Written by Mitch Cyrus

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A couple of big surprises on "24" this week, including Kim's family situation, details of the latest version of the Blue Man Conspiracy Group, and the fate of JonVoight. Renee continues to make puppy dogs jealous of her sorrowful looks regarding last week's killing off of Larry. Mitch tries to make sense of it all, (when he's not poking fun at it), in this week's recap. There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.

Busy, busy night on "24", so let's not waste time and get right to it! (writer-speak for "I don't really have much of anything worthwhile to say in this section")

Recap

We start out with the introduction to Tricia, who has been contacted for defense of JonVoight (what?  Alan Dershowitz wasn't available?) This comes 20 minutes after his arrest, so of course she's had time to shower, dress, and get herself ready to go down and club some baby seals.  Tricia looks like every other obnoxious shrew of a woman they've had on "24".  In fact, I'm pretty sure she's simply the same actress who earlier this year played Erika the Skank, and also played the IcePrincess Slutlisa last year (the White House insider who was boinking the Vice President and plotting the coup where Powers Boothe would take over the Presidency).  But I guess she wasn't quite nasty enough, because just as she opens the door, she's sprayed with some Ode de ArnCity and starts gasping as her assailant rifles through her purse, giving her IDs to a look-alike blonde shrew, who evidently only needed 15 minutes to shower, dress, and get herself over to Tricia's.

Tony looks mournfully down at BodyBagSuit Larry.  Do you think he might actually feel bad for what he did?  No...he's really just dreading what he has to do, which is to give himself a colonoscopy with a 9mm slug.  As always, as long as he didn't get wounded directly to the mid-section, he'll be fine.  Tony does answer one question that I had; he's doing it for the money, and it's obvious that it's not for StarkRavingWood, (since they already HAD the canisters before Tony vaporized them).

Just before Renee gets the News about Larry, Kim says goodbye to Renee.  Kim doesn't really seem that upset anymore that Daddy's gonna croak.  If I were a cynical bastard, I'd say that it was because Ms. Cuthbert can't act worth a lick.  But I'm not (stop snickering, please), so maybe it's because CTU has a truly boffo life insurance policy, and she's already picturing that Rodeo Drive shopping spree she's about to take.  (Hmm, I bet you that CTU's life insurance carrier is AIG...and given the amount of money they've had to pay out over the years; no wonder they're in such bad shape).

Renee gets the news of Larry's upcoming posthumous Medal of Honor, and once again she auditions for a role as a model for an Edward Munch painting.  I shouldn't complain...that's 100 times more emotion than we just saw from Elisha Cuthbert.  Since no one else above the rank of second level flunky seems to be available at the moment, Renee gets a battlefield promotion and is now the HMFIC.  Renee tells Janis to notify the President, and Keith Olberman gets a woody just thinking about what that means for "His Side".  Renee also says that someone needs to notify Larry's ex-wife.  "It probably shouldn't be me".  Yeah.  "Awk-ward."

Jack's being debriefed before his brain turns totally to tapioca.  They'll know he's at that point when he asks who is on the pole for this weekend's NASCAR race.  Jack takes a break when he sees all of the commotion outside in the hall, and is given the news of the events from Renee.  This was just after he confirmed to the debriefing agent that Tony was the one that supplied the intel about the impending attack (that ended up being against the White House), and that Jack was unable to corroborate any of Tony's findings.  I get the feeling that there is a lightbulb that will soon be going off over Jack's head.

Tony just has a flesh wound (naturally) so he's able to keep tabs on the search for Galvez, calling him on their progress.  He wants him to plant some of their infinite supply of C-4 in some large structure so that they can draw a bunch of FBI agents in and Blow Them Up Real Good^TM.  Why?  Why not?

As the helicopter with Renee is about to take off to the scene, Jack jumps in.  Time to Kick Some Ass.  Renee argues with him a bit, but it was much like the arguments I have with my wife about something she wants to do: I'm doomed to fail, but I just utter a few words of objection just so I don't look like a totally spineless pushover.

At the White House, FakeTricia gets through the front gate security with less hassle than I get going into Cleveland Browns Stadium (maybe it's the 12 pack of Heineken cans I try to smuggle in that causes the problems).  Meanwhile, the President catches up the First Slut on the current events, while Olivia breaks the news about Larry.  Allison tells FS about JV's comments about being "just a small cog" (a small, overacting cog), and demands that JV be taken to the FBI for interrogation. And the odds of JV being cRyan Burnetted by FakeTricia just tripled.

FakeTricia turns out to be known to JV as a mouthpiece for the Blue Man Conspiracy Group...who are vewy, vewy angwy at that wascally wabbit for taking the bioweapon JV was supposed to develop for them, and use it for his own psychotic purposes.  She gives JV a chance to save his family from being killed, and then goes all Morpheus on him and gives him the The Red Pill ("why oh why didn't I take the BLUE PILL!?!?).  However, JV hadn't yet popped it into his mouth when FS Olivia and a couple of soldiers come to take him to the FBI.

FakeTricia calls her contact at the BMCG, telling him that she thinks JV will "do the right thing".  She also reveals that Tony is her boy, and "the only bright spot in this dreary day".  Isn't that sweet?  One thing I do know is that since the BMCG contact is Will Patton (badly in need of Rogaine), that tells us that he's something a bit more than just a glorified gopher.

Where the Hell is Chloe?!?!  Had she been there instead of that incompetent Janis Gold, she would have intercepted every phone call made from Tony to Galvez, from FakeTricia to the BMCG, and would have also been able to intercept a couple of calls between Eric Mangini and George Kokinis, and she'd already know what the deal was with Braylon Edwards, Brady Quinn, and the #5 overall draft pick.  But nooooo...she's too busy taking care of Morris and Prescott, so the bad guys are going to get away with things for a little while longer, and I'm not going to get any insider information, which means I'm probably going to make a fool of myself on BlogTalkRadio this Saturday as we do our Live Draft Show from The Mother of All Draft Parties at the Winking Lizard in Lakewood.  Thanks for nuthin, Toots.

Tony is going back to giving that Evil Smirk all of the time, and it was very visible when Renee exited the chopper.  However, he definitely gave a quick "oh, shit!" look when he saw Jack coming out behind her.   Renee and Jack take a look at Larry's body...and I think Jack might be a little bit on the suspicious side after looking at Larry's maybe-not-fatal wounds.  Come to think of it, Larry wasn't hit squarely in the stomach, so of course he should have been able to survive it.  Jack listens to Tony's story, and has seen some holes in them.

Kim's married?  Either that, or she's having an affair with a married man, because Steven, the guy she calls from the cab, is wearing a wedding ring.  And there's a baby!  Everybody say it with me! "Aaahhhhhh"  A cute little bundle of cougar bait that she couldn't bring herself to telling Daddy about.  She talks about trying to get on the 6:20 flight back to L.A., which means that Jack's going to be fighting this virus for at least two more episodes while Kim once again wouldn't know The Right Thing if it fluttered over and bitchslapped her.

Looks like Galvez may be trying to escape using the exact same "put on an FBI coat and sneak out the front door" trick that Tanner used in the 9 AM - 10 AM episode.  Jack has to stay behind as the pain is a little too much...putting him in perfect position to keep an eye out on Tony.  Not that watching Tony was his intention, as his illness is causing some interference with his B.S. Detector, and he thinks that Tony's inconsistencies in his story are a result of shock, and that Galvez has a partner (right on that part...and 10 feet away from you Jack).

And it's time to bid a not so fond adieu to JonVoight.  After confirming with a soldier that he recognizes as someone who fought in Iraq side-by-side with StarkRavingWood "soldiers", he's touched by hearing that the soldier had a high opinion of them.  Evidently this is enough to convince him that he must maintain the "good name" of his company, and he wolfs down the Red Pill with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.  So let me get this straight: Threatening the lives of his family wasn't enough to get him to off himself, but the threat of ruining the reputation of his company was?  Nice.  Looks like Dina Lohan has competition for the "Best Parent Award".

(NOTE: The preceding paragraph was written before the previews for next week revealed that JV doesn't die.  Damn...I just can't catch a break, can I?)

Back at the search grid, all the Fish are in the Barrel, ready for some body part separations.  Jack's getting pestered by the FBI agent who was debriefing him about a problem with Tony's story, but Jack shrugs it off as he asks to see an overlay of all of the agents transponders.  When he sees that the "agent" that called in the location isn't near the building (because he's been killed by Galvez), he calls Renee to warn her, and she gets out just in time.  Whew!  The ten or fifteen that didn't?  Totally unimportant.

When Jack finds Renee, they compare notes, and they realize that someone "knew their search patterns".  And the lightbulb FINALLY goes off over Jack's head.  Meanwhile, Galvez has given Tony the canister, smeared some blood of a dead agent on his face, and is trying to slip out Hannibal Lecter style in an ambulance.  Hey, at least he didn't cut the guy's face off.  But he does complete the "Silence of the Lambs" comparison by "snapping out" of his condition and killing a paramedic.

Jack (naturally lacking backup) draws on Tony, who tries to deny everything.  But before Jack can shoot him, he gets another seizure.  And guess what?  Tony now has his stash of anti-seizure meds, which he flashes to Jack in a "na-na-na-na-boo-boo" gesture, confirming Jack's suspicions.  Jack's being put into an ambulance, while Tony is close to a clean getaway.

Final Thoughts

For those of you who just started following these recaps this year, the Blue Man Conspiracy Group was the name I gave to the shadowy organization that really started making their presence known with the assassination of David Palmer, and continued on through last year with Phillip Bauer.  That was back when the Blue Man Group was a lot more popular and in the news, so the reference then might have been a little more noticeable.  Too late to change, so if you don't like it...I'll send you my deepest apologies (which are probably about as deep as Paris Hilton's intellect, but you just have to take what you can get).

Is it just me, or is Jack's "illness" all over the damn map?  One minute, he's acting like he is 100% fine.  A minute later and he could be writhing on the ground like he's at a Toga Party.  And then other times he could be anywhere in between...from being in obvious pain (mental or physical), do just showing some minor aggravation as if he had the sniffles.  He seems to be in pretty good shape in the previews where he's interrogating JonVoight.  Under normal circumstances, I'd say that might indicate that he gets Kim's cure next week, but I'm not too sure about that.

Bauer Body Count

25.  Still.  For the fourth friggin' week.  Do I sound a little UPSET with that?

Odds of Survival

Galvez (100:1) - I don't see him surviving the next hour.

FakeTricia (50:1) - Gets boinked next week by Tony...which might even have a higher creepy factor than when Olivia and SlimyKen got it on.

Tony (25:1) -   Tony will survive a few more hours, I think.  He might even escape at the end so that Jack can Nina Meyer him in Week 2 of next season.

BMCG Exec Will Patton (10:1) - He might be able to survive a rouge asteroid, but Armageddon's got nothing on Jack Bauer.

Jon Voight (10:1) - Had to drop these odds down, as it looks like for ONCE, the guy Jack needs to interrogate won't be in a position to be killed two seconds before he spills his guts.  (But here's to hoping that the rest of the RedPill heart attack hits him after Jack's through).

Janis (8:1) -  Probably just more wishful thinking on my part.

GrIgor Seaton (5:1) - I'm sure he's destined for the Milk Carton and not a body bag.  Sigh.

Aaron (1:1) - Maybe the FirstSpoiledSlut tries to seduce him, and he blows his own brains out.

Kim (1:10) - Not now that it's been revealed that she's Jack's GrandbabyMomma.

Renee (1:50) - Not now that Larry's out of the picture, allowing her to become the next season's Audrey Raines.

Jack (1: ∞) - And next week; it can go up to Infinity +1!

The Milk Carton

Have you seen me?

Half of the characters that are still alive.  I now doubt that any will be seen again...although I'm still holding out hope for Chloe.