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Browns Browns Archive NFL Outsider - Rankings Week 16
Written by Chris Hutchison

Chris Hutchison

blue ribbon_pig_42-16422960These here rankings be a little late this week, what with the holidays and the snowstorm and the Cleveland Browns apathy and what not.

Those aforementioned play their last game of the 2012 season this week, thus putting a merciful end to the Pat Shurmur era, a man that proves the old credo "Just when you think you've seen the worst life can throw at you, someone shoots your pig."

A credo that Joe Banner and Mike Lombardi will doubtless try to reinforce as their reign begins.

The last game will apparently star 3rd string QB Thad Lewis, as Brandon Weeden got an ouchy and Colt McCoy shot himself in the asscheek so he wouldn't have to play (which is fine with me, watching McCoy play NFL football is like shoving a screwdriver up your nostril).  So Lewis becomes the... 18th!... QB to start for the Browns since 1999.

Let's see if I can name them all off the top of my head... uhhhh... Tim Couch, Kelly Holcomb, Jeff Garcia, Trent Dilfer, Derek Anderson, Brady Quinn, Colt, Weeden, Jake Delhomme, Chip Frye, Luke Somethingerother, that guy that had the negative QB rating, Dopey, Sneezy, Donner, and Blitzen.  Was I close?

Still, Thad is the only reason I watch the game on Sunday.  Pat Shurmur has an offensive system that scores at a rate that makes soccer envious, so you apparently have to be a playmaker to overcome his ineptitude.  Weeden is not a "playmaker", and Colt... we already discussed the screwdriver.  Is Lewis?  I doubt it.  But he has the chance to be, even if that chance is the same as me being gored to death by wild goats on Easter.  So I'll watch for 10 minutes until I realize that the game is nothing more than a re-air of the late 2008 Bruce-Gradkowski-versus-Steelers debacle, then on to one of those games that actually has some Playoff ramifications.

I mean, I'm trying to muster up some of that "Who cares about the records, it's the Steelers!" fire, but it just ain't there.  Maybe it will torch up during the game, maybe it won't.

But the moral of the story is this:  Haslam - This fan base is exhausted.  You don't get a honeymoon.  Fair or not, you're paying for your predecessors' crimes.  If you come at us with another Five Year Plan, you'll have an empty stadium no matter how many bells and whistles and fireworks and inflatible giraffes you add.

Oh, and your team dropped to 23rd in the rankings and only 5 teams have a worse record.  But at least you'd get the #7 overall pick if the season ended today!  Whoop whoop!

On a positive note, my Adopt-A-Team (Seattle) has rocketed up to #3 in the polls.  I still loathe me some Pete Carroll, but I'll be damned if his out-of-the-box methods aren't working.

Team Wins Losses Ties WP Avg_PF Avg_PA Diff Rank_PF Rank_PA Rank_Final
Denver 12 3 0 0.8 29.53 19.07 157 2 5 1
Atlanta 13 2 0 0.867 26.80 18.47 125 5 4 2
Seattle 10 5 0 0.667 26.13 15.47 160 8 1 3
New England 11 4 0 0.733 35.27 22.07 198 1 17 4
Houston 12 3 0 0.8 26.67 20.20 97 6 8 5
Green Bay 11 4 0 0.733 26.60 19.93 100 7 7 6
San Francisco 10 4 1 0.7 24.67 17.33 110 11 3 7
Chicago 9 6 0 0.6 23.27 16.87 96 15 2 8
Baltimore 10 5 0 0.667 25.40 21.40 60 10 12 9
Cincinnati 9 6 0 0.6 24.53 20.20 65 12 8 10
Washington 9 6 0 0.6 27.20 24.67 38 4 21 11
Minnesota 9 6 0 0.6 22.80 20.93 28 17 11 12
N.Y. Giants 8 7 0 0.533 25.80 22.47 50 9 18 13
New Orleans 7 8 0 0.467 28.20 27.33 13 3 28 14
Miami 7 8 0 0.467 19.20 19.27 -1 25 6 15
Pittsburgh 7 8 0 0.467 20.80 20.27 8 22 10 16
Indianapolis 10 5 0 0.667 21.93 24.73 -42 18 22 17
Dallas 8 7 0 0.533 23.87 24.80 -14 14 23 18
San Diego 6 9 0 0.4 21.73 21.93 -3 19 15 19
Carolina 6 9 0 0.4 20.87 21.67 -12 21 13 20
Tampa Bay 6 9 0 0.4 24.47 25.13 -10 13 24 21
St. Louis 7 7 1 0.5 19.07 21.87 -42 26 14 22
Cleveland 5 10 0 0.333 19.47 22.93 -52 23 19 23
N.Y. Jets 6 9 0 0.4 18.13 23.13 -75 28 20 24
Arizona 5 10 0 0.333 15.80 22.00 -93 30 16 25
Detroit 4 11 0 0.267 23.20 27.40 -63 16 29 26
Buffalo 5 10 0 0.333 21.07 28.40 -110 20 31 27
Philadelphia 4 11 0 0.267 18.20 26.80 -129 27 26 28
Tennessee 5 10 0 0.333 19.47 30.07 -159 23 32 29
Oakland 4 11 0 0.267 17.93 27.93 -150 29 30 30
Jacksonville 2 13 0 0.133 15.67 27.07 -171 31 27 31
Kansas City 2 13 0 0.133 13.87 25.80 -179 32 25 32

 

Key: WP = Winning Percentage, Avg_PF = Average Points Scored per game, Avg_PA = Average Points Allowed per game, Diff = Points Scored minus Points Allowed (season), Rank_PF = NFL Rank in Points Scored, Rank_PA = NFL Rank in Points Allowed


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