Written by Andrew Clayman

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Back in the days when European monarchies wielded legitimate power, arranged marriages were among the most common means of strengthening a country's status on the world stage. By bringing together key figures from two previously warring factions, the resulting "unholy alliance" would essentially put every other scepter-toting bastard on notice. Making the metaphorical leap then to today's NFL, Mike Holmgren may have had a similar strategy in mind when he made the surprise move of keeping coach Eric Mangini in the Browns fold for 2010. It might not be striking fear into the hearts of their enemies just yet, but all should consider themselves warned. The long-feuding schools of Bill (Walsh) and Bill (Parcells) have joined forces at last... and they've set up shop in Cleveland.

Meeting of the Families

Both locally and nationally, the unexpected partnership between the Walrus and the Mangenius has elicited its fair share of confusion, doubt, and paranoia. Despite Mangini's four-week rise from Braylon-esque revulsion to Kosar-like acclaim, everyone still seemed content with the notion that Holmgren-- he of the Bill Walsh/West Coast Offense tradition-- would have no choice but to give Eric the boot and install one of the many members of the Walsh/Holmgren coaching legacy in his place- be it a Jon Gruden or perhaps even a half-baked stepchild like Marty Mornhinweg. There just didn't seem to be any feasible way that two stubborn men with diametrically opposed personalities and philosophies could ever get on the same page for a full season-- let along multiple seasons and possible playoff runs. As it turned out, though, Holmgren kept his finger off the trigger, calling instead for a private chat with the Parcells protégé Mangini-- an unprecedented "meeting of the families," if you will. After decades of bad blood, it was finally time for the two Schools of Bill to sit down and sort things out.

The East Coast-West Coast Feud

Not to be confused with the beef that cost us Tupac and Biggie, the NFL's coastal war was fought both on the field and on the chalkboard, starting in the glory days of the 1980s. Out in San Francisco, there was Bill Walsh, a disciple of Paul Brown himself, and a similarly influential innovator of the offensive side of the game. In a few seasons, he turned a 2-14 49ers team into Super Bowl champs, in large part thanks to a scientifically operated, short-yardage passing attack perfectly suited to its quarterback Joe Montana and, eventually, a pretty good receiver named Jerry Rice. From 1986 to 1991, Mike Holmgren served as an assistant in San Francisco, earning a couple Super Bowl rings ('88 and '89) and learning the art of the West Coast Offense from the master Walsh and his top apprentice George Seifert. It was also during this same time period, though, that Holmgren got a regular firsthand look at the enemy from the other side of the tracks-- the team that won two Super Bowls of its own in '86 and '90-- the New York Giants of Bill Parcells.

Some teams are archrivals due to mere circumstance-- both clubs being great at the same point in history. Parcells' Giants and Walsh's 49ers were rivals of a far more poetic variety. They were polar opposites-- brute force against perfectly executed finesse; the Big Blue D against the West Coast O; the grace of Jerry Rice against the power of Lawrence Taylor. They were also true reflections of their coaches. While Walsh believed in the careful matriculation of the ball down the field, Parcells saw himself as a teacher of "defense first, football second." Considering that both men won a hell of a lot games with their clashing methods, neither school could claim a final victory when the dust had settled. So, as fate would have it, their battle would wage on through 20 more years of coaching disciples-- with nearly every man who ever shared a cup of coffee with either Bill eventually getting himself a head-coaching job. From Walsh's brood came the likes of Holmgren, Sam Wyche, Jim Fassel, Paul Hackett, and Dennis Green. From Parcells: Bill Belichick, Tom Coughlin, Al Groh, Sean Payton, Todd Haley, and Tony Sparano, plus a couple local heroes named Chris Palmer and Romeo Crennel. Eventually, half the league's coaches were guys who merely shared coffee with the original coffee sharers: Mike Shanahan, Steve Mariucci, Mike McCarthy, Mike Sherman, some other Mikes, and one Mr. Eric Mangini.

The Third Bill

One of the most reputable coffee sharers, of course, was yet another Bill-- Bill Belichick, prize student of the Parcells school. When the Browns hired him as their head coach in 1991, it helped drag the Midwest into the East Coast/West Coast war for the first time, and it also freed up a ballboy position on the sidelines for a recent college grad named Eric Mangini.

And so, from a young age, Mangini was trained in the East Coast Art of Defense, along with Bellichick's personal addition to the equation-- "the horrendous press conference." Eventually, he graduated from ballboy to defensive assistant with the Jets under both Belichick and Parcells. Following the hoodie-wearing Bill to New England, Mangini won some Super Bowls, and-- via the coffee drinking rule-- got his own head coaching job in New York, in the very same stadium where grandpa Parcells started it all.

Even after a very soap operatic falling out with Belichick following the Tapegate debacle, Mangini remained true to the greater Parcells school of thought, which he brought with him to Cleveland this past season despite the horrific failings of that school in recent Browns history-- first under a younger Belichick and more recently under the even less successful Palmer and Crennel.

Dictatorship Dreams

Bill Walsh passed away in 2007 and Parcells spends his time up in the loge with Miami these days. But their respective "families" still tend to keep their distance from one another, jockeying for position to the bitter end in the age-old debate over the relative values of offense and defense. One thing most Bill disciples on both sides tend to have in common, however, is an unabashed desire for power.

Again, most of this can be traced back to the founders of the schools. Both Walsh and Parcells were fairly notorious power mongers. Of course, they also had the rings to back up such demands for control. Whether you hate him or merely strongly dislike him, Bill Belichick earned his way into that club, as well, becoming the current "Prince of Parcellsia" with his three titles in New England (regardless of how much that might annoy Parcells himself).

In the Walsh camp, our own Mike Holmgren is certainly the current paternal figure-- the "Earl of Walsh," if you will. His success in Green Bay and Seattle earned him that title, too. However, even a great mind like Holmgren eventually got a tad overzealous with his thirst for power, derailing part of his run with the Seahawks by taking on too many off-field duties.

Randy Lerner would never admit it, but it seems clear that he was prepared to allow Eric Mangini to take on a similar dictator-like role with the Browns a year ago, following the mold carved out by the east coast Bills (not the Buffalo ones) that had come before him. The only trouble was, Mangenius couldn't carry that weight alone. That's not to say that he's unworthy of the Parcells crest, mind you. The simple fact is, the NFL is an ever-evolving league, and the notions that either a great defense or a great offense will win you a Super Bowl don't tend to hold water. Sure, the Ravens won one. So did the Rams. But more times than not, you gotta get it done every Sunday on both sides of the ball. For prolonged success, you also need more than just one great mind putting your ball club together and making the important calls. No man is an island, etc. Even Holmgren and Parcells came to learn this in humbling fashion during their latter seasons on the sidelines.

The Unholy Alliance

And so that brings us to this historic moment in NFL history. After meeting with Mangini to assess their compatibility, Holmgren formally ushered in a new era by agreeing to let an East Coaster run his West Coast team... in the Midwest. Sure, the Holmgren/Mangini arranged marriage (+ Tom Heckert as the best man) might just be an elaborate ploy by the Walrus to seamlessly take over the headset in 2011. But then again, maybe it's all for real. And maybe, rather than fearing the powder keg potential of a Walsh guy and a Parcells/Bellichick guy sharing a sideline, we should consider the unforeseen glory that such an unholy alliance might produce in the years ahead.

Toward the end of this season, we already saw Mangini's defense (with the added star power of a Ryan son as defensive coordinator) play way over its marginally talented heads. Match that effort with some legit first string talent, and all the sudden, you might see more and more quarterbacks fleeing for cover as our friend Big Ben was the last time we saw him. Now, complement that defense (and hopefully a Cribbs-led special teams) with a cleverly devised offensive scheme-- put into motion by some wisely chosen role players and a star or two drawn to Cleveland by Holmgren and his winning track record. Starting to see the possibilities?

Sure, the odds of Brady Quinn following in the footsteps of his fellow Golden Domer Joe Montana are next to nil. And even with a great draft and solid free agent signings, we're likely looking at 2012 for a real contender. But just for the sake of variety, let's not anticipate the doom and gloom that our dysfunctional Oscar and Felix combination might bring upon the oft-cursed Browns. Instead, let's go ahead and fly the united flag of Holmgini and the two Bills (again, not Buffalo) for which it stands.