Written by Mitch Cyrus

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If you've been reading "The Crystal Ball" you know Mitch has been less than satisfied with the options at the theaters this summer.  That's about to change, as Mitch is actaully pretty excited about some of the films coming out soon, and will be back in the fold with his world renowned movie reviews in the coming weeks.  In this week's column Mitch talks about the latest George Lucas film, and also previews the week's releases at the theaters and on DVD.

One more week before the regular season begins for the Browns.

One more week of crappy movies before I get back to my other duties here and start watching decent (I hope) films again.

News & Rumors:

~ Artsy new movie of the week. "The Informers", a drama based upon a collection of short stories by Bret Easton Ellis, the author of "American Psycho". The stories are set during one week in 1983 and include seven intertwining tales about movie executives, rocks stars, a vampire, and other morally challenged characters. It will star Billy Bob Thorton, Kim Basinger, Brandon Routh (Superman), Austin Nicols, Ashley Olson, and Jon Foster, among others.

~ Oliver Stone is set to return to the subject of Vietnam with "Pinkville", staring Bruce Willis and Channing Tatum. The story concerns real life Army General William R. Peers (Willis) who investigated the infamous 1968 My Lai Massacre. Tatum will play Hugh Thompson Jr. an Army helicopter pilot who helped stop the killings by flying between the civilians and the attacking soldiers, later rescuing the wounded.

~ George Lucas is looking to do his first non-Star Wars movie in years. "Red Tails" will be based upon Lucas' own story about the Tuskegee Airmen in World War II, the first African-American fighter pilots in U.S. military history.

~ Edward Furlong, a case study in how a teenaged actor can screw up his career and his life, is reported to be set to reprise his John Conner role in "Terminator 4". Of course, this is being "reported" by his manager, so who really knows. However the point about there being a T4 evidently is pretty solid. Just don't expect Ah-nuld back as the killer Cyborg.

~ Zack Snyder, one of the geniuses behind "300" will direct a film adaptation of the Ray Bradbury classic "The Illustrated Man". No information yet regarding dates or cast.

~ Owen Wilson is no longer going to be in Ben Stiller's upcoming film "Tropic Thunder" that was set to co-star Jack Black. File that one under the "No Duh" Category.

This week's new releases:

Balls of Fury

Starring: Dan Fogler, Christopher Walken, George Lopez

Plot: A former champion ping-pong player is recruited by the FBI to infiltrate an underground table tennis tournament.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: This just might rival "Delta Farce" as the stupidest movie of the year. To prepare yourself for watching this movie, please hit yourself repeatedly in the head with a brick prior to entering the theater.

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Halloween

Starring: Scout Taylor-Compton, Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane

Plot: After being locked up in a mental institute for 17 years, Michael Myers is mistakenly released and joins the Cincinnati Bengals, where he fits right in.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Few people have gotten as much perverse pleasure out of the crashing and burning seen by the Horror Movie genre as I have. Directory Ron Zombie is a big name in scare flicks, and he might be the one guy who might do justice to a remake of the classic John Carpenter slasher flick...but I'm not holding my breath.

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Death Sentence

Starring: Kevin Bacon, John Goodman, Kelly Preston

Plot: A man sets out to go all Charles Bronson on a gang of thugs that attacked his son.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: I did here that there was one great scene in this film, where Kevin Bacon goes from being uptight yuppie dad to wild-assed vigilante. Other than that, and seeing John Goodman as a wacko weapons dealer, there's nothing you didn't see in "Death Wish".

New DVD Releases on Tuesday, September 4^th

Two major releases coming out...and it's a toss-up on which one sucks worse.

 

Delta Farce - Mentioned above as one of the top contenders for stupidest movie of the year. I think this one may have the inside track because at least "Balls of Fury" has Christopher Walken. This one just has Bill Envall and Larry the Cable Guy as idiot rednecks mistakenly packed onto a Nation Guard flight to Iraq, but mistakenly parachuting into Mexico (where they dumbasses think is Iraq).

Georgia Rule - Jane Fonda as grandma and Felicity Huffman as Mommy Dearest try to deal with hellion Lindsay Lohan. First...you take away her cocaine...and then the keys to any car.

Calendar Watch

Next week: Shoot ‘em Up, 3:10 to Yuma, The Brothers Solomon, Hatchet

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).

The Brave One - September 14^th - Jodie Foster going all Charles Bronson-DeathWish on some thugs.

Eastern Promises - September 14^th (limited) - Naomi Watts as a London midwife drawn into the Russian Mob, headed by Viggo Mortensen.

The Kingdom - September 28^th - Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, and Jennifer Garner in a story about an American team sent into the Middle East to investigate a terrorist attack on Americans in Riyadh.

Michael Clayton - October 12^th - George Clooney as a top law firm's "fixer" (the type of person played by Jodie Foster in "Inside Man"...IOW, a shady power broker/dirty tricks expert).

Hitman - October 12^th - Deadwood's Timothy Oliphant follows up his portrayal as the chief villain in "Live Free or Die Hard" in this action/adventure film where he play...what else...a hitman. Look for it to be in the same vein as "The Transporter", and a hit (heh...I kill me).

The Golden Age - October 12^th - Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen in a follow up of the award winning "Elizabeth"...this one looks to be better than the first, with much more action as it focuses on England's defeat of the Spanish Armada.

We Own the Night - October 12^th - Joaquin Phoenix, Mark Wahlberg, and Eva Mendes in a story of a nightclub owner (Phoenix), his police officer brother (Wahlberg), and the conflict with the mobsters who run Phoenix's nightclub. And yes, if you are counting, that's FOUR movies I deem "interesting" debuting on the same day. I get the feeling that will change, and some of them will move their release date.

Rendition - October 19^th - Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal, Meryl Streep and Alan Arkin in a political thriller with Gyllenhaal as a CIA agent troubled by witnessing questionable interrogations.

American Gangster - November 2^nd - Denzel Washington as a heroin kingpin from the Vietnam War era (he smuggled it back in the body bags of dead soldiers) and Russell Crowe as the investigator on his trail.

Bee Movie - November 2^nd - Animated flick with Jerry Seinfeld as a bee who files a lawsuit against mankind for eating honey.

Lions for Lambs - November 9^th - Robert Redford directs himself, Tom Cruise (yeck) and Meryl Streep in this political thriller.

Fred Claus - November 9^th - Vince Vaughn as Santa's embittered little brother. With Paul Giamatti. Another slightly naughty Christmas fairy tale that will make a bundle of cash.

Beowulf - November 16^th - Robert Zemeckis gets all medieval on us with a motion capture (like "Polar Express") adaptation of the epic poem. Crispen Glover as the monster Grendel and Angelina Jolie as Grendel's mother? I'm there.

The Golden Compass - December 7^th - Major, major push from the studios for this big budget fantasy...designed to be the first of a franchise. Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig star (their second collaboration this year, let's hope it's better than "The Invasion"), along with Sam Elliot and Eva Green.

Leatherheads - December 7^th - George Clooney in an old fashioned screwball comedy set in 1925. George is an aging football legend who now owns a pro team, and is competing for the affections of Renee Zellweger with his star player.

I Am Legend - December 14^th - Will Smith in what is basically a remake of the Chuck Heston apocalyptic film "The Omega Man".

National Treasure: Book of Secrets - December 21^st - Follow-up to the hugely popular guilty pleasure "National Treasure" with Nick Cage back at his wacky best.

P.S., I Love You - December 21^st - Hillary Swank, Gerard Butler, and Harry Connick Jr. in an award contender about a widow who discovers love letters written by her recently deceased husband (Butler) that are meant to help her begin the next chapter of her life.

The Other Boleyn Girl - December 21^st - Natalie Portman as Anne Boleyn, Scarlett Johansson as her sister Mary, and Eric Bana as King Henry VIII. I expect this to blow the tepid Showtime series "The Tudors" out of the English Channel.

Charlie Wilson's War - December 25^th - Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and Philip Seymour Hoffman in an Oscar contender about the charismatic and eccentric Texas Congressman who orchestrated the funding of the Afghans against the Soviet Union in the early 80s.

Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - Limited release in December - Tim Burton's adaptation of the macabre Steven Sondheim musical about a deranged barber bent on revenge (Johnny Depp) and the meat pie baker that assists him (Helena Bonham Carter), who uses the bodies to make delicious snacks.

Untitled J.J. Abrams Project - January 18^th - You've seen the buzz generating hand held camera trailer during "Transformers", and wondered what it's all about. We don't know yet, but we're thinking it should be fun.