Written by Mansfield Lucas

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It's Mel Kiper wannabe season, and we're willing participants. In his latest column, Mansfield Lucas lays out two different five round mock drafts for the Browns. One indicating who he'd take off the board in each round. And another projecting what Phil Savage will actually do. With so many needs, it's going to be impossible for the Browns to address all of them this weekend. What direction should they go in? What direction will they go in?

I’m a big believer that this is the time of year where we all turn into Mel Kiper wannabes.

We spend hours obsessing on web sites, we pay for “premium” user access to repeat what we can find for free, we buy reams of draft guides just so we know who played nickel for McNeese State after transferring from Lackawanna Community College and has a decent shot to stick as a special teams’ gunner as an undrafted free agent. It’s an awesome way to make a complete jackass out of yourself.

I’ll start with myself. After investing much time and treasure, here are just a few of the stellar conclusions that I’ve come to in the past decade:

• Peyton Manning is OK, but he has low upside with his limited physical talent. Now that Ryan Leaf on the other hand…
• Tim Couch had Joe Montana’s field vision and release.
• Jamal Lewis was the next Tim Worley. A sure bust.
• LaVar Arrington was at least the next Derrick Thomas, maybe the next LT.
• Plexico Burress would revolutionize the game.
• David Terrell was the safest pick in the draft.
• Ben Roethlesberger was a big, slow bust waiting to happen who only was good because he played sub-par competition. He’ll be run down like a water buffalo on Sundays.
• Forget the 40 time, Peter Warrick will kill you deep.
• Amos Zeroue, a sure-fire second round steal.

OK, so I’ve nailed a few as well, such as Courtney Brown playing without passion, but you get the idea. It’s not just me. I know of a guy who spends as much time and energy as anyone being a draftnik and he had Robert Gallery enshrined in Canton before he played a down.

It’s not his fault. It isn’t mine either. And Green Bay wasn’t stupid when they picked Tony Mandarich.

The draft ain’t nothin’ but an educated crapshoot. The very best pros at this process miss on half of their picks, including high ones. Pat McManaman wrote an absolutely superb piece in the Sunday, April 22^nd ABJ where among other nuggets he dropped in was that the “bust” rate for top five first-rounders was about 37% in recent years. What other event in pro sports allows the arm chair follower to sit back in glorious second guessing judgment of the pros more than the NFL Draft, except possibly how a manager handles pitching?

I’m a huge proponent that the following axiom is dead nuts on: it isn’t what I think. It isn’t what you think. We don’t matter. It’s what Phil thinks. So you and I arguing over draft prospects is as asinine as any asinine activity there is. Dictionary definition of pointless. But since it’s so much fun, before I predict what Phil will do, I’m going to tell you what I’d do. Because this is my piece, I’m not doing rounds six and seven. They never make it anyway.

What I’d Do and Why

My assumption is that in some fashion JaMarcus Russell and Calvin Johnson go one and two. I’m not changing my tune from weeks ago when I suggested a plan prior to the start of free agency. I remain consistent with my overall desired direction, but have warmed up to Troy Smith as his projected slot has dropped like Brittany Spear’s career. The major problem on our team is we have no identity and we are fairly soft on offense. If I were in charge, no matter what I’d do on draft day, I’m changing those facts come hell or high water. I want attitude. I want toughness. I want physicality. We are The Cleveland Browns, dammit. Marion Motley. Jim Brown. Leroy Kelly. Mike and Greg. Mack and Byner. We are the Cleveland Browns. We run the football.

1. Adrian Peterson - RB - Oklahoma
2. Pick ‘em: Ben Grubbs, Aaron Sears, Justin Blaylock – Get me the best interior snot bubblin’ ass kicker guard prospect on the board. Period.
3. Doug Free – OT – Northern Illinois
4. Troy Smith – QB – The Ohio State University
5. Josh Beekman – OG – Boston College

So there’s some out there thinking I went overboard on the offensive line. To them I ask: so what? In one year I’m getting one of the best guards in the draft, possibly a guy who can swing out to tackle some day. I’m getting a good right tackle prospect. I’m getting the best pure running back to come out of college in quite a while, a guy who when paired with Jamal Lewis is going to allow us to run and run and run and just hammer teams. This style of football will define the Cleveland Browns and change us into a physical football team. Remember that? Remember Marty? Remember when we could run on seven in the box? Remember when we used to win?

More than anything, this team needs an attitude enema on offense away from matador offensive line play, rudderless confusion, and whining skilled players to one where we just line up and dictate our will on these SOB’s. Rayenthal, you like 250 pound JaLew coming at you 20 times a game behind young, strong, physical offensive linemen? Cool. How about 20 more times of a young, big back with house-you speed? Get some a dat while you get a haircut, Troy, you hippie. See A Pete run. See his heels? Move beyatch. Get out da way. With this line and these backs, Corky from Life Goes On should be able to play QB for us and we win 8 games. For this, I am willing to sit through another Frye and DA show if we can’t trade for a decent vet after the draft. For this, I’d be willing to watch one cornerback get flambéed even if it loses a game or two. For this, I’d be willing to watch our fat old defensive line melt like lard in a cast iron skillet and hope the backups have any game to not get run to death ourselves. To FINALLY fix the offensive line for the first time since Kirk Ferentz was here, I’d suffer all that for one more year before we finish the job. For attitude, for identity, for a physical team with balls, I’d delay gratification.

I also pick up a very solid guard prospect who one day may allow us to experiment with moving Eric Steinbach to tackle, or simply provide the unthinkable: quality offensive line depth. Lastly, I bring home a favorite son to take it very, very slow while he learns the most difficult position in pro sports . Perhaps one day a Cleveland kid can live his dream and do what we all dreamed of while playing ball as kids whether it was on the city streets, the suburban lawns, or the farm fields of northeast Ohio. Fahgettabout it. We can draft defensive line depth next season, or just roll the bones that this year’s Babba O’Reilley might not actually be a busta and take a flier of two D linemen in rounds six and seven. What the hell? This is an awesome mock draft. Put me in, Randy.

What I think Phil Will Do and Why

1. Brady Quinn – QB – ND
2. Eric Wright – CB – UNLV
3. Manny Ramirez – OG – Texas Tech
4. David Clowney – WR - Virginia Tech
5. Dashon Golden – DB – Washington

Phil doesn’t expect to be slotted this high again soon. At least until the end of the season when we get the rationalization bit again blaming Butch and Dwight. When you have that mindset, and there is a legitimate franchise quarterback available, and you have Charlie Frye, conventional wisdom says you can not pass that up. Although I’d head in another direction, I accept this logic and this pick.

The need at corner is acute and Eazy-E, errrr Eric Wright, offers superb value thanks to his previous indiscretions. Phil helped Ozzie put together one of the biggest collection of outlaws not coached by Chuck Noll and John Madden. You think this phases him? This is our need pick, and again, it is very hard to argue against from a slotting perspective.

Uh-oh, better do something about that embarrassing itch. I mean offensive line. The natives are restless. The best rated offensive guard on the board here is arguably Manny Ramirez. Now while I’d be all for his near namesake roaming left field again and being himself, the thought of taking an interior offensive lineman schooled in that gimmick passing offense kills my buzz. Therefore, I fully expect it to happe

Much like death and taxes, I also expect Phil to pick up a wide receiver (“We had to replace Dennis Northcutt”) and that good old Phil Savage staple, a 6’1” 200 pound defensive back. You can never have enough. Dwight had his receivers, Butch and Marty had their linebackers. Phil has his defensive backs. These two picks will by-pass Troy Smith, a few pretty good line candidates, and will piss me off to no end. As a Browns’ fan, I expect to be pissed off after draft weekend. It is my birthright, as is drinking cold beer in freezing weather with gale force wind at 8 AM on a Sunday in a city parking lot. Oh, sure, I’m such a fan that I’ll delude myself into happiness over the selection of Quinn.

Much like Fox Mulder, I Want to Believe. I’ll high five and hug everyone and be glad that all those suckas who bought Kelly Hokum jerseys now have new life for their gear, much like former Willie Green fans now do. I’ll be screaming the lyrics to “We Want Eazy” when Wright’s name is called. But we’ll short change the lines. Phil won’t draft for pure need. He worked too hard in free agency trying to plug holes to focus and fix with quality. We signed all sorts of veteran flotsam and jetsam other than the one premium player in Steinbach to ensure this sort of flexibility and be slaves to Phil and his scouts’ value board. That was our solution to “fix” our holes: overpriced, mediocre vets. The notable exception to filling a hole was striking out with Nate Clements, necessitating Eazy. Phil can’t think of Kenny Wright as more than a nickel back providing depth, can he?

I’m the freakin’ water pistol that shoots jelly on the Island of Misfit Fans and haven’t any dreams of a kick ass draft left to dream. Except I think I shoot beer. Whatever. Welcome Brady and a cast of drafted “flexibility”. What size shall we prep your body cast for, Mister Quinn?

With these expectations, you have no idea how happy I am that I am wrong so often. Let this be one of those times. Please?