Written by Mitch Cyrus

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It took all summer, but July has finally given us the two movies that will be the centerpiece of discussion when historians look back at the summer of 2010.

It may have been a totally crap season, but “Toy Story 3” and “Inception” will be talked about for years to come.

I’m also sure that there are a few other movies from the summer that will be talked about for years to come…just not in the same tone as these other two.  “The Last Airbender”, “Jonah Hex”, and “Prince of Persia” will be three of them.  And here is a fourth

Mini Review - “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”

Jerry Bruckheimer and Nicolas Cage.  The same duo that gave us the mind numbing, but still entertaining “National Treasure” movies, at it again, this time adapting a ten minute Mickey Mouse short seen in the film “Fantasia” into a live action motion picture.

Sounds like a “can’t miss”, doesn’t it?

But it did miss.  Badly.

The movie itself is like overindulging on Little Caesar’s pizza.  You know it’s really bad, but it’s not totally disgusting if you happen to be hungry when you eat it…just as long as you’re not thinking too hard about the fact that pizza from almost any other location would be so much better.

The real problem with it is that about an hour later, all you can focus on was how bad it was.

And that sums up this movie in a nutshell.  It has some interesting concepts, some nifty special effects, and the use of the talents of two very good actors; Cage and Alfred Molina.

But the movie hinges upon Jay Baruchel as the title character.  Now if you have never seen Baruchel in a movie before, he may not seem too bad here.  But the problem is that he’s like Michael Cera or Will Ferrell; he always plays the exact same character.  A nerd with a whiny nasal voice that sounds like he’s the illegitimate son of Fran Dresser (The Nanny, for those of you who have blocked that out of your minds).

Then there is the plot, which makes no sense whatsoever.  Something about Cage’s character being a 1,300 year old former apprentice of Merlin, who was betrayed by his former best friend (played by Molina), at the behest of Morgana (Alice Krige, looking like she had some makeup and script lines left over from her role as the Borg Queen in “Star Trek: First Contact”).  Cage’s character Balthazar has searched ever since for “The Prime Merlinian”, the One who will rightfully assume all of Merlin’s powers and finally defeat Morgana.

Bleh.  At least as far at the plot goes.

In the film’s favor, everyone seems to have a good time, and there are some great bits between Cage and Baruchel as well as between Molina and his supposed protégé, a fame seeking magician played by Toby Kebbell (who stole the show as the drug addled rock star son of Tom Wilkinson’s character in Guy Ritchie’s “RockNRolla”).

So you’ll walk out of the theater thinking “this wasn’t that bad”…until you start thinking back at the whole thing, realizing that you’ve just spent nearly two hours watching fluff.

My Rating – Tim Couch (1 ½ Footballs)

News and Rumors

~ Brad Pitt will be slaying zombies in the upcoming movie “World War Z”.  I’m not sure how he’s going to out-do Woody Harrelson from “Zombieland”…maybe if he plays his character just like he did as Lt. Aldo Raine in “Inglourious Basterds”…

~ Guillermo del Toro has another new project now that he’s freed up from major responsibilities of “The Hobbit”.  The producer/director/writer has acquired the rights to the Disney franchise “Haunted Mansion”.  Yes, we know there was a really crappy Eddie Murphy movie about this (isn’t saying “crappy movie” and Eddie Murphy in the same sentence redundant?), but this would be something completely different, with del Toro sure to bring in the same strange visual exhibited in “Pan’s Labyrinth” and “Hellboy”.

~ Disney Studios is soliciting some creative help from Pixar Studios for their new Muppet movie.  Sounds like a good idea to me.

~ “300” director Zack Snyder is looking to direct the sequel to that film, “Xerxes”, another graphic novel from Frank Miller.  The only thing is that the graphic novel is something that doesn’t really lend itself to be either a prequel or a sequel to “300”, as the novel starts years before the events of “300” and continue to unfold afterwards.

~ Season four of “Mad Men” kicks off Sunday.  The best written show currently on television (which is bound to upset “Breaking Bad” fans).

Stupid Remakes and Sequels

~ According to Kristin Davis, there will be no more “Sex and the City” movies.  As much as I’d love to get my hopes up; I’ll believe it when I don’t see it.

~ Bruce Willis has said that he thinks a fifth Die Hard movie is “imminent”.  Sounds like someone just wanting a paycheck…but maybe I shouldn’t be so cynical, as the last one was actually pretty good.

This week's new movie releases: 

Salt

Starring: Angelina Jolie, Live Schreiber, Chiwetel Ejiofor

Plot :  When a CIA officer is accused of being a spy by a Russian defector, she goes on the run, putting all of her experience and skills to use to elude capture, learn the truth of her identity, and hopefully clear her name.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: This movie was actually supposed to star Tom Cruise in the title role.  Obviously, script changes were made when it switched over to Mrs. Pitt.  The buzz is good for this movie as action/entertainment, not so good when it comes to a believable script.  But if you’re only wanting edge-of-your-seat action for nearly two hours, this is the movie to see.

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Ramona and Beezus

Starring: Joey King, Selena Gomez, Bridget Moynahan

Plot : When grade-schooler Ramona Quimby senses that her family's home is danger, she uses her boundless energy and enthusiasm to save the day.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Something for girls between the age of 5 and 11.  And absolutely no one else.

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New DVD Releases for Tuesday, July 27:

Clash of the Titans  – This was a big year for remakes of things from the 80s.  Unlike “Karate Kid” and “The A-Team”, however, this is one that is nowhere near as good as the original.  Totally joyless rendition with Sam Worthington showing less emotion here as the dour, reluctant demi-god Perseus than he did as a robot in “Terminator: Salvation”.

Repo Men  – Major box office bomb, with Jude Law and Forest Whitaker as men who reposes artificial organs from people who fall behind on their payments.  Gross and nearly unwatchable.

Calendar Watch  

Next Week: Cats & Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore, Charlie St. Cloud, Dinner for Schmucks.

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).

Eat Pray Love – August 13 – Julia Roberts in this critically acclaimed ultimate chick-flick about a newly divorced woman’s journey of self-enlightenment.  Guys…get ready to get drug to this one.

The Expendables – August 13 – Sylvester Stallone, Jason Stratham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Randy Couture, and Steve Austin in a movie about mercenaries.  With appearances from Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger.  What more could any guy ask for?  

The American – September 1 –George Clooney as an assassin hiding out in an Italian village awaiting what he hopes is his last job.

Machete – September 3 – Yes, they made a full length film from the “trailer” shown in “Grindhouse” with Danny Trejo as the revenge minded blade wielder.

The Town – September 17 – Ben Affleck as a bank robber falling for one of his victims, played by Rebecca Hall.  Meanwhile, an FBI agent (Jon Hamm) has eyes on both of them.

Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps – September 24 – Oliver Stone brings Michael Douglass back as Gordon Gecko, teaming him with Shia LaBeouf in a film that looks to be quite different in tone than the last one.

Secretariat – October 8 – Diane Lane in the story of possibly the greatest race horse ever.  Could this be another “Seabiscuit”?

Red – October 15 – Another Bruce Willis action vehicle.  This time he is a former black ops agent reassembling his old team to thwart an attack from a high-tech assassin.

Hereafter – October 22 – Clint Eastwood directs a supernatural thriller with Matt Damon.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I – November 19 – Part One of the final book about Harry, Hermione, and Ron.  This one (and I’m sure the last one) will be in 3-D.

Red Dawn – November 25 – Yes, they actually remade this semi-classic.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader – December 10 – Third tale of the series…some people (like my wife) are still looking forward to it.

Tron Legacy – December 17 – Might be the most anticipated Holiday release of this year.

Gulliver’s Travels – December 22 – Jack Black takes on the iconic role.

True Grit – December 25 – The Coen Brothers remake the iconic John Wayne movie with Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon.

The Green Hornet – January 14 – Seth Rogan in a completely different take on the old radio/TV show.

The Adjustment Bureau – March, 2011 – Matt Damon in a mind bender about a politician falling for a ballerina (Emily Blunt), only to be stymied by mysterious forces keeping the would-be lovers apart.