Written by Mitch Cyrus

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Mitch made it up to Cleveland last week for his annual pilgrimage and we played a lot of golf, hit the Great Lakes Brewery, and watched the Browns practice at the stadium.  As a result, it was the first Friday in two and a half years in which we didn't run The Crystal Ball.  Have no fear though readers.  Mitch is back.  Talking Indiana Jones 5, Kevin Smith's latest project, and previewing all of this week's theatric releases.

Last week, I made my annual pilgrimage to Cleveland to check out the Browns...and Great Lakes Brewery...and the golf courses... 

Consequently, I took a week off for The Crystal Ball. 

What did I miss? 

Not a damn thing. 

"The Mummy 3" and "Swing Vote" came out, and they both stunk. 

So what do we have this week?  (Answer; "The Dark Knight" ending up as number #1 for probably the 4^th straight week). 

Hang on...things will get better next week. 
 

News and Rumors  

~ George Lucas has stated that if there is an Indiana Jones 5, it will be Harrison Ford returning as the geriatric archeologist, and not, as previously rumored, Shia LeBeouf.  I can see it now: Indiana Jones and the Depends Caper.  

~ Kevin Smith's next comedy "Zack and Miki Make a Porno" has eluded the kiss-of-death rating of NC-17, garnering an "R" rating.  The film features Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks as two platonic life-long friends who decide to make a porno film together to pay some overdue bills.  Jason Mewes (Jay in all the "Jay and Silent Bob" appearances)  makes his comeback, in a very explicit sex scene with real life porn star Katie Morgan. 

~ Looks like another collaboration coming between Tim Burton and Johnny Depp.  This time, the eccentric filmmaker is looking to create a live action/CGI 3D version of "Alice In Wonderland", where it will be live action until Alice jumps down the rabbit hole.  No indication of whether Depp will play the Mad Hatter, or just be providing his voice to various characters. 

~There are still rumors of another movie about Jason Bourne.  But in the meantime, you can have Bourne star Matt Damon and director Paul Greengrass working together again in "Green Zone", based on the book "Imperial Life in the Emerald City"  Damon stars as a CIA agent on the trail of Weapons of Mass Destruction.  Excellent cast with Jason Isaacs (Lucius Malfoy in the Harry Potter movies), Brendan Gleeson, Greg Kinnear, and Amy Ryan ("Gone Baby Gone) joining Damon. 

Stupid Sequels and Remakes:  A "Venom" spin-off is under consideration.  A movie about Daffy Duck foil "Marvin the Martian" looks like it'll be made.  Brent Ratner is looking to do a movie adaptation of the video game "Gods of War". 
 

This week's new movie releases: 

Pineapple Express 

Starring: Seth Rogen, James Franco, Gary Cole 

Plot: A stoner and his supplier go on the run after the stoner witnesses a hit. 

View Trailer 

Another Judd Apatow produced movie (directed by David Gordon Green), and one that will certainly be better than "Walk Hard".  This one is getting some really good buzz (pun fully intended).  Rogen seems to be possessing the same goofy charm that made him so popular in "Knocked Up", and Franco is a blast, finally lightening up in a comedic role. 

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Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 

Starring: America Ferrera, Alexis Bledel, Amber Tamblyn 

Plot:  The best friends are now through their first year of college, and reunite in a Grecian seaside town to locate their pair of missing, magical jeans. 

View Trailer 

The BeerBuzz: Evidently, most of the stars of this film, especially "Ugly Betty" star Ferrera, are none too happy to have to make this movie.  Then why do it?  Because when they weren't big TV stars, all of them signed on for the first, knowing the price was a contract that said they were obligated to make more than one if the studio demanded.  Since the first was an inexplicable success, here they are.  Hope they can get over it...but I won't be looking in to find out. 

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New DVD Releases  

If you thought the theatrical releases for the last two weeks were lame, take a look at the DVD releases...not just from this coming Tuesday, but from this past Tuesday as well. 

Nim's Island - The country's hardest working 11 year old, Abigail Breslin, stars as a little girl on a magical island.  Jodie Foster and Gerard Butler get roped into this film as well, which is aimed only at the Miley Cyrus crowd. 

Smart People- This looks to be a great Netflix addition.  Randy Quaid stars as a grumpy college professional under the care of Sarah Jessica Parker.  Look for excellent co-starring turns from Thomas Hayden Church as Quaid's neer-do-well brother, and Ellen Page as Quaid's smart mouthed Republican daughter. 
 

Calendar Watch  

Next week; Tropic Thunder, Star Wars: the Clone Wars, Mirrors, Vicky Cristina Barcelona 

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers). 

Righteous Kill - September 12^th - Robert De Niro and Al Pacino together again as NY detectives working on a case that may be related to both a serial killer and a man they might have wrongly imprisoned years before. 

Burn After Reading - September 12^th - The latest Coen Brothers' movie, with Brad Pitt joining Frances McDormand, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton and John Malkovich in a dark comedy about missing memoirs of a CIA agent. 

Eagle Eye - September 26^th - Shia LaBeouf and Michelle Monoghan as a slacker and a single mother who become unwitting members of a terrorist cell plotting a political assassination. 

Miracle at St. Anna - September 26^th - Spike Lee's tale of a a battalion of black American soldiers who became trapped in a Tuscan village during WWII. 

The Express - October 3^rd - A must for Browns fans, the biographical tale of Syracuse running back Ernie Davis, the first African-American to win the Heisman Trophy. 

Body of Lies - October 10^th - Russell Crowe and Leonardo DiCaprio in Ridley Scott's spy tale of intrigue in the Middle East. 

Max Payne - October 17^th - Mark Wahlberg stars in the adaptation of the video game about a DEA agent out to avenge the deaths of his family. 

Pride and Glory - October 24^th - Edward Norton and Colin Farrell in a story about a family of prominent NYC cops who are shaken to their core when a scandal is uncovered. 

RocknRolla - October 31^st - Guy Ritchie hopefully back in form for another tale of London gangsters.  Gerard Butler, Thandie Newton, Tom Wilkenson, and Jeremy Friggin' Piven star. 

Quantum of Solace - November 7^th - The next James Bond film, picking up shortly after the events ending "Casino Royale" 

Australia - November 14^th - Baz Luhrmann's epic tale set in WWII Australia.  With Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.  Think "Gone with the Wind" with kangaroos. 

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - November 21^st - The sixth of J.K. Rowling's seven books, setting the stage for the two part conclusion in 2010 and 2011. 

The Road - November 28^th - Viggo Mortensen as a man walking with his son for months across a ravaged, post-apocalyptic landscape in search of civilization.  Charlize Theron co-stars. 

The Day the Earth Stood Still - December 12^th - Keanu Reeves in a remake of the classic 1951 sci-fi film. 

Defiance - December 19^th - Daniel Craig and Live Schreiber as Jewish brothers in WWII Russian, leading a band of refuges in striking back at the Germans.  A major early Oscar contender 

Revolutionary Road - December 19^th - Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet as a young couple raising a family in a Connecticut suburb during the mid 1950s.  Sam Mendes ("American Beauty") directs the "Titanic" stars in their on-screen reunion. 

The Spirit - December 25^th - Frank Miller's next comic book adaptation, done in the same style as "Sin City". 

Watchmen - March 6, 2009 - The screen version of what is arguably graphic novelist Alan Moore's greatest work. 
 

Blockbusters on the Distant Horizon (movies that would seem to be big hits...as soon as they get made or released). 

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - May 1, 2009 - Hugh Jackman goes it alone as the adamentium enhanced anti-hero.  With Live Schreiber as Sabertooth, and Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool. 

Star Trek - May 8, 2009 - J.J. Abrams and a young cast reboot the franchise, going back to Kirk and Spock's days at Starfleet Academy. 

Angels and Demons - May 15,  2009 - Tom Hanks and Ron Howard follow-up to "The DaVinci Code" 

Terminator 4 - May 22, 2009 - Christian Bale as John Conner as the franchise moves into the apocalyptic future. 

Transformers 2 - June 26, 2009 - The next chapter of Robots In Disguise! 

Public Enemy - July 1, 2009 - Johnny Depp as John Dillinger.  Co-staring Christian Bale, and directed by Michael Mann 

The Taking of Pelham 123- August 7, 2009 - Denzel Washington, John Travolta, and James Gandolfini in a remake of the classic 1974 film about a hijacked subway car. 

Shutter Island - October, 2009 - Martin Scorsese working once again with Leonardo DiCaprio in this mystery set in 1954. 

Nottingham - November, 2009 - Ridley Scot and Russell Crowe together again in a retelling of the Robin Hood legend, this time through the eyes of the Sheriff of Nottingham (Crowe).  With Sienna Miller as Maid Marion. 

Avatar - December 18, 2009 - James Cameron's sci-fi/CGI extravaganza.  The C.I.A. should take lessons about secrecy from Cameron, as he's keeping info about this film very much to himself at this time. 

Iron Man 2 - May, 2010 - Right on the heels of the success of the first one, Marvel is quick to get Robert Downey Jr. back into his titanium suit. 

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - May, 2010 - The series goes off in a bit of a different direction, as those of you who love the books already know. 

Thor - June 2010 - Another Marvel superhero...but the Nordic God is about as bland personality-wise as Superman, so we'll see how it goes. 

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I - 2010 - The start of the End for the boy wizard and his battle against He-Who-Shall-not-Be-Named 

Lincoln - 2010 - Steven Spielberg directs the biographical film of the 16^th President (Liam Neeson) 

The Hobbit - 2010 - Guillermo del Toro directs and Peter Jackson will produce the prequel to "Lord of the Rings".  Ian McKellen will return as Gandalf 

Fantastic Voyage - 2010 - Roland Emmerich ("The Day After Tomorrow", "10,000 B.C.") remakes the classic 1967 movie about a miniaturized sub and crew operating on a scientist from inside his brain. 

The Avengers - 2011 - Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and Captain America open up a can of whoopass on bad guys everywhere. 

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II - 2011 - The end of the line for what will be beyond doubt the most profitable series in the history of film making. 

The Hobbit 2 - 2011 - del Toro and Jackson again, this time covering the time between the end of Tolkien's book, "The Hobbit" and the start of LOTR.