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Misc Movies/TV Movies Archive The Crystal Ball - May Releases
Written by Mitch Cyrus

Mitch Cyrus


The Summer Blockbuster Season is here, and it looks to be the Year of the Superhero, kicking off today with the release of “Thor”, and continuing on to “X-Men: First Class”, “Green Lantern”, and “Captain America: First Avenger”.

It’s also to be the Summer of the Sequel…but that expression can be used for almost every summer.  It actually looks like it started last week, as “Fast Five” has become a surprising breakout hit.  Other sequels coming this summer include Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Transformers 3, Cars 2, Kung Fu Panda 2, The Hangover 2, and the one I’m anticipating most; the final chapter of the Harry Potter series.

Strap yourself in and get ready to go.

News and Rumors

~ Will and Jaden Smith doing an M. Night Shyamalan movie.  This is the cinematic version of an irresistible force (the boxoffice superwattage of Will Smith) meeting the unmovable object (M. Night Shamalan’s decent into total suckitude).  My money is on the unmovable object.

~ Bill and Ted getting back together for one more Excellent Adventure?  To where?  A retirement home?  I was going to make some comment about this probably just being a need for ANY paycheck for Alex Winter (Bill)…but then again, it’s not like Keanu is setting the Cineplex ablaze either.

~ Jeremy Renner is going to be a very busy man.  As reported earlier, he’s set to take over the Mission Impossible franchise as the replacement leader for Tom Cruise’s Ethan Hunt starting with the next movie.  Now he’s also officially signed on for the next movie in the Jason Bourne franchise.  He’s not going to be Bourne, but another, more deadly operative from a group apart from Treadstone.  And then he’ll also be Hawkeye in next year’s Avengers movie.  Let’s hope he won’t burn himself out on this like Orlando Blood did with all of the costume dramas he put together in a couple of years (Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Troy, and Kingdom of Heaven).

~ Michael Shannon, the wonderfully creepy federal agent in “Boardwalk Empire”, has agreed to play General Zod in the reboot of the Superman franchise.  Good call.

~ Looks like there will be a “24” movie for Keifer Sutherland.  It is set to film in 2012 and will be produced by Brian Glazer.  No plot details at this time.

~ Daniel Day-Lewis will be playing Abraham Lincoln, with Sally Field as Mary Todd Lincoln in Steven Spielberg’s upcoming movie about the 16th President.  Interesting casting, especially with Field…and I’m already thinking that Day-Lewis might be walking off with his third Oscar.

~ Ryan Gosling is in talks to play the Lone Ranger in the upcoming movie that will feature Johnny Depp as Tonto.  I still have no idea what to think about this.

~ This isn’t a movie…yet…but Mario Puzo’s is set to write a prequel to his ultimate mafia book, The Godfather.  The book will give out more details of Vito Corleone’s rise in the 1920s and 30s New York mob scene.

May new movie releases

Movies That I’m Anticipating


May 6

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman

Plot :  The warrior Thor is cast out of the fantastic realm of Asgard by his father Odin for his arrogance and sent to Earth to live among humans. Falling in love with scientist Jane Foster teaches Thor much-needed lessons, and his new-found strength comes into play as a villain from his homeland sends dark forces toward Earth.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: High expectations on this one, starting with the fact that noted Shakespearean actor/director Kenneth Branagh is directing it.  Very high marks as of today on Rotten Tomatoes…but Thor is one of the least accessible superheroes of either the Marvel or DC universes, and it’s not like Iron Man where you have a charismatic actor like Robert Downey, Jr. to bring so much humanity to the role.  I’ll let you know early next week what I think.


Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Crúz, Ian McShane

Plot :  After crossing paths with a woman from his past, Captain Jack Sparrow is swept aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge, the ship of the formidable pirate Blackbeard, on an unexpected mission to find the elusive fountain of youth

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Just the fact that we don’t have to put up with Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan (Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley) is reason enough to want to watch this.  Add in Ian McShane and Penelope Crúz, and this jumps way up the list.  Let’s hope they get some of the magic back from the first film.


Movies That Might Be OK


May 13

Starring: Paul Bettany, Maggie Q, Cam Gigandet

Plot :  priest (Bettany) disobeys church law to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: We haven’t had a vampire movie released for a few months…which is some kind of a record.  Here the bloodsuckers are back to being the horrible monsters they were before Ann Rice, Twilight, and True Blood made them sexy.  On the other hand, this is looking eerily similar to Bettany’s last action movie, “Legion”, which bombed at the box office.



May 13

Starring: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne

Plot : Picked as her best friend's maid of honor, lovelorn and broke Annie looks to bluff her way through the expensive and bizarre rituals with an oddball group of bridesmaids.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Another wedding movie?  Shouldn’t all of these come out in June?  In any case, the one difference with this one is that it’s produced by Judd Apatow, so there is a chance that it could be something pretty funny.


Kung Fu Panda 2

May 26

Starring: the voices of Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, and Jackie Chan

Plot :  Po and the Furious Five venture to China to battle a villain and uncover the secrets of Po's mysterious origins

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: I look at this in the same way as I looked at sequels to Ice Age and Madagascar: Simply a way to rake in some big bucks from the parents of kids who’ll see these films no matter what.


Movies That Aren’t Worth Wasting Your Time

Something Borrowed

May 6

Starring: Ginniger Goodwin, Kate Hudson, Colin Egglesfield

Plot :  Friendships are trusted and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy's fiancé.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: I understand the sentiment of putting a uber chick flick as counter programming to “Thor” (and “Fast Five”), but at least it could have been something that wouldn’t insult the intelligence of every single member of the estrogen set.


Jumping the Broom

May 6

Starring:  Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette

Plot:  The wedding of Sabrina and Jason brings together her uptown family and his downtown folks over a revealing weekend in Martha's Vineyard.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: And another mediocre chick flick hoping to find a few people who aren’t going to be watching “Thor” or “Fast Five” this weekend.  This one isn’t getting trashed quite as badly as “Something Borrowed”…but that ain’t saying much.


The Hangover, Part 2

May 27

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis

Plot :  Right after the bachelor party in Las Vegas, Phil, Stu, Alan, and Doug jet to Thailand for Stu's wedding. Stu's plan for a subdued pre-wedding brunch, however, goes seriously awry.

View Trailer

The BeerBuzz: Is it just me, or was there not a single funny moment in the trailer?  I really enjoyed the first movie, but this is looking to be a monumental failure in the line of “Airplane 2” or “Caddyshack 2”.


New DVD/Pay-Per-View Releases

As mentioned in previous columns, these dates are when the movies are released to be purchased as DVDs, or released for DirecTV/Cable/Dish Network Pay-Per-Views.  The actual release to Netflix or Blockbuster may be as much as 28 days later.

The Dilemma – May 3 Vince Vaughn and Kevin James dealing with issues surrounding women that would be totally out of their league (Jennifer Connley and Winona Ryder) if they weren’t already celebrities.

The Green Hornet – May 3 -  It wasn’t a flop, but in no way did this film live up to expectations as no one really buys Seth Rogan as a superhero.  Might be worth renting, however.

No Strings Attached – May 10  At some point, Ashton Kutcher really just needs to give it up…his movies almost always suck.  This one at least has Natalie Portman going for it as a doctor who just wants to have sex with Demi’s boytoy.

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never – May 10 I think I WILL say never.  I will never, ever, ever, ever watch even one second of this crap.

The Mechanic – May 17 -  One of the worst movies I’ve been fool enough to see at the theater.

The Rite – May 17  Another exorcism movie.  Yawn.

The Roomate – May 17  Single White Female for the Miley Cyrus generation.  Yawn.

Gnomeo and Juliet – May 24.  Pretty amusing animated film with yard gnomes filling the roles of Shakespeare’s famous lovers.

I Am Number Four – May 24.  Interesting Sci-Fi concept of alien teens being hunted down on Earth...but the critics weren’t thrilled.  I’ll still take a shot at renting this.

Drive Angry – May 31.  Nicolas Cage; former Oscar winner for Best Actor…now nothing more than a punch line.


Calendar Watch

High profile movies coming to a screen near you in 2011.

Trailers available wherever you see a hyperlink.

The Hangover; Part II – May 27 – The boys are back…but in Thailand, not Vegas.

X-Men: First Class – June 3 – The origins of the X-Men, with Professor X and Magneto as younger men banding together.  I really like the casting and the characters for this one, and have high hopes that it can get the franchise back on track.

Super 8 – June 10 – The latest big film from J.J. Abrams about an alien entity from Area 51 breaking free en route to an Ohio facility in 1979.  An Ohio alien facility in 1979?  Must have been in Cincinnati. 

Green Lantern – June 17 – Here it is geekboys…the Holy Grail of your comic book fantasies.

Cars 2:  - June 24 – It’s from Pixar, so expect greatness.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes – June 24 – James Franco as the experimental scientist who creates Caesar, the first talking chimpanzee, kicking off the whole “Planet of the Apes” thing.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon – July 1 – Please don’t let this be as crappy as the last one.

Larry Crowne – July 1 – Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in a comedy about a middle-aged man going back to community college after losing his job, and falling for a local teacher.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – July 15 – The End finally comes to this great franchise.

Captain America: The First Avenger – July 22 – Chris Evans, who played the Human Torch in the awful “Fantastic Four” movies, now becomes the famed WWII hero. Oh well…since Marvel Comics killed off the Torch a few months back, he needs a new gig.

Cowboys and Aliens – July 29 – Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig as cowboys teaming with Indians to fight aliens in the 19th Century Old West.  And Craig has a mysterious high tech blaster attached to his left arm.  And he has no idea how it got there!  I am SO there for this one.

The Smurfs – Aug. 3 – Just shoot me now.

Conan the Barbarian­Aug. 19 – Another remake from the 80s that we’ll probably wish hadn’t been done.

Moneyball – Sept 23 – Brad Pitt as Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane.  I really have no idea how this book could be turned into a movie worth watching, but we’ll see.

Real Steel – Oct. 7 – Hugh Jackman as a manager/controller of real life, 10 foot tall Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots.

Footloose – Oct. 14 – Pushed back from 2010.  We can only hope it gets pushed back to 3010.

The Three Musketeers – Oct. 14 – Another remake, but this one with Brits Matthew Macfadyen (“MI-5”), Ray Stevenson (“Rome”), and Luke Evans as the main three, with young Logan Lerman (“Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief”) as D’Artagnan.  Also with Christoph Waltz, Milla Jovovich and Orlando Bloom.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 – Nov. 18 – Only two more of these awful movies to go.

Hugo Cabret – Dec. 9 – Martin Scorsese directs the story of a 1930s orphan living in the walls of a train station.

Mission Impossible 4 – Dec. 16 – Tom Cruise sets the stage for Jeremy Renner taking over the role of the leader of the IMF for future movies.  Well played, Tom.

Sherlock Holmes 2 – Dec. 16 – Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, and director Guy Ritchie make another run at it.

The Adventures of Tintin – Dec. 23 – Steven Spielberg takes on the classic French tale, using motion capture animation.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – Dec. 23 – English version of the outstanding Swedish film with Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara.

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