Written by Chris Hutchison

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Week 6 – Cleveland at Pittsburgh

At 1-5, the logical tendency is to throw a great big hissy-fit and demand the firing of everyone from Mike Holmgren to the guy that changes the urinal cakes in the locker room (especially him - without fresh urinal cakes, the players cannot be expected to perform worth a squirt).

If you are one of the brave souls that has watched the horror that is the Browns' season, you know that they have had their chances in most contests, and have hung in there valiantly in the last two despite being down several key players and playing markedly superior opponents.

This is not a team to be ashamed of.  But the final record will not reflect that, as the injuries continue to mount and the schedule continues to extract its evil toll.

Halloween should be envious of the terror that the Browns' schedule has brought.  This road through NFL hollow is fraught with peril.  Beware the headless man.

Except for the one team they beat, every team they've played has a winning record.  Their opponents have a 20-12 combined record, which is pretty impressive until you consider that the Browns' next 3 opponents - the Saints, Jets, and Pats - have a combined 13-4 record.

Cleveland's last 7 games get a bit easier, but 5 of those 7 teams have a combined 16-11 mark at this point.  The overall W-L differential is brought down only by the Bills and Panthers: 0-10 together.

Take out Buffalo and Carolina, and the combined records of the teams the Browns play in the other 14 contests is a whopping 49-27.

Bela Lugosi's Big Bag of Morphine!

But, lo!  Take heart, ye lost souls!  One would normally deem it nigh impossible to find a silver lining in a season like this, but I can't help but feel optimistic.  And very curious to see more of Colt McCoy, who should undoubtedly start the rest of the season (barring inevitable injury, of course).  The Browns may finish 4-12, and as long as they are hanging tough and making it a game against these clearly more talented teams, there is not only hope but a nice high draft pick waiting for them at the end of the charcoal rainbow.

The past barrage of 4 and 5 win seasons were fraught with a sense of directionlessness.  Wandering around, hoping to accidentally stumble upon a winning formula (like in 2007).  I do not sense that now.  I sense that this organization is finally in the hands of Professionals, and they will acquire the missing talent and they will make the necessary moves and they will finally deliver this franchise from the laughing-stock status we have dis-enjoyed for so long now.

Chortle if you will, but this sentiment is no trick.  Someday, with luck, we may be in for a treat.

And, yes, a deal with the Devil might not hurt. 

Why not?  Everyone else in our division already did it.

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Game Recap

POS trotted onto the field and the hilljacks of Western PA whooped and hollered like they were drunk and dandied up for a night of romance at the family reunion.  The message was clear:  We're still your sheep, ya big dumb galoot!!!  As long as you can throw a ball, we'll love you no matter what!

(Oh, come on now, Chris, don't be such a pessimist.  He's giving the public appearance of being "humbled" and "contrite".  What more do you need?  Proof?)

Colt McCoy's first drive ended with a throw into a mess (looked like 2 Receivers ran the same route and created unintentional double coverage) and a pick, but POS returned the favor, tossing Joe Haden his first career INT which was returned 62 yards to the PIT 35.  The Browns O did little from there, but did manage to get a FG.  Browns 3, Steelers 0.

Naturally, the Browns immediately gave up a scoring drive, an easy jaunt down the field, including the predictable 3rd and 13 conversion.  The only pressure they got on POS was on the scoring play - he got the ball off just before Matt Roth hit him, resulting in the immortal Eric Wright getting beat by Mike Wallace for an effortless 29 yard TD pass.  Steelers 7, Browns 3.

On the next drive, Josh Cribbs was knocked out by a head shot from James Harrison, so there went the Wildcat.  Harrison knocked Mo Massaquoi out of the game with another helmet to helmet dandy on the drive after that.  So, there was the Browns Offense, their 3rd string QB in his first NFL game and less skill position talent than an average MAC team - and now minus their best playmaker and #1 WR - against one of the top Defenses in the league.  It wasn't even really fair.

But there they were at Halftime, down only 4.

The 3rd Quarter was a field position battle, both teams starting relatively deep in their own end and putting together enough of a drive to pin the other team back.  Reggie Hodges punting was masterful - the best I've ever seen.  He continuously landed the ball at the 1 or 2 yard line, with backspin.  But even that couldn't contain the Steelers, who routinely hit on big pass plays.  Their 2nd TD drive was 96 yards, and took 5 plays, one of which was an incompletion.  On 3rd and Goal from the 8, POS hit Hines Ward over the middle at about the 4, and Eric Wright... I don't know what he was doing.  Playing tag?  Patty cake?  Practicing for Dancing With The Stars?  Whatever it was, Ward took the ball in for a TD on a play that never should've gone there.  Steelers 14, Browns 3.

One of the drawbacks to losing your Cribbs is that you lose your Punt Returner too.  Chansi Stuckey took over the duties, but, man, did he look uncomfortable.  So it was of no surprise that he muffed a fair catch a couple drives later at the CLE 13.  With that short of a field to go, the exhausted Defense didn't have a chance, and Rashard Mendenhall got the first Rushing TD on the Browns this season.  Steelers 21, Browns 3.

McCoy looked better and more comfortable as the game went on, and he finally engineered a masterful drive with about 6 minutes left.  Admittedly, the PIT D probably backed off some, and I'm sure it didn't hurt that he spent the whole drive in the shotgun (which he used extensively at Texas).  But his throws were accurate and intelligent, and his scrambling 12 yard TD pass to Ben Watson was pleasant to behold.  Steelers 21, Browns 10.

McCoy threw a pick with 1:52 left, understandable considering the situation and his need to take chances and hurry up.  The Steelers returned the ball to the CLE 18, where they demonstrated the depths of their douche-osity by throwing on 3rd down, already up 11 with the ball at the 14 and 1:30 left.  May Mike Tomlin grow cacti on his testicles.  Steelers 28, Browns 10.

Colt got the ball back long enough to pad his numbers, but the Browns were back to their prototypical Pittsburgh performance...

Final:  Steelers 28, Browns 10.

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Conclusion

Time of Possession:  Pittsburgh – 31:56, Cleveland – 28:04

Total Yards:  Pittsburgh – 378, Cleveland - 328

First Downs:  Pittsburgh - 22, Cleveland – 17

The stats demonstrate that, yes, Pittsburgh was clearly the better team, but it was hardly some kind of slaughter.  Clearly outmanned and demonstrating their lack of depth, the Browns still managed to cling and fight and hang in there.  The 3rd and 8 TD and especially the fumbled punt were the backbreakers.  The stats that decided this game were turnovers:  3-1 in favor of the Steelers.  Half of PIT's points were off of turnovers that created drives of 13 and 18 yards.

The day is coming, I promise you (sort of), where this will be a rivalry once again.  And I certainly wouldn't mind knocking them out of the Playoffs again in December.

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Gameballs

Reggie Hodges – What a freakin' game!  When was the last time you were so jacked up by what the damn Punter was doing?  Never?  Yeah, me too.

Colt McCoy – All things considered, a solid performance.  Stats aside, he passed the eye test. 

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Honorable Mention

Ben Watson & Evan Moore – The Tight Ends combined for over 170 yards.  Why don't we just load up on Tight Ends and dump all the Receivers?

Joe Haden – First of hopefully many picks.

TJ Ward – Led the team (again) in tackles, but really needs to work on his weaknesses in the cover game.

Brian Schaefering – Actually did a decent job filling in for Robaire Smith.

Derreck Robinson – I noticed him making plays several times.  Considering how well he did in the Preseason, I'm surprised it took this long to get this guy on that field.

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Wall of Shame

Brian Robiskie – You're basically the only healthy WR left on the field, and a starter to boot.  And you manage 2 catches for 13 yards?  And that's probably one of your better games...

Eric Wright – Almost bad enough to break out the Just Shoot Yourself category.

Sheldon Brown – Maybe it's just the scheme that makes these guys look like they are incompetent?  Yeah, I don't buy it either.

Brian Daboll – Love that Tight End reverse call on 3rd and 9.  I am shocked that went for a loss.  At least you finally discovered the existence of play action.

Chansi Stuckey – Gotta catch that punt, big guy, or get the hell out of the way.

The Pass Rush – Starting the Bye Week extremely early.

Shaun Rogers – How a dude that big remains invisible is hard to fathom.

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Well, Colt McCoy got his first NFL start on Sunday in the worst possible conditions:  Playing the Steelers Defense, in Pittsburgh, hobbled Running Back, Wide Receivers out... and he didn't look half bad.

His final line - 23 of 33, 281 yards, 1 TD, 2 INT, 22 yards rushing, 80.5 QB rating.

The stats, of course, are meaningless.  A lot of his numbers came in mop-up time, and as Steve Doerschuk of the Canton Repository points out, Colt isn't the first Browns QB that looked impressive in his first start:

• [Luke] McCown was a 23-year-old rookie third-round pick when he made his first start, in Game 12 of the 2004 season. It was one game after Butch Davis resigned and was replaced by interim Head Coach Terry Robiskie. McCown went 20-of-34 for 277 yards, with two touchdowns, two interceptions and an 80.1 rating in a 42-15 loss to New England.

• At 24, [Charlie] Frye was an older rookie in 2005. He made his first start in relief of injured Trent Dilfer on Dec. 4 against Jacksonville. Showing a strong rapport with fellow rookie Braylon Edwards, he went 13-of-20 for 226 yards, two TDs and a 136.7 rating. Edwards blew out a knee late in the second half of what became a 20-14 loss.

• Like [Brady] Quinn, [Derek] Anderson sat as a Browns rookie and didn’t make his first NFL start until his second season. Like McCoy, Anderson got his chance at Pittsburgh. On Dec. 7, 2006, in place of an injured Frye, Anderson went 21-of-37 for 276 yards, with a TD, a pick and a 78.2 rating. The Browns lost 27-7.

• Less than two weeks after his 24th birthday, in his second year with the Browns, Quinn got his first NFL start in Game 9. He went 23-of-35 for 239 yards, with two TDs, no interceptions and a 104.3 rating in a 34-30 home loss to Denver.

Good points - it's hard to remember the excitement that accompanied those QB's first starts when you think about the morass of suck that followed.  So stats and first impressions must be taken with a huge grain of salt.

The key to any optimism is how Colt looked playing the game.  For the most part, he looked calm, decisive, accurate, and poised.  He didn't look at all like he was overwhelmed or like he was a rookie making his first start.  As the game progressed, he looked better and better.

He did get sacked 5 times, but several of those came early.  And I'd be hard pressed to say that Delhomme and Wallace would've taken significantly less against the blitzing PIT D.

He did throw 2 picks, but the first one looked like it was due to a bad WR route, and the second one came when he had no choice but to make dangerous passes.  Those aren't excuses, just emphasizing that I didn't think either was an overly horrible throw.

In fact, what I was most impressed with was his passing, especially downfield.  Accurate, intelligent... after his first few throws, I didn't get the heebie-jeebies every time he dropped back, like I used to with Derek Anderson, Brady Quinn, Charlie Frye, Luke McCown...

You know that feeling, right?  Where every time the ball leaves their hands, you think: "I don't know where it's going, but wherever it's going can't be good."

Another somewhat surprising aspect was Colt's arm strength.  It's not like he was brandishing a Howitzer, but he threw those intermediate 15-30 passes with plenty of zip.  He didn't throw any deep balls, but that can hardly be considered detrimental considering the heap of crap that the WR corps has become.

After his lackluster Preseason, I suppose that Colt set the bar for himself pretty low, and considering the situation, all he really needed to do was not start crying when the game began.  But he showed enough that the Powers That Be should really consider giving him the rest of the season.

It's not like the Browns are going anywhere, and it's not like Jake Delhomme or even Seneca Wallace are huge upgrades.  I know they wanted to red shirt him this year, but that hymen's already been burst.  No reason to protect him now that you already tossed him into the shark tank and yelled "Swim!"

At the very least, we should get to see him this weekend playing against the man he should most endeavor to emulate - Drew Brees.

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"You did a good job today, and I think yer real purty.  Just tell my bodyguards 'Ben sent me' and meet me later in the back room, 'kay?"

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This week, head shots - helmet to helmet hits - have headed to the forefront of our collective minds.  The Heads of NFL State have put their heads together in an attempt to head off further head-on-head crime.  They warn of heading to a system where head shots result in players heading directly to the bench as well as the bank.

The Cleveland Browns were the victim of two such hits last weekend, specifically the helmet-to-helmet hits perpetrated by one James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers.  In quick succession, he laid out a restrained Josh Cribbs with a shot to his earhole, followed by popping a "defenseless" Receiver in the form of Mo Massaquoi.  Both hits resulted in the players being unable to return for the game.

It's hard for me to say this, since James Harrison disgusts me in so many ways, but he was just doing what he was supposed to do.

If a Receiver is coming over the middle, the Defender's principal goal is to make sure he doesn't catch it - to separate him from the ball.  Wrapping him up and tackling him still results in a completion.  Nailing him so hard that he can't possibly hold on - that is the preferred result.  And if, in that process, he intimidates or knocks the Receiver silly, then he's killed two birds with one stone (to use a completely inappropriate colloquialism).

I understand why the NFL wants to legislate such headshots.  Head injuries are nothing to be scoffed at, and purposely hitting someone in a way that could be detrimental to their health is reprehensible.  Initiating helmet to helmet contact intentionally is revolting.

But this is Football, not Fluffball or MambyPambyball.  We have always celebrated the big hits and the big hitters.  Players sometimes get hurt.  They know this going into it.  With the big dollar contracts and the fame and the glory comes a certain amount of personal physical danger. 

For me, it is a fine line to start trying to legislate out certain types of hits.  How far do you go in the name of player protection?  And it's not like those Receivers are stationary.  As a Defender, you might have every intention of giving them a nice, solid "legal" hit, but if they move while you're leaping forward (and they do) then you might just accidentally go helmet to helmet.  It's very difficult to determine intent on the field of play, so sweeping judgments are made.

Suddenly, you're changing the essence of the game.

The NFL has already made the Quarterback a player that basically can only be hit between the shoulders and the waist.  They have presented a different set of rules for one position in the name of player protection, and they are going down that path again here.

It's not like any of this is new.  These hits have been happening for the entirety of football, and are, whether you like it or not, a big reason why the sport is by far the most popular in the country.  Why the headshots have become a big deal now is twofold:

1. Concussion awareness.  In the old days, even 5 or 10 years ago, Josh Cribbs would've been back in that game.  It would've been termed that he had his "bell rung", and he would've sat out a couple plays and been right back out there.  You could see that he was begging to get back on the field as soon as he got to the sidelines, but it's not in his hands anymore.  Now, with the NFL being so careful about player safety and head injuries (and rightly so), if you get your "bell rung", you're basically out for the game.  Maybe the next one too.

So these powerful hits are now putting players out of the game completely, negatively affecting the overall game in a much more drastic way.

2. NFL athletes have gotten so big and so fast and so strong that they have made their sport almost too dangerous to play, at least by today's conservative standards.  They have become gladiators that have to go into the ring and proverbially fight to the death for the amusement of the masses.  Football is a very widespread sport, and the increased potential for violence has caused a certain section of society to show revulsion for the "barbarism", and there's no way a mega-money-making organization like the NFL isn't going to bow to public pressure/perception.

Not to mention that QB's and WR's are there most notable and marketable personalities.

So they have to legislate safety into the game to "protect the kids from themselves".  If they make it so that the NFL eventually becomes a glorified flag football league, then so be it.  As long as people keep watching.

But the people the NFL is supposedly protecting - the players - don't seem to share the same aversion to the hits that the League Offices do.  They're not the ones clamoring for this change.  Here are some quotes about the Harrison hits:

James Harrison - "That ends the wildcat.  It's out the window. That's his thing.  I don't want to injure anybody. But I'm not opposed to hurting anybody.  There's a big difference between being hurt and being injured. You get hurt, you shake it off and come back the next series or the next game."

James Farrior - "He plays hard like that every week.  Today was especially good because he took out their top dog, really. He took out the biggest weapon they had. He didn't do it intentionally, but with the intensity he plays with, it's liable to happen sooner or later."

Peyton Hillis - "You can't blame the guy. That's football. If it happened to me, I would have admitted it was a good hit. That's a big man coming down on somebody. It looks even worse when you hit somebody."

Hines Ward - "You see a guy like that -- knocking guys out like that -- he's a man on a mission. Hopefully nothing seriously was wrong with those guys. But he set the tempo for everybody else. He's our emotional leader."

Lawrence Vickers - "Football is football.  We're going to get hit. You're going to get hit regardless of what goes on."

Maybe we don't need to "protect the players from themselves".  The NFL brass is made up of lawyers and media gurus and businessmen that care about percentage points and polls and revenue streams.  Maybe we should be protecting the sport of football from THEM.

With my defense of TJ Ward's hit a couple weeks ago, I would be a massive hypocrite to crucify Harrison this week for doing the same (despite my personal aversion to his presence on Earth).  A lot of our collective dislike for the James Harrisons and the Hines Wards and the Ray Lewises of the world stems from the fact that WE secretly wish our players were the ones laying out Steelers and Ravens like that. 

If Scott Fujita had put down Rashard Mendenhall and Hines Ward in similar fashion, the Mayor of Cleveland would've given him the Key to the City the next day.  The Rock n Roll Hall of Fame would've inducted his ass and given him an entire wing.

We as a people are caught in our own catch-22:  We want the big hits, but we don't want anyone to get hurt.

The only logical answer is a change to helmet technology.  Maybe a hard plastic shell that transmits rather than muffles shock is not the answer.  I don't know - I ain't no scientist.  Maybe they should make them out of Nerf or gelatin, thus having greater give and much less likely to jar the brain.  Maybe it should be more like an airbag for the head.  Maybe wrap the head in tiny kickballs.  Harder to paint logos on, doesn't look as cool, sure, but I thought player protection was the supposed key here? 

Other than that, we're stuck with what we've got - the gradual sissifying and watering-down of the NFL.

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So, setting aside the way things should be or could be for the way things ARE, let's discuss the Harrison hit on Massaquoi.

As the rules currently read, that was clearly a head shot on a "defenseless" Receiver.  As hyper-sensitive as the Refs are about that kind of thing these days, it is almost inconceivable that the penalty wasn't called.  It was clear and it was easy.

Not that it's shocking that the Steelers should be the beneficiary of soft Reffing.  They're supposed to be one of the NFL's "showcase" franchises  - they've been the recipient of Michael Jordan-esque calls for years.  Just ask the Seahawks.

The NFL policy currently is to review these hits after the fact and then fine and/or suspend the players for their actions, which does little to comfort the team that was victimized.  Further, with the current concussion policy basically knocking any player out of the game for being any state of woozy, these hits are even more detrimental to the other team than ever before.  If you can knock Josh Cribbs out of the game with a simple shot like that, why not do it?  Pay your $10k fine and move on.

If they insist on going down this path, then the current policy is not good enough.  There's a simple deterrent to the head shots, and it goes like this:

Harrison hits Mo Mass in the head.  Mo Mass lays there, seeing stars.  Game is stopped while medical staff examines him.  The booth, whether or not the Refs on the field called it a penalty, review the hit.  If they determine that it was an illegal head shot, then Harrison is ejected from the game.  Badda-boom, badda-bing.

Once Mo Mass is laying there and the medical staff is surrounding him, you know that he's not coming back.  Don't matter if he can recite all the Presidents or do the alphabet backwards or tell you the square root of pi - he won't be allowed back for precautionary reasons.

So, if the hit is deemed "illegal" under current NFL rules, then the guy that hit him should be done too.

Tit for tat.  Eye for eye.

It doesn't help the team that just lost their top Receiver that the Defender is punished next week.  He needs to be punished now.  That evens out the damage done to the victim team by losing their player, and also maybe makes the Defender think twice about purposely "knocking his opponent out of the game" when it knocks him out of the game too.

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By the way, Google the image "Helmet to Helmet hit".

Half of the pics you see will be Steelers headhunting someone.

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There were actually some people freaking out about the Browns trading away Jerome Harrison.  Whatevah, playah.  Everyone's got an axe to grind, I guess.

Sure, Jerome had a great end to 2009.  But he ain't done diddly-poo in 2010 except to tippy-toe around the line of scrimmage and run up his Linemen's backs.  What's to miss?

Maybe Harrison felt he got a bit of a raw deal when the Browns drafted Montario Hardesty and started touting him as their new Franchise Back.  But the powers that be obviously saw some weaknesses in Jerome's game, and they sought to improve the position.

It may have been due to injury, but Harrison still came into Training Camp and the season as the Starter.  He got his chance.  What did he do with it?  He proceeded to quickly make himself a backup to a guy that had 54 yards rushing last year.

Harrison got the majority of carries against Tampa and KC, and, outside of one run (39 yds), he did nothing all season, 30 carries for 52 freakin' yards. That's 1.73 yards per carry. Which hoovers huevos.

Hillis got the starting job because he simply did more with his carries. If you watched the games, that was painfully obvious.

It's totally frustrating because Harrison was good at the end of last year. I don't know what happened to him in the offseason. Why is he now so slow and indecisive and ineffective? Is he hurt? Has he just lost his burst? I don't know. But he's been sucking.

So we lose nothing by trading a guy who's doing nothing for another guy who will probably do nothing.

Maybe at least Mike Bell will "know his role".

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How bad must Carlton Mitchell be that he can't even get himself Active with those Receivers?  I mean, you have to run the wrong route every single play in order to be less effective than, say, Brian Robiskie.  Hell, even Sam Aiken saw the field his first week off the street.

Maybe Mitchell is in the mythical Mangini/Daboll doghouse?  Maybe he just hasn't "made his mark" on Special Teams yet, and our WR corps is so deep and spectacular that we can't afford to activate any WR's that can't cover kicks.

Regardless, we'll likely get the first look at him next week, since there is certainly a possibility that Josh Cribbs and especially Mo Mass won't play.  Think of that - the only WR with the physical skills to be a "difference-maker" will finally see the field.  Crazy concept.

And, no, I'm not saying that he will be a difference-maker, nor that he will even get a catch.  I'm just saying that - with this WR corps - how could his presence make it worse?

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Attention!  Paging Mr. Heckert!  Mr. Heckert, there's a call for you on line 1!

Pssst!  You probably know this already, but... we got us some Secondary issues.

Eric Wright has been an affront to decent Pass Defense. This is the last year of his contract.  Let him walk.  Kick him on the way out.

Joe Haden needs to start starting.  He'll make mistakes too, but at least he has a future, and he'll be learning.

TJ Ward needs to continue to start.  We love us some TJ Ward (though he needs to work on his coverage and pass recognition, but let's not nitpick).

Sheldon Brown should move to Safety.  I don't know if he's lost a step or what, but he's been burnt almost as much as his crispy counterpart down the field.  But he's got the speed, coverage skills, and hitting ability to probably be very functional at Safety for a year or two.

Abe Elam will probably be an UFA.  Let him walk.  He is useless.

Mike Adams... well I don't really care what you do with this guy.  I like him.  He tries hard.  But he's a dime a dozen.

Draft or pick up a CB.  Someone's got to start across from Haden.  Please say that person's not on this roster.

There!  Fixed.  You can thank me later.  Bill's in the mail.

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Oh, and we really could use a Wide Receiver and a Pass Rusher too.

Just so you know.

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Next Up

New Orleans Saints (4-2). 

Playing the Super Bowl Champs at their house isn't a great way to try to break out of a 1-5 slump, but that's what the Browns will attempt to do on Sunday.  It's not like the Saints are unbeatable this season, however.  Cripes, the stinkin' Max Hall-led Arizona Cardinals beat them a couple weeks back, and they got their "Anger Release" game out last week vs. Tampa, so there's every chance they might sink back into a malaise for one more week vs. an inferior opponent.

If there's one thing Colt McCoy should be doing is watching Drew Brees and thinking "There's no reason that can't be me."  Because there really isn't.  If anything, Colt is a little bigger and a little more mobile.  Their arm strength is comparable, they're both known for their accuracy, their leadership, their college success, and their love of the game.

It's not like Drew Brees came into the league and was immediately Drew Brees Superstar.  He had some growing pains, enough that a perennially bad San Diego team gave up on him and drafted Phillip Rivers at the top of the 1st.  It wasn't until Year 4 that he became Drew Brees Superstar.  All he did before that was show flashes of his potential.

No one's saying Colt McCoy will be the next Drew Brees, just that he COULD be.  As far as I know, he COULD also be the next Charlie Frye.  Regardless, he won't be a finished product right away, so the only thing he can do at this point is to continue to show those flashes of potential.

New Orleans is not dominant on either side of the ball, and the Browns will have their chances in this contest.  But, sadly, I think that the talent gap and the home field advantage will make the difference.

Saints 21, Browns 13.

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Thing That I Dislike More Than Aaron Goldhammer

The Nissan Cube

I've seen some ugly-ass cars in my day, but this POS takes the cake.  Look at that sleek styling, as aerodynamic as a brick, as stylish as leopard-print spandex.

The first time I saw one, I was on the freeway, and I very nearly wrecked.  I thought for sure some careless construction crew accidentally dropped a hunk of garbage in the middle of the road.  But no!  It was a car!  That someone designed and made ON PURPOSE!

And to make it even more incomprehensible, someone went to the store and decided that it was a good idea to pay $15k to $20k on this affront to attractive design and then drive it around IN PUBLIC!

Listen, if you want attention, just go downtown, strip naked, and set yourself on fire.  Cuz I can't think of any other reason for driving that automotive travesty.