In his weekly Browns Outsider, Hiko provides us with a detailed quarter by quarter breakdown of the Browns 16-12 win over the Chiefs and found alot to like in the performance.  Hiko astutely notes that outside of two stupid plays by Frye, this game was dominated by the good guys, and the defense showed glimpses of potentially being really good this season.

A View From The Cheap Seats

Preseason - Week 1 - Cleveland vs. Kansas City

As I was away enjoying Wild, Wonderful, West Virginia this weekend, I was unable to watch this game live.  The section of WV I was in is solid Steeler country, so I was forced to take in the lobotomizing adventure that is Pittsburgh preseason football.  Upon my homecoming late Sunday, I opened a nourishing barley treat, and sat down to enjoy the return of Browns football.  And then I wondered how long it would be before I bemoaned the return of Browns football, as in Cleveland Browns circa 2003-2006. 

By the way, West Virginia, what's with your new slogan Open For Business?  I get images of the state as a toothless broken-down debutante in faux fur panties and hot pink lipstick.  But I digress... 

Expectations 

I expect the offense to struggle.  I expect the running game to be less effective than we hoped.  I expect the QB's to have their moments, but mostly make us angry all over again at Brady Quinn for holding out and thus screwing himself out of any real chance at taking control of the job from Day One.  I expect neither QB will distance himself from the other.  I expect the defense to mostly dominate KC, with the exception of still surrendering too many yards in the running game, giving us pause to worry what might have happened had Larry Johnson been present and had he played more than one series.  I expect Wimbley and Peek to significantly pressure the QB on passing downs.  I expect the kick returning to be solid, but the punt returning to be less than amazing, and perhaps even give up a turnover.

First Quarter

The Browns received the kickoff, and, well, from the first offensive play, I found myself cringing a bit as Charlie Frye threw what should have been an INT.  Following that was some of that Dink and Dunk crap that we love so much, including a swing pass for 1 yard on 3^rd and 4.  Already, I can see how this Offense will differ drastically from previous years... oh wait, that's the same. 

Since our top 2 QB's are locked in this epic duel for the starting job, I've decided to grade them on each series.  Frye gets a D on the first series.  Using the Hiko Extrapolation Theory, a really bad first pass + 2 unsuccessful dump-offs = D.

Zastudil punted, and the Chiefs took over their own 23.  They got a 1^st down, and then Brody Croyle decided to test the Rook CB with a deep pass into single coverage, but Eric Wright was up to the task, knocking the ball spitefully away.  The boys brought the heat after that, KC got backed up, and was forced to punt, despite stealing 16 garbage yards via Michael Bennett on 3^rd and 20.   

Cribbs was the PR for the first offering, and it seems to me that he needs a head of steam to be really effective - he's one of the best Kick Returners in the league, but he lacks the shifty elusiveness to be a great Punt Returner. 

On came Derek Anderson for the Browns second offensive possession, starting at their own 12, and after a run and a swing pass, the Browns called a run play for Jason Wright on 3^rd and 4.  Lenny Friedman got shoved back, his man got the tackle in the backfield, and I started counting down days until Eric Steinbach returns. 

Anderson gets a C for his initial effort, even though I did almost as much as he did on that series.  His check downs to running plays were as effective as OJ's efforts to find the real killers. 

So the Chiefs got the ball back and managed to move the ball to the Browns 32.  Then Wimbley made what can only be described as an All Pro move, lowering his shoulder, keeping his balance, and using his speed to sauté his man and shock the hell out of Brody Croyle, who was so scared that he thought Leigh Bodden was one of his receivers.  INT Browns. 

We are going to be paying Kamerion SOOOOO much money in the near future. 

The Browns had the ball at their own 41, and Charlie was back in.  He started the drive off with yet another dump pass - although this one was successful for a 1^st down.  Yes, 4 of the first 5 Cleveland passes were dump offs or swing passes.  Do I see an apparition resembling Mo Carthon calling the plays on the sideline? 

Cleveland drove down the field.  Jamal Lewis' feet look very quick.  He had a couple good runs on this drive, coupled with a nice end around by Cribbs.  On 2^nd and 9 from the KC 18, the Chiefs blitzed, but Charlie made a tremendous read and hit Braylon Edwards on a slant, taking the ball to the 10 yard line and bringing up 3^rd and less than 1. 

And what should we do on 3^rd and less than 1?  Why, hand the ball to the Fullback, of course.  Vickers got stacked up, 4^th down.  The ghost of Mo C chortles.  Mooowhahahahahaha! 

Phil kicked the FG, and the Browns took a commanding 3-0 lead.   

Frye gets a B+ for this series, mainly because of his hot read on 2^nd and 9.  Other than that, he didn't have a chance to do anything.  There are those of you that will cry that I am being too lenient, that all he did was throw two passes the entire series, neither of which covered a span greater than 5 yards.  There are those of you that will decry my downgrade, citing the fact that he made a tremendous play on his only real opportunity. 

Tough.  It's my ball; I get to make the rules. 

The Browns kicked off, and once again Joshua Cribbs is involved.  Cribbs has got to be one of the few 5^th WR's in the league that has a guaranteed place on any roster due to his Special Teams bad-ass-ness. 

The Chiefs got an immediate 1^st down, but then Antwan Peek made a delectable play by dropping Kolby Smith for a 2 yard loss.  On 3^rd and 12, the Browns got good pressure again, causing Croyle to go for the Browns-esque dump down, and Eric Wright made a solid tackle, showing he's not just a pretty face.  

End of 1^st:  Browns 3, Chiefs 0. 

Second Quarter 

KC punted to start the 2^nd Session, and Derek Anderson was back in, and... Wow, does this series suck.  Start it off with two craptastic running plays, plays where if we were some kind of dominant running team, maybe we'd be able to make something of it, but, sadly, we aren't.  It brings back horrors of the Butch Davis years.  Run, Run, Throw Ball Short of First Down, Punt.  Urg. 

Anderson gets a B- on his 2^nd series, since he only threw one ball, and it was right to the receiver.  But he gets penalized for such an ugly abortion of offensive execution. 

The Browns punted, Damon Huard came in for the Chiefs, and immediately imitated Rex Grossman, throwing a bad INT right to Daven Holly. 

This brought Anderson back in, and his throws were questionable, he had to take a time out, and his throws were questionable.  But then, on 3^rd and 10 from the Browns 49, he had what might be described as a beer-goggles beautiful scramble.  He followed that with a nice screen play.  And then he threw an INT on a play that was mercifully blown dead for a False Start.  This dude is Inconsistent.  And what a friggin' Horrible (capitalize the H) throw on 3^rd and 12 to kill the drive.  It looked like me playing darts left handed whilst wearing a blindfold and playing Yahtzee with my feet.  Anderson gets a D on this series, and, if not for the scramble and the one screen, he would've had an F-. 

But we got a FG out of it, and the Browns roar to a 6-0 advantage. 

KC took the kickoff and promptly did nothing with it.  3 and out again, and the Browns got the ball back at their own 20.  They smoothly marched down the field due to some nice Jerome Harrison runs and a helluva throw by Frye to Ryan Krause for 26 yards. 

No offense to Jason Wright, but I think that Jerome Harrison is a far more interesting option as backup RB.  Except it seems that, at times, Harrison forgets he's in the NFL, and that it's some schmoe from Montana State he's trying to juke on the outside. 

And then came the play that is the winner of this week's Nichole Richie Award^TM - i.e. the most hideous, the most pungent, the most foul of all plays: the missed screen to Harrison that was, in fact, a lateral, and was, in fact, picked up by an alert KC defender and returned for a garbage TD.  KC 7, Browns 6. 

I don't know who to blame for that play - probably both of ‘em - but Charlie was still looking a lot sharper than Anderson, and, well, I'm a merciful demigod.  Frye gets a B-. 

After the ensuing KC kickoff - Charlie was headed for the A.  He converted 3^rd and 15.  He tossed quick outs.  The offense was so much crisper under his tutelage.  OK - well, he threw a crapulous screen on 1st and 20.  But then he came back with a very nice toss on 2^nd and 25, then converted the 3^rd down whilst still managing the clock. 

Ah yes... the clock... 

On a 2^nd and 5, Charlie tossed a nice pass to Travis "Steely McHands" Wilson, who slapped it down like his hands were Jim Everett and the ball was Jim Rome.  However, Steely made up for his faux pas by making a nice catch on 3^rd down, driving the ball to the 5 yard line with 12 seconds left on the clock. 

Did someone say ‘clock'?... 

Charlie took a time out - the FINAL time out - and the Browns had 1^st and Goal at the 5.  Aye, there's the rub, for after a team takes its FINAL time out, it cannot take any more time outs, because, oddly enough, they no longer exist.  And, if said team had only 12 seconds left in the half, it would be wise for that team to run a play that either ensured a Touchdown, or stopped the clock to enable a Field Goal attempt. 

And then we saw the reason why Charlie Frye has not been a successful NFL QB to date.  It's not his arm - that is fine.  It's not his size - that is adequate.  It's not his mobility - that is highly commendable.  It's his Decision Making.  Or, in other words, his propensity to see that his first read isn't open, not find his second read, and then just FREAK THE HELL OUT, running around as fast as he can, avoiding logic as much as he is avoiding defenders, and making what can only be termed a Horrendous (capitalize the H) decision. 

Such a decision was to try to run the ball in despite three well-positioned defenders and the clock ticking down under 10 seconds and NO time outs. 

I will continue my reputation as a merciful demigod and give him another B- for this series.  50 years ago, he would've been publicly flogged for such a brain cramp.  My lawyers tell me that isn't so kosher these days.  Damn Hippies. 

Halftime:  Chiefs 7, Browns 6. 

Third Quarter 

I could mention that the Chiefs got the ball first in this half, but why bother?  The Browns Defense was just devouring poor KC in this game.  I really felt like the Browns toughest opponent Saturday night was themselves. 

Well, after KC's inevitable punt, Anderson was back in again, and had a fantastic play on 2^nd down, sidestepping the blitz and delivering a nice pass which was, typically, dropped.  Then he made a terrible toss on 3^rd down, but got bailed out by an Illegal Contact flag.  A few plays later, on 3^rd and 12, he tossed a high but catchable ball to Steely McHands, who did catch the ball, albeit on the second try, and out of bounds.  In all fairness to Steely, it would've been a great catch.  Foolish of me to expect that of you. 

So, a C- for Anderson that time.  You'll notice I haven't been checking my thesaurus for superlatives to describe his effort. 

I've actually stopped discussing the defense, since they were beating down the Chief's O on such a regular basis that I began taking it for granted that it would be a 3 and out.  It is the Preseason, and the defense has the advantage over the offense because the powers that be don't want to exhibit their ‘offensive genius'.  Still, I'd have to think that the KC Offensive Coordinator is drinking gallons of Pepto tonight. 

Another punt, Anderson got yet another shot, and bootlegged on 1^st down and made a good throw.  Then he bootlegged the other way, and made a high throw.  As I watch Derek, I am reminded of Nuke LaLoosh.  I wouldn't dig in there if I were you.  I don't know where the next one is going.  I'm serious. 

3^rd down - a nice pass.  Then, on the following play, he bootlegged and threw a crapmatic pass short of his target that really should have been picked.  Then, he dropped back and throws a dart to Steely, who also takes the every-other-attempt approach to success and caught it that time. 

The running game was really flowing at this point.  True, this was probably KC's 3^rd string D, but any consistency in the running game is good consistency. 

Anderson ended this drive by skidding a slant at his receiver's feet on 3^rd and 5 at the KC 15.  Phil came in and drilled a 32 yard FG.  Browns 9, Chiefs 7.  It IS a scoring drive - so I must extend my mercy without bias, and send him a B-.  No, check that.  You throw that many bad passes, you get a C.  That drive was the very definition of C. 

Phil kicked off, and sent a dying emu flailing out of bounds.  Can't we spare a single roster spot on a guy that can specialize on kickoffs?  Phil is decent with Field Goals, but his Kickoffs have been Heinous (capitalize the H) in this here game. 

Another putrid KC Offensive demonstration, and another punt.  Syndric Steptoe, who fielded a lion's share of the punts Saturday, failed to fair catch the ball (you gotta field that, SS), and the immortal Ken Dorsey was forced to start his first drive from his own 7. 

The Browns went 3 and out.  I'm not grading Ken Dorsey.  There's no use.  I understand that he's an intelligent person and good for mentoring players.  I like the guy.  So toss him a coach's sweater and open up the roster spot. 

End of 3^rd:  Browns 9, Chiefs 7. 

Fourth Quarter 

Holy crap!  The Chiefs got a 1^st down!  I forgot they were still attempting offensive snaps. 

Of course, they turned right around and got mauled again.  Badly.  I'm giving the Browns Defense an A so far tonight.  Don't make me a liar, gentlemen. 

KC punted the ball to the Cleveland 1.  Remember what I said about Dorsey being intelligent?  That usually means that the person would understand that he/she cannot take the snap from their own 1 yard line, fake the handoff, drop back, look around, pump fake, and still have plenty of time.  No, generally it results in a Safety, and it did here as well.  You get a Z for that play, Ken. 

After the free kick, KC returned the ball to the Browns 33.  But David McMillan was having a great game, and the Browns defense continued treating the Chief's O like it just keyed their Porsche. 

KC punted.  The Browns drove a little - nothing but safe passes and runs.  Dorsey looked good on this drive, making the throws he can make, taking the throws they are giving him.  Buck Ortega was pretending he was Kellen Winslow, making catches left and right.  The drive stalled, however, at the KC 26, and on trotted the Nameless Backup Kicker, known in most realms as The Most Useless Player In Training Camp.  And he kicked the ball right into the lumberyard.  Start scanning the Want Ads, Senor Ainsworth. 

Lo and Behold!  KC got the ball back, and manages to eke out a 1^st down!  That's 5 now!  Watch out, Don Coryell.  Hark!  A pass managed another one!  That's 6!  And then a Defensive Holding call wiped out a 3^rd and long and KC got their THIRD 1^ST DOWN IN A ROW!!!! 

Word has it that the Arena League has hired scouts to try and find out the Chiefs' secret for offensive explosiveness. 

Somehow, inexplicably, the Browns shut down the KC juggernaut, and forced them to kick a 42 yard FG. 

And then I sat there, having watched the game, having watched the Browns effectively smash the KC team, and yet - and yet - they were still down 12-9.  There is no justice in this world.  I can't believe this crap, game after game, year after year... 

HOT DAMN!  Barclay took the kickoff and shot right up the gut, covering 88 yards in about 2.3 seconds.  Would-be tacklers would have to have had internal Tivo in order to see him whiz on by. 

Just like that, due to some kind of crazy cosmic karma, the Browns were up 16-12 with 1:36 to play.

KC returned the kickoff to the 38 yard line, and then the Browns hunkered down into everyone's favorite D - the prevent.  Invariably, this allowed KC to actually move the ball a little, Casey Printers showed that he has some mobility for a mostly Horrific (capitalize the H) QB, and Justin Sandy decided to make the most of his 2 Weeks In Berea by spearing the KC QB after he slid down, giving the Chiefs an extra 15 yards on the Personal Foul. 

So, in typical Cleveland fashion, the Browns allowed the evil opponent to march down to their 4 yard line with 41 seconds left in the game.  But - Lo! - what is this?  Two plays later, Casey Printers sneezes on his hands just before the snap, the ball slid through his slickery fingers, and Clifton Smith fell on the loose pigskin, effectively ending the game. 

In came Dorsey for the Victory Formation... 

Final:  Browns 16, Chiefs 12 

Conclusion 

First - don't ignore the Browns D in your fantasy league this year.  They may give up some rushing yards, they may give up some points, but I'd be shocked if they aren't above the NFL average in both sacks and turnovers. 

The Browns should have at least two Pro Bowl players this year, and their initials are both KW. 

I thought Bernie Kosar did a great job as an analyst for Channel 3.  A lot of fun to listen to.  The way he can see exactly what's going to happen, and what should happen... somebody sign this guy up as an Offensive Coordinator. 

The Chiefs just lost ground in their contract battle versus Larry Johnson.  LJ was probably sitting at home, laughing his ass off.  Take away Michael Bennett's 16 yard garbage gain on 3^rd and 20 in the First Quarter, and Casey Printer's end-of-game Prevent Defense scrambles, and the Chiefs had 17 rushes for 47 yards, a whopping 2.76 per pop. 

Here are the final QB grades:   

Charlie Frye, 12 of 15, 122 yds, 0 TD, 0 INT

4 series, D, B+, B-, B-.  Average:  C+ 

Derek Anderson, 7 of 16, 76 yds, 0 TD, 0 INT

5 series, C, B-, D, C-, C.  Average:  C- 

It didn't feel that close.  Really, other than two dunderheaded plays by Mr. Frye, this was a no contest.  I really didn't expect to see one QB come out and dominate the other performance-wise, but I must say that I felt a lot more confident when Charlie dropped back than when Derek did. 

Round One solidly belongs to Chaz Frye, although, I'm not eagerly tallying up the scores.  This QB battle between Frye and Anderson might be the least captivating QB battle since the invention of the forward pass. 

To that effect... wouldn't it be nice if Brady Quinn matured at an exponential rate and made the Browns QB position of viable NFL quality?   

One less weakness... 

Still, gauging fan and media reaction, there was entirely too much hand wringing and hair pulling after this game.  Certainly, the play from the QB position was uninspiring, but it is still just one position, and the team itself played a damn solid game. 

It's the Preseason, and none of this matters.  This is all pretend.   

That being said, it's still nice to see a Browns victory.  We'll take them where we can get them, even if they don't really count.  Wins have been hard to come by these last several years.  Practicing winning can't be a bad thing.