Written by Chris Hutchison

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There has been an outpouring of hundreds - nay, tens - of requests to begin posting the weekly results of my NFL ranking system, HERO (Hutchison Enigmatic Ranking Output), and it would be a fool thing for me to disoblige.  So, here they are.

To explain without really explaining, the system ranks teams by record, points scored, and points allowed (along with other secret factors like Head Coach Mustache or Mascot Stupidity) and produces a completely impartial bipartisan ranking that has absolutely nothing to do with any personal feelings that I might have.

For instance, the Browns are ranked 24th, which is clearly higher than I personally would rank that hot mess, but simple number crunching says that I am letting my complete and utter disdain for their coaching staff cloud my logic.  Apparently this team, hampered as it is by the worst Coach in the History of Sports (perhaps I embellish slightly), still has enough talent to be ranked ahead of a full quarter of the league.  This team could be in for good days if they finally hire a quality football dude.

I did create a version of the rankings that took into account Average Yardage Gained, Average Yardage Allowed, Turnovers, Turnovers Forced, Sacks, Sacks Allowed and Time of Possession.  I ended up with the rankings telling me that Cincy was better than Baltimore and Kansas City was better than Jacksonville, which just aren't possible.  There is no human way that the Romeos are better than anybody anywhere anytime anyway.  So I went back to my original formula which gave me a much more satisfying conclusion.

And - yes - I agree that numbers often lie.  But so do gut feelings, impressions, and intuitions.  So instead of dwelling on which of the forty-three 4-7 teams was best/worst, I just let the stats do the work for me.  I'm all about making life easier.

Anyhoo...

Team	Wins	Losses	Ties	WP	Avg_PF	Avg_PA	Avg_Diff	Rank_PF	Rank_PA	Rank_Final
Houston	10	1	0	0.909	29.73	19.18	10.55	2	5	1
San Francisco	8	2	1	0.773	25.09	14.09	11.00	12	1	2
New England	8	3	0	0.727	37.00	22.18	14.82	1	13	3
Denver	8	3	0	0.727	28.91	20.09	8.82	3	8	4
Chicago	8	3	0	0.727	25.18	15.91	9.27	11	2	5
Atlanta	10	1	0	0.909	26.73	19.64	7.09	8	6	5
Baltimore	9	2	0	0.818	25.73	19.91	5.82	9	7	7
N.Y. Giants	7	4	0	0.636	27.73	20.55	7.18	6	9	8
Tampa Bay	6	5	0	0.545	28.18	23.09	5.09	4	18	9
Cincinnati	6	5	0	0.545	25.64	22.45	3.18	10	15	10
Green Bay	7	4	0	0.636	24.82	22.27	2.55	13	14	11
Seattle	6	5	0	0.545	19.91	16.82	3.09	23	3	12
Pittsburgh	6	5	0	0.545	21.00	19.09	1.91	20	4	12
Minnesota	6	5	0	0.545	22.55	22.64	-0.09	15	17	14
Washington	5	6	0	0.455	26.82	25.91	0.91	7	25	15
San Diego	4	7	0	0.364	22.27	21.55	0.73	16	12	16
New Orleans	5	6	0	0.455	28.00	27.64	0.36	5	28	17
Miami	5	6	0	0.455	19.18	20.55	-1.36	26	9	18
Indianapolis	7	4	0	0.636	20.91	24.82	-3.91	21	22	19
Dallas	5	6	0	0.455	22.00	23.82	-1.82	18	20	20
Detroit	4	7	0	0.364	24.27	25.45	-1.18	14	23	21
Arizona	4	7	0	0.364	16.36	20.64	-4.27	31	11	22
St. Louis	4	6	1	0.409	18.64	23.09	-4.45	28	18	23
Cleveland	3	8	0	0.273	19.00	22.55	-3.55	27	16	24
N.Y. Jets	4	7	0	0.364	20.09	26.36	-6.27	22	26	25
Buffalo	4	7	0	0.364	22.09	29.00	-6.91	17	30	25
Carolina	3	8	0	0.273	19.45	24.09	-4.64	25	21	27
Tennessee	4	7	0	0.364	21.64	30.45	-8.82	19	31	28
Philadelphia	3	8	0	0.273	16.73	25.64	-8.91	30	24	29
Oakland	3	8	0	0.273	19.82	32.36	-12.55	24	32	30
Jacksonville	2	9	0	0.182	17.09	28.00	-10.91	29	29	31
Kansas City	1	10	0	0.091	14.64	27.36	-12.73	32	27	32

Key: WP = Winning Percentage, Avg_PF = Average Points Scored per game, Avg_PA = Average Points Allowed per game, Avg_Diff = Average Points Winning By (or losing by) per game, Rank_PF = NFL Rank in Points Scored, Rank_PA = NFL Rank in Points Allowed