Written by Chris Hutchison

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These here rankings be a little late this week, what with the holidays and the snowstorm and the Cleveland Browns apathy and what not.

Those aforementioned play their last game of the 2012 season this week, thus putting a merciful end to the Pat Shurmur era, a man that proves the old credo "Just when you think you've seen the worst life can throw at you, someone shoots your pig."

A credo that Joe Banner and Mike Lombardi will doubtless try to reinforce as their reign begins.

The last game will apparently star 3rd string QB Thad Lewis, as Brandon Weeden got an ouchy and Colt McCoy shot himself in the asscheek so he wouldn't have to play (which is fine with me, watching McCoy play NFL football is like shoving a screwdriver up your nostril).  So Lewis becomes the... 18th!... QB to start for the Browns since 1999.

Let's see if I can name them all off the top of my head... uhhhh... Tim Couch, Kelly Holcomb, Jeff Garcia, Trent Dilfer, Derek Anderson, Brady Quinn, Colt, Weeden, Jake Delhomme, Chip Frye, Luke Somethingerother, that guy that had the negative QB rating, Dopey, Sneezy, Donner, and Blitzen.  Was I close?

Still, Thad is the only reason I watch the game on Sunday.  Pat Shurmur has an offensive system that scores at a rate that makes soccer envious, so you apparently have to be a playmaker to overcome his ineptitude.  Weeden is not a "playmaker", and Colt... we already discussed the screwdriver.  Is Lewis?  I doubt it.  But he has the chance to be, even if that chance is the same as me being gored to death by wild goats on Easter.  So I'll watch for 10 minutes until I realize that the game is nothing more than a re-air of the late 2008 Bruce-Gradkowski-versus-Steelers debacle, then on to one of those games that actually has some Playoff ramifications.

I mean, I'm trying to muster up some of that "Who cares about the records, it's the Steelers!" fire, but it just ain't there.  Maybe it will torch up during the game, maybe it won't.

But the moral of the story is this:  Haslam - This fan base is exhausted.  You don't get a honeymoon.  Fair or not, you're paying for your predecessors' crimes.  If you come at us with another Five Year Plan, you'll have an empty stadium no matter how many bells and whistles and fireworks and inflatible giraffes you add.

Oh, and your team dropped to 23rd in the rankings and only 5 teams have a worse record.  But at least you'd get the #7 overall pick if the season ended today!  Whoop whoop!

On a positive note, my Adopt-A-Team (Seattle) has rocketed up to #3 in the polls.  I still loathe me some Pete Carroll, but I'll be damned if his out-of-the-box methods aren't working.

Team	Wins	Losses	Ties	WP	Avg_PF	Avg_PA	Diff	Rank_PF	Rank_PA	Rank_Final
Denver	12	3	0	0.8	29.53	19.07	157	2	5	1
Atlanta	13	2	0	0.867	26.80	18.47	125	5	4	2
Seattle	10	5	0	0.667	26.13	15.47	160	8	1	3
New England	11	4	0	0.733	35.27	22.07	198	1	17	4
Houston	12	3	0	0.8	26.67	20.20	97	6	8	5
Green Bay	11	4	0	0.733	26.60	19.93	100	7	7	6
San Francisco	10	4	1	0.7	24.67	17.33	110	11	3	7
Chicago	9	6	0	0.6	23.27	16.87	96	15	2	8
Baltimore	10	5	0	0.667	25.40	21.40	60	10	12	9
Cincinnati	9	6	0	0.6	24.53	20.20	65	12	8	10
Washington	9	6	0	0.6	27.20	24.67	38	4	21	11
Minnesota	9	6	0	0.6	22.80	20.93	28	17	11	12
N.Y. Giants	8	7	0	0.533	25.80	22.47	50	9	18	13
New Orleans	7	8	0	0.467	28.20	27.33	13	3	28	14
Miami	7	8	0	0.467	19.20	19.27	-1	25	6	15
Pittsburgh	7	8	0	0.467	20.80	20.27	8	22	10	16
Indianapolis	10	5	0	0.667	21.93	24.73	-42	18	22	17
Dallas	8	7	0	0.533	23.87	24.80	-14	14	23	18
San Diego	6	9	0	0.4	21.73	21.93	-3	19	15	19
Carolina	6	9	0	0.4	20.87	21.67	-12	21	13	20
Tampa Bay	6	9	0	0.4	24.47	25.13	-10	13	24	21
St. Louis	7	7	1	0.5	19.07	21.87	-42	26	14	22
Cleveland	5	10	0	0.333	19.47	22.93	-52	23	19	23
N.Y. Jets	6	9	0	0.4	18.13	23.13	-75	28	20	24
Arizona	5	10	0	0.333	15.80	22.00	-93	30	16	25
Detroit	4	11	0	0.267	23.20	27.40	-63	16	29	26
Buffalo	5	10	0	0.333	21.07	28.40	-110	20	31	27
Philadelphia	4	11	0	0.267	18.20	26.80	-129	27	26	28
Tennessee	5	10	0	0.333	19.47	30.07	-159	23	32	29
Oakland	4	11	0	0.267	17.93	27.93	-150	29	30	30
Jacksonville	2	13	0	0.133	15.67	27.07	-171	31	27	31
Kansas City	2	13	0	0.133	13.87	25.80	-179	32	25	32

 

Key: WP = Winning Percentage, Avg_PF = Average Points Scored per game, Avg_PA = Average Points Allowed per game, Diff = Points Scored minus Points Allowed (season), Rank_PF = NFL Rank in Points Scored, Rank_PA = NFL Rank in Points Allowed