Written by Mitch Cyrus

---

One of my favorite times of the year, a long Fourth of July holiday to kick back, and do as little as humanly possible.  If you’re that way as well, and you wind up wanting to waste a few hours at the theater, you’ll have your options this weekend.

I’m not saying you’ll have a whole lot of quality to choose from…just that you’ll have “options”

Mini Review  - Nine

This mini-review will be short and sweet:

This movie sucked.

Daniel Day-Lewis, in my opinion, has never had a bad movie.  Until this one.

Rob Marshall decided that since he was given an Oscar for “Chicago” (which should not have went to that film), that the world therefore wanted more lame musicals where all of the musical numbers were dream sequences, even if that’s not how it was in the original Broadway stage versions.

It might have worked OK in “Chicago”.  In “Nine”, it’s a mess.

Day-Lewis plays a famous Italian director (based on Fellini), who is having writer’s block coming up with his next huge film, and has all kinds of women problem; his wife (Marion Cottilard), his mistress (Penelope Cruz), his “muse”(Nicole Kidman), a fashion reporter (Kate Hudson), his costume designer (Judi Dench), and his mother’s ghost (Sophia Loren).  The songs are all the same, and all of them lame, with the one exception, “Be Italian”, sung by Fergie, who does a great job after packing on 30 pounds to play the baudy prostitute who flirted with Day-Lewis’ character Guido when he was a boy.

But the story is boring, the performances are boring, and most of the actors look like they have no idea what’s supposed to be going on.

This was supposed to be another Oscar run from producer Harvey Wienstein.  What it was instead was a huge flop that made less than $20 million at the box office.  And something that I regret wasting my time with.

My Rating – Spergeon Wynn (0 footballs)

News and Rumors

~ The casting has been announced for Martin Scorsese’s latest film, “Hugo Cabret”, based on a 2007 novel about the adventures of a boy living in a Parisian train station.  Not sure how all that will work out, but the cast is great, as you’d expect…but no sign of Leo DiCaprio.  In fact, it’s mostly British, with Ben Kingsley, Jude Law, Christopher Lee, Ray Winstone starring, along with Chloe Moretz, the young lady who made such an impression as Nick Cage’s crime fighting daughter in “Kick-Ass”.

~ Official announcement today of Andrew Garfield as the new, high-school aged Spider-Man.  It’s not that much news for those that read this column, as back in May I wrote that Garfield was one of four actors being considered for the role.  I’m still thinking that re-booting a series that is less than 10 years old is a bad idea.

~ A new Pee Wee Herman movie?  To be filmed by Judd Apatow?  This could be really, really great, or all kinds of bad.

~ Bruce Willis and Forest Whitaker will be the biggest names associated with “Catch .44”, but the main characters in this drama will be Malin Akerman (“Watchmen”), Deborah Ann Woll (Jessica in “True Blood”) and Nikki Reed (one of the Cullen vampires in “Twilight”) playing three female assassins trying to deal with possibly being double-crossed.

~ Steve Carell has announced that this next season of “The Office” will be the last for him.  Not sure how the show can go on without him, but I’m sure if they think they can milk out the last possible advertising dollar, they’ll try.

~ Meryl Streep is being tapped to play British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in a biographical movie.  The Brits may not like a Yank playing one of their icons, but if Sir Anthony Hopkins can play Nixon, then Meryl can play Maggie.

Stupid Remakes and Sequels

~ “Fall Guy: The Movie”.  Wasn’t “Fall Guy” a TV rip-off of the Burt Reynolds movie “Hooper”? (yes, it was…that was a rhetorical question).  So it comes full circle.

~ More board games being made into movies.  The latest that I’ve heard are “Ouija”, “Monopoly”, and “Risk”.  I guess they haven’t learned their lessons regarding the flops that are video games being made into movies.

~ There is talk of having Kevin James star in a remake of the awful Kenny Rodgers racecar film “Six Pack”, about a NASCAR racer suddenly having to be responsible for six kids, who then work as his pit crew.  Why?

This week's new movie releases: 

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Starring: Kristen Steward, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner

Plot :  Bella Swan oscillates between vampire Edward Cullen, who wants Bella's hand in marriage, and werewolf Jacob Black, who has just declared his love for her. Meanwhile, the Cullens and the Quileute werewolves unite to stop an army of powerful vampires from seeking their revenge on Bella.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: No matter what I say, teenage girls (and their mothers) are going to flock to this movie in droves.  Let them go right ahead, I’ll stick to my contention that this is the worst case of the Wussification of Vampires.  That said, for those of you who may get drug to this, early reviews state that it might be the best of the three, and that it certainly has the most action.  I’ll probably catch it on Netflix.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Starring: A bunch of Caucasians playing the roles that were Asian in the cartoon that this is based on.  Plus the kid from “Slumdog Millionaire”.

Plot : A young successor to a long line of Avatars learns that he possesses the power to engage the Fire Nation and hopefully end their century-long war against the Water, Earth, and Air nations.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Remember last year when I said that M. Night Shyamalan could not get any lower than the Spergeon Wynn rated “The Happening”? I may have to retract that statement as this movie is being absolutely KILLED by critics.  The ethnic casting controversy has upset fans of the Nickelodeon and it doesn’t look like the final product is impressing them, either.  For those not familiar with the show?  Total confusion.  I’m actually thinking of going to see this, just because I haven’t had a chance to completely and totally trash a movie for awhile.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New DVD Releases for Tuesday, July 6:

A Single Man  – One of the last “Awards Worthy” movies from 2009 to be released to DVD is this period piece with Colin Firth as a gay professor dealing with the loss of his lover.  Firth was nominated for Best Actor, and Julianne Moore also received raves as his friend.  Look for this to be the subject of an upcoming Mini Review

Brooklyn’s Finest  – Proof that Don Cheadle can make a bad film.  This generic cop drama with Cheadle, Richard Gere, Ethan Hawke and Wesley Snipes actually sat on the shelf for two years after being made…which should tell you everything you need to know.

Calendar Watch  

Next Week: Predators, Despicable Me

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).

Inception – July 16 – Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page in a Christopher Nolan sci-fi mind bender that looks to be in the mode of “Momento”

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – July 16 – Live action remake of the Disney classic short, starring Nicolas Cage.

Salt – July 23 – Angelina Jolie as a CIA operative accused of being a Russian spy.

Eat Pray Love – August 13 – Julia Roberts in this critically acclaimed ultimate chick-flick about a newly divorced woman’s journey of self-enlightenment.  Guys…get ready to get drug to this one.

The Expendables – August 13 – Sylvester Stallone, Jason Stratham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Randy Couture, and Steve Austin in a movie about mercenaries.  With appearances from Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger.  What more could any guy ask for?  

The American – September 1 –George Clooney as an assassin hiding out in an Italian village awaiting what he hopes is his last job.

Machete – September 3 – Yes, they made a full length film from the “trailer” shown in “Grindhouse” with Danny Trejo as the revenge minded blade wielder.

The Adjustment Bureau – September 17 – Matt Damon in a mind bender about a politician falling for a ballerina (Emily Blunt), only to be stymied by mysterious forces keeping the would-be lovers apart.

Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps – September 24 – Oliver Stone brings Michael Douglass back as Gordon Gecko, teaming him with Shia LaBeouf in a film that looks to be quite different in tone than the last one.

Secretariat – October 8 – Diane Lane in the story of possibly the greatest race horse ever.  Could this be another “Seabiscuit”?

Red – October 15 – Another Bruce Willis action vehicle.  This time he is a former black ops agent reassembling his old team to thwart an attack from a high-tech assassin.

Hereafter – October 22 – Clint Eastwood directs a supernatural thriller with Matt Damon.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I – November 19 – Part One of the final book about Harry, Hermione, and Ron.  This one (and I’m sure the last one) will be in 3-D.

Red Dawn – November 25 – Yes, they actually remade this semi-classic.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader – December 10 – Third tale of the series…some people (like my wife) are still looking forward to it.

Tron Legacy – December 17 – Might be the most anticipated Holiday release of this year.

Gulliver’s Travels – December 22 – Jack Black takes on the iconic role.

True Grit – December 25 – The Coen Brothers remake the iconic John Wayne movie with Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon.