Written by Chris Hutchison

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EXT. BONFIRE - NIGHT

Trevor and Sheila stand around a fire with about 10 other people, drinking beer and holding their arms out to the flame in celebration of the chemical change.  Mark walks up quickly holding a bottle of strawberry alcoholic beverage, looking eager.

Mark:  Wassup?

Trevor and Sheila grunt at him.

Mark:  How long have you guys been here?

Trevor:  Too long.

Mark:  What time you get here?

Sheila:What?  5?  It was still light..

Mark:  You hear Lou Reed died?

Sheila:  Yep.  Reminder that fame can't beat time.

Trevor:  Sounds like a game.  Instead of rock, scissors, paper, it's fame, time, and...

Mark: Mediocrity.

Trevor: Reality.

Sheila:  Addiction.

Mark:  So, fame, time, and addiction?

Sheila:  I guess.

Mark:  How do you play that?

Trevor:  Well... fame... (frames his face with his hands and makes an exaggerated happy face)... time... (taps his wrist)... and addiction... (acts like he's injecting himself).

Mark: What beats what?

Trevor:  Well, obviously time beats fame.

Mark:  Obviously.  What beats time then?

Trevor:  Well... nothing.  Nothing beats time.  Duh.

Mark:  How do you have a game if nothing beats time?

Trevor:  Fine, addiction beats time.

Mark:  What?  If anything addiction and time go together.

Trevor:  How do they go together?  You can be addicted, time can pass , but you don't have to do both.

Mark:  How can you make time not pass?

Trevor:  You can't, but no way time is stronger than addiction.  You ever try to quit smoking...?

Sheila (blowing up):  WHY IS THIS CONVERSATION TAKING PLACE?

Trevor:  You made up the game.

Sheila:  Since when?  When did I make up this stupid fucking game?

There is silence as Trevor and Mark look at each other, trying to come up with a retort.

Mark:  So... how frustrating was that game today?

Trevor:  Fame, time, and addiction?

Mark:  The Browns game!  The Chiefs!  If Bessy doesn't drop that punt, they win.

Trevor:  Yeah... I took my son trick-or-treating today for the whole second half.

Mark looks at Sheila.  She holds her hand out to the fire to warm up.

Sheila:  Don't look at me.  I watched until it was 13-0.  Then I was unavoidably detained by my X-Box.

Mark: So neither of you bothered to watch the game today?

Sheila and Trevor look at each other.

Trevor:  Well...

Sheila:  Hmmm...

Mark (waving hand in disgust): And you call yourselves Browns fans.

Sheila and Trevor exchange another glance.

Trevor:  Well...

Sheila:  Hmmm...

**************

And with that, we head into Week 9 of the NFL football season.  Rankings first, picks to follow.

Team	Wins	Losses	Ties	WP	Avg_PF	Avg_PA	Diff	Rank_PF	Rank_PA	Rank_Final
New Orleans	6	1	0	.857	28.00	17.14	76	5	4	1
Kansas City	8	0	0	1.000	24.00	12.25	94	13	1	2
Seattle	7	1	0	.875	25.63	15.63	80	9	3	3
San Francisco	6	2	0	.750	27.25	18.13	73	6	7	4
Carolina	4	3	0	.571	24.29	13.71	74	12	2	5
Denver	7	1	0	.875	42.88	27.25	125	1	26	6
Cincinnati	6	2	0	.750	24.63	18.00	53	11	5	7
Indianapolis	5	2	0	.714	26.71	18.71	56	8	8	8
Green Bay	5	2	0	.714	30.29	22.57	54	3	16	9
New England	6	2	0	.750	22.38	18.00	35	17	5	10
San Diego	4	3	0	.571	24.00	20.57	24	13	9	11
Dallas	4	4	0	.500	28.75	23.25	44	4	17	12
Detroit	5	3	0	.625	27.13	24.63	20	7	20	13
Chicago	4	3	0	.571	30.43	29.43	7	2	29	14
Baltimore	3	4	0	.429	21.43	21.14	2	21	11	15
Tennessee	3	4	0	.429	20.71	20.86	-1	22	10	16
Arizona	4	4	0	.500	20.00	21.75	-14	24	13	17
Miami	3	4	0	.429	21.71	23.86	-15	20	19	18
Oakland	3	4	0	.429	18.00	21.43	-24	26	12	19
Atlanta	2	5	0	.286	23.71	26.29	-18	15	22	20
Cleveland	3	5	0	.375	18.50	22.38	-31	25	15	21
Philadelphia	3	5	0	.375	22.00	26.38	-35	18	23	22
St. Louis	3	5	0	.375	20.63	24.75	-33	23	21	23
Buffalo	3	5	0	.375	22.00	26.63	-37	18	25	24
Pittsburgh	2	5	0	.286	17.86	21.86	-28	28	14	25
N.Y. Jets	4	4	0	.500	17.88	26.38	-68	27	23	26
Washington	2	5	0	.286	24.71	32.71	-56	10	31	27
Minnesota	1	6	0	.143	23.29	32.14	-62	16	30	28
Tampa Bay	0	7	0	.000	14.29	23.29	-63	31	18	29
Houston	2	5	0	.286	17.43	27.71	-72	30	27	30
N.Y. Giants	2	6	0	.250	17.63	27.88	-82	29	28	31
Jacksonville	0	8	0	.000	10.75	33.00	-178	32	32	32

**************

The picks remain difficult at best.  The only remaining player above .500 fell, as BT has now sunk to a despicable 24 all.  I know the multitudes of you basing your gambling efforts on our selections have been displeased of late.

The Browns are 2.5 point home dogs to Baltimore, but that has to be based on reputation rather than assessment - they've close to as ugly as Cleveland.  My spread system has the game as a pick 'em, and I wouldn't be at all shocked to see the Browns win.  But I wouldn't put money on it.  It'll likely be a low-scoring affair that will be decided late.  And not overly fascinating.

Last Week:

MO: 3-3

BT: 2-4

DJC: 2-4

Me: 2-4

YTD:

BT: 24-24

Me: 22.5 - 25.5

MO: 21.5 - 26.5

DJC: 17-31

This week's games:

OSU +32 at Purdue

Kent +1 at Akron

OK St. +2 at Texas Tech

Miami +22 at FSU

ATL +7.5 at CAR

MIN +10 at DAL

NO -6 at NYJ

TEN -3 at STL

KC -3 at BUF

SD -1 at WAS

PHI +2.5 at OAK

TB +16 at SEA

BAL -2.5 at CLE

PIT +6.5 at NE

IND +2.5 at HOU

BONUS - Over/Under 5.5 players rush for 100+ yards in Week 9 (NFL).

BT:

Akron -1 (Kent):  The Zips (my alma mater) will beat the school to the East, aka Can’t Write, Can’t Read, Kent State.  Best rivalry that no-one knows about or for that matter cares about.  John Heisman of Heisman Trophy fame coached at Akron (Buchtel College).  Look it up.

Miami +22 (at FSU):  How is the #7 team in the country getting 22 points?  Unreal.  I hate the U, but 22 points?  Gimme the ‘Canes cause they ain’t Maryland.

CAR -7.5 (ATL):  What has happened to the Falcons?  Wow.  I love the Panthers and their receivers.  Panthers to cover.

BUF +3 (KC):  KC giving 3 at Buffalo.  Hmmm.  KC is ripe for a loss.  I’ll take the Bills and likely to win outright.

PIT +6.5 (at NE):  Is there a better way to ensure a loss by the Steelers than to pick em?  Take Shitsburgh and the points.

Bonus:  UNDER.  I’m not even going to research this.  The B-TRAIN has spoken.

DJC:

Akron -1 (Kent):  I know nothing about either team.  I flipped a coin.

Miami +22 (at FSU):  It's incredible the #7 team is a huge dog to the #3 team. Amazing. I'll take a flyer on Miami.

MIN +10 (at DAL):  10 feels like a lot.

KC -3 (at BUF):  And the beat goes on!

IND -2.5 (at HOU):  Texans are a mess.

Bonus:  UNDER.  It's a QB league now, baby.

MO:

ATL +7.5 (at CAR):  I like 7.5, that’s about how many Newcastles I’ve had prior to making this week’s selections.

NO -6 (at NYJ):  I’m pushing the envelope and testing my theory on picking the evil Jets.

TEN -3 (at STL):  I’m contemplating having 3 more beers (Refrigerator -3 beers)

DAL -10 (MIN):  I SOOO hate this pick.  AP loves games in Texas, but I have to take a home team at some point.

OAK -2.5 (PHI):  I’m trying out a new theory when it comes to teams/players I don’t like…  I hate sacrificing wins and loss, but it is in the name of science.

Bonus:  OVER.  They already have one...???

Me:

NO -6 (at NYJ):  Calculated spread NO by 9.5.  Jets are always switch good to suck every week, and this is their "good" week, but the Saints are good enough to still take it by a TD.

KC -3 (at BUF):  Calc spread KC by 8.  I don't buy it either, and KC will once again underwhelm, but they'll probably still find a way to win and cover such a surprisingly small spread.

CAR -7.5 (ATL):  Calc spread CAR by 10.5  The Panthers are playing really good ball right now, ranked all the way up at #5, and Atlanta's just broken  Don't like the 7.5 points, but rolling with Carolina anyway.

NE -6.5 (PIT):  Calc spread NE by 10.5.  Love this spread, all the Pats need to do is win by a Touch against a just plain awful Steelers team.

IND -2.5 (at HOU):  Calc spread IND by 8.  Only 2.5?  With that QB situation in Houston?

Bonus:  UNDER.  Only QB's rush for over 100 these days.