Written by Chris Hutchison

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Week 3 – Cleveland at Baltimore

Anyone that actually watches the Browns' games knows that they are not that bad of a team.

Too bad that doesn't make them any less 0-3.

It's difficult for me to sit here and blow rainbows up your colon.  It's not like we're talking about an über-talented team that has just had a few bad games and can be back in championship contention if they just pull it together.  No, this team is mediocre at best, and that's if they don't make mistakes, if they maximize their opportunities, if they don't give games away.

Otherwise, they're 0-3.

Still, despite those realties, it is hard to not be extremely frustrated.  The mistakes, the penalties, the turnovers, the questionable coaching moves, the sins of player acquisition past, the unkind schedule, the seemingly endless hopelessness...

The fact that no matter if they have lost 3 by a combined 12 or a combined 92, they're still 0-3... 

The frustration is excruciating.

Look no further than Kansas City to see how this could have gone.  You win that game in Tampa - a game they REALLY should have won - and you're 1-0.  You squeak one out against KC, and you're 2-0.  Then you go into Baltimore with a shot at 1st place and a cushioned early record and... You Start To Believe.

And when that happens, you can outplay your talent level.  You start to win those close games that you would otherwise lose if you were, say, 0-2 and starting to sink back into that ol' familiar quicksand.

So maybe a 2-0 team has the belief to win that game on Sunday (as that 0-2 easily could have done).

Imagine it - a mistake less here or there, a certain player benched there or here, and this team is 3-0.  And instead of the reactionaries talking about firings and drafts and walk-outs and sit-ins, they're talking about the Playoffs.

This is the kind of team that - for the most part - will neither blow anyone out nor be blown out.  That means the margin for error is very thin.  The Browns were just that close to a completely different universe.  We look at Kansas City, we've played Kansas City, and we know perfectly well that had the Browns changed maybe one or two plays in each of their games that THEY'D be the KC of the league right now.

That is the most frustrating aspect of all.

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Game Recap

It's Wednesday.  If you don't already know what happened, then you probably are reading the wrong article.

TJ Ward dropped a Pick 6 - but I love him all the same.  Peyton Hillis ran like a beast possessed by Beastazor, the patron God of Beasts.  Eric Wright missed some coverages.  The Browns played well enough to win, finally putting a stop to all the turnovers, but they couldn't stop Joe Flacco (well, one guy couldn't) and they had some more untimely penalties.

They finally played the way they did at the end of last season, which is encouraging.  But moral victories are still losses.

Final:  Ravens 24, Browns 17.

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Conclusion

Time of Possession:  Baltimore – 30:08, Cleveland – 29:52

Total Yards:  Baltimore – 365, Cleveland - 304

First Downs:  Baltimore - 19, Cleveland – 18

A lot more even than any of us thought it would be going in, eh?  Imagine if one of our Corners hadn't chosen that day to suffer a nuclear meltdown.

Really, I think we have to be encouraged by the Rushing totals:  173 for the Browns, 109 for the Ravens.  Don't look now, but, even with 2 poor rushing games (at least poor for what we expected) the Browns are 11th in the NFL. 

That number will continue to rise.  Better days are ahead.

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Gameballs

Offensive Line – For some impressive run blocking against a very stout front.  Welcome back, Mr. Pashos.

Lawrence Vickers – I know you had a hand in the run blocking too.

Peyton Hillis - The Brady Quinn for Peyton Hillis and a pick trade is probably the best trade in the history of the world.  Nay - the universe.  I'm afraid he'll get hurt eventually at the bottom of one of those piles he inevitably drags around, but it's fun to watch while it lasts.

TJ Ward – Just cuz.

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Honorable Mention

John St. Clair – For getting hurt and thus making a wise personnel decision for the coaches, since they couldn't make it themselves.

Sheldon Brown & Joe Haden – Because they weren't Eric Wright.

Ben Watson – 5 catches for 47 yards and a Touch.  Not too shabby.

Seneca Wallace – Efficient, turnover free, and made some Day-Um! type throws.  Two beefs:  pitching the ball to people that aren't there, and deep passes down the sidelines.

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Wall of Shame

Wide Receivers (other than Josh Cribbs) – Your paycheck is evidence of embezzlement.

Pass Rushers – Without Marcus Benard, they can't sniff the QB.

D'Qwell Jackson – Another wasted pick from another lost regime (at least as far as the Browns are concerned).  If you were there for one of the opening days of Training Camp, you saw DQ in a Browns uniform for the last time.

Rob Ryan – For your personnel decisions and certain package choices.

Brian Daboll – He lives here, so I don't want to exclude him from the festivities.

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The Seventh Ring of Hell

This is a new category for this week only (I hope) because the Wall of Shame just isn't strong enough to emphasize how truly dreadfully godawful this certain player was.

Eric Wright – Never before have I seen a single non-QB Brown have such a horrible day.  He wasn't just getting beaten, he was trampled to death.  Anquan Boldin was wide open - then started to get wider open.  And once the Ravens realized that Wright couldn't cover a marble with a beach towel, they just went after him no matter where he was.  Their entire offensive philosophy became "Throw it to whomever Eric Wright is covering", and it worked.

I can't blame Wright entirely.  It was clear that he just didn't have it.  We've all had those days.  Somebody needed to put out the invisible fire that was consuming him.  You let him try to play through it for a while, and then you have to realize that whatever it is that is wrong with him is not getting better and you need to sit him down.  Maybe not for the whole game, but at least for a series or two.  At the very least.  So what if that means throwing Mike Adams at them?  I'd rather have had Ahtyba Rubin out there on Boldin than Wright at that point.  At least Rubin could get a decent jam at the line of scrimmage.

In football, very rarely is one player so utterly singled out and humiliated.  It doesn't bode well for Wright, especially at a position where confidence is a premium.  He'll need to forget last week in a damn hurry and get ready for the Bungals, because you know Carson Palmer is gonna come after him early and often.

I think that Mangini is right to start Wright again this week and hope that the Ravens game was just some weird tear in the space-time continuum.  But if Wright gets fried again this week, he might very well be done.  It'll be in his head and he'll have a bullseye on his back.  In a few weeks, you'll have to ship him off to the Ha-Ha House where he can mumble and play checkers while Dr. Labotomy pumps him full of funky meds.

That's how bad his performance was - potentially career ending.  You might think I exaggerate, but I do not.  Wright will have a helluva challenge moving on past this one.  Good luck, Easy E.

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The chants have already begun.  "Fire Mangini!" they say.  "Fire Heckert!  Fire Holmgren!"

OK, the anti-Heckert and anti-Holmgren chants are just absurd, and they come from a vast minority of... um... people... who are completely... um... not right.  No need to deal with such hysteria.

Now, the anti-Mangini chants?  Well, those are louder.  There have been many just lying in wait, eager to roast the guy again and hire Fan Choice X to replace him, and the sooner the better.  Inevitably, out come the pro-Mangini contingent, hell bent upon apologizing for and excusing Mr. Eric from any and all team shortcomings.  Everyone seems to be in one corner or the other.

Me?  I'm neither.  I'm not pro or anti.

I don't see any reason to fire Mangini at this point.  He was able to turn it around at the end of last year, and I still think this team will have to be reckoned with as this season unfolds.  Unless he totally loses the team and they go into the tank, there is absolutely no reason to make a move until after the New Year.

On the other hand, if they did randomly fire him at, say, the Bye Week, I would just shrug and wish him well.  To me, Mangini is a fairly run-of-the-mill, mediocre coach.  He preaches the fundamentals and smart football and the right way and the process, but he seems to lack creativity and the ability to adjust quickly and the ability to inspire and motivate.  I like the guy on a personal level, but I could take 'im or leave 'im as a Coach.

I obviously want him to do well, because I'm sick to death of the losing.  But if he can't stop said losing, then I could care less if the Powers That Be order his positional decapitation.

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I've heard a lot of hullabaloo this week about the Quarterbacks and how awful they are and how the team can never win with QB's that bad and how it's the Front Office's fault that they burdened us with such obvious wastes of space.

A. The QB's are not terrible.  You can win with them.  Not consistently, not a Super Bowl, but you didn't expect that anyway, did you?

B. Who did you want the FO to get?  McNabb?  Well, they tried.  They were shot down.  So they went to plan B and brought in Wallace and Delhomme.  Philly's price didn't drop until later, and the ship had sailed by then.

Vick?  Oh, so YOU were the genius that saw this coming.  Assuming he was available anyway.

Who else was out there?

They drafted a QB that they feel they can possibly develop into a starting QB.  They brought in serviceable vets to mind the store until the position can be finally addressed, be it Colt McCoy or someone else.

You'd think that at least it would be acknowledged that the current QB's are better than what we had last year, but even that reality has slipped by some people.  I even saw where one... person... was pining that we never should've gotten rid of DA because he's 2-1 in Arizona.

(As if their 2-1 record had anything to do with DA).

Please.  If DA were still here, the Browns would somehow be 0-6 right now.  The losses would be so bad they would count double; that's just how awful Derek Anderson is.

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I can't believe I'm about to say this, but here it goes:

Yes, I know that I said before that there is no way that Colt McCoy should see the field this season.  Yes, I know that I felt that he wasn't ready and needed to learn the NFL before getting under center.

But that was when I thought the Browns would be a 6 or 7 win team.

Now that it looks like they very well might vie for the Top 5 again, we must consider the fact that the Browns might very well be wise to pick a QB like Andrew Luck or Ryan Mallett there.

Now, I know what you're saying - we just drafted Colt and we'd be giving up on him before he got a chance.  And, well, true.  But Colt isn't a top prospect.  He's not a blue chipper.  He's a nice project that might be able to pan out well in the right system, IF he develops.  He was available at the bottom of the 3rd Round because teams do NOT see him as a Franchise QB.

Every team needs a Franchise QB.  I am now more convinced than ever that the Cleveland Browns will go nowhere until they finally have that position taken care of and in place.

Let me say that again:  The Cleveland Browns will go nowhere until they finally have the QB position taken care of and in place.

No way is Jake Delhomme that Franchise guy.  He was for a while in Carolina, but his best days are gone now.

No way is Seneca Wallace that Franchise guy.  He's had his opportunities, enough that he would be starting somewhere if they thought he had that kind of potential.

Can I say no way is Colt McCoy that Franchise guy?  Well, I've got a pretty good idea that he's not, but I don't know for sure.  He could be, but most likely he's not.

However, if this team is going straight to hell anyway, the only fair option might be to give Colt his shot sometime after Week 10 or so.  I mean, he'll probably be bad, but it's not like we'd be dropping from Peyton Manning to Jim Sorgi.  It would be more like dropping from Curtis Painter to Jim Sorgi. 

And if we're on cruise control towards the top of the draft anyway, I'm not sure how giving him a shot to show what he can and can't do would be so detrimental.

Besides, everybody's doing it!

This just gives us an opportunity to get some semblance of an idea of whether or not Colt has any shot at being what we need him to be.  And, if he doesn't, well, you bite the bullet and get Luck or Mallett or Locker and move forward. 

For once. 

Finally.

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If the Browns do draft a QB high, I'm all about Andrew Luck out of Standford.  He has that mix of skill sets that you watch and just know will translate well to the NFL.  He's mobile.  He's got good size.  He has a good arm and is accurate.  His footwork is excellent.  He's polished - his father (Oliver Luck) played QB in the NFL, as did his coach (Jim Harbaugh).  What's not to like?

Draft pundits have him up there with Ryan Mallett of Arkansas and Jake Locker of Washington, but I'd take Luck way before the other two.  Mallett reminds me uncomfortably of a QB currently playing for the Arizona Cardinals, and Locker has more flaws than Dr. Seuss' architectural designs.

Now, Luck is a redshirt sophomore, so he can come out after this year.  But there are doubts that he will, especially with the CBA uncertainty and the likelihood of a Rookie Scale cutting into the financial advantages of leaving early.

Let's say that the Browns are in position to draft him (which I highly doubt, because that would have to be #1 or #2 overall).  If they're that bad, then it's hard to imagine Eric Mangini still has his job.  What coach do you bring in to entice Luck to declare? 

Why, Jim Harbaugh, of course.

You'd have a Franchise QB coming in with a Coach with whom he's already familiar, and vice versa.  That's important.  Not to mention the new national interest regarding a Browns-Ravens rivalry.

Before you flip out, I'm not saying this is what the Browns should do.  I'm just throwing it out there to think about.  There are other coaching candidates I'd probably prefer, and, as I said, I really don't think the Browns will be bad enough to be in position to get Luck even if he DID declare. 

In all honesty, the only reason the concept is interesting is that I'm addicted to daydreaming about having a Franchise QB.

For once.

Finally.

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And that brings me to Kevin Kolb, whom has been the source of much debate this week.

Rumors have gone back and forth about his trade availability, and I personally think there's no merit to it.  Philly just gave Kolb and extension and obviously feel he's good enough to be a Franchise QB for the team - otherwise they wouldn't have traded off McNabb.  Mike Vick is a Free Agent after the season.  The Eagles will protect themselves - no way in Hell is Kolb available at this time.

Now, if the Eagles sign Vick to a long-term contract, which they probably will if he continues to play as well as he has, THEN Kolb might be made available.  And I would love for the Browns to go nab him.

Andy Reid thinks Kevin Kolb is a Franchise QB.  Howie Roseman thinks Kolb is a Franchise QB.  Tom Heckert thinks Kolb is a Franchise QB.  That's a whole lot of successful NFL Front Office types that seem to think that Kolb is pretty damn good.

Kolb didn't lose his job - he got hurt.  He attempted all of 10 passes, then sustained a concussion.  Now, certainly, he didn't look great in those 10 attempts, but that was against a very solid Green Bay Defense that likes to beat the crap out of QB's.

He got hurt, then Vick came in and started playing better than he ever has, and Andy Reid (wisely) said "Holy crap, I can't bench this guy!"

So the whole concept the Kolb somehow "choked" his chance away is ludicrous.

Here's what I DO know about him:  He throws a nice ball.  He was very effective in relief last year.  He's fairly mobile.  He has experience.  He's still fairly young.  He was drafted high.  He has good size.  The Eagles thought he was good enough to trade away Donovan freakin' McNabb.

That's all I know, and that's all you know too.

If you can get Kolb for, say, a 3rd or 4th Round pick and maybe a player, you do that in a heartbeat.  Not only do you have a guy who has tons of potential to be your Franchise QB, but you get to keep that high 1st Round pick as well, instead of tossing it at the prettiest college QB.

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Should the Browns and Bills both somehow come into their Week 14 match-up winless, then I propose this to the GM's of both clubs:  Swap 2011 First Round picks.

The Browns get the Bills pick and vice versa.  That way, there's incentive to actually win that game.  Both teams will be desperate to pull out that victory and thus move the draft pick they now own higher towards #1 overall.

Call it the Andrew Luck Bowl.

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This past weekend, I performed my first wedding.

I married my friends April and Ryan.  Why they chose me is still a mystery.  It must be the dashing good looks (that I had 15 years ago).  Or the fact that alcohol was certainly involved when April and my girlfriend first conceived the plot, long before she (either) was engaged.  I thought for sure that once she sobered up and discussed it with adults (at 37, I still refer to the parental generation as "adults") that I would get my walking papers, but much to my surprise (and mild alarm) they insisted on keeping me on.

So I had to become a Reverend.  I am an ordained minister of the American Marriage Church (or something like that) - a highly reputable online establishment whose sole interest is the Lord's work.  The $40 fee is only for costs, no doubt.  For that $40, they send you a pretty certificate that says you are a Preacher in their system.  You send that and another fee to the State of Ohio, and... viola! 

Rev. Chris.  Just like everyone always predicted.

All in all, I don't think it went too badly.  I wrote the "sermon" myself, so it was easy to memorize.  It went on and on about how love was secondary to friendship in a successful marriage and how you better like the person you're with cuz pretty soon that beautiful/handsome person across from you will be all back hair and saggy parts.  Poetic, yes, I know.

For my efforts, I got a shot glass that says "Reverend" on it.  That made the whole event easily worth it.

Good luck, Ryan and April.  As with any marriage, you'll need some.  We all need some.

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Next Up

Cincinnati Bengals (2-1). 

Yes, the Bengals are the defending AFC North champs.  And they have lots of name brand players.

Carson Palmer is not what he used to be.  Ever since the knee injury, he's been mediocre.  Then you have Chad Johnson (his momma named him Johnson, I callin' him Johnson) and Terrell Owens, two big-named big-mouthed past-their-prime Receivers.  And not to mention the vastly overrated Cedric Benson.

Honestly, the two Offensive players I fear the most from Cincy are Jordan Shipley and Jermaine Gresham.  Especially Gresham.

Their Defense?  Yeah, it's highly rated.  And you can also rip it like a wet tissue.  Over.  Rated.  That's what that whole team is.

So, here's my shocking prediction:  The Browns, fresh off pounding a top tier Defense and pissed as Hell defensively will BEAT THE LIVING PUSS OUT OF THE CATS.

This may be the only game this year where they hit on all cylinders, but they will take out their 3 game frustration on this mediocre-but-still-looking-over-Cleveland team.  The nation will be shocked.  They will proclaim that the Bengals were "looking ahead" or "beat themselves".

But it will be the Browns that beat them, and beat them soundly.

Browns 28, Bengals 6.

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Person That I Dislike More Than Aaron Goldhammer

Martin Short

I can hear it now:  "How can you hate Martin Short?"

Easy.  By seeing or hearing him.

My girlfriend loves the freak.  She has forced me to watch several of his movies (as part of a deal where I force her to watch Westerns) to try to convince me that I am wrong.  Each of those movies only reinforces my theory - Martin Short is an annoying, weasly, spastic little twerp that really needs to find a cure to his need to demonstrate his "talents" to the general public.

Which makes him practically an Aaron Goldhammer clone.