Written by Chris Hutchison

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Preseason Week 1 – Cleveland at Green Bay

The following is a transcript of an actual conversation between my girlfriend and myself on Saturday night as I watched the Browns game for the 2nd time.  I do hereby swear that this transcript is completely accurate (or at least the way I remember it):

Me:  Oh!  Here it comes!  Watch this play!

She:  Don't do this...

Me:  Blam!  Look at that!  That's the way you make a tackle!

She:  You shouldn't do this.

Me:  Do what?

She:  Don't get excited.

Me:  But look at that tackle!  One on one in the flat, and he's a rookie.  I'd be impressed if he just managed a regular tackle, but, no!  He slams him down!  Here, watch it again...

She:  It's only the Preseason.

Me (watching the play again):  Well, no [expletive] that it's only the Preseason.  Slammo!  And, here!  Watch this pass!  I just need to rewind it a few seconds...

She:  You're getting excited.

Me (watching the recording scan in reverse):  It's that good.

She:  You're getting your hopes up.

Me:  No, I'm not.  I'm not stupid.

She:  Yes, you are.

Me:  I'm stupid?

She:  No, well, you're that too... I meant you're getting your hopes up.

Me:  I'm not getting my hopes up.  I never get my hopes up!

She:  These are the Browns.  They will only let you down.

Me:  Well, no [expletive] that they'll let me down!  What do you want me to do?  Cry you a river?  [Expletive] and moan that our doom is inevitable and that fate/God/karma hate us?  They played a solid game against very good competition.  Our ones hung with their ones!  Do you remember the [expletive]-raping Green Bay gave them in the 1st Half last year?

She:  No...

Me:  Well, it was bad!  And this year they looked light years better, and even though I'm perfectly aware that this is only a [expletive] Preseason game, I'm not gonna sit here and sigh mournfully and wait for Hell to break loose.  Hell's gonna break loose whether I wait for it or not!  And... Wham!  Did you see that?  He threw that with zip on the dead run against his body while going out of bounds!  Do you know how hard that is to do?

She:  OK, but you're setting yourself up for disappointment...

Me (finally looks at her):  No, I'm not.  I know that every road leads to death.  Don't mean I can't stop and smell the flowers.  'Specially if the flowers are few and [expletive] far between.  Dammit, woman!

(Turns back to the TV)

She:  Did you just call me "woman"?...

Me (interrupting):  Touchdown!  Bingo bango!  Can you imagine Quinn or Anderson making that play?  [Expleeeeeeeetiiiiiiiive].

She (getting up and walking away):  You're going to be let down...

Me (ignoring):  Let's watch that again in slow motion!

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Game Recap

Before I could even get my sarcasm revved up, the Browns took the opening kickoff 80 yards for a TD.  Jake Delhomme looked sharp, and Mangini demonstrated some early urgency by going for it on 4th Down (and converting).  And when Jerome Harrison ran it in easily from 4 yards out.  Browns 7, Packers 0.

The Packers fumbled on their first Offensive play, and Cleveland took over at the GB 13.  Seneca Wallace came in already and threw 2 straight passes to Brian Robiskie, which the latter dropped (although the 2nd was tough).  On 3rd and 10, Seneca rolled right to avoid pressure and threw a sick, sick, sick pass against his body to Robiskie in the corner of the end zone.  Browns 14, Packers 0.

The home crowd began to boo their beloved Packers.  In the 1st Quarter.  Of a Preseason game.  And here I was led to believe that the only "mean" fans lived in Northeast Ohio...

I guess it must be that lack of "social networking" that makes these populations so "angry".  But I digress...

Being down 14 to the lowly Browns woke the Pack up, and Aaron Rodgers came in and sliced and diced them in a way that very few QB's can do.  Rookies Joe Haden and TJ Ward were victims of Rodgers' passes, but you can hardly blame them - some of those throws couldn't have been placed better if Rodgers ran down the field and handed it to them.  Like the 25 yard TD pass to Greg Jennings just past Ward's earhole.  Ward could've picked it had he turned around, but that's a rookie Safety on a Top 15 WR, and that is why I'm taking Rodgers if he drops to me at 10.  Browns 14, Packers 7.

Cleveland went 3 and Out, and Rodgers put on another passing exhibition (dude ended up 12 of 13 for 159 yards, a TD, and a passer rating of 392).  A few plays later, some GB Fullback barreled over several defenders (including Ward) for a hard-earned 2 yard TD.  Browns 14, Packers 14.

Normally, this is when the Browns realize that their early lead was a mirage and fold like Ohio State in a post-2003 Championship Game.  But Seneca wouldn't have it, hitting Peyton Hillis on a beauteous 26 yard screen.  Seneca then nailed Ben Watson on an equally beauteous 20 yard TD pass.  It took me a while to realize what I was seeing, but then it dawned on me:  This was what a real NFL passing attack looks like.  Whoa.  Browns 21, Packers 14.

Cleveland managed to stop the Rodgers-led Packer O on the next drive, due in large part to Mr. Ward, who had a great tackle on the GB RB on 2nd Down and took Donald Driver rudely to the turf in a one-on-one situation along the sidelines on 3rd Down.  That was impressive.

Then Colt McCoy came in, and anything interesting really happening in the game came to an end.

Then Matt Flynn came in, and anything interesting really happening in the game came to an end.

Then Brett Ratliff (or Radcliff, as Bernie calls him) came in, and anything interesting really happening in the game came to an end.

Then Graham Harrell came in, and anything interesting really happening in the game came to an end.

In the end, the Browns were down 3 with 1:33 left when they trotted Phil Dawson out for a FG attempt.  Normally, this is taboo - the last thing you want to do is go to OT in a Preseason game.  But, I think this happened for 2 reasons:

1. How often do you get to simulate a late game situation like this where Phil was going for a 58 yarder?

2. Preseason or no Preseason... Mangini wanted to win.

Phil, of course, nailed it.  Then the Browns stopped GB, got the ball back, and Radcliff did just enough (to be fair, his Receivers dropped a lot of balls) to get Phil back in position to win it - which, of course, he did.  Browns 27, Packers 24.

Final:  Browns 27, Packers 24.

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Conclusion

Yeah, yeah, yeah - I know it's just the Preseason.  Don't worry, I'm not gonna be laying big money in Vegas on the Browns Super Bowl odds anytime soon.

But anyone that says the Preseason doesn't mean anything is flat wrong.  Completely and totally incorrect.  It means a lot.  It shows you your team's depth.  It give you an idea of what their strengths might be, what their weaknesses might be.  But, most of all, it gives you a misty picture of what kind of team THEY think they are and the kind of confidence THEY have in themselves.

Last year's Browns came out and shat the bed in Fake Game One, letting you (and themselves) know that they weren't ready to seriously compete.  That's happened quite a few times since The Return.  They never seem to give me the impression that they're ready for Real Game One, and that generally that leads me to let hope die before it's even really out of the womb.

Been a long time since I've seen this team punch, punch, counterpunch in the Fake Season.  That team wasn't flinching like it was ready to get hit.  Don't let anyone tell you that 4 game win streak at the end of last season didn't matter.

But, since this IS just the Preseason (as I have been reminded constantly), I will only bother to analyze the 1st Half, where at least some semblance of Offensive starters played some semblance of Defensive starters.

Time of Possession:  Cleveland – 17:39, Green Bay – 12:21

Total Yards:  Cleveland – 204, Green Bay - 202

First Downs:  Cleveland - 12, Green Bay – 11

The stats are fairly even, except in Time of Possession.  Which I guarantee is the stat the Browns will always want to win this season, as it was a stat they dominated in the 4 season-ending victories in 2009.

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Gameballs

TJ Ward – He missed a few tackles.  He didn't turn around in coverage and therefore got beat for a TD.  But he also made plenty of plays too.  When he was on the field, he made his presence felt.  I can watch 5 or 6 games of the Abe Elams and the Mike Adams and the Brodney Pools of the Safety world and not notice them as much as I noticed Ward flying around the field in half a game.  Please please please stay healthy.

Jake Delhomme – That first drive eased my nervous psyche.  Now, one drive does not a successful QB season make, but I was scared to death of the early pick and a relapse into interceptionitis (also known as Andersonitis).  To put that effort together... gives me hope.  For one more game, at least.

Seneca Wallace – There are maybe 5 guys in the league that could have made that play on Seneca's first TD throw (and obviously he's one of them).  You have to find a QB elusive enough to get out of the pocket and run away from the defender that had him dead-to-rights, then have the arm strength and accuracy to vision to find his Receiver in corner of the End Zone while falling out of bounds and throwing against his body.  There aren't many.  Not many at all.

Phil Dawson – Like I need to expound on why.

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Honorable Mention

Peyton Hillis – This man has some sweet hands.  His over the shoulder catch on one of McCoy's passes was very impressive.  I don't think he'll get a ton of carries (3-5 a game, if he's lucky), but he'll get more than his fair share of screens and short passes over the middle.  3 catches for 34 yards in limited PT is just a taste.

Evan Moore – I don't know why you would bother pretending this guy is a TE at this point.  He can't block.  They line him up at the slot - at least (sometimes he's split all the way out).  He's not a Tight End.  He's the new Joe Jurevicius (hopefully).

Joe Haden – His game was far from perfect, but he got thrust into the starting role about 3 days before the game.  Against one of the Top 3 passing attacks in the league.  That is baptism by magma.  And he really didn't play all that badly.  The reports of his career demise are greatly exaggerated.

Brian Robiskie – He too had his ups and downs, but he was certainly relevant (a large leap from last year), and his decision to break off his pattern and follow Seneca's to the left of center got rewarded with a nice TD grab.

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Wall of Shame

Colt McCoy – Apparently, Brady Quinn still plays for the Browns.  His name is just different.  When the ball left Colt's hand, I had the same kind of hopelessness that it would be completed as Bradek Quinnderson gave me last year.  I think McCoy might be good in time, but he better not even sniff the field this season.  That first pick he threw was turrible in at least 7 ways.

Syndric Steptoe – (As song by Tiny Tim):  Steptoe had the two slips...

Brett Radcliff – What happened to the Radcliff of 2008?

Jake Allen – How do you not get that 2nd foot down?  This ain't college, bub.

Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson – You were truly that awful last year, and watching this game was proof of it.  When I think of all the games I had to watch the last couple years with you two clowns skunkin' up the works... It does not bring me joy.

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I can forsee this Defensive backfield by the end of the season:

Safeties - TJ Ward, Sheldon Brown

 Corners - Eric Wright, Joe Haden

I'll obviously need to see more of Brown before I can make my final verdict, but there were a few plays where he got beat pretty badly.  If he's lost a step due to age, he can still remain viable at Safety.  And it's not like Elam's lighting the world up back there.

I know that Mangini & Co. would rather not do that (and have denied it might happen).  But necessity is the invention of motherhood... or something like that.

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I have a new T-Shirt that I'll wear on all my national media interviews this year (and I'm sure there will be many):

The "It" could refer to just so many different things...

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D'Qwell Jackson's injury is indeed unfortunate, although he's hardly the most irreplaceable guy on the roster.  Regardless, if the coaches deem him a starting ILB, then his absence weakens the team some, even if it is really only at positional depth.

What it does do, however, is pretty much guarantees Eric Barton makes the roster.  Which I thought was a long shot a couple weeks ago.

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Get well, Johnathan Haggerty.  I really like what I've seen of you.

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Mike Holmgren has instituted a Ring of Honor at Cleveland Browns Stadium.  The initial names will be the 16 Browns Hall of Fame players.

This is, of course, a great idea.  And not one that is all that hard to come up with it.  Especially since so many teams have done the same.

That begs the obvious question about why it took so long.

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Obviously, there needs to be a Rookie wage scale for the NFL.  Players in the Top 10 are getting paid more money than future Hall of Famers.  Not to mention the holdouts and the agents and the rhetoric and the drama.... sigh... It is a fundamentally forked up situation.

But at least one Brown isn't tired of the rhetoric:

Browns linebacker Scott Fujita, who sits on the executive committee of the players union, has an interesting take on this conference room debate.

"Teams can pay players whatever they want," Fujita said. "Is it [the players union's] issue to clean it up? Not necessarily. For whatever reasons, they keep looking at us to fix this thing."

In other words, nobody's forcing owners to pay untested rookies outlandish sums.

Riiiiiiiiiiiight. 

The Browns were foolish to pay Haden all that money.  They should've just offered him "whatever they want".

That would've worked.

Fujita's right on one thing - it's the owner's responsibility to clean this up.  Thank you for reminding them to add that to their lockout agenda.

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Reader E-mail

There is none yet.  You know where to find me.

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Next Up

St. Louis Rams (0-1). 

Come now, you don't expect me to actually scout a Preseason opponent?

OK, fine, whatever.  Uh... well, the 1st team D should have it a lot easier against the Rams than they did the Pack.  We'll see if the Run D can shut down Steven Jackson.  On Offense, just don't regress.  And if you're McCoy or Radcliff, uh, Ratliff, then, well... suck less.

Oh, and stay healthy.

There.

Browns 24, Rams 13.

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Person That I Dislike More Than Aaron Goldhammer

POS. 

 

He's "turning over a new leaf".  He's "going above and beyond" what the Commish has asked him to do (a conversation that probably went:  "Hey, don't rape anyone anymore").  And he's so mad at his hometown (cough cough, former hometown) for having the gall to criticize him (Him!  The only good thing that ever came from Findlay, Ohio!) that he has showed the depth of his maturity by removing Findlay's name as his listed hometown from his Steelers biography and replacing it with the misspelled name of his elementary school.

 

Sigh.  Usually people this dumb haven't got the brains to be this big a tool.  But if you give people this dumb a whole lotta money.... lookout!

 

I'm sure the people of Findlay wish they could delete you, too.