Written by Mike Perry

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Santa Clause, like virtually everyone else, is having a bit of financial trouble. This year he had to do a few things differently for Christmas…mainly waiting for the “after Christmas” sales to take care of some of the adults on his “nice” list. The children, of course, were hooked up on Christmas Morning because they probably would not have understood Santa’s monetary peril. Santa thought the adults would understand what he was going through, so he picked a few groups to give gifts to later than usual.

As luck would have it, Mid-American Conference coaches and players were one of those groups. Here are a few items on the Christmas list I sent to Santa, things I thought some of the coaches and athletes could use to make their lives better.

I just hope the Big Guy can find these things on the sales racks. Here is the letter that was sent to Santa, via the North Pole General Delivery:

 

Santa,

Well, it’s that time of year again. Looking forward to celebrating Christmas and my sons will make sure there are plenty of cookies and carrots set out for you on Christmas Eve. We aren’t going to leave milk for you this year because, we figure, everyone leaves you milk and if you have to drink even a little bit from all those glasses of milk you probably have to make a ton of “pit stops” if you know what I mean. It’s probably a little difficult to find a place to, ummmm, do your business and the thought of you having to let it all hang out while flying in that sleigh is pretty chilling…in more ways than one!

Santa, so sorry to hear about your financial troubles. It is pretty hard for everyone right now, but don’t worry…in January the new Congress will be sworn in and, hopefully, can put an end to this madness. Not sure if you are a Democrat or not, but it really doesn’t matter anymore. Most liberals I know want a mulligan on their 2008 ballot as well. Anyway, sorry about the political rant. Sometimes I go overboard (not that you don’t know that, seeing me when I am sleeping and knowing when I am awake and all. By the way, Santa, that kind of creeps me out).

I know you are taking care of the Mid-American Conference people a little later than usual, so I wanted to make sure you got my list. I have a lot of friends in the MAC and there are a few things some of these guys could really use.

Thanks for taking the time to read my list. Give Mrs. Santa some sugar for me and make sure you take good care of the reindeer. They have to be getting up there in age, unless they are like Tiger in The Brady Bunch or Morris the Cat where when one dies a look-alike is slid in there and no one really knows the difference.

 

Darrell Hazell, new football coach at Kent State – An excited and dedicated student body. Santa, over the years the student support of the football team at Kent State has been downright dismal. Whether it is the long, dangerous walk on the road from campus to Dix Stadium, the general boringness of Dix Stadium in general, the inability of the athletic department to market the football team to the students or the stuffy, non-alcoholic game day atmosphere, the students don’t show up to support the team. Please see what you can do about this, Santa. See if you can somehow get the beer to flow in the parking lot before the game. Look at Ohio State. Yes, the team and program’s history is worlds better than Kent, but on the day of a football game the area around the stadium comes alive. Tailgating with a ton of good food and cold beer is the rule, and pretty much everyone follows it. Meanwhile, at Kent the students are expected to either walk or ride a Campus Bus Service bus to the stadium and not have much to do other than watch football. The parking lot is huge and could be a BLAST if tailgating was encouraged. See if you can make this happen for Coach Hazell.

 

Rob Ianello, second-year football coach at Akron – I would like the Akron fans to have some patience. It’s amazing to me how some Akron fans are already looking at Ianello as a failure at Akron. In fact, people have compared the Hazell hiring at Kent to the Ianello hiring at Akron, and using this as a negative thing. Ianello took over a program in horrible shape. He did not have much to work with, yet people are going to turn on him already? Chill out. Give him some time. Was Ianello expected to turn things around and contend for the conference championship in his first season? Let him get some of his recruiting classes to Akron and wait until they are making contributions before you make your minds up about Ianello’s tenure at Akron. Santa, please let these people realize how foolish this impatient mindset is, and convince them to give Ianello a fighting chance to succeed.

 

Trey Ziegler, shooting guard at Central Michigan – Ziegler decided to play for his father at CMU, and wins have been hard to come by for the Chippewas thus far. Please, Santa, somehow give Ziegler the confidence that he has made the right decision to eschew the bigger programs, the basketball factories, to play at CMU. He is having a very good year despite the losses, but conference play hasn’t even started yet. Even though CMU is struggling, when conference play starts everyone is, again, given a new chance to make something of their season. CMU has enough talent on its roster that it could make a deep run in the MAC Tournament and end up with an NCAA bid. And the Chips are young, this is a program that should make a lot of noise for a few years to come. I think he made the right decision to play in the MAC, please see if you can affirm this decision for him.

 

Charlie Coles, head basketball coach at Miami – Santa, please give Charlie whatever he wants. Charlie Coles is one of the greatest people I have ever met. He’s funny, self-deprecating, sincere, honest, passionate and did I mention funny? If you want to get a taste of Charlie Coles, check out this post-game press conference from last season after Coles’ Miami team was defeated by one point at Kentucky when John Wall hit a buzzer-beater: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnilJdwyPRs.

Coles is amazing, one of those coaches that makes college basketball as fun as it is. Santa, please hook him up swell for Christmas.

 

D.J. Cooper, point guard at Ohio University – Santa, the nation needs to know a lot more about this kid. He threw the Bobcats on his back last season and led them to the MAC Tournament title, and this season has been simply amazing. Cooper, a sophomore, is putting up monster numbers. He averages 19.8 points, 6.0 rebounds and 7.2 assists a game this year. He is second in the conference in steals and fourth in assist/turnover ratio. Cooper is, without a doubt, one of the most overlooked players in the nation. Santa, please get the word out about this kid because he is fun to watch.

 

That’s all I have for now, Santa. Everything else I want to see happen I will save for the New Year celebration because I know your plate is very full.

 

Thanks and have a great year.