Written by Dave Kolonich

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In the spirit of March Madness – meaning the collegiate basketball tournament, and not the sinister realization that Mike Holmgren is loading up on draft picks only to trade up for Sam Bradford – I offer my own version of the Sweet Sixteen. 

Although it’s been done before on a number of prominent sports sites, never in the history of the blogosphere has an entire bracket been exclusively devoted to the painful recollections of the Browns’ expansion era.

And perhaps with good reason.

Without further adieu…

March Madness: Browns Edition

1   Randy Lerner inherits an “American” football franchise.

16 K2’s mysterious 2008 “illness.” 

Talk about a contrast here – the most tepid owner in the league versus a player whose manhood allegedly swelled to a point rivaling that of his own ego.  A hotly contested matchup throughout, but in the end, K2 can’t finish and Lerner is awarded the victory by default…which basically parallels the story of his life.

8  George Kokinis’ tenure as “GM.”

9  The Legend of Ben Gay.

Both entered the matchup carrying a boatload of hype, however in a strange turn of events, neither entrant actually made it to the arena.  We’ll call this one a draw.

5  Romeo Crennel flips a coin to decide the QB debate.

12 Chris Palmer running the original Wildcat offense in late 2000.

This matchup was billed as Out of Options meets Necessity is the Mother of Invention, and in the end, a bit of an upset as Palmer prevails…simply because his failure was at least based on effort.

4  Butch Davis goes with his “gut” and chooses Gerard Warren over Richard Seymour.

13 William Green “falls on a knife.”

Perhaps the most unpredictable pairing in the bracket.  This matchup quickly escalated into an all-out brawl reminiscent of the Ron Artest/Detroit melee of a few years ago.  In the end, Butch Davis prevails – but only after 38 spectators are brutally attacked.

6  Shaun Smith sucker punches Brady Quinn in the weight room.

11 Art Modell has a seizure during a Ravens championship celebration.

Both advanced from the notorious “Group of Death” bracket to do battle here.  Unfortunately, in the end, Modell prevails – which means the true sucker punch is again given to loyal Browns fans.

3  Spergon Wynn starting a game.  No, really.

14 Dwayne Rudd takes his helmet off.

Heading into the matchup, some were surprised by Spergon’s high seed…and with good reason.  Spergon couldn’t score a basket, yet advances due to Rudd’s disqualification.

7  Eric Mangini is accused of “whitewashing” the Browns’ team headquarters.

10  Donte Stallworth “spikes” a bare-footed Braylon Edwards.

Two controversial figures meeting in a most intriguing matchup.  Stallworth’s speed is too much for Mangini, who storms off the court and refuses to speak to local reporters. 

2  Dwight Clark wastes 23 draft picks over two seasons.

15 The Kelly Holcomb era.

Great contrast between big and small schools.  However, it was obvious that Clark “wanted the win” more.  Holcomb admitted later that “he was happy just to be there.”

Coming tomorrow, the Elite Eight.  Make your picks now.