Written by Mitch Cyrus

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It's a weak weekend for movie releases, if you don't count "World Trade Center" which was released Wednesday, and was a part of last weeks Crystal Ball. And speaking of WTC, Mitch just saw it, and has some very strong thoughts on the film. His review will be coming our way shortly. Until then, enjoy this weeks release of The Crystal Ball.

To me, the most amusing thing about “Talladega Nights” is that some NASCAR reporting “experts” have finally been hit upside the head with the Clue 2x4 and realized “HEY!  They’re makin’ fun of us race car lovin Southerners!?!” and are now bitching about the movie.  Much to the joy of Will Farrell’s bank account. 

Color me amused…but not surprised. 

News & Rumors: 

~ I have another movie on the horizon that has me immediately geeked.  Jamie Foxx and Jeremy Piven play the main roles in the upcoming Michael Mann produced film “The Kingdom”.  Piven is a conniving (what else?) diplomat in the Middle East assisting the Foxx’s FBI team (why not CIA?) in capturing terrorists responsible for an attack on Americans in Riyadh.  Peter Berg directs a cast that also includes Jennifer Garner, Chris Cooper, and Jason Bateman. 

~ Remember a few weeks ago when I said the Bill Pullman would be playing Sci-Fi writer Philip K. Dick in an upcoming pseudo biography?  Scratch that…Paul Giamatti will take that role, which is a major upgrade to the bland Pullman. 

~ Speaking of updates to some of my previous News & Rumors, it is now reported that the Wachowski Brothers will be involved in the live action adaptation of “Speed Racer”.  Just when I thought they couldn’t make anything more lame than the Rave Scene in “Matrix: Reloaded”, we get word of this soon-to-be rival of “Howard the Duck” as the Worst Cartoon to Live Action Flick EVER.  That gagging sound you hear is my reaction to mentally picturing Keanu Reeves as Speed Racer. 

~ Two future sequels in the news this week.  One good.  The other…not so much.  Hellboy 2 is supposed to depict the origins of the cigar chomping demon smashing demon.  On the flip side is a second “Pink Panther” movie with Steve Martin.  And Peter Sellers continues to spin wildly in his grave.

~ And finally, a remake that I might enjoy (there are a few of them…such as Miami Vice).  Christian Bale and Russell Crowe will team up to remake the 1957 John Ford Western “3:10 to Yuma”.  The original was about a small-time rancher who captures a famous outlaw and transports him on a train to Yuma, where he is to stand trial and a battle of wits ensues.  My guess is that Bale will be the rancher and Crowe the outlaw.  James Mangold (“Walk the Line”) directs. 
 

This week’s new releases: 

World Trade Center opened on Wednesday.  I’ll have a review up shortly.  As far as the rest of the new releases?  Counting injured Cleveland Browns centers would be more entertaining. 
 

Title: Zoom 

Starring: Tim Allen, Courtney Cox, Chevy Chase 

Plot:  Some rip off of various components of The Incredibles, Sky High, and X-Men 
 

The BeerBuzz:  Speaking of the aforementioned X-Men, Fox studios sued Columbia (Zoom’s studio) regarding this film, claiming trademark infringement…with the settlement being that the film is released this week, instead of the intended release of two weeks prior to the release of X-Men: The Last Stand.  Seeing how much X-Men stunk, I can’t see where this would have hurt it.  For this film, sadly Tim Allen thought that after his great turn skewering “Star Trek” in the classic film “Galaxy Quest”, that he could keep doing the same lame thing again and again.  And this one has one of the most reliable indicator of Movie Suckitude…Chevy Chase as a cast member. 
 

Title: Pulse 

Starring: Kristen Bell, Rick Gonzalez, Christina Millian 

Plot:  After their friend’s apparent suicide, a group of co-eds keep getting creepy messages from his computer that might be coming from EVIL BEINGS!!! 

The BeerBuzz:  The Grudge meets White Noise while SAWing a Ring off from someone.  My disregard for horror flicks notwithstanding…if you’re into this genre; this one’s getting some pretty decent buzz. 
 

Title: Step Up 

Starring: Channing Tatum, Janna Dewan 

Plot: Juvenile delinquent serving community service as a janitor at a snooty ballet academy ends up with a ballerina who understands his inner pain and hidden talents as a dancer (and my inner pain is fighting off the nausea I have just typing that tripe). 
 

The BeerBuzz:  The film is set in Baltimore…which already means it’s going to suck.  If you liked “Take the Lead” and “High School Musical”…then you’ve already proven you have no taste whatsoever, so by all means be one of the 1,000 people nationwide that will see this stinker. 
 
 
 

New DVD Releases on Tuesday, August 15^th  
 

Scary Movie 4 – This movie looks much better when you compare it to “Little Man”.  Then again, “Ishtar” looks good compared to that…as does a colonoscopy.  If you didn’t like the other three (like the majority of the country), it’s doubtful you’ll want to pick this one up.  If you did, then light up a bong and enjoy. 

RV – Robin Williams playing the umpteenth version of the Clueless Dad taking his family on an extended vacation in a huge RV that gets 4 gallons per mile.  After being reduced to taking roles like this, is there any doubt as to WHY Robin dove into a bottle of Jack Daniels and refused to come out? 

I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer – Now In Colorado!  With no Jennifer Love Hewitt or her enormous bust line in sight.   

Hoot:  I could make the obvious segue from my last line to this title…but I’ll resist.  Jimmy Buffet produced flick about three middle schoolers taking on a construction company.  Save an Owl!  Drink a Margarita! 

Rome: The Complete First Season – Another quality series from HBO…and probably as loose with the historical facts as Deadwood.  But more gruesome violence and nudity than Deadwood and the Sopranos combined…so it has that working for it. 

Hong Kong Phooey: The Complete Series and Magilla Gorilla: The Complete Series. – Classic Hanna-Barbera cartoons done in a time where they didn’t have to worry about being politically correct in either the characters or the message. 
 

Calendar Watch:

Next week: Snakes On a Plane: (finally!!!), The Illusionist, Accepted, Material Girls.  

Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers). 

Invincible: August 25^th - Mark Wahlberg as a bartender given a shot as a walk-on special teams player for the Philadelphia Eagles. 

Crank: September 1^st  - Jason Statham…The Transporter…as a poisoned hit man who is really pissed. 

Hollywoodland: September 8^th  Adrien Brody plays an investigator looking into whether or not the death of Superman actor George Reeve (Ben Afflack (gack!)) was a suicide or murder. 

The Black Dahlia – September 15^th – Brian DePalma’s latest, a film noir treatment of a James Elroy novel. 

All the King’s Men: September 22^nd  Sean Penn, Jude Law, and James Gandolfini in the classic remake of the thinly veiled tale of the life of Louisiana governor Huey Long. 

Children of Men – September 29^th – Futuristic movie with Clive Owen and Juliana Moore where women can no longer bear children, and mankind seems doomed to extinction until one woman mysteriously becomes pregnant 

The Departed: October 6^th (Scorsese’s latest with the Cast To Die For.  Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Ray Winstone) 

Man of the Year: October 13^th – Robin Williams as a Rush Limbaugh type commentator who runs for President. 

Flags of Our Fathers: October 20^th  - Director Clint Eastwood’s tale of the men who raised the flag on Iwo Jima. 

The Prestige: October 20^th – Christopher Nolan (Momento) directs Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, and Scarlett Johansson in a turn of the century mystery about two magicians. 

Lucky You: October 27^th   Eric Bana/Drew Barrymore gambling movie…possibly the life story of Swerb? 

A Good Year: November 10^th - Ridley Scott’s latest with a kinder, gentler Russell Crowe. 

Casino Royale: November 17^th - Daniel Craig in his first appearance as 007.  Good early buzz on this one. 

The Fountain: November 22^nd – Hugh Jackman as a 16^th Century Conquistador who finds the real fountain of youth and spends 1000 years searching for a way to save his love. 

Déjà Vu: November 22^nd  – Denzel Washington in a Tony Scott time travel adventure 

Rocky Balboa – December 22^nd – Adrian!!!! I want to watch Matlock!!!! 

The Good Shepherd – December 22^nd – Robert Di Niro directs Matt Damon, Anjelina Jolie and himself in a tale of the early years of the CIA. 

Dreamgirls – December 25^th – Big budget adaptation of the Broadway musical with Beyonce, Jamie Foxx and Eddie Murphy.