion – August 17^th – Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig in a sci-fi flick about an alien epidemic.

Shoot ‘em Up – September 7^th – Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci protecting a baby from sinister Paul Giamatti. I was so there anyway, and then I found out that in one scene Owen and Bullucci are having sex while in a shoot out. Totally Awesome!

Eastern Promises – September 14^th – Naomi Watts as a London midwife drawn into the Russian Mob, headed by Viggo Mortensen.

The Kingdom – September 28^th – Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, and Jennifer Garner in a story about an American team sent into the Middle East to investigate a terrorist attack on Americans in Riyadh.

3:12 to Yuma – October 5^th – Russell Crowe and Christian Bale in a remake of a classic Western with Bale as a farmer volunteering to escort a criminal (Crowe) to Yuma by train, with a battle of wits ensuing.

Hitman – October 12^th – Deadwood’s Timothy Oliphant follows up his portrayal as the chief villain in “Live Free or Die Hard” in this action/adventure film where he play…what else…a hitman. Look for it to be in the same vein as “The Transporter”, and a hit (heh…I kill me).

The Golden Age – October 12^th – Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen in a follow up of the award winning “Elizabeth”.

American Gangster – November 2^nd – Denzel Washington as a heroin kingpin from the Vietnam War era (he smuggled it back in the body bags of dead soldiers) and Russell Crowe as the investigator on his trail.

Bee Movie – November 2^nd – Animated flick with Jerry Seinfeld as a bee who files a lawsuit against mankind for eating honey.

Lions for Lambs – November 9^th – Robert Redford directs himself, Tom Cruise (yeck) and Meryl Streep in this political thriller.

Beowulf – November 16^th - Robert Zemeckis gets all medieval on us with a motion capture (like “Polar Express”) adaptation of the epic poem.

His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass – December 7^th – Major, major push from the studios for this big budget fantasy...designed to be the first of a franchise. Nicole Kidman and Paul Bettany star.

I Am Legend - December 14^th – Will Smith in what is basically a remake of the Chuck Heston apocalyptic film “The Omega Man”.

Charlie Wilson’s Ware – December 25^th – Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and Philip Seymour Hoffman in an Oscar contender about the charismatic and eccentric Texas Congressman who orchestrated the funding of the Afghan’s against the Soviet Union in the early 80s.