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Misc Movies/TV Movies Archive The Crystal Ball - March 14 Releases
Written by Mitch Cyrus

Mitch Cyrus
It's a rough couple weeks for theater releases, but who cares, says Mitch.  We've got college hoops to watch!  Plus, we've got some pretty good DVD releases (I Am Legend, Enchanted, and Atonement) and Mitch's news & rumors section is loaded this week.  Mitch has got the latest on two big projects.  The next Harry Potter movie(s).  And more rumors on The Sopranos making their way to the silver screen.

Good thing there is a lot of college basketball to keep us occupied these next few weekends...because I'm looking at the calendar, and I'm not seeing a damn thing that interests me until March 28th with "21" 

News and Rumors  

~ I reported this a couple of months ago as a rumor, and now it's verified as the truth; "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" will be shot as two separate movies.  Filming will be back to back, a la "The Lord of the Rings", and will be shown in 2010 and 2011, when most of the characters will be approaching middle age.  The sixth book, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" started shooting in September and is scheduled for release this November. 

~ From the "You have GOT to be kidding" department...Sylvester Stallone is writing a script for a fifth John Rambo movie.  If there was anything that could be considered 100% proof positive that steroids and HGH damage your brain; this is it. 

~ For those of you who are fans of HBO's pervious mini-series, then you're in for a treat this weekend as "John Adams" begins Sunday night.  The seven part mini-series from Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg will star Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney as John and Abigail Adams.  With the writers strike having short circuited so many series this year, this will be a breath of fresh air. 

~ And for this week's head-shaking news of a remake, we get word of a pending remake of the 1978 cult classic "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes".  I think I just lost 3 IQ points contemplating the whole thing.  Then there is Paramount Pictures still going forward with the remake of "Heavy Metal".  I need a drink. 

~ More rumors of a "Sopranos" movie have surfaced after the owner of the strip club used to film the Bada Bing scenes came out and said he's "been asked to keep the club ready".  We'll keep our eyes out for this one. 

~ The Incredible Hulk trailer is now online!  Edward Norton rules.  This is going to be so much better than the first piece of garbage Ang Lee dumped on us.

This week's new movie releases: 

Horton Hears a Who 

Starring: the voices of Jim Carrey and Steve Carrell 

Plot: The Dr. Seuss classic about an elephant that communicates with the people inhabiting a world on a dust speck.  

View Trailer 

The BeerBuzz: Surprise, surprise!  Looks like they might have got it right on the third attempt.  After making two gawd-awful adaptations of Dr. Seuss books with "The Cat In the Hat" and "The Grinch", everyone is saying that this one finally hits the tone of the books perfectly.  I guess it took the animation rather than just dressing people up in funny rubber suits.  Looks like a great family picture that is going to be raking in a boat load of money.  On the other hand, seeing Jim Carrey on "American Idol" doing a cross promotion might have been the saddest thing I've ever seen. 

My Estimated Rating: Frank Ryan (3 footballs) 

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Never Back Down 

Starring: Sean Faris, Dijimon Hounsou 

Plot:  At his new high school, a rebellious teen is lured into an underground fight club, where he finds a mentor in a mixed-martial arts veteran. 

View Trailer 

The BeerBuzz:  Let's cross MMA with The Karate Kid!  Man, does this look lame.  Sadly, this is not even the worst movie of the week. 

My Estimated Rating: Jeff Garcia (1 football) 

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Doomsday 

Starring: Rhona Mitra, Bob Hoskins, Alexander Siddig 

Plot: 30 years after a lethal virus decimated the population of Great Britain, a team of specialists is dispatched to a hot zone where a new breakout has occurred, garnering the attention of the locals stuck behind a walled off area. 

View Trailer 

The BeerBuzz:  Mad Max meets Ultraviolet meets Escape from New York.  Not screened for critics, and for a good reason, it attempts to place Rhona Mitra, the most boring member of "Boston Legal" as some sort of Kate Beckinsale/Milla Jovovich bad-assed broad.  And it just doesn't work.  Look for this at your DVD store in about 48 hours. 

My Estimated Rating: Mike Phipps (1/2 football). 

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New DVD Releases for Tuesday, March 18th  
 

I Am Legend - This had to be one of the bigger disappointments for me this past year.  Don't get me wrong, Will Smith was absolutely awesome and carried this movie to much higher ground than any other actor could...but it's just that the special effects with the super-powered mutants were all wrong...and I'm still pissed off about the dog (sorry if that's a spoiler of sorts...but if you're an animal lover, you'll want to know...and if you aren't, you won't care). 

Enchanted - If you have kids, go out and buy this movie for them...and enjoy watching it with them.   Perfect combination of a kids film regarding the cartoon princess (wonderfully played by Amy Adams) banished to real life New York City by the wicked queen.  Adults will love the satire send ups of previous fairy-tale staples, but it's done in such a sly way as to not reduce the fun for the little ones.  The scene with the princess singing her work song while pigeons, rats, and cockroaches help clean up a dirty apartment is one for the ages. 

Atonement - A lie from a 13 year old girl has dramatic repercussions for two lovers at the onset of WWII.  That it was Oscar nominated for Best Picture ahead of "Sweeney Todd", "Eastern Promises" or "3:10 to Yuma" was the biggest crime of the year, as this is one of the most tedious films I've seen in a long time. 

The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising - A boy learns that his is the last of a group of immortal warriors who have dedicated their lives to fighting the forces of the dark.  Another fantasy series that was supposed to be made into a series of films...but don't expect another one after this one tanked so badly.

Calendar Watch  

Next week: Drillbit Taylor, Shutter, Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns 

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers). 

21. - March 28th - Swerb's favorite upcoming movie, the true tale of six MIT students that are trained by one of their professors (Kevin Spacey) in the art of card counting.  They later take down Vegas casinos for millions. 

Leatherheads - April 4th - George Clooney and Renee Zellweger in an old fashioned screwball comedy set in 1925 about an aging football legend and the college hotshot he's drafted for his pro team both fighting for the heart of an intrepid up-and-coming journalist. 

88 Minutes - April 18th - Al Pacino as a college professor and forensic psychiatrist for the FBI receiving death threats telling him he only has 88 minutes to live. 

Deception - April 25th - Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor in an "Eyes Wide Shut" sort of tale about a mild mannered accountant becoming entangled in the goings-on at an underground sex club. 

Iron Man - May 2nd - The latest mega-budgeted superhero flick.  Looks very promising, and the casting of Robert Downey, Jr. as the alcoholic billionaire who designs a supersuit. 

Speed Racer - May 9th - Emile Hirsch, Matthew Fox, and Christina Ricci as Speed, Racer X, and Trixie in the Wachowski Brothers' ("The Matrix" trilogy) adaptation of the campy 1960s Japanese anime. 

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - May 16th - The same four kids from the first movie return to Narnia...1300 years after their last visit in that enchanted land's time frame, to help restore the throne to the rightful heir. 

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - May 23rd - Spielberg and Ford team up one more time, with Cate Blanchett as the romantic interest, and Shia LaBeouf ("Transformers") as Indy's son. 

Sex and the City - May 30th - The movie version of the HBO series hits the big screen.  Can we guys get our share of this pie and have a movie version of "Deadwood"? 

The Incredible Hulk - June 13th - Looks to be much, much better than the Ang Lee stink-fest, with Edward Norton taking on the role of Bruce Banner. 

Get Smart - June 20th - Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, and Alan Arkin take on the roles of Maxwell Smart, Agent 99 and The Chief.  As much as I hate movie adaptations of television shows, this one has potential. 

Wall-E - June 27th - Pixar's next masterpiece, about a garbage cleaning robot who dreams of the stars. 

Wanted - June 27th - Look for this to make a box office star out of James McAvoy ("The Last King of Scotland", "Atonement") as he plays a young man brought into a secret society of assassins by a hot, hot looking Angelina Jolie.  Morgan Freeman plays their boss. 

Hancock - July 4th - Will Smith as a hard-living superhero needing the use of a public relations professional (Jason Bateman) to repair his image. 

Hellboy II: The Golden Army - July 11th - The big red cigar chomping demon with a bad attitude is back for more butt kicking. 

The Dark Knight - July 19th - Batman is back, and this time he's tracking the Joker, played by Heath Ledger.  Most likely the box office champion of 2008. 

X-Files 2 - July 25th - Little is known yet about these further adventures of Scully and Fox...not even the title. 

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