Written by Chris Hutchison

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Who was the only genius - or slightly non-retarded male human - that picked the Browns on the road last week?  That's right.  Got one right for once.

I wish I could feel as good this week, but the Bengals are a MUCH better team than the Angry Norwegians.  Brian Hoyer can't go out there and throw 3 terrible picks again and hope to win.  And I still don't have enough faith in him to expect him to improve that much in his second week.

If he does and he wins, then that's the end of Brandon Weeden in Cleveland.

Let's be honest, Weeden is already done after this season is over.  But if Hoyer were to pull out a victory, I don't think you could find anyone that would disagree with turning the team over to him for the remainder of 2013.

Don't see that happening, though - take the Striped Endangered Species to cover the 4.5.  Everyone back in the tank.

As for the picks last week, despite hitting the Browns pick I whiffed big on what I thought were prudent bets - taking the under on huge lines.  OSU by 50?  Hell, they almost covered 80.  Take them -7 against Wisconsin - they'll probably win by 3 TD's.  That's a dangerous Buckeyes team.

And pick against JAX every game - that's an epically bad team, proof that the Browns have no shot whatsoever at Teddy Bridgewater even if they DO tank.

Last week:

MO: 4-2

BT: 3-3

Slightly Non-Retarded: 3-3

DJC: 1-5

YTD:

Slightly Non-Retarded:  11-7

MO: 9.5-8.5

BT: 8.5-9.5

DJC: 8-10

This week's games (lines provided by VegasInsider.com):

 

Oklahoma -3.5 at ND

Stanford -9.5 at Wash St.

Akron +15.5 at Bowling Green

Wisc +7 at OSU

PIT -1 vs MIN (London)

BAL -3.5 AT BUF

CIN -4.5 AT CLE

IND -8.5 AT JAX

SEA -3 AT HOU

ARI +3 AT TB

CHI +3 AT DET

NYG +4 AT KC

NYJ +4.5 AT TEN

DAL -2 AT SD

WAS -3 AT OAK

PHI +10.5 AT DEN

NE +1.5 AT ATL

I just included all the Sunday NFL games since none were really standing out to me.

Bonus - Over/Under on Brian Hoyer throwing 1.5 TD passes vs. Bengals Sunday.

BT:

OSU -7 (Wisc):  Ohio St. is good!

CLE +4.5 (CIN):  Hoyer, the real deal or just better than Weeden?

IND -8.5 (at JAX):  Jags suck so bad.

DEN -10.5 (PHI):  Beagles blow.

ATL -1.5 (NE):  Atlanta at home, NE is lucky to be 3-0.

Bonus - Over/Under on Brian Hoyer throwing 1.5 TD passes vs. Bengals Sunday - OVER, see previous Hoyer comment.

DJC:

ND +3.5 (Oklahoma):   Because Jesus loves the Irish.

ARI +3 (at TB):  Not convinced the backup QB can win a game on the road. That hasn't happened in forever!

CHI +3 (at DET):  Bears are on a roll since Cutler stopped getting knocked on his ass.

NYG +4 (at KC):  Off the schnide sometime.

ATL -1.5 (NE):  New England just hasn't looked good and Roddy White needs to come back to help my fantasy team.

Bonus - Over/Under on Brian Hoyer throwing 1.5 TD passes vs. Bengals Sunday - UNDER.  This reminds me of Derek Anderson.

MO:

BAL -3.5 (at BUF):  No reason, other than all of Buffalo’s blue wearing scouts were escorted off OSU’s campus, seriously effecting their ability to win.

 

ARZ +3 (at TB):  Always bet against the rookie quarterback…  Like Luck, err, RG III, err, Geno, err, Manual… One of them has to lose regularly.

 

CIN -4.5 (at CLE):  Big win for Cinci last week, hoping they don’t have a hangover.  More importantly, Cleveland really needs this loss (Bridge over troubled Water), as badly as Gordon doesn’t need a party at Vada.

 

CHI +3 (at DET):  Please prove me wrong Lions.  Please.

 

NE +1.5 (at ATL):  I despise NE, and that’s why they keep winning.

Bonus - Over/Under on Brian Hoyer throwing 1.5 TD passes vs. Bengals Sunday - UNDER

Yours Truly:

BAL -3.5 (at BUF):  The Flying Rats are starting to hit their stride, should be able to win by a TD in Buffalo.

 

SEA -3 (at HOU):  The Aquatic Birds of Prey are the best team in the NFL, and this line both underestimates how good they are and how mediocre Houston is.

IND -8.5 (at JAX):  It's really kind of a miracle how devoid of talent the Spotted Kitties still are even after years and years of high draft picks..

ATL -1.5 (NE):  I have no idea what the Loyal Americans have shown to make this line so close, especially considering how desperate Atlanta is for a win.  I'd call this one the easiest pick of the week, but every time I do that I blow the pick.

DAL -2 (at SD):  Diego has been surprisingly competent this year, esp on Offense, but Dallas has enough of a talent surplus on the Battery Energizers to win by a FG.

Bonus - Over/Under on Brian Hoyer throwing 1.5 TD passes vs. Bengals Sunday - UNDER.  The Hoyer bandwagon derails as the reality of physically limited career backup catches up to him.  Love to be wrong.