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Buckeyes Buckeye Archive Unnamed Source in ‘Pryor Going Pro’ Report Speaks
Written by David Regimbal

David Regimbal

altThe National Football Post reported yesterday afternoon that Terrelle Pryor was considering an early jump to the NFL, possibly by entering the supplemental draft this summer. According to the article, an “unnamed source” tipped off the NF Post and made them aware that Pryor was leaning toward leaving, giving him a “60-40” chance of forgoing his senior season. The report, for some crazy reason, referenced Notre Dame wide receiver Michael Floyd -- and stated that if Floyd went, Pryor would likely go as well.

This rumor has since been debunked by pretty much every reliable media source out there, including Terrelle Pryor himself, who reached out to Buckeyes fans by tweeting this:

I'll be suited up at Lincoln Nebraska !! And first player at QB to meet with the Wolverines for the fourth time!!

The “Lincoln” reference coincides with Pryor’s suspension, which will last five games and end the week before Ohio State hits the road to play Nebraska. Pryor could also become the first ever Ohio State quarterback to beat Michigan four times in a row (with a victory over the Wolverines in November), something that appears to be very important to him.

So you’d think that would be the end of the story, but it isn’t. This unnamed source reached out to me, looking for a platform to clear his name after being villainized by the media. What follows is a statement he wanted me to release on his behalf:

To whom it may concern,

First off, I just want to clear the record and say I AM NOT A COWARD!!! Everyone keeps calling me that because "I didn’t tie my name to the story”, hiding behind the cloak of an unnamed source. What you people don’t realize is that my name is Unnamed Source. My late parents, Mr. and Mrs. Source (God rest their souls), were very indecisive people. When I was born, they were trying to decide on my name, caught between Steven and Chad. So much time went by that the hospital filled in the “first name” field on my birth certificate as “Unnamed” because that’s their policy. My parents were supposed to get my birth certificate updated when they decided on a name, but they were killed in a car accident on the way to the hospital (my aunt was babysitting me), and I decided to stick with "Unnamed" to honor my parents.

Now, regarding the report, I was only relaying the information passed on to me from one of my drinking buddies, Michael Floyd. That’s right. The Notre Dame receiver and I get drunk together. A lot. He’s a cool guy and a hell of drinker. My only sin during this whole process was believing the ramblings of a drunk man.

Floyd and I were out at a bar in whatever state Notre Dame is in, just chillin’ and knockin’ a few back. After a while, Floyd started talking about “wanting out” of Notre Dame -- that he was promised a bunch of glory by this huge guy, his name was Weis or something, during his high school recruitment. But now that guy is gone and the new coach is a total freaking jerk. The new coach, I think his name is Kelly, makes everyone clean up after themselves in the locker room and doesn’t go on 3:00 AM Taco Bell runs with the team anymore like the old guy used to.

Sports Center was playing in the bar and they were running a story on the “Tat5” -- you know, to fill their hourly quota of Ohio St-hate. Floyd groggily pointed at the screen to Terrelle Pryor and said, “If I go, he goes.” I told him that Pryor was committed to staying at Ohio State, but Floyd said that wasn’t right, “No. NO! Pryor told me there’s a 60% chance he’s leaving for the NFL. If I go, he goes.”

Now, if you were in my shoes, what would you have done? You probably would have gone to the NF Post, what can now be known as the most gullible news source in the history of EVER!!! and get paid!

Hate me if you want, but all I was trying to do was give you guys a heads up on your boy Pryor. My bad, he ain’t leaving, so no harm, no foul, right?

I might have something that will get me back in your good graces. I have this other buddy who I always drink with, his name is Chuck Barkley or something... Anyway, we were drinking one night (seriously, this Barkley guy can drink anyone under the table without breaking a sweat), he said Lebron James is a crack dealer! I asked him, “How do you know that?” and Barkley was like, “because he’s my biggest connection, duh!”

Anyway, I hope we’re cool, Cleveland fans.

Sincerely,

Unnamed Source

Follow David on Twitter @davidreg412

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