"The crowd roared like beer was raining from the sky.  Women swooned.  Grown men wept.  The entire city of Cleveland did an impromptu wave.  Children yawned and turned their attention back to Sponge Bob.  The angels in heaven quit playing pinochle and watched."  Where else can you go to get a description of the beginning of the Brady Quinn era quite like that?  In this week's Browns Outsider, Hiko chimes in with his thoughts on Brady, and also provides a detailed recap of Saturday nights game against the Lions.

A View From The Cheap Seats 

Preseason – Week 2 – Cleveland vs. Detroit 

Expectations 

I expect Derek Anderson to play better, which means mediocre.  (Uhhhh… not really)   

I expect Charlie Frye to still outplay him.  (Yeah, that didn’t happen either.) 

I expect Ken Dorsey to look better than either of them, and I expect Brady Quinn to look decent, but make some poor throws due to over-excitement.  (I was right on the Ken Dorsey part at least…) 

I expect the Defense to look much worse this week due to playing an Offense that is at the other end of the talent spectrum from KC.  (Actually, the Defense wasn’t that bad.)  

I expect more poor punt returning.  (We didn’t really force enough punts to find out.) 

I expect Calvin Johnson to be impressive, and I expect the Browns to lose a high scoring game.  (I’m not sure Calvin Johnson even played, and the game wasn’t exactly a shootout.) 

Pregame 

My friend Brady’s parents were in town on Saturday night.  I haven’t seen them in 11 years, not since right after Brady died, and there was no way I was going to miss seeing them for a preseason football game, especially with the magic of Video Tape Recording and what not. 

I got home with about 2 minutes left in the game.  I asked my girlfriend, who had stayed home and watched the event, how it had gone, and she made a wry face and said “It was not good.  You might want to start drinking now.” 

She went on for a few minutes, reaming the QB’s and the team in general, causing my expectations for the Browns’ performance to sink to Marianas Trench levels.  Yay!  I get to watch the Browns to suck in a meaningless preseason game – and I get to watch it two or three times! 

Despite her glowing review, she did, however, mention that Brady Quinn was having a good game, and as I peered into the living room, I saw him driving the team rapidly down the field.  “These are stat paddings,” quoth Bernie Kosar during the drive, and I had to agree.  Noting that the score at that juncture (23-13) made it nigh impossible for a Browns comeback, and not wanting to start my viewing at this point of the game, I made myself scarce until the supposed debacle was over, then rewound the tape, opened a barley treat, and prepared for the worst. 

First Quarter 

The Browns took over at their own 35.  And we got this week’s Nichole Richie Award™ out of the way on the first play, as Derek Anderson dropped back, Kevin Shaffer got absolutely slaughtered by Jared DeVries, who knocked the ball out of the unsuspecting QB’s hand, and Cory Redding recovered for Detroit.  All this while Joe Thomas was busy holding on the other side.  One play, one O Line breakdown, one fumble.  Oy vey. 

I have to give Anderson an Incomplete for this “drive”.  Sure, he fumbled, but no one was expecting Shaffer to block like he was covered in KY, allowing his man to slide past unopposed and slap at the ball.  I can’t blame Derek.  Joe Montana would’ve fumbled that ball. 

So Detroit got the ball on the Cleveland 22, and immediately showed that their luck might be better than that of the Browns, as Jon Kitna got hit by Antwan Peek as he threw, the ball floated in the air for 6 or 7 hours, and really should’ve been intercepted, except that Detroit receiver Shaun McDonald was more aggressive going after the ball than Leigh Bodden. 

The Lions managed a 1^st down, but the Browns D stiffened, highlighted by some good coverage by Eric Wright on Calvin Johnson (although it was probably fortunate that Kitna didn’t put more air under the ball).  Detroit nailed a 21 yard field goal, and we’ve got:  Lions 3, Browns 0. 

After the kickoff, Anderson was back out for the 2^nd series, and drove the Browns right down the field.  Jamal Lewis had some nice runs, getting 28 yards on 7 carries on that drive.  He went primarily to his right, which means that Shaffer partially redeemed himself for his blunder on the fumble. 

Derek had a couple nice throws, both to Braylon Edwards.  The second catch that Braylon made – an 18 yard slant where Edwards had his legs cut out from under him whilst in mid-air - was the kind that we regularly expect him to drop.  I actually had to watch the play twice because I couldn’t bring myself to accept that he had actually held onto the ball. 

Could it be that Braylon’s insidious case of dropsies have been eradicated?  Gawd, I hope so. 

It was on 3^rd and 2 from the Detroit 7 when things started to fall apart… 

The Browns suddenly fell into a state of bewilderment. Derek barked at a couple people, then took a Time Out.  After that was over, Jamal ran the ball for the first down, and it was 1^st and Goal at the 1 yard line.  Good odds that we’re going to score a TD, right?  Au contraire!  It hurts a bit if you get a Delay of Game penalty, and that’s exactly what Cleveland did.  Now it was 1^st and Goal from the 6.  OK, that’s fine, just get your shit together.  Nope, the Browns say, this is all too confusing.  We need another Time Out. 

Well, at least Jamal Lewis can still be effective, so we ran him again down to the 2.  2^nd and Goal from there.  What should we do? How about… let’s see… False Start?  Yeah yeah – that’s the ticket! 

But the Browns had not yet totally sabotaged the drive, so Derek Anderson promptly dropped back and threw it to Ernie Sims, who, unfortunately, does not play for Cleveland.  INT.  Detroit gets the ball at their 12, and the Browns get 0 points out of a drive that had 1^st and Goal at the 1. 

For those of you new to football – THAT’S BAD. 

Derek was 2 for 3 for 30 yards on this series, and his 2 completions were good ones.  His interception also looked like the result of a slip or a miscommunication, as Steve Heiden and Kellen Winslow were right in the same spot.  But his guidance (or lack thereof) down near the goal line that resulted in 2 Time Outs and 2 stupid penalties… D stands for Derek. 

Detroit quickly got out of the bad field position by running Tatum Bell for 21 right up the gut on a trap play.  We must always be shaking with fear at the thought of the return of the kind of Run D that we have endured here in Cleveland in recent years, and a play like that can make one nervous.  It appeared that Leon Williams hit the wrong gap, leaving a gaping hole in the center, and is something that can easily be corrected.  Or so I tell myself, as I begin my annual wade into the Pool of Denial. 

The Lions other big play on this drive was a 17 yard screen to Casey Fitzsimmons, benefited greatly by an uncalled block in the back on Williams.   

On the following down, Kamerion Wimbley made one of those plays that just makes you salivate unapologetically as he brought down Brian Calhoun for no gain… from the ground… while being blocked. 

An unnecessary Pass Interference helped continue the Lions trek downfield, and Kitna was hitting his quick passes.  Jon Kitna looked sharp, and the quarter ended with Detroit 1^st and 10 at the Cleveland 23. 

Lions 3, Browns 0.

Second Quarter

The Browns finally stiffened, due in part to more excellent pressure by my boy Wimbley, and the Lions are forced to kick another FG.  Lions 6, Browns 0. 

 

Charlie Frye came out as QB for the next series, and led the team to a 1^st down.  Bernie Kosar accurately pointed out that the safeties were crowding the line of scrimmage with Frye in the game – perhaps daring him to toss the ball deep (which isn’t his forte).  A holding call by Lenny Friedman (hurry back, Eric Steinbach) backed them up, and Charlie’s little scramble on 3^rd and 12 wasn’t quite enough to stop a punt. 

Frye had 2 passes on the drive – one was a short pass for a 1^st, and the other was a longer pass to Josh Cribbs that must’ve been 17 feet over his head.  Cribbs would’ve needed a space shuttle to reach that damn ball.  Not very impressive.  C- is for Charlie. 

Detroit took over at their own 15, and promptly converted another 3^rd down.  Leon Williams made a hell of a hit on Calhoun on 1^st down, but Kitna sliced and diced the Cleveland secondary again with a nice bootleg pass to Shaun McDonald for 25 that was so nice that Leigh Bodden just about broke his ankle.  He came out of the game at that point.  We need that dude to stay healthy. 

Fortunately, Detroit decided to channel their inner Derek Anderson, and picked up a couple stupid penalties, and then, on 2^nd and 18, Wimbley put strong pressure on Kitna, who panicked a bit and dumped it off to his outlet back, which is exactly what Peek was waiting for and busted Calhoun up for a 6 yard loss.  Wonder Twin powers, activate! 

3^rd and 24, Peek made another nice tackle on a running play (trying to rip the ball out at the same time), and finally finally we had a Detroit punt. 

Cribbs returned the ball, and once again looked uncomfortable in the role.  Tack on a penalty… Boooo Punt Return Unit. 

Frye was back in, starting at his own 5.  He moved the team well using mainly safe outlet passes, although he did heave one up long for Braylon Edwards on a free play and the ball was right on the money (although incomplete).  On a naked bootleg, Charlie picked up 14 yards, highlighted by Edwards lighting up one of the DET Linebackers on a flying block.  The Browns went to the 2 minute warning with a 1^st and 10 at their own 47. 

Another dump off, another 1^st down.  Frye went deeper on the next throw, but he tossed it a bit late and a bit high, and Braylon caught it out of bounds.  On 3^rd and 10, Charlie drilled an 8 yard pass to Ryan Krause.  The Browns decided to go for it on 4^th and 2 – the first of many 4^th downs that would not normally be attempted.  Sadly, the play was rife with confusion and disorganization, and the ill-conceived QB sneak did not net the necessary yardage, and would’ve been penalized for Illegal Formation regardless. 

Apparently, Derek Anderson isn’t the only QB that can blow a good situation out of the water with incompetence. 

Charlie did a nice job to move the ball from bad field position, but nothing he did was that impressive, and the mismanagement of the 4^th down play leads me to toss him a C+.  Hopefully, it won’t sail over his head. 

Taking over on downs from their own 34 with 59 seconds left, Kitna immediately made as if the Browns secondary were non-existent.  What the hell is going on here? I thought.  Then I noticed some of the names on the back of the Browns’ jerseys:  Perry.  Hamilton.  Fontenot.  McDonald. 

These are not our starters, I protested.  Why not keep our starters in for the rest of the half? 

Because we want to give up a quick TD – that’s why.  Lions 13, Browns 0. 

All credit to Kitna.  He went 66 yards in 4 plays and made it look Easy (capitalize the E).  Boooo for the secondary on that drive. 

The Browns got the ball back, and had it on their own 25 with 26 seconds left in the half.  Frye came in again.  Immediately – instantaneously, I tell you – I told the TV “Don’t you dare throw an interception down here!” 

Charlie was too busy listening to his helmet mic, and air-mailed a highly inadvisable pass over Heiden’s head into a tight zone, and was caught by Gerald Alexander, who, unfortunately, doesn’t play for Cleveland.  The pass would’ve had to have been perfect for Heiden to even have a shot at it – and he would’ve gotten decapitated had that happened.  Not only was it a bad throw, but it was a stupid throw.  Combine the two adjectives (bad and stupid), and you get Anderson Frye, Quarterback Extraordinaire, he of the 30.4 1^st Half QB rating.  WOOO HOOO! 

Charlie gets an F for that series.  It almost seems like an F is not harsh enough.  I wish I could give him a Q or a V. 

Detroit drove the ball down to the 8 yard line, but with 6 seconds left, they mercifully opted to kick a FG amidst the onslaught of Bronx Cheers that rained down like bottles.  The Lions squibbed the kickoff, and off we go to Halftime. 

Lions 16, Browns 0. 

Third Quarter 

The Browns kicked off – their first kickoff of the game.  Their Special Teams seem to be very solid this year, with the notable exceptions of Punt Returning and perhaps Field Goal Kicking.  Phil Dawson is starting to scare me.  I think this might need to be his last year. 

Detroit goes 3 and out (sadly, the first one), and they punted to Syndric Steptoe.  Steptoe’s punt returns haven’t necessarily been scintillating to date, but, of all the nominees, his shiftiness and speed are the most reminiscent of what a PR is supposed to look like.  Whatever that means. 

Derek Anderson returned, because, well, he only had 3 passes in the 1^st half.  The Browns drove into Detroit territory, then converted a 4^th and 1 on a short pass to Ryan Krause – another 4^th down that they would’ve never gone for during the Regular Season.  On the next play, he bootlegged a bit and hit Darnell Dinkins on a nice 16 yard pass.  Then, on 3^rd and 3 on the Detroit 19, Anderson threw a perfect slant to Travis “Steely McHands” Wilson.  Once again, Steely proved his disdain for the pigskin by slapping the ball away from his person.  4^th down. 

On comes Phil Dawson for a 36 yard attempt.  Automatic, right?  Nope.  Phil knocked it right into the bunker.  Still a lazy goose egg resting on the scoreboard. 

Derek directed what was essentially a scoring drive, and made a perfect throw on each and every attempt.  I’m gonna give him a B+ because the drive stalled, and because he was going against reserves. 

So Detroit got the ball yet again.  Chaun Thompson had a nice sack on 1^st down, but Chris Griffin forgot how to cover and tackle on the following play, allowing TJ Duckett to rumble for a 1^st down on a simple dump off.  The Lions then converted a 4^th down of their own that they never would have gone for during the Regular Season.  The play was pretty much blown up by the Browns, but JT O’Sullivan somehow got out of a backfield stampede and sprinted for the garbage 1^st down.   

Soon after that, the Lions shrugged off a 3^rd and 10 by throwing a short screen to Duckett, who turned Brandon McDonald into fertilizer on his way for 17.  Two juicy runs followed, and then Duckett ripped off a 14 yard TD run where he trotted through a hole large enough for a Hummer and danced untouched into the end zone.  Urg.  Revenge of the Bad Run Defense.  Lions 23, Browns 0. 

Ken Dorsey got booed as he came in, which made it easy to identify the Horse’s Asses in the crowd.  I can understand you wanting to see Brady Quinn, but show a little class.  Don’t act like a Steeler fan drunk on Schlitz. 

Dorsey hit 4 passes in a row, including a beauty to Steely McHands for 16.  At the end of the 3^rd, the Browns were sitting with a 1^st and 10 at the Detroit 26. 

Lions 23, Browns 0. 

Fourth Quarter 

Dorsey continued the nice drive by hitting Jerome Harrison on a screen down to the 14.  Barclay came in for a rare run, and got shut the hell down, losing 2.  But Steve Sanders made a nice catch/fumble/recovery on the next play, leaving the Browns with 3^rd and 1 at the 6.  After Nat Dorsey’s 2^nd False Start of the drive, Ken Dorsey threw a fade to Steely, who caught it… but out of bounds. 

Next came yet another patented 4^th Down You Would Never Go For During The Regular Season, which registered a Pass Interference call as Steely went for another fade (which he dropped). 

1^st and Goal at the 1… and another False Start.  Where have I seen this before?  Is there some kind of foul force field in front of the goal line?  So, 1^st and Goal at the 6, and, another fade.  No dice.  Follow that with a short pass to Krause to the 2, so 3^rd and Goal from there.  Time to either fumble, pooch punt, or get called for Illegal Untied Shoelaces, right? 

But – hark! – what is this?  Jason Wright takes the handoff, makes a nice move, and plows in for the score.  The End Zone hymen has been broken.  TD Browns!  TD Browns!  Lions 23, Browns 7. 

Dan Orlovsky was now in as QB for the Lions Offense, and he managed to do absolutely nothing.  A murmur began to rise in the crowd.  3^rd and 18, incomplete.  The Lions were to punt.  And that could only mean… 

Brady Quinn. 

The crowd roared like beer was raining from the sky as Quinn took the field.  Women swooned.  Grown men wept.  The entire city of Cleveland did an impromptu wave.  Children yawned and turned their attention back to Sponge Bob.  The angels in heaven quit playing pinochle and watched. 

1^st and 10 from the Browns 37, 9:20 left in the game.  Brady dropped back, checked down to his back, and dumped the screen to Barclay that suddenly went for 30 yards.  Not a bad start.  Next?  Another toss to Barclay, a bit high, but caught for a gain of 5.  Next?  A dart to Darnell Dinkins for a 1^st down. 

So he had already moved the team down to the Lion 22.  Shotgun again, and Quinn tossed a nice touch pass 12 yards to Maurice Mann.  From the 10, he dropped back again, throwing a ball that was batted by a defender at the line of scrimmage, but them angels up in heaven were getting bored of pinochle anyway, so they willed the deflection into the waiting hands of Steptoe at the 4.  Brady Quinn was 5 for 5 for 59 yards.  Hallelujah!  Soft prevent zone be damned, this must be our QB Messiah! 

Brady saw the blitz coming on 2^nd and 3, and zinged the slant at Ephram Hill, but it was well defended and batted away.  3^rd down.  Quinn dropped back.  His man wasn’t open, so he moved to his right, looked like he might try to take it in himself, but then zipped the ball to Hill along the sideline for the TD. 

The crowd melted.  Sportswriters everywhere started looking up synonyms for Mighty (powerful, strong, forceful, potent…)  The children kept watching Sponge Bob. 

Quinn went for the 2, and made a great play to avoid a sack and rolled to the right once more, but he threw his pass a little behind Barclay in the End Zone, he couldn’t handle it, and the conversion was failed. 

So, with 6:39 left in the game, the score was Lions 23, Browns 13. 

Jesse Ainsworth kicked off this time, and he made the “tackle”, hitting the returner high, getting spun like a web of lies.  The crowd was eager for a 3 and out, praying for another opportunity to watch their Future Face of the Franchise, but Brandon McDonald allowed a 1^st down catch, Fontenot got beat on another intermediate pass for 17, and Duckett converted on a 3^rd and 1. 

But, just as it was looking like the Lions would be able to run out the clock, the Browns D hardened, took their Time Outs wisely (they’re so much easier to use when you haven’t wasted them during a session of offensive perplexity), and forced Detroit to punt with 2:17 left. 

Quinn returned to the field, starting from his own 8 yard line with a hair over 2 minutes left.  Zing!  A pass over the middle to Harrison for 9.  2 minute warning.  Zip!  A pass over the middle to Harrison (déjà vu) for 16.  Kazam!  Incompletion to Harrison, ball thrown too hard on an out.  Pow!  As he’s getting hit, Quinn dumps the ball to Harrison for 14 yards (sense a theme here?)  Smash!  He throws the ball into the turf, stopping the clock. 

Now, let me say this… I was impressed with what Quinn had done up to this point, but with a couple caveats: those being that he was playing against 3^rd and 4^th string defenders, and they were in a weak prevent zone that was more than happy to let him dump down all day.  So as happy as I was that he was doing the right things, I still had not seen anything that I would think of as special.  That is, not until the next play. 

2^nd and 10 from the Browns 47.  Quinn dropped back, went through his progressions.  He started to get hit, then threw a ball 24 yards on a friggin’ rope to his receiver.   

Why was that special?  Charlie Frye can’t make that throw.  He’s not strong enough.  Maybe if he had time to wind up and step into it, but he wouldn’t have had that time.  Ken Dorsey can’t make that throw.  Same problem – not enough arm strength.  Derek Anderson can’t make that throw.  Anderson does have the arm strength, but his release is too slow, and he’s not that accurate.  That throw was a combination of all the best parts of all the other QB’s skills – and with none of their weaknesses. 

On the next play, possibly overly energized by his incredible toss, Brady checked down to Harrison and threw it way over his head to the water boy on the Detroit sideline.  Whoa, Nelly!  3^rd and 10, and Quinn slings it over the middle to Harrison (again) for 11.  Next play, why, it’s another check down to the RB! – this time Wright – and he plowed to the 6.  Appropriately enough, Brady finished the drive off by checking down to Harrison (insert sarcastic comment here), who dove into the End Zone for a 6 yard TD.  Glory be, glory be!  With 18 seconds left, it’s Lions 23, Browns 20. 

Now it was time to think Onside Kick and Hail Mary.  Bernie pointed this out, saying “Hail Mary Doug Flutie complete for the complete Cinderella story and we all go home happy, happy, happy…”  His voice trailed off caustically as he remembered just how happy that particular play made him. 

Ainsworth lined it up, booted what can only be described as a piss poor effort at an Onside Kick, some random Lion recovered, and then it was time for Detroit to assume the Victory Formation. 

Final:  Lions 23, Browns 20 

Conclusion 

To paraphrase Jeff Goldblum’s character in The Big Chill, who writes for People Magazine, one should not write anything longer than the average person reads during the average crap. 

Well, if you’re still reading this, it’s a pretty long crap.  And all this for a preseason game. 

*Let’s get this pathetic section out of the way… 

Derek Anderson, 6 of 8, 65 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT, 1 Fumble

3 drives: Incomplete, D, B+.  Average: C 

Charlie Frye, 5 of 10, 42 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT

3 drives:  C-, C+, F.  Average: D+ 

You don’t understand how truly I’d love to have this situation resolved and one of Charlie or Derek on their way to some other team for a conditional 7^th round pick (which is about all we’re gonna get for either one).  I think that Brady just might make the roster, and it’s a given that Dorsey is going to be the 3^rd QB, since he’s a smart guy and he’s a good mentor to Quinn, and, hey, let’s be honest, I’d almost rather have him start over Frye or Anderson at this point, because he’s been effective and at least he’s not the mental equivalent of the fungus that’s growing in one of my tennis shoes. 

*Now, the unavoidable question… should Quinn be given a chance to start? 

Not yet. 

What Quinn should be given is some reps with the first team.  What he should be given is some time against Denver’s first defense in the next game.  What he should be given is a legit Defensive scheme, some blitzes, some run plays.  What he did was impressive enough, but it must be taken with a grain of salt, and all it really did was earn him the right to compete for the starting job.  It certainly should not be given to him. 

That being said, if Brady Quinn is - right now - decidedly the best QB on the roster, and he proves that, then he should be the starter come September 9.  I don’t care if he’s a rookie.  I don’t care about what happened to Tim Couch.  The reason that most rookies sit is so they can learn the game from the tutelage of a veteran master.  But if the “veteran” starter has been in the league for only 3 years and hasn’t started even a full season in his career and is also learning a new Offense and constantly makes mistakes that even a rookie would be ashamed of… put your best shot of winning NOW into the game. 

I was all for having Brady sit and easing him into the NFL, but not at the penalty of sacrificing this season to what can only be termed sub-professional QB play. 

Many of you will disagree, but I feel that Anderson outperformed Frye this week.  Combine that with Frye beating Anderson last week, and, well, you’ve got muck. 

So throw Quinn into that muck and see who doesn’t sink.   

In the end, I have no personal or political reason for my view.  I just want to see the Browns get as good as possible as soon as possible.  I’m verily afraid that Anderson Frye is a road that leads straight to Hell. 

*Now, the Defense.  They certainly were not as impressive against the Detroit O, but that is to be expected.  Kitna is a savvy veteran, and he will put up big numbers in the Mike Martz offense this year.  And one must be disturbed that the Cleveland D had their issues with a Detroit team that was sans Kevin Jones, Roy Williams, and Mike Furrey.  But let’s take out the 21 yard gain by Tatum Jones on the missed gap assignment, and Detroit gained 80 yards on 28 carries, which translates to a 2.85 yard per carry clip. 

The Pass D was much less interesting, but let’s remember that the score was 6-0 with 59 seconds left in the first half despite 2 turnovers and what can only be described as a Most Heinous 1^st and Goal situation.  Then in came the Browns backup D versus the Lions starting O, and… well, that part wasn’t pretty. 

The Lions Offense hung 548 yards on Cincinnati last week.  They got only 310 versus us.  (Yeah, talk about small triumphs.) 

*I love the Wimbley/Peek combination, and Jamal Lewis is looking as good as he did 3 or 4 years ago.  When our starters are staying in for the entire game, we have some serious playmakers, which is something that hasn’t been the case for, oh, say, the last 8 or 9 years. 

*There’s gotta be room for Chris Barclay on this roster.  Sure, you don’t want to have him replace Josh Cribbs as KR.  And you don’t really want to have him supplant Jerome Harrison as 3^rd RB.  But this guy’s playing hard and has definitive skills, and there must be some room for him as a Special Teams player on this team. 

*The parents of my friend Brady (RIP, brotha) were in town for the baptism of my friend Jason’s infant son Brady (named after the aforementioned).  And another Brady also had some headlines. 

Excellent name, that.