Written by Mitch Cyrus

---

Just in time for the start of the NFL season comes the first weekend in months that feature two films worth going to see. At least according to Mitch, who will be viewing "3:10 to Yuma" and "Shoot 'em Up" when he's not guzzling beer in front of the HDTV watching the Browns and the Buckeyes. What else is going on in the world of entertainment? Read The Crystal Ball to find out.

The Crystal Ball - September 7^th Releases

Two new movies that might actually be worth spending money on to see at the theater.

It's only been four weeks since I've been able to say that. Let me rephrase that...it's been four weeks since I've been able to say that there was ONE movie worth seeing.

Which means they better not suck...or I'll be even more exceptionably nasty in the reviews you'll see over the next several days.

On the other hand, a Browns win over the hated Western Pennsylvanian Inbreds may improve my mood so much that I might actually have nice things to say about "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry".

OK...I'm not sure anything could improve my mood that much.

 

News & Rumors:

~ I'm surprised it took this long to make this official after the wild success of "Borat". Sacha Baron Cohen has signed on to do a feature film adapting another character from his HBO series "Da Ali G Show". This time, it will be about Bruno, his flamboyant (read, "flamingly gay") fashion reporter. After that, Cohen will star in "Dinner for Schmucks", and English language remake of the French film "Le Diner de Cons", about a group of snobbish friends playing a game where they organize a dinner each week with each friend attempting to bring the dumbest person possible.

~ George Clooney's next project will team him up with the writer of "L.A. Confidential" (Good!) and the director of "Smokin' Aces" (Bad!). "White Jazz" will be a James Ellroy penned screenplay set in 1950s Los Angeles, with Clooney as a vice cop being set up by the police commissioner before Clooney exposes department corruption. Joe Carnahan will direct, which scares the crap out of me.

~ More rumors are coming out that we'll see Johnny Depp in "Sin City 2". After his over-the-top turn as a rogue CIA agent in "Once Upon a Time in Mexico", I can't wait to see what he'd do in this.

~ Vadim Perelman, the man who bored several of us to tears with "House of Sand and Fog" will rewrite and direct the movie adaptation of Ayn Rand's 1957 classic novel "Atlas Shrugged", with Angelina Jolie staring. The 1,100 page novel was a hypothetical about what would happen to society if all the great industrialists and thinkers went on strike. Simple...we'd get "I Know Who Killed Me", "Who's Your Caddy", Mattel toy recalls, "Kid Nation", Britney Spears, and the 2008 presidential candidates from BOTH parties.

~ A Bomb goes off outside of Michael Imperioli's Manhattan studio this week. Did anyone check for an alibi for Tony Sirico (Paulie Walnuts)?

This week's new releases:

3:10 to Yuma

Starring: Christian Bale and Russell Crowe

Plot: A rancher desperate for money agrees to deliver a notorious outlaw to the train that will take the killer to his trial. That is, if the outlaw's crew don't spring him first.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: In my list for the best movies of 2007, "300" has held the top spot for six months. This one has a legitimate chance of overtaking it with a superior script and two of the best actors not on Swerb's list of Best Actors playing cat and mouse with each other for two hours. I'll be checking this one out early next week...because I have something a little higher up on the "want to see list" that I'll get to tonight...which is..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shoot ‘Em Up

Starring: Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti, and Monica Bellucci

Plot: A mysterious stranger makes a pact with an unlikely prostitute ally to protect a newborn baby from a determined hit man.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Definitely a "Guy Movie". Don't go in expecting anything like a deep plot or riveting character development. This will be pure entertainment action and over-the-top stunts. Owen showed his ability to shine in these types of roles with "Sin City", so now he gets to carry an entire movie with that persona, rather than just a segment. Giamatti as the hitman who stops mid-killing to talk to his nagging wife seems perfect in the role. I'll find out for certain tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Brothers Solomon

Starring: Will Arnett, Will Forte, Jenna Fischer

Plot: Two loser-type brothers try to find their perfect mates in order to provide their dying father with a grandchild.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: The stupid version of "Knocked Up". Or...as stupid version of "Dumb and Dumber" (but wait...we already had that. It was called "Dumb and Dumberer"). This is only being released to 700 theaters, so expect it to drop off the face of the earth as fast as "Who's Your Caddy?".

New DVD Releases on Tuesday, September 11^th

 

To steal a quote from the esteemed John McEnroe, "You have GOT to be kidding me!"

What a bunch of pure crap being released on Tuesday.

DOA: Dead of Alive - I don't even feel like repeating my oft used play on words in describing this piece of total dreck. Based off a (supposedly) popular game show, this movie tanked like few others in 2007 or any other year, being released to over 1500 theaters, but earning less than a half million dollars at the box office.

Away from Her - Artsy film with Gordon Pinsent dealing with the affects of Alzheimer's disease on his wife of 44 years, played by Julie Christie. Medical Warning: do not watch while under the influence of any sedatives or depressants.

Calendar Watch

Next week: The Brave One, Dragon Wars, Mr. Woodcock.

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).

Eastern Promises - September 21^st (wide release) - Naomi Watts as a London midwife drawn into the Russian Mob, headed by Viggo Mortensen.

The Kingdom - September 28^th - Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, and Jennifer Garner in a story about an American team sent into the Middle East to investigate a terrorist attack on Americans in Riyadh.

Michael Clayton - October 12^th - George Clooney as a top law firm's "fixer" (the type of person played by Jodie Foster in "Inside Man"...IOW, a shady power broker/dirty tricks expert).

The Golden Age - October 12^th - Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen in a follow up of the award winning "Elizabeth"...this one looks to be better than the first, with much more action as it focuses on England's defeat of the Spanish Armada.

We Own the Night - October 12^th - Joaquin Phoenix, Mark Wahlberg, and Eva Mendes in a story of a nightclub owner (Phoenix), his police officer brother (Wahlberg), and the conflict with the mobsters who run Phoenix's nightclub.

Rendition - October 19^th - Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal, Meryl Streep and Alan Arkin in a political thriller with Gyllenhaal as a CIA agent troubled by witnessing questionable interrogations.

American Gangster - November 2^nd - Denzel Washington as a heroin kingpin from the Vietnam War era (he smuggled it back in the body bags of dead soldiers) and Russell Crowe as the investigator on his trail.

Bee Movie - November 2^nd - Animated flick with Jerry Seinfeld as a bee who files a lawsuit against mankind for eating honey.

Lions for Lambs - November 9^th - Robert Redford directs himself, Tom Cruise (yeck) and Meryl Streep in this political thriller.

Fred Claus - November 9^th - Vince Vaughn as Santa's embittered little brother. With Paul Giamatti. Another slightly naughty Christmas fairy tale that will make a bundle of cash.

Beowulf - November 16^th - Robert Zemeckis gets all medieval on us with a motion capture (like "Polar Express") adaptation of the epic poem. Crispen Glover as the monster Grendel and Angelina Jolie as Grendel's mother? I'm there.

Hitman - November 21^st - Deadwood's Timothy Oliphant follows up his portrayal as the chief villain in "Live Free or Die Hard" in this action/adventure film where he play...what else...a hitman. Look for it to be in the same vein as "The Transporter", and a hit (heh...I kill me).

The Golden Compass - December 7^th - Major, major push from the studios for this big budget fantasy...designed to be the first of a franchise. Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig star (their second collaboration this year, let's hope it's better than "The Invasion"), along with Sam Elliot and Eva Green.

Leatherheads - December 7^th - George Clooney in an old fashioned screwball comedy set in 1925. George is an aging football legend who now owns a pro team, and is competing for the affections of Renee Zellweger with his star player.

I Am Legend - December 14^th - Will Smith in what is basically a remake of the Chuck Heston apocalyptic film "The Omega Man".

National Treasure: Book of Secrets - December 21^st - Follow-up to the hugely popular guilty pleasure "National Treasure" with Nick Cage back at his wacky best.

P.S., I Love You - December 21^st - Hillary Swank, Gerard Butler, and Harry Connick Jr. in an award contender about a widow who discovers love letters written by her recently deceased husband (Butler) that are meant to help her begin the next chapter of her life.

The Other Boleyn Girl - December 21^st - Natalie Portman as Anne Boleyn, Scarlett Johansson as her sister Mary, and Eric Bana as King Henry VIII. I expect this to blow the tepid Showtime series "The Tudors" out of the English Channel.

Charlie Wilson's War - December 25^th - Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and Philip Seymour Hoffman in an Oscar contender about the charismatic and eccentric Texas Congressman who orchestrated the funding of the Afghans against the Soviet Union in the early 80s.

Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - Limited release in December - Tim Burton's adaptation of the macabre Steven Sondheim musical about a deranged barber bent on revenge (Johnny Depp) and the meat pie baker that assists him (Helena Bonham Carter), who uses the bodies to make delicious snacks.

Untitled J.J. Abrams Project - January 18^th - You've seen the buzz generating hand held camera trailer during "Transformers", and wondered what it's all about. We don't know yet, but we're thinking it should be fun.