Written by Chris Hutchison

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Many years ago there was an episode of The Simpsons - a "Treehouse of Horrors" episode - where Bart possessed mind powers to do anything he wanted.  And if you had an issue with that - BAM! - he turned you into a dog or a jack-in-the-box.  For fun, he turned the cat into some kind of strange fire-breathing creature, and when it caused its inevitable havoc, the family was forced to act happy about it.

Marge:  Oh good!  The curtains are on fire!

Homer:  It's good you made that awful thing, Bart!

This sums up the life of a Browns fan.

Act happy about the awful things that occur since you are powerless to do otherwise.

Did I mention that Joe Banner is in Arizona to interview Chip Kelly?

There is really no reason to wring hands about the Browns' coaching search - all the candidates have flaws so no matter who they choose it'll be a little while before the move can be truly judged.  I personally feel that a guy like Kelly would be a disasterous choice and (if you have to go the college route) would rather have a guy with some NFL experience like a David Shaw or a Bill O'Brien or even break the bank for a Nick Saban, but, hey, I've got no dog in this fight.  Whomever it is, I'll just say "Oh good!  The curtains are on fire!" and go on with my day.

The new Coach will inherit a team that ended up with a final ranking of #23 (24th in points scored, 19th in points allowed, -66 in point differential), ahead of only Buffalo, Detroit, the Jets, Arizona, Tennessee, Oakland, Philly, Kansas City, and Jacksonville.

What's the common denominator there?  Yep.  None of them have a QB worth a damn (and, yes, I mean Matt Stafford too).

Cleveland teeters uncomfortably between Teams That Have Crap At QB and Teams That Have A Mediocre QB, teams such as the Rams, Dolphins, Cowboys, Bucs, and Chargers.

Then comes the top 16 or 17 teams in the league, and only a few of those have question marks at QB: Minnesota, Cincy, Houston, and maybe Baltimore are the only ones I can see.

So the correlation between NFL success/ranking is directly proportional to the quality of QB.  Who'd a thunk it?

Anyhoo, the final rankings for 2012 look like this:

Team	Wins	Losses	Ties	WP	Avg_PF	Avg_PA	Diff	Rank_PF	Rank_PA	Rank_Final
Denver	13	3	0	0.812	30.06	18.06	192	2	4	1
New England	12	4	0	0.75	34.81	20.69	226	1	9	2
Atlanta	13	3	0	0.812	26.19	18.69	120	7	5	3
Seattle	11	5	0	0.688	25.75	15.31	167	9	1	4
San Francisco	11	4	1	0.719	24.81	17.06	124	11	2	5
Houston	12	4	0	0.75	26.00	20.69	85	8	9	6
Green Bay	11	5	0	0.688	27.06	21.00	97	5	11	7
Chicago	10	6	0	0.625	23.44	17.31	98	16	3	8
Cincinnati	10	6	0	0.625	24.44	20.00	71	12	8	9
N.Y. Giants	9	7	0	0.562	26.81	21.50	85	6	12	10
Baltimore	10	6	0	0.625	24.88	21.50	54	10	12	11
Washington	10	6	0	0.625	27.25	24.25	48	4	22	12
Minnesota	10	6	0	0.625	23.69	21.75	31	14	14	13
Pittsburgh	8	8	0	0.5	21.00	19.63	22	22	6	14
Indianapolis	11	5	0	0.688	22.31	24.19	-30	18	21	15
New Orleans	7	9	0	0.438	28.81	28.38	7	3	31	16
San Diego	7	9	0	0.438	21.88	21.88	0	20	16	17
Tampa Bay	7	9	0	0.438	24.31	24.63	-5	13	23	18
Carolina	7	9	0	0.438	22.31	22.69	-6	18	18	19
Miami	7	9	0	0.438	18.00	19.81	-29	27	7	20
Dallas	8	8	0	0.5	23.50	25.00	-24	15	24	21
St. Louis	7	8	1	0.469	18.69	21.75	-49	25	14	22
Cleveland	5	11	0	0.312	18.88	23.00	-66	24	19	23
Buffalo	6	10	0	0.375	21.50	27.19	-91	21	26	24
Detroit	4	12	0	0.25	23.25	27.31	-65	17	27	25
N.Y. Jets	6	10	0	0.375	17.56	23.44	-94	28	20	26
Arizona	5	11	0	0.312	15.63	22.31	-107	31	17	27
Tennessee	6	10	0	0.375	20.63	29.44	-141	23	32	28
Oakland	4	12	0	0.25	18.13	27.69	-153	26	28	29
Philadelphia	4	12	0	0.25	17.50	27.75	-164	29	29	30
Kansas City	2	14	0	0.125	13.19	26.56	-214	32	25	31
Jacksonville	2	14	0	0.125	15.94	27.75	-189	30	29	32

 

Key: WP = Winning Percentage, Avg_PF = Average Points Scored per game, Avg_PA = Average Points Allowed per game, Diff = Points Scored minus Points Allowed (season), Rank_PF = NFL Rank in Points Scored, Rank_PA = NFL Rank in Points Allowed