Written by David Regimbal

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It may be the offseason, but there’s a whole lot of Buckeye news (good and bad... mostly bad), floating around the Internet just waiting for you to read it. Instead of leaving those random bits of news scattered loosely around the interwebs, I’ve consolidated all the highlights into this one simple article. You can thank me by continuing on and reading this article, or if your prefer, by sending me a check for $1,000.

Car-Gate Update: Thad Paid

Good news is in very rare supply for Ohio State University officials lately. There are more [insert scandal]-gate’s out there than anyone (other than Michigan fans) want to keep up with. The NCAA is months away from potentially dropping the hammer on the football program. The status of a head coach with overwhelming success on the field is a question that lingers like an image of a fat guy diving into a pool of mayonnaise and olives.

And don’t kid yourself -- you’ll be thinking about the fattest man you know jumping into a pool of mayonnaise and olives for the rest of the day.

So it was a welcome and relieving surprise when the Columbus Dispatch reported Thaddeus Gibson, the former defensive end who reportedly paid $0 for a Chrysler 300C while a student-athlete at Ohio State, did in fact pay for his car. Recently discovered BMV records show that Gibson paid $13,700 for the 300C.

That doesn’t mean car-gate can be put to rest. Both the university and the NCAA are investigating dozens of other automobile transactions between a certain car calesman (Aaron Kniffin*) and Ohio State football players (along with certain family members of those players).

*I have a theory that the car salesman, Aaron Kniffin, is just a poorly named cover for USC coach Lane Kiffin and his diabolic plan to ruin everything he touches. His missions were completed in Oakland and Tennessee, and are a work in progress at USC and now... now he’s trying to bring Ohio State down.

Regardless, the report about Thad Gibson paying for his car is good news for an Ohio State fan base that hasn’t had much good news this offseason. That is until another investigation launched by code-name Aaron Kniffin reveals Thad Gibson paid for his car with money he made from his baby-stealing business. Kniffin will produce emails proving Tressel not only knew about the baby-stealing business, but had also purchased a stolen baby from Thad for $2,200 -- well under market value for the average stolen baby.

The Miami Game

The Ohio State Buckeyes will play the second game in a two-game series against the Miami Hurricanes on September 17. Last year’s game, played in Columbus, kicked off at 3:30 -- a contest that Ohio State won 36-24. Buckeye fans who have grown to love the night-game atmosphere in the ‘Shoe were disappointed that it wasn’t a primetime game.

Well the 3,600 Miami fans who show up for this year’s game will be able to enjoy it under the lights. It was announced that the Ohio State - Miami matchup will kickoff on either ESPN or ABC in their primetime slot. Kickoff will either be 7:30 or 8:00 depending on when the other primetime game (Oklahoma - Florida State) gets started.

Art Schlichter and the Meaning of “Bilking”

Former Ohio State quarterback Art Schlichter has been in the news recently for all the wrong reasons. Schlichter is facing a 13-count indictment for charges against him and his involvement in a “million dollar ticket scheme”. Schlichter’s struggle with gambling issues are well known, so that’s not what we’re going to cover here.

The reason I bring it up is because in the most technical terms, Schlichter was accused of “bilking” people...

Now, for people who have no idea what “bilking” is -- reading headlines such as “Schlichter accused of Bilking” can really trigger the imagination. Here are just three of the things I thought “bilking” was before Dictionary.com told me otherwise...

First, as I opened up a new web browser to find the answer to my question, I guessed that the term “bilking” was the legal term given to an instance when a citizen of Mexico, without the proper documentation, made an unsuccessful attempt to gain entry into ‘Murica by way of  bicycle. I quickly discredited that as a possibility when I remembered that Schlichter has been an American citizen his entire life.

So as I typed in the web address “Dictionary.com”, I thought, hmm -- maybe “bilking” was the unlawful operation of a baby-stealing business, but I quickly trashed that thought knowing Thad Gibson pretty much owns that industry.

As I typed the word “bilking” into the search bar, I wondered if it meant Schlichter gave an unsuspecting person an unwanted reach-around on a New York City subway.

As soon as I hit enter, all of my theories were discredited. Apparently “bilking”, according to Dictionary.com, is to defraud; cheat.

So -- if you were like me and had no idea what “bilking” was... now you know.

Follow David on Twitter @davidreg412