Written by Mitch Cyrus

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Mitch is getting back into the swing of things with his weekly Crystal Ball column, in which he cringes this week at just how bad the reviews for Roland Emmerich's "2012" have been. It's this week's most notable theater release with "Pirate Radio" being the other one. We also get the release of "Star Trek" on DVD. Mitch hits on all three of these films as well as all the latest Hollywood news and rumors in this week's version of The Crystal Ball.

So it's back heavily into the swing of things.

Pop Quiz:  What will be the bigger disaster?  "2012" or the Cleveland Browns on Monday Night Football?

News and Rumors

What's been going on since I've been on my break?

~ So now we're getting all of these reboots of old television shows.  The miniseries/new series "V"  has been a big hit for ABC, and I'm fully expecting great things from the three part AMC series "The Prisoner", with James Caviezel and Ian McKellen.  But "Charley's Angels"?  Evidently so...as Sony Pictures TV is looking to update the cheesy series for the small screen.

~ Some people may think this belongs in the next category...and I might actually be one of them; but I know that millions out there loved "Super Troopers".  Well then, you'll love this; Broken Lizard is planning on making a sequel.

~ Another Superhero movie based on someone 99% of us have never heard of!  "Red", a DC Comic about a former black ops agent who discovers that his retirement won't be the quiet life he planned.  Bruce Willis will try to wash the stench of "Surrogates"  off from him in the title role, with "Nip/Tuck's" Julian McMahon as the bad guy.  Also starring Ernest Borgnine (he's still alive???), Brian Cox, Richard Dreyfuss, Morgan Freeman, and Helen Mirren.  AARP endorsed!

~ Hugh Jackman decided to quit while he was ahead.  The Wolverine star decided that one world-wide exhibition of his song-and-dance skills at the Oscars was enough.  So for 2010, the hosting duties will be shared by Steve Martin, who has done it several times before, and Alec Baldwin, suddenly one of the hottest names in Hollywood.

Stupid Remakes and Sequels

~ Roland Emmerich, who is not making a name for himself this week with the critically mocked "2012" (on the heels of the horrible "10,000 BC", is talking about making a sequel to "Independence Day".  And he wants to tell a story over the course of two movies.  Ironic, as he hasn't had one HALF of a story in his past THREE movies (I'll throw "The Day After Tomorrow" in there as well).

This week's new movie releases: 

2012

Starring: The Earth as one big, pissed off monster killing everyone (except John Cusakck and Amanda Peet)

Plot: Plot?  Roland Emmerich don't need no stinkin' plot!

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Two hours and 38 minutes of OMG!!!!  We're all going to DIE!!!!  You've probably all heard the consensus by now; unbelievable and really, really cool special effects...completely and laughably horrible script.  I'm thinking I'm going to catch "Pirate Radio" this weekend...but I'll still probably watch this sometime during the middle of the week.  Maybe Tuesday.  I get the feeling that after watching the Browns/Ratbirds on MNF, watching the entire world blow up real good might improve my disposition.

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Pirate Radio

Starring: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Rhys Ifans

Plot: A fictionalized story of a real event.  As the BBC refused to allow for more than two hours of rock/pop music a day in the early 60s, ships would set up just outside the territorial waters of the UK, broadcasting the wicked sounds at all hours.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Great cast, including Kenneth Branagh as a frumpy, no-fun-allowed British bureaucrat.  Buzz is saying that this is a well made, if somewhat light, ensemble piece that is most worth watching due to an absolute kick-ass soundtrack.  People "of a certain age" will probably love it. 

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New DVD Releases, November 17^th

Star Trek - Still the top movie that I have seen in 2009.  OK...I know I've seen fewer films this year, and that the "serious" films are still yet to come...but I still think Star Trek being the current #1 has more to do with it being an excellent film as opposed to just weak competition.  JJ Abrams did this one right.  He touched all the right bases with the die hard Trekkies, but still made the franchise all his own, and did it in such a way as to where people who never watched William Shatner overact a single time will catch on with this version and love it.

Bruno - Sacha Baron Cohen was thinking that this mockumentary of his flaming gay Austrian fashion designer would be the same type of hit as "Borat".  It wasn't.  Borat was original...this is just warmed over retreads.

My Sister's Keeper - A rare dramatic film that came out in the summer.  Cameron Diaz got great reviews in this four Kleenex weeper about a young girl looking to earn medical emancipation from her parents, who until now have relied on her to help their leukemia stricken daughter remain alive. 
 
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard - I had this listed last week...but evidently they weren't done hosing off the stench of this film on all the dvds yet, so it was delayed until this Tuesday.  Not that it matters.

Calendar Watch  

Next week; Twilight Saga: New Moon, The Blind Side, Planet 51

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).

The Road - November 25 - Viggo Mortensen as a man walking with his son for months across a ravaged, post-apocalyptic landscape in search of civilization.  Charlize Theron co-stars.

Brothers - December 4 - Tobey Maguire stars as a soldier assumed to be dead.  His unexpected return finds his house in an uproar as his brother (Jake Gyllenhaal) has taken head of the house responsibilities with his wife (Natalie Portman).

Invictus - December 11 - Clint Eastwood directs a look at life of Nelson Mandela (Morgan Freeman) after the fall of apartheid in South Africa during his first term as president when campaigned to host the 1995 Rugby World Cup event as an opportunity to unite his countrymen.

The Lovely Bones - December 11 - Peter Jackson's latest, about the ghost of a young, murdered girl watching over her family and friends' reactions to the event.  Mark Wahlberg and Rachel Weisz star.

Avatar - December 18 - James Cameron has spent years putting together this big budget, CGI heavy film about a strange, distant world and its inhabitants.  Not getting a lot of love from the fanbois, though.

Up in the Air - December 25 George Clooney as a corporate-downsizing expert whose cherished life on the road is threatened just as he is on the cusp of reaching ten million frequent flyer miles and just after he's met the frequent-traveler woman of his dreams. 
 

Nine - December 25 - Musical version of Fellini's classic 8 ½, about a famous film director and all the women he deals with.  With Daniel Day-Lewis, Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Sophia Loren, and Judi Dench. 

Sherlock Holmes - December 25^th - Guy Ritchie's interpretation of the famous sleuth, with Robert Downey, Jr. in the lead role

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - December 25 - A story-telling doctor's deal with the devil sends him scrambling to save his daughter on the eve of her 16th birthday.  Terry Gilliam's wild tale is the last movie from Heath Ledger, who passed during shooting.  In his place, Colin Farrel, Jude Law, and Johnny Depp all play the same character as Ledger, in a "Doctor Who" type manner.

The Book of Eli - January 15 - Denzel Washington as a lone man fighting his way across a post apocalyptic country in order to protect a sacred book that holds the secrets to saving humankind.

The Wolfman - February 12 - Lots of date changes for this remake of the classic horror tale, starring Benicio Del Torro and Anthony Hopkins.  Let's hope that doesn't mean that this is a stinker.

Shutter Island - February 19 - Martin Scorsese working once again with Leonardo DiCaprio in this mystery set in 1954.  Pushed back from 2009 due to marketing concerns...this still looks like an incredible movie.