Written by Mitch Cyrus

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Another totally blah movie weekend.  Lucky for us sports fans, no one is paying attention to the movies this weekend when you have the NFL draft and the Cavaliers looking to rebound on Sunday.

I must say that so far, 2010 has been a major disappointment at the theater.  So far, there has been only one movie released this year that I consider “good”, and that’s “Shutter Island”.  The rest have been OK at best (“Book of Eli”, “Green Zone”), and horrible at worst (“Clash of the Titans”).

I’d like to say that I think it will get better, but that would be lie.  I’m looking at the upcoming Summer Blockbusters, and it’s as lackluster of a season as I’ve seen since I started writing here.  When looking at the big movies coming out over the next four months, there are only three that truly interest me; “Iron Man 2”, which looks to be popcorn fun at its finest, “Robin Hood”, with Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe hopefully recapturing their magic from “Gladiator”, and “Inception”, another Christopher Nolan mind bender with Leonardo DiCaprio.  The rest?  Lame remakes, lame video game adaptations, and moronic comedies.

Mini Review – Pirate Radio

This will probably be the shortest mini-review in the brief history of this segment.

Don’t rent this movie.

I went to the “1960s British Films” genre one time too many.  “An Education” was an excellent film.  “Pirate Radio” is junk.  Plotless and pointless, with wasted performances from normally great actors Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Kenneth Branaugh, Emma Thompson, Mark Frost, and Rhyn Ifans.

The movie is supposed to be about the time in the mid 60s when the BBC dominated British airwaves, and refused to play rock-n-roll, so “pirate” boats set up outside of the coast in International Waters and broadcast rock-n-roll 24/7.  The movie follows a group of these “colorful characters”, which are really nothing more than stereotypes from “Goofy Characters 101”.

Hopefully, my Bottom Five for 2009 is now filled out, and I won’t have to worry about anything else breaking into this dubious list.  The countdown (the further you go, the crappier the movie):

5. “Transformers 2”
4. “Pirate Radio”
3. “Law Abiding Citizen”
2. The International”
1. “2012”

My Rating for “Pirate Radio” – Mike Phipps (½ football)…and that’s only due to a great soundtrack.

News and Rumors

~ Since many big animated films seem to spark sequels (“Toy Story”, “Shrek”, “Ice Age”), I guess it’s not surprising that Pixar is going to make a second “Monsters, Inc” film.  Yeah, I’m OK with this one.  Although the one Pixar film I’d really like to see a sequel to would be “The Incredibles”.

~ Bad 3D news: both “The Last Airbender” and “The Green Hornet” are scheduled to use 3-D technology.  Great…just what we need; seeing M. Knight Shyamalan sucking in three dimensions instead of two, as well as having to endure the most overrated actor in Hollywood, Seth Rogan, as a 3-D action hero.

~ A second restoration has been made of Fritz Lang’s classic silent film “Metropolis”, and it should be “must viewing” for any movie fanatic.  It was previously done in 2002, but now 25 extra minutes have been discovered and digitally restored.  No word yet on when it will hit DVD…for now, it’s just playing at select theaters in NY and LA.

~ Paul W.S. Anderson, who has made some very interesting films with “Soldier” and “Event Horizon” is going to be directing a big screen version of “Buck Rogers”.  As opposed to the old movie series from the 50s, this would be closer in spirit to the late 70s TV show “Buck Rogers in the 25^th Century”.  As long as they can come up with someone as hot as what my teenage eyes thought Erin Gray was back in the day.

Stupid Remakes and Sequels

~ Russell Brand, perhaps Britain’s version of Seth Rogan in terms of being overrated and obnoxious, will be starring in a remake of Dudley Moore’s classic “Arthur”.  Ugh.  The only thing that might pick this up out of the sewer and place it in the gutter would be the casting of Helen Mirren in the servant role originally played by the marvelous Sir John Guilgud.

~ Men in Black, 3-D.  I can’t see Will Smith signing on to this, which means it will be even worse than Men in Black II, which was horrible.

This week's new movie releases: 

The Losers

Starring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Zoe Saldala, Chris Evans

Plot : After being betrayed and left for dead on a mission in the Bolivian jungle, the members of a CIA black ops team root out those who targeted them for assassination.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Not good buzz about this film at all.  From the trailers alone, you can get that, as it all appears to be nothing better than a TV level action flick with a slightly higher budget.  The good news for “The Losers” is that they are not getting blasted by critics as badly as the other film coming out this week

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The Backup Plan

Starring: Jennifer Lopez and her Giant Sized Ego

Plot: A single gal meets a potential husband Stan on the day of her artificial insemination. Despite the initial spark, the two lovers begin to wonder if they're taking the right steps to an enduring romance.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: 2010 is going down so far as a year of rotten Romantic Comedies.  Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse than “Valentines Day”, “When In Rome” and “Leap Year”, here comes J-Lo, who is so insecure about her “star power” that she makes sure she casts a total unknown (and untalented) actor to play opposite of her so she can’t be upstaged.  This film will be lucky to gross $25 million.

New DVD Releases:

It’s Complicated  – With all of the bad Romantic Comedies I was bemoaning in my last paragraph, this one actually is one that I’m looking forward to renting.  A smart comedy focused not on the young, but on the over-50 set, with an A-List of acting talent with Meryl Streep playing a woman long divorced, but finding herself having an affair with her ex-husband (Alec Baldwin), while being pursued by nice guy Steve Martin.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnasus  – I have no idea what to really expect from this, except to be blown away visually.  Terry Gilliam loves to be weird, and this tale is definitely that.  The morbid attraction, of course, was this being the last film of Heath Ledger, and since he had not filmed it for that long, Johnny Depp, Colin Ferrell, and Jude Law stepped up play Ledger’s character as he pulls something of a Dr. Who, being reborn into another body at various times throughout the movie.  I’ll talk about this one in the Mini Review as soon as I see it.

Calendar Watch  

Next Week Nightmare on Elm Street, Furry Vengeance

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).

Iron Man 2 – May 7 – Downey Jr. is back, this time dealing with Whiplash (Mickey Rourke) and Black Widow (Scarlet Johannson).

Robin Hood – May 14 – Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe in what is supposed to be a more “historic” account of the legendary hero.

Shrek Forever After – May 21 – 3D entry into the series that is seemingly the only way Michael Myers or Eddie Murphy can make any money

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time – May 28 – Might this finally be the first video game that translates to a huge hit at the box office?  Depends on whether or not you can buy Jake Gyllenhaal as an action hero.  Why not?  It worked for Tobey Maguire, Matt Damon, and Robert Downey Jr.

The A-Team – June 11 – Based on the campy TV series…but the makers of this film are trying to sell it more as an action film with no camp.  With Liam Neeson playing Hannibal Smith as their leader, they may have a chance.

Toy Story 3D – June 18 -  It looks like a big year for 3D films in 2010.  In this one, Buzz, Woody, and the rest of the toys are dumped into a day care after Andy grows up and goes to college.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse – July 2 – More Wussy Vampires!  I can’t wait! (sorry…sarcasmectomy isn’t scheduled for a few months yet).

Inception – July 16 – Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page in a Christopher Nolan sci-fi mind bender that looks to be in the mode of “Momento”

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – July 16 – Live action remake of the Disney classic short, starring Nicolas Cage.

Salt – July 23 – Angelina Jolie as a CIA operative accused of being a Russian spy.

Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps – September 24 – Oliver Stone brings Michael Douglass back as Gordon Gecko, teaming him with Shia LaBeouf in a film that looks to be quite different in tone than the last one.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I – November 19 – Part One of the final book about Harry, Hermione, and Ron.  This one (and I’m sure the last one) will be in 3-D.

Tron Legacy – December 17 – Might be the most anticipated Holiday release of this year.